Coping With Loss After Needed Estrangement

Summary

---

The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Coping With Loss After Needed Estrangement
Date: May 27, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guest (Caller): Marie

---

Episode Overview

This episode of "The Dr. Laura Podcast" centers on coping with the complex emotions that arise after the death of an estranged parent. Dr. Laura takes a heartfelt call from Marie, who is navigating mixed feelings after her mother's passing; Marie has been estranged from her mother for years due to a history of unresolved childhood abuse and neglect. Dr. Laura provides practical advice and compassionate, straightforward insight to help Marie process her emotions and manage lingering anxieties, particularly about the possible return of panic attacks.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Marie’s Estrangement and History

• Background
  • Marie previously called Dr. Laura regarding panic attacks resulting from a “pretty bad childhood” and received a signed book from Dr. Laura.
  • Therapy led Marie to sever contact with her parents due to their “damaged” behavior.
• Childhood Trauma
  • At Dr. Laura’s prompting (02:36), Marie reveals she experienced sexual abuse at the hands of her brother and uncles starting around ages 11-12, and her parents failed to support or protect her.
  • Marie did not disclose the abuse to school authorities or friends due to fear, citing that she “got awful spankings for minor things” (03:40).

Processing the Loss (Death of Estranged Mother)

• Marie’s Emotional Response
  • Receives text notification of her mother’s death after years of no contact.
  • Expresses a lack of strong grief: “I haven’t really cried too much. I mean, she was already gone to me” (04:00).
• Dr. Laura’s Direct Questioning
  • Dr. Laura challenges Marie to examine her expectation of grief:

    “Why would you think you would cry a lot? There was no bond. There was only fear and disappointment. So why would you think you would cry a lot?” (04:24)

  • Points out the finality of death, recognizing why Marie might feel “it’s just final…it’s the end, I guess” (04:49).
• Maternal Accountability
  • Dr. Laura bluntly asserts:

    “She’s never going to wake up one morning and be a kissy huggy and say she’s sorry because she knew from day one that you were being molested. And she knew it. Did nothing.” (04:56)

  • Stresses that Marie’s mother’s own abuse history doesn’t excuse her actions:

    “She was molested. Have you turned into a bitch?... Well, then I guess it isn’t automatic…because you’re proof that it isn’t automatic.” (09:20)

Fear of Panic Attacks and Practical Advice

• Marie’s Worries
  • Expresses fear of relapse into panic attacks following this news, as stress previously triggered them (07:50).
  • Dr. Laura calmly reasons:

    “When did you find out your mother was dead?...Last Monday? ...You would have had one already.” (08:18–08:31)

• Recognizing Relief
  • Dr. Laura identifies that Marie may feel not just sorrow, but relief:

    “Part of you feels relief.” (08:33)
    Marie agrees: “Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, Yeah, yeah.” (08:39)

• Releasing Guilt and Burden
  • Dr. Laura reinforces that Marie is not responsible for her mother’s failings, nor should she carry guilt for feeling relief or ambivalence.

Mind-Body Intervention Exercise

• Encourages a Physical Release
  • Dr. Laura instructs Marie to do a stretching/breathing exercise:

    “Go outside and stretch your arms up and out like a yoga thing into the sky… look up and breathe. Let me hear you do it.” (10:03–10:36)

  • Guides Marie through the stretch over the phone to embody feelings of freedom and release.
  • Suggests repeating this exercise a few times a day.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Emotional Expectations:

  “There was no bond. There was only fear and disappointment. So why would you think you would cry a lot?”
  — Dr. Laura, 04:24

• On Mother’s Knowledge:

  “She knew you were being molested? She knew. She wasn’t shocked. With her experience, she knew what to look for. She didn’t want to upset the apple cart.”
  — Dr. Laura, 07:20–07:29

• On Accountability and Breaking the Cycle:

  “Well, then I guess it isn’t automatic that if you’re molested, you become a bitch because you’re proof that it isn’t automatic.”
  — Dr. Laura, 09:20

• Breathing Exercise Guidance:

  “Expand your chest up and out, taking a big breath in. Let’s do it. Keep your arms stretched. Stretch them like horses are on either side, pulling them free. You’re freer. Enjoy it. Expand, don’t contract. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautifully done, Marie.”
  — Dr. Laura, 10:36–11:22

---

Important Segment Timestamps

• Marie’s Childhood Abuse Revealed and Therapist’s Concern: 02:36–03:56
• Discussing Mother's Death; Examining the Nature of Grief: 04:00–04:56
• Confronting Mother's Complicity and Finality: 04:56–07:16
• Marie’s Panic Attack Concerns Addressed: 07:50–08:33
• Addressing Relief and Release of Guilt: 08:33–09:56
• Guided Mind-Body Stretching Exercise: 10:03–11:22

---

Tone and Takeaways

• Direct yet Compassionate: Dr. Laura repeatedly affirms that Marie’s feelings are normal, provides clarity about healthy emotional responses to trauma and estrangement, and offers both practical coping mechanisms and validation.
• Insightful and No-Nonsense: The episode employs Dr. Laura’s characteristic blend of tough love and practical wisdom to help listeners understand that not all losses require deep mourning, especially when a parent failed in their protective role.
• Actionable Advice: Listeners are left with a concrete exercise to promote emotional release and stability during difficult moments.

---

Summary

This episode provides a candid, heartfelt look at the nuanced grief that can follow the death of an abusive, estranged parent. Dr. Laura uses direct questioning, insightful commentary, and a mind-body suggestion to help Marie acknowledge and normalize her feelings, release misplaced guilt, and focus on her own well-being moving forward. It’s a powerful resource for anyone struggling with similarly complicated family histories.

Transcript

[A]

Ladies, if you're in that phase where your body's just doing new things, sleep's weird, energy's weird, cravings also weird, you're not alone. It's totally normal. Menopause and perimenopause just means your body needs a little support. And sprouts makes that support easier so you can start feeling more like you. Tons of fresh organic produce for fiber, sprouts, protein and creatine to keep your muscles and bones strong and your energy up. And supplements that that can help you manage mood shifts. So whether it's perimenopause, menopause or any other health journey, it's easier at Sprouts Farmer's Market. Here's some common sense advice. Your body needs support to function properly, including your vaginal health. And that includes maintaining a healthy PH balance. New Azo Vaginal Probiotic Mini choose helps keep that healthy bacterial balance and that helps keep yeast and odor in check. It's great tasting, easy to take, and no pill means no water. That makes it simple to add to your daily routine. And simplicity is how good habits stick. Visit azoproducts.com for product details, usage instructions and safety information. Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day brought to you by Native Path Collagen. Want less joint pain, better sleep, healthier skin and even improved improve bone density scans? Sure. Add Native Path to your daily routine. Try it risk [e-mail] DrLaura Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] Marie welcome to the program.

[B]

Hi Dr. Laura.

[A]

Hi.

[B]

Hi. I talked to you quite a few years ago. You were so nice. You helped me with was having panic attacks from a pretty bad childhood. You even sent me. I got a signed copy of your book that you had that time was proper care and feeding of husbands. So I did get into therapy. My therapist told me that my parents were damaged and I shouldn't have any contact with them.

[A]

So what were they doing to you that would make no contact healthy for you?

[B]

They were just damaged and just.

[A]

No, I don't want you to describe them. I want you to tell me what they actually did to you that your therapist thought you'd benefit from no contact. What'd they do to you?

[B]

I had some molestation growing up that they didn't help me with.

[A]

Who molested you?

[B]

There was more than one with my brother and uncles.

[A]

How old were you?

[B]

I started about, I'd say 12, 11.

[A]

And you didn't tell anybody like the school counselor, a teacher, a friend?

[B]

No. No.

[A]

And do you have a sense of why you didn't

[B]

scared? I mean, I got awful spankings for minor things.

[A]

Ah, so you thought that. Yeah. Okay, well, that makes sense. Not having anything to do with these people. Yeah, that makes sense.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So then what?

[B]

I so I've been estranged with her for quite a few years and I got a text last week that she died. Mm. I'm having problems processing this because I just. I haven't really cried too much. I mean, she was already gone to me.

[A]

Why would you think you would cry a lot? There was no bond. It was almost because it was did hear me. Well then stop for a moment because I thought that was pretty hot. There was no bond. There was only fear and disappointment. So why would you think you would cry a lot?

[B]

Oh. Cause it's just final. It's the end, I guess.

[A]

Yeah. She's never going to wake up one morning and be a kissy huggy and say she's sorry because she knew from day one that you were being molested. And she knew it. Did nothing. She knew it. You do understand she knew it. As people age, it's normal to ask what more they could be doing to take care of their health. It's important to be proactive, especially when it comes to your brain health. Don't wait for something to feel off before taking action. Make your next checkup count. Ask your doctor about your risk factors for dementia and a cognitive assessment. Visit brainhealthmatters.com for more information and resources provided by Lilly. Here's some common sense advice. Your body needs support to function properly, including your vaginal health, and that includes maintaining a healthy ph balance. New Azo Vaginal Probiotic Mini Chews helps keep that healthy bacterial balance and that helps keep yeast and odor in check. It's great tasting, easy to take, and no pill means no water. That makes it simple to add to your daily routine. And simplicity is how good habits stick. Visit azoproducts.com for product details, usage instructions and safety information. Early birds always rise to the occasion for summer vacation planning because early gets you closer to the action. So don't be late. Book your next vacation early on VRBO and save over $120. Rise and shine average savings $141 select homes only.

[C]

This is the exclusive table with the view. This is your name on the list. This is three times points on dining with Chase Sapphire reserve and a $300 dining credit chase Sapphire Reserve. Now even more Rewarding.

[D]

Learn [e-mail] Sapphire Reserve cards issued by JP Morgan, Chase bank and a member FDIC. Subject to credit approval. Out on the road, it helps to partner like the Love's Rewards app. Download Love's Rewards and get great deals like a free Loves coffee or fountain drink. Just buy any four, any size and get the fifth one free. Loves, Rewards. Save and earn at every turn. Terms apply. See website for details.

[B]

I don't know. She was molested also, so I think when I.

[A]

She knew you were being molested? She knew. She wasn't shocked.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

With her experience, she knew what to look for. She didn't. She didn't want to upset the apple cart. So. She dead? Is your dad dead too? Is your brother dead?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

No.

[A]

So how can I help you today?

[B]

I just. Just. I'm scared I'm going to have panic attacks again. How do I go with not doing that?

[A]

What makes you certain you'd have a panic attack over this?

[B]

I don't know. Because that's what happened before when I was stressed, when I just came out of the blue. Well, our previous phone call.

[A]

When did you find.

[B]

Woohoo. Woohoo.

[A]

When did you find out your mother was dead?

[B]

Monday. Yeah, last Monday.

[A]

Last. A week ago.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, you would have had one already.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Part. Part of you. Oh, see, I heard that. I heard that sound. Part of you feels relief.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, Yeah, yeah.

[A]

She.

[B]

I mean, my. My dad has always said she never. But she always liked a good fight. She was always fighting with. She had 11 siblings and she was fighting with all of them. She had. Okay.

[A]

With Marie.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I don't care. I don't. I don't care.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

This is part of your release.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

Now, you don't have to say, well, I've cut off contact. You're dead. She didn't protect you. She didn't take care of you. And giving me the. She was molested. Have you turned into a bitch?

[B]

No.

[A]

Well, then I guess it isn't automatic that if you're molested, you become a bitch because you're proof that it isn't automatic.

[B]

Okay? Yeah.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Okay. Okay. Thank you.

[A]

Now I want you to go outside and stretch your arms up and out like a yoga thing into the sky. As a matter of fact. Where are you?

[B]

I'm in a parking lot in the shade in California.

[A]

Okay. Put the phone on something, a car or the curb, and this is what I'm going to want you to do. Look up at the sky. Stretch your arms out you know, like across. Stretch as far and look up and breathe. Let me hear you do it.

[B]

Okay, let me put the phone down. Hold on.

[A]

Yes, please. Okay, expand your chest up and out, taking a big breath in. Let's do it. Keep your arms stretched. Stretch them like horses are on either side, pulling them free. You're freer. Enjoy it. Expand, don't contract. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautifully done, Marie. And I'd like you to do that a couple of times every day for the rest of the week. Okay?

[B]

Okay. Thank you.

[A]

You're welcome. You're going to be fine. Just stretch out to the sky. Trust me on that. All right, sweetheart. My number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

[D]

Sirius XM Triumph is life presenting you with challenges? Get real answers with Dr. Laurel. Call 1-800- Dr. Laura.

[A]

No nonsense advice about relationships, marriage, kids, tough love. It happened is not a phrase anybody uses when they take responsibility.

[D]

Inspiration.

[A]

Every time you go to bed with a negative thought, you have to match it up with a positive one.

[D]

That's your new rule, Dr. Laura. Weekdays at 2pm east on Sirius XM Triumph 123 and on the Sirius XM app.

[A]

As people age, it's normal to ask what more they could be doing to take care of their health. It's important to be proactive, especially when it comes to your brain health. Don't wait for something to feel off before taking action. Make your next checkup count. Ask your doctor about your risk factors for dementia and a cognitive assessment. Visit brainhealthmatters.com for more information and resources provided by Lily.

[C]

This is the table, the one with the view. This is how you reserve exclusive tables with Chase Sapphire Reserve. This is your name on the list. This is the chef sending you something he didn't put on the menu. This is 3 times points on dining with Chase Sapphire reserve and a $300 dining credit that covered the citrus pavlova and drinks and the thing you didn't think you liked until you tasted it. Chase Sapphire Reserve now even more rewarding.

[D]

Learn [e-mail] Sapphire Reserve cards issued by JPMorgan Chase bank and a member FDIC subject to credit approval.