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The Dr. Laura Podcast
Deep Dive: Listener Stories About Abortion
00:28:02
When it comes to the topic of abortion, I prefer to pontificate than debate. I also like to hear your thoughts. Which is why, after I read the following email on-air, I asked listeners to call in and share stories about being in a similar situation as this husband, who was forty when he wrote in for advice... Call 1-800-DR-LAURA / 1-800-375-2872 or make an appointment at DrLaura.com
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- [00:01]
A
Listen to all my episodes of Dr. Laura's Deep Dive in your favorite podcast app. Search for Dr. Laura's deep dive podcast and follow my deep dive today. Dr. Laura's deep dive deep dive right in Dr. Laura's deep dive podcast. When it comes to the topic of abortion, I prefer to pontificate rather than debate. I also, though, really want to hear your thoughts, which is why after I read the following email on air, I asked listeners to call in and share stories about being in a similar situation as this husband who was 40 when he wrote in for advice. He said, My wife is 41, almost 42. We have two children, 5 and 3. We've been married six years. We were using protection except during menstruation and right after. My wife uses an app to track fertility. Expected date of menstruation. Well, we didn't bother to do all that checking last month. I thought it was still close to menstruation and she missed her expected period. We just found out she's pregnant. She wants to abort next week when she meets with a gynecologist and I'm beside myself because I want her to keep it. I know you're against terminating and I offered that we could give the child up for adoption. She refuses. I'm getting desperate trying to stop her and I have no power in New York, where we live. Actually, you have no power anywhere. My wife is coming up with every excuse, such as not giving the other children enough attention, not wanting to start all over again with a baby. Financial even though we're fine, she does not work since the first kid was born. She has anxiety. She thinks she won't be able to handle another one and is concerned about at her age having a disabled child, such as autism. I've discussed many positive aspects of having another child, but it has not helped change her mind. I do not have much time. What can I do? Thank you. I'm thinking about what to do with that. Here's what I'm going to do with that. You heard me, read it. One kid three, One kid five. They were not diligent. One month she got pregnant. She wants to terminate. She does not want to go to term and give the kid up for adoption. She wants to terminate, be done with it. He doesn't. Has this situation occurred in your life where you either wanted or didn't want an abortion, depending upon whose body we're talking about? How do you relate to that? Were you the pregnant woman who wanted to abort? Who did not want to abort? Your spouse Wanted to abort, didn't want to abort. How was it resolved? How do you relate to that? How is it resolved? No judgment. I just want to hear your experiences. No judgment from me. You got it. Just want to hear the experience. Perhaps he or other people who can relate to this are listening. I'm going to take a break, give you a little time to give some thought to how many special people never made it to birth. I'll be right back.
- [04:09]
B
Dr. Laura's deep dive podcast. Dr. Laura's much deeper Deep Dive podcast.
- [04:22]
A
The rest of the time on today's program is for you to call and talk about if you were the one, husband or wife, doesn't matter. Wanted the abortion, didn't want the abortion. And how you worked it out. Okay. The top. Jane, welcome to the program.
- [04:37]
B
Hi, how you doing?
- [04:39]
A
Good. How can I, can you tell me the situation? Pro against abortion and what happened?
- [04:50]
B
I was 23, I was working, I was single. I was in a very bad relationship and I had an abortion. It was the worst day of my life. It was the worst thing I've ever done. I am 70 year old now and I still have pain and suffering from it. My body took, it was so much shame and sorrow that my body took it on. And I've been doctoring for pain practically my whole life.
- [05:24]
A
Oh, my goodness. Well, thank you very much for sharing that, Andrea. Welcome to the program.
- [05:30]
B
Thank you, Dr. Laura. So I was 43 and I got pregnant unexpectedly. I actually went through that whole range of emotions that woman in the letter had gone through. Worried about, you know, complicated pregnancy, didn't know if I wanted another child. My husband and I were going through a lot of issues. I knew that our marriage would eventually end anyways. I wanted an abortion. And I really thought about it. I prayed on it. I wound up deciding to keep the baby. Unfortunately, soon after I miscarried. And I was devastated. I felt like I had, I felt like I know reasonably this isn't the case, but I felt like all that negative energy that I was carrying and just deliberating about an abortion, I felt like I had, I felt like I had caused the miscarriage.
- [06:32]
A
Yeah.
- [06:33]
B
I felt such a sense of loss. Yeah. And I still, I still carry that. I'm angry with myself for carrying that negative energy. So I hope she'll, I hope that maybe she'll talk to somebody and, and, and just find another way.
- [06:53]
A
Was your husband for your abortion or was he arguing against it?
- [07:00]
B
No, I actually, because we were really into such a bad place. I didn't really discuss my thoughts with him until I had kind of come to terms with it. And so at that point, I said, you know, we. We were going to go forward with it. And so I just. I just remember. I can remember when I started miscarrying, and I. I didn't even know what it was. I'd never experienced that before. And so, yeah, so this really. This really touched me. When you read that letter, I felt like I could have been that woman.
- [07:38]
A
Thank you so much for sharing that. I appreciate it. Liz, welcome to the program. What is your story?
- [07:46]
B
Hello. At the age of 19, I got pregnant from my boyfriend of four years. And I had ended up the relationship very abusive. Three months later, I found that I was pregnant. I went back looking for him and let him know I was pregnant from him. And he said, if you want to keep this kid, keep it. I'm not going to support you, help you or anything. Is probably not mine. So I was. I lived out of my house since I was 16. I didn't have any help at all, any family. And I decided to go and have an abortion. I got to the abortion clinic, they gave me some pills I needed to take and come back the next morning. And I could not do it. And I knew that I was gonna raise this kid by myself with no help, and I decided to keep the baby. And she's 31 years old now, and she's the most wonderful human being in the world.
- [08:46]
A
Well, that was very brave of you. I appreciate you sharing that. Renee, welcome to the program. Tell us your story.
- [08:53]
B
Thank you. I was in a second marriage. Probably. I was. I can't remember exactly how old I was. I think 34. My husband is a bit older than me, and he said to me, I don't want to be 60 years old and being at a kindergarten graduation. And I sort of. I really wanted this baby, but I had to. I felt like this was something. Either we had to do it together or we couldn't do it. And at that time, it was very available to have abortions where I live. And it wasn't easy. And I haven't forgotten. I'm now 79 years old. And it certainly wasn't easy. I actually think I cried through the entire process. And I still think about it, and I look at the two children that I do have, and I'm so blessed. And I think I could have even been more blessed. But it was what I needed to do at the time, and it was, for us, the right thing to be done. So that's my Goal.
- [10:07]
A
Renee, I appreciate you sharing that story and thank you. Terry, welcome to the program. Tell us your story.
- [10:15]
B
Hello, Dr. Lahr.
- [10:16]
A
Hi.
- [10:17]
B
Okay. My, of course, my story is I was 20 years old, newly engaged, had dated my husband, my now husband for about 18 months at that point. And I don't know what it was, but we decided that once we became engaged, we were going to be sexually active. And lo and behold, it didn't take long before I ended up pregnant. And the wedding wasn't even to be for another, like, almost a whole nother year from then. I had just signed a modeling contract with Ford Modeling Agency, literally for the first time in my life. And I was heading out to Milan for a whole entire summer. And all this hit me so hard. He was working for his father at the time, not making a lot. I was working minimum wage and then side modeling jobs here and there. When I would get one, it was really hard on me. I was so young. I wasn't planning on having a family for a while. And actually at that point, I don't even know if I was even 100% sure I was even going to have a family. I was kind of focusing more on career stuff. And my mom even offered, hey, I'll please have the baby. Don't abort it. I'll, I'll take care of it for you. I'll do it. I'll do the job. I had a young mom and, and that was. My husband said, this is my baby, too. I don't care if you don't want it. I do.
- [11:51]
A
Oh.
- [11:51]
B
So, yep, he said, this is my baby. You don't get to take this baby from me. So he said, you will not abort it. And if you choose not to be in its life, that's up to you, but this baby is going to be part of my life. And I made the decision that I needed to just go forward and try to see, make the best of it. And long story short, 42 years later, we're still married. We had four beautiful daughters, and it was the best decision I ever made, but it was a very difficult one.
- [12:30]
A
Does that child know the story?
- [12:35]
B
She, of course, did not know for a very, very, very long time. But when she got a little bit older and, you know, stories flew around and it was time for her, you know, when she was thinking about sleeping with, you know, men or what have you, you know, dating and all that stuff, I did mention it to them and I did let the girls know that it was something that was brought up to me by the doctor and something that I had thought about and that I was kind of leaning towards for a little bit, but then because of their father and the love I had for him and the respect I had for him, and he was 100% right. Mean, it wasn't just my baby. So, you know, I realized it was my body. And that was one of the things I tried to present to him as my argument. But, you know, that's just the way God, in my opinion, made it. So, you know, I did it. And it was, it was wonderful. And it was the best decision I ever made, honestly. She's a fabulous girl, not that she wouldn't have been anyway. I'm just saying, like, it, it was, I didn't have a lot of motherly instinct that the second she was born and the minute I took a look at her, it was all over. It was love like I've never felt before in my life.
- [13:59]
A
Thank you so much, Terri. That's. I'm very touched by your story. I appreciate it. Thank you very much. Okay, let's go to Lily. Welcome to the program. Tell me your story.
- [14:13]
B
Hi, Dr. Laura. So I'm 44 now, and when I was 16, I got pregnant. I informed my boyfriend and he did not want me to keep the baby. I did not tell anybody else after that moment or talk about it to anybody until I was probably about four and a half months pregnant. And I told my mother. When I told my mother, the first words out of her mouth was that I would be getting an abortion. So a few weeks later, I found myself in the clinic on the abortion table, actually, where they did an ultrasound of the baby. And I was about 22 weeks pregnant at the time. So I really want to thank the laws for actually saving my child at that point because I was too far along to get an abortion. It was really hard. I have to have the people at the clinic tell my parents, my mother about it.
- [15:32]
A
And how did your mother respond?
- [15:38]
B
She didn't really talk to me much about it after that. She asked if I wanted to give it up for adoption. She pushed me for that for a little bit. I told her that I really wasn't sure. My boyfriend ended up moving multiple states away during my pregnancy. And so I felt very much alone in all of that. I ended up having the baby, however, when I was 17 and she is now 27. And just one of the best things I did was really, I don't know, I guess I can think about was silently fighting for her by not bringing it up and talking about it. And just, I guess, hiding it from people. But I was very happy with the fact that I had her. I could not imagine life without her.
- [16:49]
A
Lovely way to put it. And I thank you so much for that. Gonna take a break. Give us all some time to think about how cavalier we've become about life and death. I'll be right back. Dr. Laura's deep dive deep dive podcast deeper.
- [17:17]
B
Dr. Laura's deep dive Podcast Deep Dive.
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A
I'm talking to women. When you and your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse dealt with abort, don't abort. If you disagreed, how did you resolve it? So let's go on. Latoya, welcome to the program.
- [17:44]
B
Hi.
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A
What is your story?
- [17:45]
B
All right, first of all, I'm really nervous. It's not really a story. I talk about that often, so it always makes me uncomfortable. But something about this was very compelling for me to just call and kind of talk about it. So I was 22 years old. I had really bad hyperthyroidism, Graves disease. I had a really big goiter in my neck, bulging eyes, like all the things that high blood pressure from it. And my fiance at the time and I got pregnant. And funny thing about my OB GYN is she delivered me. So she's literally known me my whole life. Like a true family friend would come to family functions. So, you know, after about two months of saying, you know, I'm really worried about this, I had a high risk OB doctor. She came to me and said, we have a really hard decision to make. You know, I have been in this situation with other patients. We've had to pack the pregnant women down in labor with ice and, you know, there's a chance you may not make it. So I want you to really consider this because I don't want anything to happen to you. My fiance at the time did not want it. He was very upset. He cried several times begging me not to do it and said, let God work it out. We don't know what's going to happen. But deep down in me, something made me feel like I was terrified. I let fear lead me to that decision. I trusted her wholeheartedly. But I ultimately decided to have the abortion. It still haunts me every day. I still think about it often, the what ifs. He was truly supportive afterwards. Never held it over my head. The relationship ultimately ended after that, but, you know, mine was medically related and I just thought the risk was too big for me to go through with the pregnancy.
- [19:29]
A
Can totally understand and support that. Yeah, it's a life and death decision for you. That's totally different. So I appreciate that you were willing to share that. Many people will see it in a different light now. Thank you. Linda, what is your story?
- [19:48]
B
Yeah, hi, Dr. Laura. So a week before I got pregnant, I found out from a doctor that I would never be able to get pregnant or have a baby. So a week later, I was. And at the time, I was a third year law student about to graduate and take the bar. And I was very conflicted, needless to say. And my mom had a lot of fertility problems, had stillbirth, and she just had a lot of problems. So, long story short, I was on the fence. It was certainly nothing that I had contemplated, especially after the doctor had told me this is never going to happen for me. So I decided obviously to not have one. And I figured the best case scenario, obviously, other than having a beautiful child, would be that if I flunked the bar, I could blame it on being eight months pregnant and having to run to the bathroom every five minutes.
- [20:55]
A
So practical woman.
- [20:57]
B
I like that. Yeah. So luckily, I did not flunk the bar and it was obviously the best decision I ever made. And even though he was born with a congenital defect was fixable, it was challenging, but I can't imagine ever having a different kind of life. So, anyway, that's my story.
- [21:27]
A
Very good story. And thanks for the humor, of course. Getting humor in there. All right, Julia, welcome to the program.
- [21:37]
B
Thank you.
- [21:39]
A
Thank you.
- [21:42]
B
So my story, I have so much in common with some of these ladies. It's really. So I just had to call in. I was also told I wouldn't be able to get pregnant by a doctor. So imagine my surprise when I'm a senior in high school, I mean, college, about to graduate. I went to the doctor to get birth control pills. And they said, you're four and a half months pregnant.
- [22:05]
A
Oh, why did he know you couldn't get pregnant? What was that based on?
- [22:10]
B
Because I didn't get regular periods and I had polycystic ovarium.
- [22:16]
A
Oh, I see. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I get that.
- [22:19]
B
So a couple more twists to this. I had a boyfriend. I was in a relationship. He didn't even notice I was pregnant. But then we did the math, we figured out it was. I didn't even know who the dad was. I mean, that's another thing. But so my mother, of course, was furious. We drove around to multiple doctors to try to get an abortion. I was too far along. They said no. So then she pressured me to give the baby up for adoption. And I did. And I cried. Every day for years. Well, then he found me on Facebook somehow and we reunited and now we haven't. We've known about each other for 10 years and we visit each other regularly and I'm just so happy I wasn't able to get that abortion.
- [23:08]
A
Oh well, that is a happy ending story. I like those in schools and everywhere, people are taught that it's not a human being, it's not a baby, it feels no pain, it doesn't matter. And one of the ways this was created is we took away the word abortion and put choice. Who the hell is going to argue about choice? Choice is a sacred word. We want to have choice. I want to have choice. Now I'm going to tell you my flip. I was late in my 20s. Some students came to me. They were going to have abortions. They were legal. I was not giving advice, whatever. I didn't think much about it because since the 60s had heard this is all just peachy keen. So I'm on the air on K Wink in the San Fernando Valley and I'm reading. I mean I think it had 4 watts. You couldn't hear it unless you were standing in the other room. So there weren't a lot of calls. So I would talk about things and I was reading this piece from the New York Times and it was going on and on and on about the rights of women to abort, the rights of women to abort, the rights of women to abort, the rights of women to abort. And I'm live on air when I went, well, wait a minute, why are they getting pregnant if they don't want babies? We have all the technology to make sure that doesn't happen. In addition to not screwing around, that's number one, be responsible when and with whom you have sex. Number two, use protection. So I'm on air saying this is bogus. This is all about rights, rights, rights. After a woman is largely irresponsible and the baby can always be put up for adoption. So live on air I went this is absurd position to take. And that's because the word choice has been used. And even a brain as savvy and profound as mine was distracted by the change in terminology which whitewashed it. So I think it's important that you do talk to your kids about abortion. I believe it even trumps talking to them about drugs. Maybe let them listen to this deep dive, which I'll conclude with this email entitled I survived an abortion. Dear Dr. Laura, 32 years ago I suffered a near death experience. My mom and dad learned they were pregnant. It was an event they were not emotionally ready for, so they opted for an abortion. My mother had tears in her eyes as the procedure began. When her physician noticed her apprehensiveness, he decided to stop. He instructed her to sleep on it one night and come back again the next day. That night she lay awake, she changed her mind and my life was spared. I am now an accomplished 31 year old wife and mother. No one would argue today that I am a person. However, what about when I was hidden from sight, under the COVID of a womb at my weakest, unable to speak, unable to express my personhood? I was still a person. Whether or not my mom chose to recognize me, her daughter was there, growing and maturing inside of her. If my mother had exercised her so called right to choose that day, she would have had society's complete approval. I would be dead, a life lost and very few, if any, would care. So Dr. Laura, keep fighting the good fight to influence your callers to do the right thing, which is not always the most convenient thing. Signed Kate I will. And for the rest of you, please, please go do the right thing. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.