Between Now and Dead and Lesbian Desires

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Between Now and Dead and Lesbian Desires
Date: January 6, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Key Caller: Chase

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Overview

This episode of The Dr. Laura Podcast centers on an insightful conversation between Dr. Laura Schlessinger and a first-time caller, Chase. The discussion explores themes of sexual identity, relationship expectations within the lesbian community, personal integrity, and the challenges of seeking authentic connection in both romantic and professional contexts. Dr. Laura offers her signature candid advice and empathetic guidance, encouraging listeners to prioritize fulfillment and honesty over social pressures or discomfort.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller Introduction & Identity

• Chase calls in as a "first-time caller, long-time listener," seeking Dr. Laura's perspective on her experiences in the dating world and at work.

• Chase identifies as a Black woman and discusses her discomfort with labels but acknowledges her romantic and sexual preference for women.

• She expresses deep appreciation for Dr. Laura and shares her admiration for the host's resilience and eloquence.

  "Honey, I live from uproar to uproar." — Dr. Laura (03:30)
  "I truly appreciate what you've done for me, truly as a black woman... I love you dearly." — Chase (03:30)

2. Sexual Preferences, Labels, and Relationship Honesty

• Chase discusses her attraction to women—especially straight women—and challenges with labels.

  • While she doesn't like being labeled as "lesbian" due to its limitations, she concedes its utility in relationships.
  • She explains, with candor, her sexual history, noting her preference for both giving and receiving affection and dissatisfaction with women who are "touch me nots."
  • Chase articulates a broader problem: some partners are not honest about their sexual activities or orientation, leading to distrust and safety concerns.

  "If I'm a guy and I want to date you, it's helpful to know I'm not your first choice." — Dr. Laura (03:59) "Most women that don't want to be touched, they're touch me not. They may have been victimized to some degree." — Chase (05:15)

3. Frustration with Inauthenticity in Relationships

• Chase voices difficulty in finding women who match her honesty and openness about desires and boundaries.

• She describes encounters with women who claim to be exclusively lesbian but continue to secretly engage with men, risking both emotional and physical safety.

  "You can't say to me you're lesbian, but when you want an opportunity to give penis or you feel that way, you go get some and don't tell me about it... We're not being safe at that point." — Chase (08:48)

• Dr. Laura acknowledges the challenge of finding a truly compatible and sincere partner.

  "So you're having a difficult time finding, I was going to say straight up, a true blue like you, who is as open and honest and puts it out on the table." — Dr. Laura (09:36)

4. Tension with Workplace Culture and Social Trends

• Chase, a doctor in education, reveals frustration with "new ideologies and doctrines" at work.

• She feels ostracized and bullied for not subscribing to what she describes as contemporary social pressures regarding sexual identity and gender politics.

  "I feel like people are castigating me because I don't subscribe to that new idea." — Chase (10:26) "Yes, they are." — Dr. Laura (10:21)

• Chase feels out of place in the shifting "new world" and uncomfortable with expectations she does not want to adopt, such as sharing bathrooms with transgender individuals.

  "I feel really uncomfortable in this new world... I don't like labels either. Because if you are a person who likes women, so what? Why do I have to be a part of that Alphabet soup?" — Chase (10:45)

5. Relationship Dynamics and Sexual Compatibility

• Chase is currently dating someone who refuses to reciprocate oral sex but wants an intense emotional relationship; this imbalance leaves Chase unfulfilled.

• Dr. Laura's core advice is to avoid wasting time in unsatisfying or incompatible relationships—especially since "life is terminal."

  "Well, then Chase, as I said many times, life is terminal. Don't waste any time." — Dr. Laura (11:36) "I'd rather you kept trying to find. There's gotta be another person who has your mentality. There has to be." — Dr. Laura (12:37)

6. Encouragement, Affirmation, and Concluding Advice

• Dr. Laura and Chase share mutual admiration and warmth, closing the conversation with supportive and affirming words from both sides.

  "Thank you. You look great for your age. You work out. I mean, you are extraordinarily beautiful. I'm not flirting or anything... but I really, really admire you." — Chase (12:58) "Flirt away. Nobody flirts with me." — Dr. Laura (13:09)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Resilience:
  "Honey, I live from uproar to uproar." — Dr. Laura (03:30)

• On Honesty in Relationships:
  "You're having trouble finding a woman like you." — Dr. Laura (09:36)
  "You can't say to me you're lesbian, but when you want an opportunity to give penis... you go get some and don't tell me about it." — Chase (08:48)

• On Social Trends:
  "I feel like people are castigating me because I don't subscribe to that new idea." — Chase (10:26)
  "Yes, they are." — Dr. Laura (10:21)

• On Not Wasting Time:
  "Life is terminal. Don't waste any time." — Dr. Laura (11:36)

• Lighthearted Flirt:
  "Flirt away. Nobody flirts with me." — Dr. Laura (13:09)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:41 — Chase introduces herself and her appreciation for Dr. Laura.
• 03:44 — Chase discusses her preferences and struggles with labels.
• 08:42 — Chase details trust issues and honesty within lesbian relationships.
• 09:56 — Chase shares her workplace frustrations and feelings of being cast out.
• 11:36 — Dr. Laura offers her signature advice about the brevity of life and not wasting time on unfulfilling relationships.
• 13:09 — Playful exchange of mutual admiration.

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Episode Tone & Takeaways

The tone is candid, supportive, and reflective, with moments of humor and warmth. Dr. Laura provides pragmatic, no-nonsense advice rooted in personal responsibility, honesty, and the pursuit of genuine fulfillment. Chase’s vulnerability and frankness highlight the complexities of modern queer relationships and societal shifts, making this episode both relatable and thought-provoking—especially for listeners navigating changing social landscapes and seeking authentic connection.

Main Takeaway:
Don’t waste precious time in relationships or environments that don’t match your needs and values. Prioritize integrity, honesty, and your own emotional fulfillment—because, as Dr. Laura says, life is terminal.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

Listen.

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[Caller (Chase)]

These statements have not been evaluated by the fda. This product is not intended to diagnose.

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day, brought to you by Vibriance Super C Serum, the skin care product I use twice a day. Visit vibriance.com drlaura to save 37% and get free shipping. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me [e-mail] Chase welcome to the program.

[Caller (Chase)]

Hi, Dr. Laura. How are you today?

[Dr. Laura]

I am excellent, thank you. How can I help you?

[Caller (Chase)]

Okay, so I would say that I'm a longtime listener. This is my first time calling, but I would say that I'm a longtime listener. But I know that you've had people listening to you for many, many years. So before I say that, I want to make sure that I'm respecting the ones that have been calling you for eons. So before I say that, how long does it take for me to be able to say that I'm a longtime listener? What would you say?

[Dr. Laura]

A year?

[Caller (Chase)]

Okay, so first time caller, long time listener.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you. I appreciate it.

[Caller (Chase)]

You're excellent, you know, and if I can speak for the people from my culture, we all love you, despite of what many people might think. And I don't want to go Too deep into it because that caused an uproar. But anyway, I. Honey, I live from uproar to uproar. Yes, you do. And you're so eloquent in your delivery and how you respond to things, and I admire that because many people will fold because either they're lip dick and I don't know what you call it for a female, but they will fold in there like snowflakes. So I truly appreciate what you've done for me, truly as a black woman. And I truly love. I love you dearly. I would travel from thank you to see you, to hear you, everything. So a little bit of background. I have been in situations where I've been dating, you know, women that may disclose whether or not they would fulfill me sexually. And again, I'm not like a sex addict. I don't think. I just think I'm a regular person.

[Dr. Laura]

Wait a minute. You gave the black thing. So you're lesbian. So you're looking for a woman to spend the rest of your life with.

[Caller (Chase)]

But I don't like labels, right? I don't like labels because if I were accustomed to labels.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, if I'm a guy and I want to date you, it's helpful to know I'm not your first choice.

[Caller (Chase)]

So here's the thing. If I tell a guy he's not my first choice, he's going to say, well, I can change you. I can turn you around. I can meet you.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, like, women are trying to flip priests. I get it. Okay, so when you say, so, give me an example of a discussion with some woman about sex. Give me an example of a discussion you have had so I can understand more of the context.

[Caller (Chase)]

Yes, ma'. Am. So I say when we're having conversations about it, because they are physically, emotionally, all of the lys attracted to me emotionally, physically, financially, sexually, all those things.

[Dr. Laura]

Not.

[Caller (Chase)]

No, not sexually. Sexually. Let me take that back, because I don't know. So I'll say, yeah. In my previous relationships, you know, there was fondling, there was caressing, There was maybe some penetration where I put the strap on and I did the penetrating, and they were okay with that. But there's aura on both parts because, you know, some women might be a touch me. Not where they don't want women to touch them at all. They just want to be the aggressor. And I'm not like that. Like. And I've learned that most women that don't want to be touched, they're touch me not. They may have been victimized to some degree. But I've never been victimized. I had boyfriends in the past, I just didn't. I don't want to be with them sexually. I like guys. Like, I like what they bring to the table. Like not limp dick guys. I like to have sex with them. I don't want to. I don't want to be with them sexually. I don't. But I respect them and what they bring to the table. And no man has ever victimized me in any way. The boyfriends that I had were alpha men and they were really good to me, even in bed. I just don't prefer that. So if I'm talking to a woman, I'm saying all of these things to make her feel comfortable because I think I'm truly attracted to straight women versus lesbian women. So that's the conversation. And then I'll have a woman. We'll get involved.

[Dr. Laura]

What is the point of being attracted to straight women?

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[Caller (Chase)]

Okay? The point is, because lesbian women, sometimes they're not true in what they what. What they're bringing to the table. They'll say to me, yeah, you know, chase, I'm lesbian, but behind my back they're screwing some guy. So you can't say to me. You can't say to me you're lesbian. But when you want an opportunity to give penis or you feel that way, you go get some and don't tell me about it. We're not being safe at that point. Right? We're not being safe at that point. You're having sexual relations, perhaps unprotected. Right. And I don't know about that. And you want me to give you oral because you really love it. It's really good. But I'm going down on you unprotected with my mouth. And you're not being honest about having unprotected with this guy.

[Dr. Laura]

Makes total sense.

[Caller (Chase)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

So you're having a. You're having a difficult time finding, I was going to say straight up, a true blue like you, who is as open and honest and puts it out on the table. So you're having trouble finding a woman like you.

[Caller (Chase)]

I am.

[Dr. Laura]

Probably hard. Yeah, I know.

[Caller (Chase)]

And Dr. Laura, I. I went to college for 13 years to be a doctor in education. I have three degrees, all of them in education. And I don't subscribe to these new ideologies and doctrines that are being forced upon us. I don't. And that cast me out because now I feel like I'm being bullied at work. I feel like people are castigating me because I don't subscribe to that new idea.

[Dr. Laura]

Yes, they are. Yes, they are. You're right.

[Caller (Chase)]

I don't like it. And they, they're making me feel like I'm doing something wrong and that I don't belong in this space because I believe that history cannot be rewritten no matter what you do. I don't Because I might like women doesn't mean that I believe that that should be in the textbooks. I don't believe that I should have to share a bathroom with someone other than that's bending over like me. So there are a lot of things that I don't subscribe to, and I'm being castigated for that. And I don't like it. I feel really uncomfortable in this new world, you know, outside of being a lesbian. But I don't like labels either. Because if you are a person who likes women, so what? Why do I have to be a part of that Alphabet soup? I don't wear that on my sleeve. But I do want someone who understands that I'm not a touch me, not touch me, caress me, love me. Otherwise leave me alone. Don't be bothered. So I'm dating this person who has said multiple times that I'm not going to ever go down on you. That's not what I do. But they want to spend every waking moment with me, right? Every weekend moment.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, then chase, Chase. As I said many times, life is terminal. Don't waste any time.

[Caller (Chase)]

Yeah. Between now and then, I do want to. Want to have oral with someone that.

[Dr. Laura]

I understand that. Then you're going to have to get rid of the folks for whom that's an anathema. That's it.

[Caller (Chase)]

Okay. Yes, ma'. Am. Yes, ma'. Am. But how do I do that? Because I've tried multiple things to.

[Dr. Laura]

You tell her. Well, you know what? I'm. I don't have a. I don't have a partner either. It's very hard sometimes to get the right combination of qualities and characteristics. Especially at my age. At your age, not so bad. At my age, really tough. So I understand the predicament, but I don't want you to waste time feeling hurt and not as taken care of because you'd rather have that than keep trying to find. I'd rather you kept trying to find. There's gotta be another person who has your mentality. There has to be.

[Caller (Chase)]

Yeah. Thank you, doctor.

[Dr. Laura]

Don't waste your time, babe. Don't waste your time.

[Caller (Chase)]

Thank you. You look great for your age. You work out. I mean, you are extraordinarily beautiful. I'm not flirting or anything. No disrespect, but I really, really admire you.

[Dr. Laura]

Flirt away. Nobody flirts with me. I.

[Caller (Chase)]

You're gorgeous. I will go to the West Totals to hang out with you. You're amazing and I admire everything about you.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you. I'm gonna put you on hold. Don't don't hang up my number 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com Click on Sponsors to take advantage of the special Discounts available to DrLaura listeners like you.

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