Deep Dive: Are You Wasting Your Childbearing Years?

Summary

Dr. Laura Call of the Day: Deep Dive - Are You Wasting Your Childbearing Years?
Hosted by Dr. Laura Schlessinger | Released on March 27, 2025

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Introduction

In this compelling episode of Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s Deep Dive, Dr. Laura tackles the poignant and often overlooked issue of wasting one’s childbearing years through prolonged, uncommitted relationships. With her trademark no-nonsense approach, Dr. Laura delves into the dynamics of long-term relationships lacking formal commitment, offering insightful advice aimed at empowering women to take control of their reproductive and emotional futures.

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Section 1: The Dilemma of Prolonged Dating Without Commitment

Caller 1’s Inquiry:

At [00:58], a listener reaches out seeking guidance on a four-year relationship without marriage. The caller questions how long she should wait before expecting a proposal or deciding to settle down.

Dr. Laura’s Response:

Dr. Laura bluntly responds at [01:15]:

"You're two years too late."

She emphasizes the importance of setting clear expectations early in a relationship and criticizes the tendency to remain in uncommitted relationships due to emotional bonds formed through sex. Dr. Laura explains the biological bonding women experience, which can lead to staying in relationships that do not align with their long-term goals.

Key Insights:

• Sexual Bonding:
  Dr. Laura discusses how sex can create a strong emotional bond for women, making it difficult to leave uncommitted relationships.

  "Sex is very bonding to a female. That's our biology." ([02:00])

• Male Psyche vs. Female Psyche:
  She contrasts male and female motivations in relationships, highlighting that men often seek relationships that require less personal investment initially.

  "Men, on the other hand, are more about things they have to work hard for." ([02:30])

• Cultural Shifts:
  Dr. Laura critiques modern dating norms, where casual sex and cohabitation have become more common, often at the expense of serious commitments like marriage.

  "That's the liberal belief system that so many have been raised with." ([03:20])

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Section 2: Katherine’s Long-Term Relationship Without Marriage

Katherine’s Story:

Katherine joins the discussion at [04:10], sharing her eight-year partnership with her boyfriend, who is 38 years old. Despite living together, they have not formalized their relationship through marriage, leading to financial dependence and emotional turmoil.

Dr. Laura’s Stern Advice:

At [04:40], Dr. Laura questions why Katherine has tolerated this lack of commitment for so long, especially at the age of 30.

"So why would a woman tolerate that?" ([05:12])

She challenges Katherine’s decision-making, asserting that living together without marriage equates to "shacking up," where neither party is bound by commitment or vows. Dr. Laura bluntly informs Katherine:

"You have no right to be upset at all." ([09:25])

Key Points:

• Shacking Up vs. Marriage:
  Dr. Laura differentiates between living together and being married, emphasizing that without formal commitment, both partners are free to engage in other relationships.

• Financial Dependence:
  Katherine’s financial reliance on her boyfriend exacerbates her emotional vulnerability, leading to complications like overspending and lack of autonomy.

  "I have been very down during this time." ([08:15])

• Cheating Justification:
  Dr. Laura controversially states that in uncommitted living situations, cheating is not considered betrayal, as there are no established vows.

  "He can have sex with whoever he wants, and so can you." ([09:35])

• Outcome Prediction:
  She predicts the relationship's demise due to the lack of commitment, urging Katherine to recognize her own self-worth and demand the respect she deserves.

  "Neither one of you has any commitment. You're desperate and dependent, and he's starting to get tired of you." ([10:25])

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Section 3: Gina’s Struggle with an Unfulfilled Promise of Marriage

Gina’s Situation:

At [17:22], Gina shares her three-year relationship with a 15-year age gap between her and her boyfriend. Despite promises of marriage and children, Gina feels the relationship has become stagnant.

Dr. Laura’s Probing Questions:

Dr. Laura interrogates Gina’s perceptions, pushing her to analyze why her partner keeps promising marriage without following through.

"What do you think his motivation is?" ([17:53])

Gina posits that her boyfriend is keeping her around without genuine intent to marry, to which Dr. Laura agrees:

"To keep someone around." ([18:16])

Key Insights:

• False Promises:
  Dr. Laura criticizes men who make empty promises to retain partners, highlighting the emotional manipulation involved.

  "He has to give up nookie if he tells you the truth, doesn't he?" ([26:55])

• Self-Worth and Responsibility:
  She confronts Gina with the notion that her continued presence in the relationship is a reflection of her self-perceived worthiness.

  "You're still self loathing." ([23:09])

• Decision-Making Roadmap:
  Dr. Laura presents Gina with a clear choice: continue the unfulfilling relationship or end it and seek counseling to build self-compassion.

  "First road is you continue the road you're on... The other road is you immediately cease and desist all contact with him and you get counseling." ([23:29])

• Empowerment Through Action:
  She urges Gina to take decisive action, emphasizing that staying in a non-committed relationship leads to long-term regret and distrust in future relationships.

  "Let me give you a street map... You're going to hang up and think about which one you want to take." ([23:29])

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Section 4: Ashlyn’s Realization of Wasted Time in a Relationship

Ashlyn’s Call:

At [25:44], Ashlyn describes her four-year relationship with a 27-year-old woman whose boyfriend is 34. She seeks advice after her partner expressed uncertainty about marriage, leading to the end of their relationship.

Dr. Laura’s Unfiltered Opinion:

Dr. Laura immediately dismisses the notion of ambiguity in promises, labeling them as non-committal justifications to avoid engagement.

"Do you know what fairly certain means? Yes or no?" ([26:24])

Upon hearing that her partner ended the relationship without a solid commitment, Dr. Laura is unapologetically harsh:

"You have no right to be upset at all." ([29:35])

Key Points:

• Embarrassment Over Independence:
  Ashlyn expresses embarrassment about ending the relationship, fearing judgment from loved ones. Dr. Laura condemns this feeling, suggesting that societal pressure often keeps women in unsuitable relationships.

  "How embarrassed would you be if they were right?" ([27:11])

• Accountability:
  She holds Ashlyn accountable for ignoring warnings from friends and family, asserting that Ashlyn's continued presence in the relationship was a personal failing.

  "You wasted four years and probably now you're gonna walk around the face of the earth saying, I don't trust men." ([28:57])

• Future Choices:
  Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of learning from past mistakes to make wiser decisions in future relationships, encouraging Ashlyn to seek support and move forward without self-pity.

  "Someday you're going to make a wise choice. This wasn't it." ([30:03])

• Final Encouragement:
  She motivates Ashlyn to embrace her decision without regret, underscoring that ending the relationship, despite its duration, is a step towards self-respect and future happiness.

  "You're very young and you wasted four years... Let’s get this one off our back and off our chest." ([31:44])

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Conclusion

Throughout this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides unflinching advice to women entrenched in long-term, uncommitted relationships. Her approach underscores the importance of self-respect, clear communication, and the courage to make difficult decisions for one’s emotional and reproductive well-being. By challenging societal norms and personal dependencies, Dr. Laura empowers her listeners to prioritize meaningful commitments and avoid the pitfalls of wasted childbearing years.

Final Takeaway:

Dr. Laura’s message is clear:

"Are you wasting your childbearing years on a man who never proposes...? In about two years of dating, a couple should know whether it's time to get engaged or time to move on." ([35:00])

Listeners are encouraged to take proactive steps towards securing their futures, emphasizing that self-worth and decisive action are crucial in navigating the complexities of modern relationships.

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Notable Quotes:

• "You're two years too late." ([01:15])
• "Sex is very bonding to a female. That's our biology." ([02:00])
• "You have no right to be upset at all." ([09:25], [10:16], [29:35])
• "You just didn't choose wisely." ([26:52])
• "You're very young and you wasted four years..." ([30:03])

---

For More Information:

To delve deeper into these discussions or seek personalized advice, visit DrLaura.com to become a Family member or call 1-800-DR-LAURA.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

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Laura's deep dive Podcast I've been with.

[Caller 1]

Someone, dating someone for the past four years, and I want to know how long should I wait for someone, I guess, to pop the question or to finally settle down?

[Dr. Laura]

You're two years too late.

[Caller 1]

Two years too late?

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah.

[Caller 1]

So it should be two years. And I should have said two years ago.

[Dr. Laura]

You know what I don't understand? You probably have had more sex with him than the 10 people on the same block in which you live.

[Caller 1]

You're probably right. Probably right.

[Dr. Laura]

You could never say to him, I'm in this relationship at this point to marry you.

[Caller 1]

Mm.

[Dr. Laura]

Is this what's on your plate?

[Caller 1]

Yes, I've been.

[Dr. Laura]

But you'll screw his brains out. But you don't have the courage to ask a question. You get naked and hang upside down from a chandelier and do it, but you won't ask this question. So you've wasted four years with a guy who loves to screw you but has no intention of marrying you. Sex is very bonding to a female. That's our biology. Once a woman has sex, hormones flood her body flood her mind, leading her to perceive that the relationship is actually meaningful. This phenomenon is one of the reasons a woman might stick with a relationship that's not going in the direction she wants or anybody should want. Men, on the other hand, are more about things they have to work hard for. That's how the male psyche works. So we have women giving up sexual favors with no real commitment, holding on to relationships simply because they feel inappropriately bonded. Even if the guys aren't treating Them with the love, kindness or respect they desire. It's a problem, especially for young women who envision themselves someday becoming wives and mothers. In the very, very, very olden days, men bedded bad girls, married good girls. But these days, all girls seem to be, in the traditional sense, bad. It's hard for guys to distinguish between the girls you play with and the ones you settle down with when just about every girl will jump into bed with them as a normal part of initial dating. Can't really blame young women for believing it's fine to have sex within days of meeting and then shacking up and giving men all the comforts that traditionally come with marriage. Yeah, no big deal. That's the liberal belief system that so many have been raised with. What most women fail to understand, if shacking up in marriage were the same level of commitment, getting married wouldn't be an issue. However, I discussed with my caller, Katherine, when you shack up, you're contributing to a society of men who don't put women on pedestals and who don't feel responsible for them. Katherine, welcome to the program.

[Katherine]

Hi, Dr. Lohr, how are you?

[Dr. Laura]

Good, thank you.

[Katherine]

Good. It's really great to talk to you today.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you. What can I do for you?

[Katherine]

I am calling because I have a recent incident that has happened in my eight year relationship. I'm not married, but I do consider the person I'm with the partner that I thought I was going to be with for the rest of my life.

[Dr. Laura]

And may I ask then why there wasn't the formality of a marriage?

[Katherine]

It hasn't happened yet. It's been something we discuss.

[Dr. Laura]

But ma'am, eight years of dating is kind of silly.

[Katherine]

You're right, I agree with you.

[Dr. Laura]

So why would a woman tolerate that?

[Katherine]

You know, it's come to my attention in the last few years that it's not something that I should have tolerated. I was very young when we got together.

[Dr. Laura]

And how old were you when you got together?

[Caller 2]

Because it's eight years later, 22.

[Dr. Laura]

That's not that young. Now you're 30.

[Katherine]

Yes, I'm 30 now and he's 38.

[Dr. Laura]

The guy having access to your mind, body and soul without any commitment to you.

[Katherine]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

Why would you have tolerated that?

[Katherine]

That's a very good question that I can't answer.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, take a moment. Well, you're the only one who can, so just take a moment and think.

[Katherine]

I honestly have not wanted to pressure him. I would have been ready at any moment.

[Dr. Laura]

That desperate? What made you that desperate?

[Katherine]

I guess just being very in love?

[Dr. Laura]

No, no, please don't throw love there.

[Katherine]

I've been very dependent on him and I think me giving some sort of ultimatum to him.

[Dr. Laura]

No, not an ultimatum. Walking away.

[Katherine]

Without an ultimatum?

[Dr. Laura]

Yes. Who wants to marry a man you have to threaten into marrying you?

[Katherine]

I guess no one.

[Dr. Laura]

No one. A man who isn't falling over himself to lay down his life for you doesn't want to lay down his life for you. And ultimatum marriages generally end in divorce. Your parents have stood by and said nothing?

[Katherine]

Oh, no, they have said plenty.

[Dr. Laura]

And why what they had to say has no weight.

[Katherine]

Well, I don't. I've tried to explain to them my reasoning behind it and of course.

[Dr. Laura]

What did you explain to them?

[Katherine]

Well, I've told them, you know, there's things that in my life that I wanted to get straight and accomplish before getting married.

[Dr. Laura]

And what did you want to get accomplished that one could not accomplish while married?

[Katherine]

Well, I'm sure that there's things that I could accomplish while married.

[Dr. Laura]

Like what? I want to know what specifically it is. What could I have more accomplished if I were not married?

[Katherine]

There's nothing you can accomplish, I guess, while you're not married or are married.

[Dr. Laura]

But that was the argument you gave your parents, so I'm asking you to defend it.

[Katherine]

Well, I just thought that I should be more financially stable on my own before marrying him so that I could have something to fall back on for myself. And I wanted to be able to contribute to the marriage just as much as he could. And I hadn't been able to do that for myself yet, so I thought that I should give that some time beforehand. So I hadn't really said anything.

[Dr. Laura]

Are you living on your own?

[Katherine]

No, he and I live together.

[Dr. Laura]

So you're shacking up with him. So all this stuff about. All this stuff. Yeah. Okay, go ahead. So your question for me is.

[Katherine]

My question for you is I have been out of work for about a year now, and he has basically taken care of me financially. And I have been very down during this time. And obviously with him taking care of me financially, he's given me credit cards or debit cards and things like that. And in his eyes, I've been overspending. And he's been very upset with me about this. And recently it's been brought to my attention that he cheated on me.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, no, no. You can't cheat when you're shacking up. No, no, no. You can't say he cheated. He can have sex with a different woman every night. There are no rules to Shack ups. That's why people do that instead of marrying, because there are no rules. So he did not cheat on you. There is no vows that he's taken to you. Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am, ma'am. You could have had four illegitimate kids with him. He can still have sex with whoever he wants, and so can you, because there is no commitment, no vows. That's shacking up. There are no rules.

[Katherine]

So I can't be upset about it?

[Dr. Laura]

No, you have no right to be upset at all. Wow.

[Katherine]

Okay. Well, I have been very hurt by this.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, get over yourself, woman. Because there's no commitment, he has the right to screw anybody he wants.

[Katherine]

I just. After eight years, he'd never.

[Dr. Laura]

It doesn't matter how many years you've been shacking up. It doesn't matter. There are no vows, no rules. He can screw around and you can, too, all you want.

[Katherine]

I guess I never wanted to.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't care if you wanted to. Didn't ask you if you wanted to. I just said you had the right to.

[Katherine]

Right. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

So you have no right to be upset.

[Katherine]

I have no right to be upset? Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

No. None. Zero.

[Katherine]

So do you think this relationship has any chance of survival?

[Dr. Laura]

No.

[Katherine]

No.

[Dr. Laura]

No.

[Katherine]

And why is that?

[Dr. Laura]

Because neither one of you has any commitment. You're desperate and dependent, and he's starting to get tired of you.

[Katherine]

You think he's tired of my dependence?

[Dr. Laura]

No, I think he's tired of you. Married couples are mutually interdependent. If it's a traditional household, she's dependent upon him earning a living, bringing it home so we can pay the bills and support food and medicine. He's dependent upon her to take care of his children and make the house a home. They are interdependent. They are not both earning 100,000 each. They are interdependent. Like people who put together a car. Somebody puts on the steering wheel, somebody puts on the hood, somebody puts on the windshield wipers. They are interdependent.

[Katherine]

Well, that's how it's been. I've been home.

[Dr. Laura]

No, dear, there is no commitment. I, I. You know what? I just. I don't want to have to keep saying that there's no commitment. He can have sex or throw you out tomorrow, and you have no right to be upset. You can be upset, but you'd have no right to be upset.

[Katherine]

Okay. All right. I'm. I'm just. I don't understand that. I think there's.

[Dr. Laura]

What is it you don't understand?

[Katherine]

I just think that you know if you are.

[Dr. Laura]

No, no, no. What I don't understand is. Finish the sentence. What I don't understand is.

[Katherine]

What I don't understand is how there can't be a commitment.

[Dr. Laura]

It's called marriage.

[Katherine]

Outside of marriage.

[Dr. Laura]

No, there isn't. That's why people avoid marriage. If it were the same thing, you wouldn't avoid it. If it were the same thing, he wouldn't avoid it. If they were the same, nobody'd avoid it. So when people avoid it, it means they damn well know it's not the same. All right, I have to take a break. You know that old saying, why would a man buy the cow when he can get the milk for free? Well, stop thinking of yourself as a cow and think of yourself as a lovely, desirous, competent, sweet woman. Don't you want him to have to rise to that occasion? Think about that. I'll be right back.

Dr. Laura's deep dive Podcast.

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[Dr. Laura]

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Deeper Deep Dive Podcast if you want.

To be someone's woman, a wife, and the mother of his children, then you need to act in a way that commands respect. Feminism may tell you that you're free to have sex and shack up and do whatever the heck you want, but do you understand how happy men are when they realize that they can get what they want and not take any responsibility at all? If you really want to be able to settle down and have a child someday, don't sell yourself short. That's what I explained to Gina when we talked about the reasons she Was allowing herself to be robbed of her reproductive years. Gina, welcome to the program.

[Gina]

Hi.

[Dr. Laura]

Hi, Gina, how are you? What can I do for you? Gina?

[Gina]

I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for solidly the past three years. We're 15 years apart. We've been friends for almost six years now. And he's promised me marriage and kids. And I feel that we have become stagnant.

[Dr. Laura]

Tell me, just off the top of your head, without any deep thought, why does a man keep promising a woman marriage and not follow through? What do you think his motivation is? Just off the top of your head. Not this guy and not you. Just off the top of your head. Why would any guy do that just off the top of your head?

[Gina]

To keep someone around.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, I think that's a really good analysis now. Next question. You ready for the next one? Let's see if you're good twice. You ready?

[Gina]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

What kind of a woman hangs around with an old dude who keeps promising marriage and doesn't follow through? What's her problem?

[Gina]

Yeah, it's a big problem.

[Dr. Laura]

No, no, this is not you. This is just in general, off the top of your head. This is not you.

[Gina]

Yeah, I would say she has some problems.

[Dr. Laura]

What do you mean she has some problems?

[Gina]

She's being, I guess, gullible to what she's hearing or she's in denial.

[Dr. Laura]

And what puts just in general, off the top of your head? This has nothing to do with you. Why would a woman in her 30s choose denial over finding a good man just off the top of your head? This is not you.

[Gina]

Yeah, it's insecurity, I guess.

[Dr. Laura]

What does insecurity mean? Actually, I'm not sure what it means.

[Gina]

The fear of. I don't know. I don't know why.

[Dr. Laura]

No, off the top of your head. This is not about you.

[Gina]

Yeah, no. I don't know why someone would say.

[Dr. Laura]

You know, you start. Listen to me. You started to explain it to me. You scared the crap out of yourself and ran away.

[Gina]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

So stop running away from your life, because at some point your life's going to be over and you're going to look back with huge regrets. And I'm here to try to help you change that. Do you understand?

[Gina]

Absolutely.

[Dr. Laura]

At some point in your life, there'll be the river of no return.

[Gina]

Yeah, I'm starting to realize that very, very clearly right now.

[Dr. Laura]

Let's go back to off the top of your head. What kind of insecurity would this woman be talking about? Not about you.

[Gina]

I guess. Hanging on to a false hope yes.

[Dr. Laura]

But why would a woman hang on a false hope when she's wasting time and not getting her needs met and not making herself available to a nice guy?

[Gina]

Yeah. She's got to wake up.

[Dr. Laura]

No, it has nothing to do with waking up. Want me to put it in? One word?

[Gina]

Please.

[Dr. Laura]

Unworthy.

[Gina]

Yeah. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Now what do you think would make a woman feel unworthy for a good man?

[Gina]

Her own. That's. I mean, I don't know.

[Dr. Laura]

Yes, you do. You most certainly do.

[Gina]

I guess maybe of past situations or doubts.

[Dr. Laura]

You mean she didn't learn anything from past situations? Okay, let's obviously not. But we're not talking about you. But if we were, explain to me the extent of your self criticalness.

[Gina]

Very self critical.

[Dr. Laura]

Give me a list. And this is about you.

[Gina]

I am self critical. I am hard on myself.

[Dr. Laura]

Yes, I know that. But what is there to criticize?

[Gina]

Not much. I'm disappointed in being where I'm still at.

[Dr. Laura]

A list usually consists of more than one item.

[Gina]

Well, I've had troubles of my own in my past and maybe because of those things I felt unworthy because I was not worthy enough in my own well being. And now I've grown to become well enough in my own body and I'm.

[Dr. Laura]

No, you haven't. You're still with him. That's the proof that you're not. That's the proof that you're not. You're still self loathing.

[Gina]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

So let me give you a street map. And it bifurcates. One road goes one way, the other road goes the other way. Okay. Yeah. Let me tell you the two roads and then you're going to hang up and think about which one you want to take.

[Gina]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. First road is you continue the road you're on. No lefts, no right, no traffic circles, nothing. You just continue. Okay?

[Gina]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

The other road is you immediately cease and desist all contact with him and you get counseling.

[Gina]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

So that we can change this unworthiness into self compassion.

[Gina]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

What did I say? We have to change into what? Read it back.

[Gina]

Unworthiness into self compassion.

[Dr. Laura]

Right. Those are the two roads.

[Gina]

Yes. Two very different roads.

[Dr. Laura]

Very different roads. Do you need me to repeat them? Are you good?

[Gina]

I'm very good. And I am so, so appreciative that I got to speak with you.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you. Now I don't want your answer now. Want you to hang up and make a decision.

[Gina]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

That is going going to pattern the rest of your life. And I don't want you ever on the river at no return. It was a good movie, though. But I don't want you on that river.

[Gina]

Absolutely. I do not like the sound of that.

[Dr. Laura]

No.

[Caller 2]

No.

[Gina]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

All right, sweetheart. Thank you for your call. Years and years of dating with no ring, no marital date, no real plan for the future is pretty silly, don't you think? You will probably feel hurt and a little lost if you were to break up. Probably embarrassed too. But you know what? That's okay. I want you to be embarrassed. And it won't last long. Embarrassment lasts days. But it can save you from wasting more years. That was my message to 22 year old Ashlyn in this call. Ashlyn, welcome to the program. What can I do for you?

[Caller 2]

Well, this one is an interesting one. I'm meeting some of your. Meeting some of your advice. So we'll get into it. I've been in a long term relationship for about four years now. And getting to the point where talking about marriage and taking the next steps. Recently we had a conversation where he said that he was about fairly certain that we were going to take that next step.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm sorry, do you know what fairly certain means? Yes or no? Come on. We need communication. Nobody can see your face. So I need you to answer in words, okay? Do you know what fairly certain means?

[Caller 2]

Yes. Fairly certain.

[Dr. Laura]

What is it?

[Caller 2]

Not all the way convinced.

[Dr. Laura]

No means nothing. It's a put off.

[Caller 2]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

He has to give up nookie if he tells you the truth, doesn't he?

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Four years. How old are you?

[Caller 2]

27.

[Dr. Laura]

And how old is he?

[Caller 2]

34.

[Dr. Laura]

How embarrassed would you be to walk away? Your parents probably said something, your friends probably said something and you went, no, no, no, no, no. So I'm just wondering how embarrassed would you be if they were Right.

[Caller 2]

Well, that's why I'm calling.

[Dr. Laura]

The question is, how embarrassed would you be? That's an important question. Seriously. Because a lot of times women stick with stupid stuff because they're embarrassed to look like they failed.

[Caller 2]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

And to me, failure at this point, more looks like you staying than leaving. But in your head it may not be so. So how embarrassed are you going to be if you walk away?

[Caller 2]

Well, I'm very embarrassed. Because he said that he wasn't sure and needed some space and then said he wasn't sure if he wanted to marry me and ended the relationship.

[Dr. Laura]

He never intended to. Don't get excited. He never intended to. Which is why when you push the envelope, he's out of here. You didn't listen to the people who warned you. The people who know you very well and who are nice people. Not just opinionated jerks, but nice people warned you, I'm sure of it. And you didn't listen. You wasted four years and probably now you're gonna walk around the face of the earth saying, I don't trust men.

[Caller 2]

Most likely, yes.

[Dr. Laura]

But it has nothing to do with men. It has to do with you not choosing wisely. There are a lot of men out there. Some will use you for five years before they dump you. He only used you for four. Some are just terrific guys. But you didn't listen and you didn't choose wisely. So if you're now going to unwisely lean back on embarrassment, how much more your life do you want to throw away?

[Caller 2]

None.

[Dr. Laura]

Good. So I suggest you get with everybody who warned you and say, damn, you were right.

[Caller 2]

I think that. I think that's correct.

[Dr. Laura]

You should do that immediately because you'll get support immediately, instantly. And right now you need support because you're feeling like an idiot. So with support, you won't feel that way. You'll feel cared about. And if somebody says, I told you so. Yeah, next time I'll listen more. Just give it up and you're going to feel so much better. Don't hide this. Don't hide this. It'd be like meat turning bad. You know what I mean? Don't hide this.

[Caller 2]

Yeah, I was. I was hoping that this was a, you know, quarter life crisis facing, you know, fear of commitment type meltdown.

[Dr. Laura]

Come on, you read too much pop site crap. There are people who just use other people.

[Caller 2]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

You don't have to be scared of commitment to not want it because you're selfish.

[Caller 2]

Yeah, I agree with that.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, then don't punish yourself over this, dear. You're very young and you wasted four years, I'll give you that. But you're very young and you spent most of that time being too young to get tough about this decision. You just didn't choose wisely. He's older. I wonder if he's good looking. He has money, has a nice car, makes you feel good. He's great in bed. Or maybe not, I don't know. Whatever. But no. Someday you're going to make a wise choice. This wasn't it. So let's get this one off our back and off our chest. Call your mother, Call whoever said, not a good idea. Call anybody and go. Damn, you were right. Let me hear you go. Damn, you were right. Let me hear you do that.

[Caller 2]

Damn, you were right.

[Dr. Laura]

Have to take a break now, but this gives you time to think if you're using and abusing these beautiful, important days of your life on a dream or frankly, a nightmare. I'll be right back.

Dr. Laura's deep dive deep Dive Podcast.

Deeper.

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[Dr. Laura]

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