Deep Dive: Why Do Men Cheat?

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura's Deep Dive - "Why Do Men Cheat?"

Release Date: August 14, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Deep Dive: Why Do Men Cheat?" Dr. Laura Schlessinger tackles the sensitive and complex issue of infidelity in marriages. Acknowledging the profound impact that cheating can have on families, Dr. Laura invites men to share their personal experiences and motivations behind their actions. This episode aims to shed light on the underlying reasons men stray, offering insights that can foster understanding and potentially aid in repairing damaged relationships.

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Understanding the Motivation Behind Infidelity

Dr. Laura opens the discussion by emphasizing the importance of hearing directly from men who have cheated. She states,

“I think you'll find it enlightening. Why did you decide to fool around? … Help the many Marys out there who are just stunned and don't understand what happened. It's time for you to explain it to them.”
[01:59]

Her approach is non-judgmental, creating a safe space for men to openly discuss their reasons without fear of reprimand.

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Caller's Stories and Insights

1. Clark's Story: A Strained Marriage and Seeking an Escape

Clark, a long-term married man, shares his journey from a seemingly stable marriage to infidelity triggered by his wife's controlling and abusive behavior. He recounts:

“...she began to show signs of being exactly like her mother, ...she was pretty abusive as well.”
[03:52]

Clark explains that his affair was a culmination of prolonged dissatisfaction and lack of intimacy in his marriage. Despite recognizing the wrong in his actions, he contemplates whether his wife's deteriorating health influenced his decision to seek solace elsewhere.

2. Nick's Experience: Lack of Intimacy and Emotional Disconnect

Nick discusses his affair as a response to his wife's disinterest in sexual intimacy:

“Because she stopped giving me sex at all. Period. No attention.”
[07:22]

He admits to feeling neglected and turned to porn as a coping mechanism, expressing regret over missing the personal connection he once valued.

3. Tom's Journey: Battling ADD and Seeking Support

Tom attributes his cheating to unresolved personal issues stemming from Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD):

“...I was battling ADD ...no understanding of why I could not control or handle my emotions.”
[12:13]

His lack of emotional support and mismanagement of his condition led him to seek comfort outside his marriage. However, after recognizing the importance of a supportive partner and addressing his ADD, Tom found fulfillment in his current marriage.

4. Anthony's Confession: Seeking Attention and Feeling Unappreciated

Anthony recounts how excessive work and lack of appreciation led to his infidelity:

“...I was married at 22, and I caught her in bed with another guy when I was in the military.”
[17:22]

He openly discusses feeling undervalued and turning to a coworker for the attention he was missing at home, though he ultimately ended the affair to focus on his family.

5. Greg's Remorse: Haunted by Past Mistakes

Greg shares the lingering effects of his past affair, highlighting psychological struggles:

“...the dreams are still there ...soul ties are never broken.”
[40:07]

Dr. Laura advises Greg to communicate openly with his wife about these recurring dreams, emphasizing the importance of honesty in healing.

6. Gail and Paul's Perspectives: Unrealistic Expectations and Emotional Needs

Gail and Paul discuss how high expectations and unmet emotional needs can lead to infidelity. Gail reflects on her pursuit of constant romance, while Paul speaks about feeling emotionally neglected:

Gail: “...I had very, very high expectations ...I saw that as being the marriage that I always wanted.”
[44:12]

Paul: “...things changed once we start...I felt my needs weren't met.”
[47:14]

Their stories underline the significance of realistic marital expectations and the necessity of addressing emotional voids within the relationship.

7. Bud's Admission: Seeking Fun Amidst Marital Struggles

Bud candidly admits that his affair was driven by the pursuit of fun and excitement:

“...it was fun ...Nobody's talked about it. Really fun.”
[49:28]

Despite recognizing the pain it caused, Bud shares the internal conflict between seeking joy and upholding marital commitments.

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Dr. Laura's Insights and Recommendations

Throughout the episode, Dr. Laura emphasizes personal responsibility, the importance of communication, and the need for addressing underlying issues within the marriage. She highlights that infidelity often stems from emotional neglect, unmet needs, and personal struggles rather than mere temptation.

In her conclusion, Dr. Laura encourages listeners to consult her books, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands," which offer strategies to strengthen marital bonds and prevent such breakdowns.

“I wrote two books that I think would have helped some of these marriages. Maybe they can help yours.”
[53:01]

She also teases the next episode, which will explore the impact of parental infidelity on adult children, further delving into the ripple effects of cheating beyond the immediate partners.

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Conclusion

Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s "Deep Dive: Why Do Men Cheat?" provides a comprehensive exploration of the multifaceted reasons behind male infidelity. By presenting real-life accounts and combining them with expert analysis, the episode offers valuable insights for both men and women seeking to understand and navigate the complexities of marital fidelity. The open dialogue aims to foster empathy, promote accountability, and encourage proactive measures to sustain healthy, committed relationships.

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For more episodes and expert advice, visit DrLaura.com and consider becoming a family member to access exclusive content and support.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

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[Caller]

Laura's Deep Dive Podcast why would a.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Man risk losing his wife and his kids by having an affair? I devoted a whole hour of the Dr. Laura program talking to women who stayed with their husbands after discovering the husbands had been unfaithful. And that prompted this special segment with men calling in to talk about why they had jeopardized marriage and family for sex on the side. I think you'll find it enlightening. Why did you decide to fool around? Nobody's going to yell at you. We're not going to send you to your room without supper. But I think a lot of women out there would like to know why you make that choice. Just can't hold off when somebody's twerking in front of you. I mean, you know, is it deeper than that? Did your wife let you down? Whatever it is, I'm hoping that enough men will call in and explain. Just explain why you cheated and then what happened in the marriage. That's all. Nobody's going to challenge you, nobody's going to put you in your room without supper, okay? So give me a call. 1-800-375-2872. What was your motivation for cheating on your wife? Use a different name. If you don't, you know, use any name you want. I don't care. But come on. The ladies called. They opened up. It's your turn. Come on. Help. The many Marys out there who are just stunned and don't understand what happened. It's time for you to explain it to them. So basically explain to women why you fooled around. Okay, let's go to Clark. Welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hi, Dr. Laura. Huge fan here. Listen to you for years and years back in the old days, but yes, very much. Well, I'm, of course, I'm up there in age a little bit, but I've been married since I was 19, about 1980. Got married pretty young. It started out pretty good. I thought it was a great idea. I always wanted to be married and settle down. Even my teens. I wasn't much of a dating guy. But at any rate, as things went on, we had kids. She began to show signs of being exactly like her mother, like my dad warned me about, but I didn't listen. She's very controlling, very manipulative, and she got to where she was pretty abusive as well. And as time went on, this was going through 30 or 40 years with no cheating or anything like that. But she finally retired from work. She got to where she wouldn't bathe. I moved out of the bedroom because she was up all night playing on the iPad, calling names, throwing things. It just got worse and worse. And during that time, we had some friends of ours that we palled around with a little bit. And her husband passed away. And the lady and I had always been friends with everybody, with the four of us going around. And we hadn't touched base in a while with kids and all that. So we started talking because her husband was. Was about to pass away. So I met with him at the hospital and she and I started talking and we had just always clicked. And so we started to see more and more of each other. And I finally filed for divorce for my wife because I knew that I had a soft place, a safe place to land. I didn't want to do it initially, number one, because the kids were younger. They're older and out now. But I thought it was a really good time because I was when, when.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

The kids were up and out. Why didn't you dump her then? You had to wait for a Soft place to go.

[Caller]

Well, that was part of it. I'll be honest with you. She has all kinds of issues. Diabetes and high blood pressure and all that. I was waiting for nature to help me take the easy way out.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And you thought she'd die on you, and then.

[Caller]

Yeah. Well, did you. Did you ever see the movie Deadpool?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Yes.

[Caller]

Okay, this is apparently her blood makeup, because she's got everything in the world. She's had strokes. She's had all these things.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay, let's leave that. Let's leave that alone. I just. Just leave that alone, okay? You didn't. Because she had strokes was not your problem. She didn't take care of herself and she obviously had some mental problems, but. All right, I do appreciate that input. You didn't want to mess up the family dynamic. You felt some guilt, but then you found a soft place. Nick. Welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hey, Dr. Laura. How are you doing today?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Good. So tell me about fooling around on your wife. Tell me.

[Caller]

Well, it was quite a few years ago. I. I fooled around on my wife and it's. And the situation hasn't changed since then. And I'm still with my wife. She has. She still doesn't know anything about it. So.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Nick, the question for today is, why did you fool around on your wife?

[Caller]

Because she stopped giving me sex at all. Period. No attention.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And when. And when you talked about it, getting help for it, what happened?

[Caller]

Well, you know, she just says that she's not interested. She loves. She wants us to be. She's just not interested. Not interested. You know, you know, got kids and stuff. And I. I just couldn't leave the relationship because I. I was a product of divorce. And I just. I told myself when I got married that I wouldn't. I wouldn't do that to my wife, you know, and to my kids.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

So tell me about getting some action on the side. How did that come about?

[Caller]

Ex girlfriend showed up, started showing me interest, and the next thing you know, she was at the house and we had moved and my wife wasn't around at the time. And, and, and it just. It was the opportunity that presented itself and it happened and did.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Was this a long term affair?

[Caller]

No. No, it was not. It was a weekend.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay. And then what happened in your marriage after that?

[Caller]

Well, as far as that goes, marriage is still there. I. I provide very well for the family. And, and, And I'm. I'm still. I'm still in it. And we're. We're, you know, we just kind of deal with it. I don't know how, I don't know how else to put about it. We just, I deal with not having sex.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And how do you deal with that? Do you use porn to masturbate? Prostitutes?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

What do you do?

[Caller]

That's exactly, that's exactly what I do. I use porn and masturbate. That's it.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Does she know that?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And does she comment on it?

[Caller]

No, she does not. She's a very, very private person. Won't say nothing about it at all. And I, I, I don't like that that's what I have to do because I, I miss the, I miss the personal touch.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And Are all the children grown up and out?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

So what's keeping you there now, do you think?

[Caller]

I think it's the disappointment that my children would have if I did divorce my wife.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

So do you think you'll have another affair? If the situation presents itself.

[Caller]

Very, very possible that, yes, I would if, if it would present itself. But, but I, I, I, I know that I've had a few that's presented itself, but I have, I have restrained from, from, you know, following through.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And the, the reason you've not followed through is what.

[Caller]

I, I believe what, what I consider being faithful to my wife, even though I have teased it on her once, is, is just something that I, I, I value.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Got it. Even though she is cut off all intimacy.

[Caller]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Thank you, Nick. I appreciate very much you sharing that with us. Okay, guys, we have a few lines open. I want more of you men please to call and explain why you had an affair. Women need to know this. Are a lot of women just letting their men down? Is it just that it's exciting even though the marriage is wonderful, whatever it is, give me a call. Women need to hear this. Perhaps so they can be more understanding and do better as wives. Perhaps. Tom, welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hi, Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Hi. So tell me why you cheated.

[Caller]

Well, I was, I'm 62 now. I was in my mid-20s and I was married to a woman that I was madly in love with. But when I was, as I was growing up, I was battling ADD long before that was even a term and had no understanding of why I could not control or handle my emotions, even though I tried everything. And basically there was a situation had come up and I ended up stuck in a snowstorm with my wife and eight other were snowed in for about two weeks and all they did was bash men for two weeks and my wife was part of it.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Whoa.

[Caller]

And then the final straw came when I overheard her making Excuses for me when I was in a business deal and there was just no support there. I. I felt like I was a little kid, that she was making excuses and that kind of. That cemented that. And then I was married again in my 30s and kind of the same thing, dealing with it, having problems. I was doing a master's and ended up getting thrown out of the masters and had to go down to Arizona. And again, it was just no support. She didn't want to go there. She was more involved in the church and just nothing. No support at all. Or my dreams or my goals or my ambition.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Are you married now?

[Caller]

Yes, I am. I've been married for 16 years.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And is this woman a better wife than you have selected in the past?

[Caller]

By far. She's always in my corner, even when I'm wrong, and she will point that out, but not in front of everybody else. And when I was in my late 30s and in Arizona, I managed to. To get into a program where they were just beginning to study ADD and the effects and learned a great deal about myself. And when I met my wife, there was a book called Driven to Distraction. And we had been dating about three weeks. And I handed it to her and I said, here, this is my owner's manual. And then, you know, she went home and she read it. And within a couple of weeks, she actually started implementing some of the techniques they used in that book. And she has been amazing. She has saved my life. And I couldn't be happier.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Well, I know you were older and more mature, which would explain taking more care and picking a wife. What do you think had you. What do you think propelled you to pick the wrong woman twice?

[Caller]

It was more insecurities, scared, being alone, knowing that whatever I did, however I tried to act or to learn, I just had a different way of doing things. And the majority of people around me never understood what ADD was. And I didn't at that time either, really. And I had a really difficult time controlling my emotions. And that was the most difficult thing. And so when you have all these people against you, you find one girl that happens to like you and wants to get married, then you. I just jumped at it.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I see. Well, thank you for being so open, Tom, and continue to have a wonderful marriage.

[Caller]

You bet. I sure will. Thank you. Bye, doctor.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Thank you. Bye. Bye, Anthony, welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hello, Dr. Laurie.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Hi, Anthony. So why did you cheat?

[Caller]

When I was. I. I cheated twice when I was younger. I was married about 22 years old. I was married at 22, and I caught. I caught her in bed with another guy when I was in the military. Got the military, came home, caught her in bed with another guy. So I, you know, did payback, which is wrong. I know it was wrong, but, you know, just felt like I had something I had to do. And then my most recent adultery is my. Was my current wife. Right now I work, I have two jobs. All I do is work, you know, come home, I gotta cook my own food. And it's not getting like the attention and not really appreciate it. And, you know, it was the coworker, next co worker. You know, we got them talking and felt like she was giving me the attention that I was looking for. And one thing led to another and, you know, I end up. End up sleeping with each other, which is also wrong. But there's no, there's no justification on doing it, you know, and just. I did feel bad, but it was just something I guess I was missing in my marriage.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And Are you still in that marriage and that affair right now?

[Caller]

I'm in the marriage, but not in the affair.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And what happened to the affair?

[Caller]

I cut it off. You know, I just felt it wasn't right. And me and my wife do have two kids together and I'm trying to, you know, do right by my kids and kind of raise them with.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

What kind of a mother is she? No cooking, no doing stuff. I don't know if she works outside the home, but how is she as a mother to your children?

[Caller]

I guess, I guess you want to say, I guess a bad, you know, doing things that she should be doing around the house. And I gotta come, come behind and do things after I get off of work and, you know, do things with the kids and do that, you know, I don't just feel like I'm stuck.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I understand. All right, Anthony, I appreciate you telling us your story. Thank you very much. Have to take a little break here. Gives you some time to think about how you imagined you'd be as a husband or wife and what you actually became. Oh, I'll be right back. Dr. Laura's deep dive podcast. Life doesn't have to be so complicated. Walmart helps you simplify. They're your one stop shop for daily essentials like groceries, snacks, school supplies. And thanks to Walmart Pharmacy, you can count on them for your prescription needs too. Use the Walmart app to easily manage your family's medications and save time by getting prescriptions delivered right to your door. Switch your prescriptions to Walmart Pharmacy delivery not available for all prescriptions and exclusions apply. Did you know that skin care can start in the laundry room? The Dr. Laura program is happy to be partnering with our sponsor All Free Clear Laundry Detergent. My peeps with kids are especially thrilled to to use it because it's 100% free of dyes and perfumes. All Free Clear is the number one laundry detergent brand recommended for sensitive skin by pediatricians, dermatologists and allergists. For a clean you can feel good about, all you need is All Free Clear. If you could hear love, what would it sound like? Son, can we talk about your drinking?

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Yeah Dad, I think we should helping.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

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[Caller]

Deeper Deep Dive podcast.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

All right, in this hour, we're having men call and explain why they had an affair. So you women need to listen a lot to learn here today. Okay? Wayne, welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hello, Dr. Why did you cheat on your wife? Well, I have to say I hope this, a lot of men get listen to this and also women to hope to hopefully save their marriages. And you know, when my wife and I got married, first of all, we came into a lot of baggage into our marriage, which was the wrong thing to do. And my, you know, and I, and I don't blame my wife for everything, but when we, when you get married, it's, you know, a husband and wife should put 100 into each into their marriage. And you're married to your wife and your married, your wife is married to her husband. But I felt my, my wife was, I was married to her family and everything was about her family and the feelings of her family and they were running our marriage. And, and then, then the, the part where the, the affection, the love, there was things that went on with the baggage of before, which, you know, you don't, if you don't have the, you got to have some intimacy in your marriage. Well, I was all for, you know, some intimacy, but she wasn't in for any of it. She just didn't have the feeling for it. She didn't. And did she tell you before you.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Were married that she was not interested in sex?

[Caller]

No.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Did you fool around with her before you got married, sir?

[Caller]

Well, you know, we, we, we had, we, we did a couple of times. And then she is, like I said, you know, I said, if you want to wait until you know, we're married after because something, for some reason something was right. And I said, I'll wait. And then after, after we get married, even then, after, it's like she, she didn't want no part of it. And I think there was things in her past that, that brought in.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

So what kept you?

[Caller]

We did, you know, every once in.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

A while, sir, what kept you from walking away as soon as you found out it was bait and switch, that she had no intention of being sexual with you. How come you didn't leave?

[Caller]

I think because I did love her for everything else that she was, she was about and she was, for the baggage.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

What did you love her for? What was lovable about her? I'm just curious.

[Caller]

I mean, just, she was, she was, she was probably one of the most loving, caring people that I've ever met on the face of the surf towards her, towards her mother and family. And, you know, she showed me a lot of attention and you know, and I, I put up with it for a few years. And I told her, I said, you know, we, we gotta go to counseling. And, and we, by that time we had already had, we did have a child. Just, I was like, you know, there's something got to change. We, and you know, she didn't want to go to counseling. Well, a lady was, A lady approached me and she showed me, she came and I, and I accepted her affection. Another person. And you know, it was like as long as I was getting it, I, you know, that affection I needed. I was fine. Well, you know, she was married. Her husband told my, my wife and everything. And my wife was finally said, oh, I'll go to counseling. I'll do whatever. And I said, but you got to also realize I'm not married to your family. I'm married to you. And we can't let our, your family run our marriage. It's our marriage. It's a, it's a bond that we have together. And, you know, it took a while. We went to several councils, but we did find one lady, God bless her, God rest us all. And within five, 10 minutes before, when we walked into her, her office and the first thing that she said, it's not all your fault. It's not all your fault. And she went over there, she said, you guys carried a lot of baggage into the America your marriage and you let other people, you know, run your marriage. And we did a lot of, lot of counseling and so we, we did what she did. Does my wife still have a problem? Yes, but I don't. The fact that she did what she could do and she's tried and even medical issues. I'm happy to say that we've been married over, over 40 years now. And it's. Marriage is not just the sex marriages. You know, there's a whole bunch of other things to go with it. And like that other, the other lady I heard earlier. No, we decided that we're going to put all our, are all into our marriage because of our, our sons. And that's, that's what we do. And so we've learned and we accepted each other, but we live for each other now. We, that's, we don't, we don't let other people run our marriage. And that was a big part.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Yeah.

[Caller]

And I do, I do love her. She is. When I say she's my angel. She's my angel.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

That's very sweet, Wayne. Thank you so much for your call. Wow. Bill, welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Thank you. Dr. Laura, how are you?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Good. And so why did you cheat?

[Caller]

So whereas you grow in a relationship and it gets a little further on into the marriage and you have kids and things, and you're trying to work, make sure that your wife can stay at home and do that with the kids. But as the kids get older, they still need mom at home, but mom gets bored during the day, so mom takes on some other hobbies and gets some things that are, I don't know, become attractive to her from other people and attention and things like that. And then it's always hard when you're having a kids and family and pulling in a bunch of different directions. But then if her heart's not in it completely with the husband, then things start to get a little bit awry. You can see the distance, you can feel the distance. And even though you ask and you talk and you question, it's. It now becomes tutorial or it becomes something else. Then really all you want is to fix the gap now that you never had before. And then take that time where someone else has a sympathetic ear or cyber glance or things where they start to actually treat you like the person that you feel like you should be treated like because you're working 60 hours a week, you're doing the training with the kids with sports, etc. And taking here, taking there, trying to take time off the mom from momming all day and, you know, try to spend that time between getting out of work and going to bed with kids and. And all that, you feel that distance and it starts to permeate and. And start to get some. Someone that starts to take over and. And make you feel like the man you were, make you feel like you're appreciated, make you feel like you have worth in the world. And when you try to get the same thing from your wife, you don't get that. It starts to become very weighing on your soul and things can happen and I'm not.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

What happened after your affair? Did she find out about it?

[Caller]

No. No. Nope. Just. That was not my style. It happened, but there was. It ended. You know, I. It's just not. I suppose it could have grown to something else, but that's not the right thing. So even though I made a grave mistake, I did the best I could to rectify it, but years later, I understand that even though it was a mistake, I've allowed myself a little bit of grace in that way. Things went down and the timing and what I needed in my life was absolutely not being provided by the woman that should be providing it. And it was.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Did you. Were you able to make her aware of what you needed?

[Caller]

Not very well, no.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Is that because you found that she wouldn't listen or was just too uncomfortable to say it?

[Caller]

Wouldn't listen. Things got twisted and turned around all the time.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Yeah. Okay.

[Caller]

To try to make a point. It just became a fight and it became easier not to fight.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

So are you still married to her today?

[Caller]

I am.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And you haven't divorced Because.

[Caller]

I can't tell you the answer to that question very well.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Why is that?

[Caller]

Well, I guess growing up in the. Not to blame. Put blame on other people or parents or stuff. I saw and had been the product of divorce and moving and things going weird. 13 schools to graduate through 12 grades of kindergarten to high school. You know, it brings its own problems, and I would never do that to my kids.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I appreciate that, Bill. Thank you very much. I think that for most people, the not leaving was for the kids. I have to take a break. Time for you to consider some advice you'd give to your adult children from what you've learned. Hmm. I'll be right back. Dr. Laura's deep dive Deep Dive podcast.

[Caller]

Deeper.

[Babs]

When life brings the blah. Add more Yabba dabba doo with some tasty fruity Pebbles. Early morning meeting. Blah. Someone brought the Pebbles. Yabba dabba doo. Run errands. Blah. Head to the store for Pebbles. Yabba dabba doo. Fruity Pebbles. Less blah, More Yabba dabba doo. Pick up pebble cereal today. Yabba dabba doo and the Flintstones and all related characters and elements Copyright and trademark Hanna Barbera. I'm Dr. Sarah Rahal, the founder and CEO of Armra. I developed armor Colostrum because I know your body was designed to thrive. It's your natural state, your birthright, and you can reclaim it. Colostrum is the first nutrition we receive in life with every essential nutrient our bodies need. It's nature's original blueprint for health. After a devastating health crisis almost took my life, I made it my mission to harness this power. Using proprietary technology, AMRA captures over 400 bioactive nutrients in every scoop, delivering over 1000 benefits that transform your health at its foundation. Whether for gut health, metabolism, skin, skin, hair, immunity, mood, energy, fitness, or recovery, I invite you to join this collective revival of health and discover radical transformation for yourself. Visit armour.com that's a r m r a dot com and enter code health30 for 30% off your first subscription order. This statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Hi, we're Emoji Health, your long term weight loss solution. We'll connect you with a board certified provider to discuss your unique goals. Eligible patients can Access custom formulated GLP1 medications at an affordable fixed price delivered.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

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[Caller]

Dr. Laura's deep dive Podcast Deep Dive.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Greg welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hello Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Hi Greg. Why did you cheat?

[Caller]

Well, I'm 63, been married 35 years. My affair happened about 32 years ago.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Right at the beginning.

[Caller]

Quadratically and yes so I was in a job and my job transferred me to another state and she did not want to go so I went and I went ahead and went begged her to come down. She would come down and visit but just wasn't quite the same having her close next to me so and separation it was a young lady from work and she's made herself available and I had an affair with about a six month affair in the meantime when, when the wife came down moved down there I ended it and oh, what made.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Her change her mind and come be with you?

[Caller]

The house wanted think she knew something was going on so when she did come down, when she did come down I came clean and, and told her everything but, but like I'm paying the price now it sounds really weird but I still have dreams. They're most nightmares of this woman still occurring stalking so it just, it's something I wish I wouldn't have done. But it happened. But I'm paying the price today. Even, even still when you say you're.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Having dreams or nightmares, tell me what's the content? What's the content of the dream?

[Caller]

The woman, the woman showing up and trying to get back in contact. In contact meetings with my wife and things. And these are, these are all dreams and I, I just, I, I just can't believe I'm still having those. I don't think of her at all except when those dreams occur. I mean I, I stop, I've stopped thinking about her many, many, many years ago but this dream. The dreams are still. The dream is still there. I asked my dad about it. I asked my dad about it, and he said, well, you had an affair after you taking the vow, so you created a soul tie. He said, soul ties are never broken. And so that's why I'm. Yeah, that's what I. Still battling with today. I still.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Well, the dream is. But the dream is she wants you back.

[Caller]

Yes, she's.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Why do you think the content of the dream is she wants you back. It's testing you. You're testing yourself.

[Caller]

It seems. It seems so obvious. But I've. In my mind, in my wife's mind, I have passed the test.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Not in your mind. No, no, no, no, no. In your mind. You haven't yet, have you? You've told your wife of this dream.

[Caller]

I have not. I have not told her dream. She knew. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay. I'm going to make a recommendation and tell you why I'm making it.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

You don't have to do it, of course, but I'm making the recommendation because I believe it'll help you tell her the content of the dream and you say it's the same one over and over and over again. It isn't every day. But it keeps happening that she wants me back. Now, obviously, if she keeps coming back to get me back, I must be saying no because I love you.

[Caller]

Oh, man. Yes. I didn't think about that. That is so true. Because I was afraid if I told her what she might think of me.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

But you're telling her what to think. But you're telling her what to think. So let me go over it again. I have this. I talked to Dr. Laura Schlesinger, and she said to tell you that I have a recurrent dream. Not every day, but I have a recurrent dream where this woman keeps coming back to get me back. And Dr. Laura said the reason I have this dream is because I keep saying no, and she just won't give up. But I keep saying no because I love you. Again and again.

[Caller]

That's the ticket. That is it. That is it. Oh, my gosh. Never. Dot. Yes. Perfect. I will do that. I will. I will do that Tonight when she gets home. I will do that.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay. Get back to me if you'd like. Tell me what went down. Gail, welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hello, Dr. Laura. So nice to speak with you.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Thank you. Why did you cheat?

[Caller]

I think I really had very, very high expectations and I really wanted more. And one of the things I think I saw was a model of Perfect parents, lots and lots of romance till the day they both died. And I think I saw that as being the marriage that I always wanted.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Where did you, where did you see that perfect marriage? In a movie or your parents?

[Caller]

My parents.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Well, then it's not a fantasy, it's a reality.

[Caller]

Yeah. And I wanted that reality. And it didn't happen. So along the way, found an escape, I think, to fulfill those needs of what I thought were the things that I needed to be happy.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

The constant feeling of romance.

[Caller]

Yes. And the last time around this happened, I am sure. And I. It took me a. It took me a while to get over it. It was the worst case of limerence you've ever seen. And I got out of that cold turkey and I had to do it because it was just ruining my life. And the main thing that I think really got me back on track was my relationship besides with my wife, with my kids. Because it was a couple of years that they took to forgive me for all my misdeeds. And that was worth everything. I wanted to be that final, you know, the goal was. What did they remember their dad for? Well, you know, he wasn't so perfect, but he worked through things and these are his priorities.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

So you thought about the next generation and how you were impacting now. When you dated your then wife, did you not notice she wasn't very romantic?

[Caller]

I was just thinking about that. You know, I noticed that. But you know, it just never did change. Maybe, you know, people don't change a whole lot, I don't think.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Well, why didn't you, why didn't you seek out a woman who was romantic?

[Caller]

Well, I did. That's. That's. Hence, that's where the cheating. That's where the cheating started.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

No, no, no, no, no. I mean to find a wife.

[Caller]

Oh, I don't know. I don't know.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

That's a very helpful answer. Let you go on that one.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

All right, Paul, welcome. Why did you cheat?

[Caller]

Hi, Dr. Laura. Hi. Honestly, I cheated. 80% was physical and about 20% was emotional needs and.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay, why did you have. Why did you have physical needs? You were married.

[Caller]

Yeah, well, things changed once we start. We had our children, we had three boys and she put a lot of. Well, we both put a lot of time into our children. And I, I don't want to use the word neglect, but that's the only word that comes to mind. And I, you know, I love my boys, but a lot of the times was spent mostly with my boys and my needs. I kind of felt Wasn't met. And even having conversations when you tried.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

To seduce your wife, what would happen?

[Caller]

It just wasn't the same.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I don't know what the same means.

[Caller]

It wasn't like it was when we first got together or when we got married. And.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Of course not. That's. The newness is very exciting. So when you tried to seduce her after you had kids, was she interested?

[Caller]

I'm going to say, 75% of the time she wasn't.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Oh, okay. What did she say? She was tired, had a headache, or didn't feel like it, or what?

[Caller]

All of the above. Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay.

[Caller]

And this. This, actually, this month will be still married 30 years. And that's another phone call. I'll give you a call back later and we'll discuss that.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

That'll be another hour. We'll do that.

[Caller]

But, yeah, it was. It was. It was physical.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

So after the kids. Are the kids all up and out now? Are they adults?

[Caller]

They should be, but they still hang around. Dr. Lord. They come back.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Thank you so much. Okay. All right, let's finish up with Bud. All right. Bud, why did you cheat?

[Caller]

Well, you know, one. Because it was fun. You know, nobody's talked about it.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

No.

[Caller]

Really Fun. And then it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. It is so painful when you break up, you know, and. And we were both married, and she. She showed interest in me kind of first, and. But I'm not saying I didn't play right along. And it was wonderful.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Wait, so we're talking about the hussy with whom you had the affair? It was very exciting. Breaking up with the other woman was painful, Is that what you meant?

[Caller]

Oh, goodness, yes. We. Because, you know, we. We kind of not only gotten away with it, but I, you know, it could have been. Been for a while, and. And it just worked out like she would take trips and I could figure out a way to go, you know, because I, you know, I. I was in politics, so that makes it worse. And she just, you know, it just worked out. She was, you know, she was financed. She was married to this kind of old guy that.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I know that's very interesting, but. So you were fooling around on your wife only because it was fun?

[Caller]

Well, yeah. I mean, I didn't know it would be fun. You know, there. There's.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay, sir, you just felt. I don't want to hear any jokes. I want to know you're married and you decide that it may be fun in spite of the fact that it would hurt your wife. So you got to tell me why you were willing to risk your marriage.

[Caller]

Well, I mean, everybody's going to say, well, my wife wasn't paying attention.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I don't care what everybody is going to say. I want you to tell me. Come on, you sound like a politician.

[Caller]

My, my wife, My idea of foreplay with my wife was 20 minutes of begging and she just was not interested in. And I had to go to her and say, hey, you know, what about tonight? And then, you know, you know, it was kind of like who was on Dancing with the Stars? She just wasn't interested. And this situation came up. It made me feel very, very important. I thought, boy, you know, I'm. I'm loved again. And. And she really chased me and it was just fun for a while. And then when it wasn't fun, it was the worst because I couldn't. Yeah, well, I couldn't go to her. And when she broke it off, you know, I really couldn't do much about it.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

You couldn't go to your wife and say, I'm all upset. Can we talk? Well, thank you very much. Oh my God. That was hilarious. Well, ladies, there you have it, straight from the horses mouths. I'm grateful that so many men called in to open up about a topic that is embarrassing. In order to give us all some insight into what contributed to these infidelities, I wrote two books that I think would have helped some of these marriages. Maybe they can help yours. The first, the Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage is one. And the other, the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands that was the Inspiration for Marriage 101, my six lesson online course. You can find the details of [e-mail] tune in for next week's continuation of the topic of cheating when adult children call in to discuss how their parents infidelity affected them and their families. Until then, go do the right thing. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen. Listen to my podcast, of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

[Babs]

When life brings the blah add more yabba dabba doo with some tasty fruity pebbles. Early morning meeting, blah, someone brought the Pebbles. Yabba dabba doo. Run errands, blah blah. Head to the store for Pebbles Yabba dabba doo Fruity Pebbles, Les blah more yabba dabba doo Pick up pebble cereal today Yabba dabba Doo and the Flintstones and all related characters and elements copyright and trademark Hanna Barber.