Cold Feet Lead You Nowhere

Summary

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Episode Overview

Title: Cold Feet Lead You Nowhere
Date: December 2, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guest/Caller: Michael

In this episode, Dr. Laura takes a heartfelt call from Michael, who candidly shares his tumultuous upbringing, struggles with commitment, and fears about marriage after multiple failed engagements. The discussion centers on personal growth versus emotional barriers, with Dr. Laura offering her signature direct advice on responsibility, love, and maturity within relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Michael’s Challenging Family Background (02:43 – 07:27)

• Michael recounts a childhood marked by instability:

  • Born in 1982 to parents battling drug addiction.
  • Lived in several states (New York, North Carolina, Texas, Indiana, Florida) due to family upheavals.
  • Saw his father only every seven years, with their relationship mostly absent until his father’s terminal illness.

• Quote:
  "Every seven years we'll say I seen my dad... He just passed away this year... First time he ever told me he loved me was about two years ago when he was diagnosed with colon cancer." (04:12–05:10, Michael)

• Dr. Laura reacts with empathy and surprise:

  • "You couldn't make this up fast enough. Oh, God." (03:52, Dr. Laura)

2. Struggles with Commitment and Failed Engagements (06:24 – 12:08)

• Michael describes being engaged three times by age 35, but never marrying:

  • His first engagement (to his child's mother) ended after a heated argument that led to public humiliation and the loss of the engagement ring.
  • He admits issues of immaturity and temper in his youth.
  • The second and third engagements ended similarly, though he glosses over specifics.

• Quote:
  "I've been engaged three times. Three times. I tried three times to get married because in my mind, that's what I felt strongly I needed to be with the Christian unity mindset." (06:24, Michael)

• Dr. Laura probes the real reasons for each breakup, emphasizing maturity and emotional readiness:

  • "You were both way too young. But what did you fight about in front of other people?" (11:03, Dr. Laura)

3. Current Relationship & Fear of Marriage (12:08 – 14:05)

• Michael has been with his current partner for seven years:

  • He openly confides his fear of commitment despite personal growth and stability.
  • "I'm just scared to get married. But I do. I would like to get married. I've changed a lot." (12:08, Michael)

• Dr. Laura delivers tough love:

  • She challenges Michael on his reluctance, calling out his self-centeredness and "using up" of his partner’s time and love.
  • "You're taking up her time, her life, her heart, her soul, her body, her orgasms, yours. But, oh, because you know, I understand there was so little stability in your life. But you're a grown man now. Stability isn't going to happen to you. It's something you make happen." (12:19–13:04, Dr. Laura)

4. Dr. Laura’s Call to Honor and Responsibility (13:04 – 14:43)

• Theme of honor as a measure of maturity and love:
  • Dr. Laura insists Michael embrace the responsibilities of adulthood and create stability, rather than waiting for it to happen.
  • She asserts that true Christianity and manhood require commitment and honor, not self-preservation.
• Quote:
  "Stability is something you create by making a commitment and honoring it. The word honor to me has always been tied into what a man is." (13:04–13:24, Dr. Laura)
  • "You found God. Well, you left him by the curb somewhere because you're still catering to yourself... Does that sound very Christian to you? It's all about me making sure I don't get hurt. But I'm going to use her up. You disappoint me, Michael." (13:39–14:05, Dr. Laura)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura: "You couldn't make this up fast enough." (03:52)
• Michael: "First time he ever told me he loved me was about two years ago when he was diagnosed with colon cancer." (05:10)
• Dr. Laura: "Stability isn't going to happen to you. It's something you make happen." (13:04)
• Dr. Laura: "You're taking up her time, her life, her heart, her soul, her body, her orgasms, yours..." (12:19)
• Dr. Laura: "You found God. Well, you left him by the curb somewhere because you're still catering to yourself..." (13:39)
• Michael: "So I jump off the cliff and just... do it in honor of..." (14:24)
• Dr. Laura: "No, that's correct." (14:36)

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Timeline of Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | Summary | |-----------|-------------------------------------------------|----------------------------------------------------------| | 02:43 | Michael’s Family Background | Absent parents, frequent moves, instability and loss. | | 04:41 | Father's Death | First expression of love from his dying father. | | 06:24 | Three Failed Engagements | Michael's attempts and failures at commitment. | | 09:50 | Story of First Engagement/Breakup | Argument, immaturity, loss of the engagement ring. | | 12:08 | Current Relationship and Fears | Seven-year relationship, fear of marriage. | | 12:19–14:05| Dr. Laura Tough Love on Commitment and Honor | Direct challenge to Michael’s self-preservation. | | 14:24 | Michael’s Realization and Commitment | Michael considers truly committing to his partner. | | 14:43 | Dr. Laura Affirms Michael’s Maturity | Encouragement to make the leap and embrace adulthood. |

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Tone & Language

Dr. Laura maintains her signature blend of empathy and no-nonsense directness, balancing understanding of Michael’s traumatic past with a refusal to let those traumas dictate his future adult choices. The conversation is intimate, intense, and brutally honest.

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Conclusion

This episode powerfully demonstrates how unresolved childhood wounds can echo into adult relationships. Dr. Laura cuts through self-justification to urge Michael—and listeners—to grow up, honor commitments, and create the stability we all seek. Her tough love serves both as a personal wake-up call and broader lesson on the cost of “cold feet” in life and love.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Caller Michael]

These statements have not been evaluated by the fda. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my call of the Day brought to you by Vibriance Super C Serum, the skin care product I use twice a day. Visit vibrance.comdrlora to save 37% and get free shipping. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me [e-mail] Michael, welcome to the program.

[Caller Michael]

Hello, hello, hello. So, well, first off, I guess I say thanks for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're welcome.

[Caller Michael]

I just discovered you actually about four months ago and kind of tapped into that realm. And I am here now and everything happens for a reason. So you're probably wanting a question from me, is that correct?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, give me some background if you'd like. Maybe that's a good place to start.

[Caller Michael]

Okay. I was getting ready for work, so I wasn't tuned in. So I don't know what the topic is right now.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

There is no topic. My shows have no topics per se. It's whatever you need to talk about.

[Caller Michael]

Hey, that sounds beautiful. So here I go. Background. Oh. New York City, Bronx 82. I was born. My mom met my father, Grissom Air Force Base. My dad was an Air Force. He's Puerto Rican. My mom's African American and they met in Indiana. That's where my mom's from. They moved us. Dad moved us to New York. I was born, so stayed out there a few years. Mother and father had a drug problem, 80s type thing. Yes. So I was separated two, three years old. Three years old. I was separated from my parents to move with my aunt and uncle in North Carolina. He was a marine. She got clean. She left. My father came, got me. We moved to Texas a couple years, then moved to Indiana, where she's from. Then daddy came back in the picture at 7. We moved back to New York, found out he was married. Just a whole bunch of other crap. And.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You couldn't make this up fast enough. Oh, God.

[Caller Michael]

What'd you say?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I said you couldn't make this up fast enough. This is amazing. Keep going.

[Caller Michael]

I'm writing a book on it, actually. It's a lot.

[Commercial Narrator]

You should.

[Caller Michael]

And I'm trying to break it down as quick as possible for you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, take your time. I need to understand all the parts.

[Caller Michael]

Yes, ma'. Am. So every seven years we'll say I seen my dad every seven years. After that seven years, he came back and took us back to New York. And every seven years I would see him. He just passed away this year, beginning of the year when demigrated from. From New York City to Miami, Florida. I think that's what all most New Yorkers do, or at least the Spanish, especially lately.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah.

[Caller Michael]

Ye. Okay, so New York to Florida in the late 90s. And so I've been in and out of Miami since then. Every seven years. Seeing daddy, he was never really there in the life when we was there, whenever I was around him, I might have tried to tell him I loved him. Just didn't happen. First time he ever told me he loved me was about two years ago when he was diagnosed with colon cancer.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, that's typically when people who are irresponsible and not caretaking pull out the love card. Yeah.

[Caller Michael]

Yes, ma'. Am. Yeah, pulled out that love card. So I'm the firstborn of three, and I'm the one that's kind of more resilient to the. To the. To the bull crap, stubborn, the. The anti. I'm the. The Rebellion 1. There you go. But at the same time, you know, I. Yeah, I rebelled. But at the same time, I came to peace in the. In my 20s, you know, my dad wasn't there, so I had to find a different father figure. And I figured it out, you know, I didn't, you know, I can do without and you know, I'm not gonna lose my way. Being a teenager was hard. A little bit of drugs, a little bit of a negative background or whatnot, but straightened up sound. God, it changed my life and I'm blessed. Now I work on the railroad. Been out there a few. Now I'm just making a living for myself and late bloomer, what I call it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, Blooming whenever it happens. It's lovely. Go ahead.

[Caller Michael]

Okay. Yes, ma'. Am. So we're from 21 till now. I've been engaged three times. Three times. Three. I tried three times to get married because in my mind, that's what I felt strongly I needed to be with the Christian unity mindset. I guess you can say. I used to say this to my friends and they did it. They all went and got married and then they got divorced. So I sat back and was like, oh, well, you know, if I get married, I don't want to get divorced. I want to be with my forever. So I got engaged and with. And I was young, 21, first engaged. Second one was, I'd say 30. 30ish. Third engagement, I was about 35. And that, that period, it was a year period of engagement. There was trigger.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, but you didn't tell me what ended each engagement. And by the way, were these three separate engagement rings you had to pay for?

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[Caller Michael]

What about toys? Do they have brands kids have been wanting all year?

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[Caller Michael]

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[Caller Michael]

Okay, well let me tell you the story. So the first engagement, first engagement was the mother of my child. First, second child, second child, my daughter. I engaged her. I wanted to be a happy family. She was 19, I was 20, 21 and within three days we got into argument and I think I shoved a piece of cake in her face and humiliated her in front of some friends and she took her ring off and she put it in the bathroom and a friend that was there later that, that evening when they left, when they were gone, we discovered the ring was gone. Perfect solitaire, pear shaped diamonds that I chose my first time doing the ring thing. Saved up nice jeweler put away away and you know it meant a lot and so three days later though at the proposal it was off and it never happened again. On that note, what were you arguing.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

About that made you.

[Caller Michael]

What was we? I was. I was immature. I was absent.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

She was show. She was too. You were both way too young. But what did you fight about in front of other people?

[Caller Michael]

You know, just tell me. I can't remember precisely, but I can tell you about who. How I am. Knowing me, I just had a temper and.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, let's get to the second one. Second engagement broke up because why right after that.

[Caller Michael]

That.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Now don't give me all the details, just tell me the second one. Did you have a baby out of wedlock with her too?

[Caller Michael]

No, no, I was with her right after that baby at the wedlock we was probably two years later I got. I started dating another young gal and nope, actually I was with her before my baby mother, I'm sorry, I'm going back 20 something years. So yeah, I was.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, Michael, let's just come up to date. How can I help you today?

[Caller Michael]

Okay, yeah, so the three. Three engagements.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Got it. How can I help you today?

[Caller Michael]

I'm with one now. I've been hurt with her seven years and I'm just scared to get married. But I do. I would like to get married. I've changed a lot.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You know what, this is so creepy. What? You're saying you're taking up the life for seven years of somebody, but you won't lay down your life for her. What a cheap, scaredy cat bullshit thing that is. I can't believe you're doing that. You sounded like such a nice guy for so long in this call. You're taking up her time, her life, her heart, her soul, her body, her orgasms, yours. But, oh, because you know, I understand there was so little stability in your life. But you're a grown man now. Stability isn't going to happen to you. It's something you make happen. When you were a kid, stability was nothing you had control over. And you had two parents who did anything but give you stability. Again, that was happening to you. But now you're an adult. Stability is something you create by making a commitment and honoring it. The word honor to me has always been tied into what a man is. And a man is somebody whose word, whose effort, whose intent is honorable to values, morals. So here you are laying on me some nonsense about you found God. Well, you left him by the curb somewhere because you're still catering to yourself, saying it's all about me making sure I'm not hurt. Does that sound very Christian to you? It's all about me making sure I don't get hurt. But I'm going to use her up. You disappoint me, Michael.

[Caller Michael]

Oh, I'm so.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

For most of this call, I thought you were not that self centered anymore.

[Caller Michael]

Maybe. Self centered, huh? Darn it. Hey, I didn't wanna.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, it is. I was hurt when I was a kid, so I'm not gonna let anybody hurt me. But I'm gonna use them up.

[Caller Michael]

Using them up. I didn't think about it. So I jump off the cliff and just. And do it on honor of.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, that's, that's correct.

[Caller Michael]

You just applaud me, give you a little encouragement there. Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yes. I, from the beginning of this call had the sense that you were man enough now to do it. So I don't like when anybody proves me wrong. Oooh, my number. 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com Click on sponsors to take advantage of the special discounts available to Dr. Laura listeners like you.

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[Caller Michael]

Limu. Is that guy with the binoculars watching us?

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[Caller Michael]

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