Avoiding Wounds Becoming Your Story

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast
Episode: "Avoiding Wounds Becoming Your Story"
Air Date: June 10, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Episode Overview

Dr. Laura explores how people’s emotional wounds can become the dominant narrative of their lives. Drawing from a recent article by Gina Vild in Psychology Today (June 2026), Dr. Laura examines why some individuals remain stuck in their pain while others move on, outlining the psychological traits that foster victimhood mentality and emphasizing the power of personal choice in healing. Using real-world anecdotes and practical advice, she encourages listeners to avoid letting past hurts define them and instead focus on agency, acceptance, and moving forward.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Anecdote: Serendipity at the Antique Store

[01:43] – [03:56]

• Dr. Laura shares a story about visiting an antique store in Ojai with her daughter-in-law.
• She falls in love with a quirky tower of drawers but refrains from buying it due to her current living situation.
• Encounter with a couple who are fans: Both went through painful divorces, found each other in a divorce group, and credit Dr. Laura’s advice for helping them rebuild.
  • Quote:
    “It was very cute. 51 years of doing this, and I have these cute moments happen a lot, which is wonderful. It perks you up, you know?” (Dr. Laura, 03:59)

2. The Core Issue: Life Wounds & the Stories We Tell Ourselves

[04:23] – [06:11]

• Dr. Laura references an article by Gina Vild about not letting wounds become your identity.
• Highlights the choice between wallowing in pain versus mining adversity for growth:
  • Quote:
    “[I] could surrender to the narrative that my life had been shattered by forces beyond my control and wallow in the muck of how badly I had been wronged, which was true. But I would wallow in the muck. The person who did me wrong didn't make me wallow in the muck. That was my choice.” (Reading Gina Vild, summarized by Dr. Laura, 05:04)
• Stresses that remaining stuck in trauma is a personal choice.
• Critiques the tendency for people to identify with old wounds indefinitely:
  • “So you call me and you're still traumatized 50 years later. Traumatized 50 years later. The hell is that?” (Dr. Laura, 05:55)

3. The Psychology of Perpetual Victimhood

[08:40] – [13:25]

• Introduces the "Tendency for Interpersonal Victimhood Scale": Why some people remain focused on injuries.
• Outlines the four key traits:
  1. Need for Recognition: Seeking validation and sympathy for one's suffering.
  2. Moral Elitism: Believing one is morally superior due to suffering.
  3. Rumination: Repetitive fixation on pain and injustice.
  4. Reduced Empathy: Difficulty appreciating others’ suffering or perspectives.
• Offers self-reflection questions to help listeners identify if they’re stuck:
  • Do I automatically assume someone else is to blame?
  • Do I find myself thinking, "Why me? Life isn't fair"?
  • Am I unable to let it go years later?
  • Do I seek recognition for my suffering more than resolving it?
  • Has this painful experience become a central part of my identity?
• Clear distinction: Recognizing pain is valid, but it shouldn’t become your life’s central lens.

4. Breakthrough: Acceptance & Agency

[13:29] – [15:10]

• Cites Viktor Frankl:
  • “While we cannot choose what happens to us, we can choose our response.”
• Underscores acceptance:
  • “Acceptance is a precursor for healing. Don't wait for somebody to apologize. The person who wronged you will likely never acknowledge they wronged you. They may live unrepentantly and never give you a second thought.” (Dr. Laura, 13:55)
• Letting go isn’t the same as forgiveness but is essential for moving on.
• Practical takeaway: Take back control by focusing on choices rather than expecting external validation or closure.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “That was then, this is now. There's a reason we have yesterday in front of today. Yesterday is different from today, which is wildly different from tomorrow.” (Dr. Laura, 12:16)
• “Every time you go to bed with a negative thought, you have to match it up with a positive one. That's your new rule.” (Dr. Laura, 15:55)
• “The question is whether the injury has become the lens through which you view your life. I had a bad experience with a husband. Can't trust men. That's just silliness.” (Dr. Laura, 13:06)
• “Research shows that letting go of them lowers your stress, brings focus to what you control. Has nothing to do with forgiveness, has to do with sort of saying, screw it. I got to get on with life.” (Dr. Laura, 14:42)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:43 – Ojai antique store anecdote and meeting listeners
• 04:23 – Introduction to Gina Vild’s Psychology Today article and the pain narrative
• 08:40 – Explanation of victimhood traits; self-assessment questions
• 13:29 – Viktor Frankl, acceptance, and pathway to healing
• 15:55 – Dr. Laura’s “rule” for reframing negative thoughts

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Conclusion

With her signature directness and compassion, Dr. Laura urges listeners to break the cycle of victimhood by consciously choosing not to let wounds define their identity. The episode is both an empathetic look at real pain and a call to action: acknowledge hurt, accept what you cannot change, but don’t let your story end there—move forward and write a new chapter.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Ladies.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

went to Ojai for lunch and a walk with my daughter in law who I just call my daughter at this point it's too exhausting to say daughter in law. You know, I'm old, it's tiring. And we went into this antique store and we separated out because we're interested in different things. And I saw this tower of drawers that was geometric and it had 1, 2, 3, 4, like 12 or 14 sides. I don't even know what you call that. And it was about two and a half feet high. It was huge and a million little odd shaped drawers of course, and they had numbers on them referring to sizes like of nails or screws or something. I instantly fell in love with it because that's the kind of thing that intrigues me, weird as I am. And I'm standing in front of it and I say out loud to myself this is adorable. Now my house is being reconstructed and I'm living in a two by four place in my gym so there Was no question that I was not getting it. You know, what was I going to use it for anyway? But I just loved it. And all of a sudden there's this tall guy, tall gal, late 40s, and he goes, you're Dr. Laura. No. Hat, glasses, no makeup. I had lipstick, the kind you put on in the morning, and it's still there at night.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

Oh, my God, I am such a

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

big fan of yours. And you were very instrumental at a tough time in my life. And she says, me, too. Evidently, they both got dumped from their spouses rudely and meanly and had to go into a divorce group to learn how to cope. And they met each other and they're very happy. And I got credit for all of that.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

So hugs all around.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It was very cute. 51 years of doing this, and I have these cute moments happen a lot, which is wonderful. It perks you up, you know? So this morning I read a really, really good article

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

by Gina Vild, and

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

she doesn't have any licensure after her name, but this is a brilliant piece in Psychology Today, 6, 2026. So it's recent, and I deal with this a lot on the show. So I really want to talk about this article because it clarifies things on a brilliant level, much better than your average bear. Okay, life wounds each of us. No one is exempt. And then she talks about something terrible that happened. You don't need to know what it is. I could surrender to the narrative that my life had been shattered by forces beyond my control and wallow in the muck of how badly I had been wronged, which was true. But I would wallow in the muck. I would. The person who did me wrong didn't make me wallow in the muck. That was my choice. Or, she writes, I could choose to feel the burn, cry, grieve, dust myself off, and then mine the wreckage for life lessons, dark humor, and the possibility of new chapters. And a lot of you don't bother to do that. So you call me and you're still traumatized 50 years later. Traumatized 50 years later. The hell is that?

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So she says, I have I chose not to see myself as powerless and allow someone else's actions to define me. And she writes, we all know someone whose identity is rooted in a past wound. I have PTSD and I was never in combat. I had a bad divorce, my mom and dad were mean to me. Their identity becomes tangled in painful experiences inflicted by others or bad luck. They view themselves as something that happened to them rather than something shaped through their choices. So what's interesting I'm going to leap ahead in this article is why you do that. I'm going to tell you why you do that. Psychologists have long been interested in why some people remain stuck in in painful experiences while others get on with life. Like there are a bunch of siblings. Three of them become drug addicts and one has a Happy life, marriage, kids. What happened? Is it genetics?

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, there's. They use a Tendency for Interpersonal Victimhood Scale, which measures four traits commonly associated with a tendency to remain focused on perceived injuries. One, there are four of these, and

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

you're going to be in one of

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

them, so listen up. They ain't pretty. Need for recognition. Need for recognition. Seeking validation and sympathy for one's suffering. Two, moral elitism. The tendency to view oneself as morally superior to others because you suffered somehow. You see that a lot in our society these days.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

Rumination.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Repetitive thinking that focuses on pain and injustice rather than solutions or growth. You've been through six therapists. You called me for the fourth time and you're in the same place.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

Number four.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Reduced empathy. Difficulty recognizing or appreciating the suffering and perspective of others. Those are the four characteristics of people who identify through. We'll give it to you. Legitimate past pain. But that was then, this is now. That was then, this is now. There's a reason we have yesterday in front of today. Yesterday. Yesterday is different from today, which is wildly different from tomorrow. Consider these questions. When bad things happen, do I automatically assume someone else is to blame? Oh, ouch. Do I frequently find myself thinking, why me? Life isn't fair. I was saying that yesterday, by the way, when I got sick, I said, why me? Life isn't fair. Yeah, but I only did that for a few hours. Number three. Do I struggle to let it go years later? Am I seeking recognition for my suffering more than resolving it? Has this painful experience become a central part of how I define myself? Now, let me repeat, just in case somebody out there is getting huffy. Doesn't suggest that your pain isn't real. Doesn't suggest you weren't genuinely wronged. The question is whether the injury has become the lens through which you view your life. I had a bad experience with a husband. Can't trust men. That's just silliness. Okay,

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

steps to move.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So I'm going to make this part short because I do this every day on the show. I help you move. Viktor Frankl, psychiatrist who survived concentration camp during the Holocaust, observed that while we cannot choose what happens to us, we can choose our response. Acceptance. That's recognizing yesterday, cannot be changed. And no amount of ruminating on it, going to therapy about it, wishing about it, bargaining about it will alter drinking about it, will alter what has occurred. Acceptance is a precursor for healing. Don't wait for somebody to apologize. And a lot of you do that with parents and friends. Don't wait for somebody to apologize, an old boyfriend and old girlfriend. The person who wronged you will likely never acknowledge they wronged you. They may live unrepentantly and never give you a second thought. Research shows that letting go of them lowers your stress, brings focus to what you control. Has nothing to do with forgiveness, has to do with sort of saying, screw it. I got to get on with life. Okay, all right.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

My number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform. SiriusXM Triumph is Life presenting you with challenges? Get real answers with Dr. Laurel. Call 1-800- Dr. Laura no nonsense advice about relationships, marriage, kids, Tough love. It happened is not a phrase anybody uses when they take responsibility. Inspiration. Every time you go to bed with a negative thought, you have to match it up with a positive one.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's your new rule.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

Dr. Laura Weekdays at 2pm east on Sirius XM Triumph 123 and on the Sirius XM app. As people age, it's normal to ask what more they could be doing to take care of their health. It's important to be proactive, especially when it comes to your brain health. Don't wait for something to feel off before taking action. Make your next checkup count. Ask your doctor about your risk factors for dementia and a cognitive assessment. Visit brainhealthmatters.com for more information and resources

[Commercial Voice]

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