
How would your baby rate your job performance if she could? Of all the things we can give our children, attention is what they most need and want. Children deserve to be put first. They are not supposed to be fit in around their mommy’s and daddy’s more important schedules. Call 1-800-DR-LAURA / 1-800-375-2872 or make an appointment at DrLaura.com
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Dr. Laura
Of Dr. Laura's Deep Dive in your favorite podcast app. Search for Dr. Laura's Deep Dive podcast podcast and follow my deep dive today. Dr. Laura's deep dive deep dive Dr.
Laura's deep dive podcast how would your.
Baby rate your job performance if she could? My listener Kim sent me this thought provoking email about parenting. She wrote, when talking to women about leaving children to return to work, most comments are from a mother's perspective. I kept thinking, well, what about the child's perspective? So I did a job performance review and evaluation as though it were from the baby. And here it goes. Attendance out of a 14 hour workday, the hours I'm awake, you are someplace else for nine hours. That leaves precious little time for me and the job I hired you to do before I have to go to bed. Attitude. In the mornings, you are in a rush and don't have time to cuddle or play. My breakfast is usually simple and hurried. In the evenings, when you are actually here on the job, you're tired from whatever you did before you picked me up and you are often preoccupied with other things when we're together. I need a mom who's focused and has a good attitude. I need smiles and cuddles and warmth and lots of leisurely time with you. Achievement. I am depending on you to help my brain grow and develop. Since you're not with me, others who have different ideas and values from you fill in the gap. The person I spend most of my time with and learn from should be my mommy. But sadly you're not here to do it. Overall performance, you are failing in the job of being my mother. You may have hired the best nanny or taken me to the best daycare, but being my mom is your job. Most of how I will be for the rest of my life will be built in the first five years. I want you with me for my waking hours, which are so very important for how I will live and enjoy the rest of my life. Your boss would have no choice but to give you a below average review if you were absent from your job for most of the workday. You can't be proficient at anything if you're not physically There doing it, including mothering. Your job as a mom is to nurture and to love and to pay attention to your kids. It's especially important for you to be there in the first three to five years of their lives as their brains are laying down synapses and they start to understand the world. If you're not there to do it, the whole concept of mothering is frankly out the door. There was a time when hiring employees to take care of children was a choice of the elite who frankly didn't want to be bothered with mothering, or the struggling parent who needed to work in order to survive. These days and for many decades now, families often make the choice to have both parents work. When I took this call from Andrea, she was overwhelmed and unhappily working full time to save money for a dream home. Andrea, welcome to the program.
Andrea
Good morning, Dr. Laura. Thank you so much for taking my call this morning.
Dr. Laura
You're welcome.
Andrea
I've been a long time listener. However, I have had some changes in the last five, six years with my routine and so I am forced to unfortunately haven't had the opportunity to listen to your advice and recently stumbled again upon your channel and I was like, oh, I could really use some guidance right now. So thank you again.
Dr. Laura
We also have podcasts, so you could listen to calls whenever.
Andrea
Yeah, that's a good reminder. I need to keep that handy.
Dr. Laura
Okay, what can I help you with?
Andrea
Thank you. Well, you know, in the last five years, I became a mom. I'm 39 years old and at the time I had a job that provided me a lot of flexibility. I was home half the time, I was making decent living, etc. Unfortunately, my job had some changes where I was displaced. For 10 months I was at home with my 5 year old and my 3 year old and I gotta say, they were the best 10 months of my life. I was finally super hands on with them. I didn't have an email to take me away from being present with them. However, in December of last year, I was looking at openings and I just applied thinking nothing's going to come of it. Long story short, and we at the time too, my husband and I, were motivated to try to buy a home to get ourselves settled into the new city that we had just. We had recently moved from Texas to California and.
Dr. Laura
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh my God. How much do I have to scream to get you to stop? You tell me that concerned about finances, you moved to California. What are you both smoking some funny dope in Texas?
Andrea
No, the timing we were struck with. Not some great timing. We got transferred over. My husband's job moved us to California before I was no longer.
Dr. Laura
No, he accepted a job to move to California where whatever he was paid with our tax rate here, he made less. Probably take home. I can't believe anybody moved to California.
Andrea
Okay, well, we're from California, so we have lots of family and friends. And this is the lifestyle that being in Texas, that was no way of living. I know, but we are happier here. That's no question about.
Dr. Laura
Okay, well, then don't complain about the money. And you're not. I was going to say it, but I won't. I'll let you say it. Go ahead.
Andrea
So last year, as I said, I got a job. However, it's a role that does not provide a lot of work life balance. I am in an office five days a week. And so we're at a position now where really trying to decide, do I continue to work until we can.
Dr. Laura
No, of course not. You're a mother. Of course not. I mean, I don't even understand why this is even a thought. Do you really think that anybody can substitute for the love and responsiveness and attention and warmth of a mother? And do you think that at the age of your children, that doesn't matter. Their brains are still developing. Their brains are not done. So all the laying down of new synapses, et cetera, and the learning is happening in a context. And if the context isn't somebody who would die for them, how do you think their brain turns out differently? Seriously, doesn't anybody study this stuff? They just talk about jobs. Yeah, you're needed and you can't be replaced. You can be replaced 5 minutes ago in any job you take.
Andrea
True. It's true. It's true. And I get mixed up thinking, okay, we want to provide that forever home for our family. But again, your kids don't care.
Dr. Laura
I agree with what their address is. Your kids don't care about their address. They don't care if it's a house, a condo, a. A rented guest cottage. They don't care.
Andrea
Thank you.
Dr. Laura
Why do adults think kids care? They don't. They want love and attention and warmth and support and fun.
Andrea
Yeah. Being present.
Listener
Yes.
Andrea
And they grow up extremely fast in 5 years. I can't believe I already have a 5 year old.
Dr. Laura
When you used to listen to the show, what percentage of people. This is rhetorical. Don't answer it. What percentage of people blamed their current state of mind on their early childhood? That's how important it is.
Andrea
Yeah, that's a good point. Good reminder.
Dr. Laura
I mean, if you were your kid's age, do you want to be raised by a nanny, a daycare, a babysitter, or you as a Mommy?
Andrea
Yeah, me, 100%.
Dr. Laura
Well, there you are then. There is no thought here. You married a man. His job is to provide and protect. Let him do it.
Andrea
Mm. And he was extremely supportive on the one that I'm like, well, let me get that house first. But time is ticking, so.
Dr. Laura
Yes. And you can't get it back, et cetera.
Andrea
I can wait. You can't get back. I cannot get back.
Dr. Laura
None of it. And there's a price to pay. When I first started in radio and I was on late at night on Where Was I? Kfi, I was on late at night and I got a call from her mother. It was like 11 o' clock at night, all upset that she works full time. And the little baby dash toddler somewhere in that was calling the nanny mom. And I said, because she's performing the job, you're not. You made a choice.
Andrea
It's something that. It hasn't felt right since I've been back at work and everything's just been temporary, but now it's just making that decision to let go of this role because I got to keep my priorities. And I don't want to have regrets in 15 years thinking I was in the office. I didn't raise my kids for what. So thank you.
Dr. Laura
You're welcome. I appreciate that you called. Excuse me, I have to take a break. My baby needs mommy's love. I'll be right back.
Dr. Laura's deep dive podcast.
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Dr. Laura
Dr. Laura's much deeper Deep Dive podcast.
Children deserve to be put first. They are not supported to be fit around their mommies and daddy's more important schedules. And as I said to Andrea, your kids don't care about the dream home. They care about being with their loving mommy. And they desperately need you in those early formative years. It is wonderful when I hear from young women who seem to actually be putting thought and planning into their marriage and motherhood. When I spoke with Megan, she had just started a new job and was wondering if she should wait to get pregnant. Our conversation is the message I wish all women could hear before they take on the job of mommy.
Megan
Megan, welcome to the program.
Angela
Hi, how are you?
Megan
Good, thank you. What's it good?
Angela
I just had a question. I'm recently married. It's been a year now.
Dr. Laura
Congratulations.
Angela
Thank you. My husband and I are both 30 years old and we're ready for a family. But I recently I've worked at the same place of employment for six years and recently just got a new job closer to home within the last two months. So I just wanted to know if there was an appropriate time to wait before becoming pregnant when starting a new career. New job. It's the same career.
Andrea
Sorry.
Megan
Well, let me just ask you what turns out to be a delicate question these days.
Angela
I know.
Megan
Are you going to raise this child yourself? Are you going to institutionalize it in daycare?
Angela
I plan on. That's a good question. I would like to do it myself. Yes.
Megan
I want to know what your plan is. Do you plan to be there and nurture and love your child yourself or do you plan to hand this nascent human being over to hired help? I Just want to know. I need to know that.
Andrea
It would.
Angela
Be a grandparent that when I.
Megan
The answer to your question is have your tubes tied.
Angela
Okay, thank you very much.
Megan
I just want to understand something because you ladies at your age, I don't get you. Why do you think you can be replaced as a mother, but you get pissy if your husband's screw some other woman? No, really, think about it. You think an innocent newborn child can be held and loved by anybody or not paid that much attention to in daycare, what have you. But. But if your husband wants to screw some other broad there, you think you're unreplaceable. Why?
Angela
I think that's a good point.
Megan
So the answer to your question is tie your tubes. If you don't actually want to be a mother, any animal can drop offspring. I'd like you to be more than that. I'd like you to actually be a mother because your child benefits. Ask any third grade teacher if they can tell if the baby was raised by a mom or not.
Dr. Laura
Now let me add something else, okay?
Megan
Unless you're a piece of crap as a mother, in which case we got to get the kid away from you. So that is my one caveat. Yes, but why would you want to turn your baby over to anybody?
Angela
I would never want to do that. It would just be a financial thing. And I know what you're going to say to that.
Megan
Then you don't have a baby if you can't parent it, right? So the answer is if you married a man who can't support you, or if you have chosen a lifestyle that he can't support you, then you have to think about changing your lifestyle dramatically so you can actually be a mother. Because that little child, from the day it's born, remembers your voice, your feel, your smell, everything. And the feedback from you sets the whole. Because you know, you have to understand a baby is born with its brain not being finished, which is why it can't sit up and play cards, right? So the brain cells are connecting and they connect in a context and the context is their environment. Their environment is who's loving them, who's holding them, who's making faces at them, who's giggling with them, who's flipping them around. All of that helps the baby feel secure, safe, loved, and sets them up for the rest of their lives in being able to have healthy relationships. How many people do you know who have healthy relationship at all? You probably don't know many people who have healthy marital relationships because in your generation you were not brought up mostly by mothers, coherent mom and dad families. And it shows because you guys and gals don't know how to be married. So you have to think that the feminist movement that told you every day in subtle ways that you were wasted as a mother and the only real meaning and power you have is as a worker bee or a worker ant. And you shouldn't rely on a man destroyed your potential kid's ability to have all from you that he or she needs. So you need to fight against the subtle stuff that you have been brainwashed with and realize that you can't be replaced as a mother. You can't. Nobody can do it like you can because there's something special about a mother's love.
Angela
Okay, I appreciate that.
Megan
Don't think you can be replaced. You can't. You're too important. You're too special. Don't buy it.
Angela
Thank you.
Megan
You're welcome.
Dr. Laura
You hear this a lot. Working mothers telling themselves and others that quality time is more important than quantity. Time to which I respond, there is no quality without quantity. Angela was a new listener when she heard me speaking about the importance of full time moms and she called in for some clarification.
Listener
Angela, welcome to the program.
Thank you so much for taking my call, Dr. Laura.
Andrea
I appreciate it.
Dr. Laura
Thank you.
Listener
My question for you is really a follow up to a show that I was listening to a couple weeks ago and I do have to preface this question conversation with I'm relatively new to listening to you and you were having a conversation. Thank you. A conversation about children in daycare. And from what I was gathering, you're not a fan of. And you had talked about teachers who can point out kids that have been in daycare right away and that sort of thing. I'm a working professional mother of two children, one who has been through daycare and is incredibly well adjusted and another one who is three years old right now. And I just wanted to know why you feel that way and what you propose for options for moms who do work either out of necessity or desire. And am I ruining my kids?
I once was up in front of 5,000 women in front of some women's conference thing and somebody from the back of the room jumped up and not nice like you ferociously attacked me on my position of daycare. So this is what I did. I said, I'd like you to stand up 5,000 women. If you all died in the next five minutes and got recycled and came back as a baby, would you choose a daycare nanny, babysitter over a loving, attentive mother, nurturing, hugging, holding and cooing at you all day. Stand up if you'd rather have the daycare. Nobody got up. So that's the answer to your question. We inherently know what's best, but we like to make excuses because of what we want. And when somebody can't do the right thing, we're supposed to consider it a tragedy. We're not supposed to consider it an equal alternative. So when you ask me what I would say to women who can't, I would say most of them are lying and haven't thought it through. The ones who wish to have their career and rob their kids of love.
Dr. Laura
All day, a pox on them, that.
Listener
That'S actually their desire and their choice. It's a pox. Seven, five thousand women. Nobody got up the old Donahue show. God, 30 something years ago, that was the first time I did that. I was being interviewed about my book 10 Stupid Things Women do to Mess Their Lives. And daycare was not even in the book. But obviously one of the producers with their 3 by 5 cards that they give the TV hosts who never read the books told them to ask me this question. And I number one, I said it's not in the book, but I'd like to ask your audience. And I did the same thing. Stand up. If you're dead in the next five minutes and you'd come back, do you want to be raised by a nanny, a daycare or babysitter instead of a loving, attentive, cooing mom? Stand up. Nobody got up. Nobody wanted that for themselves. So there must be some value in everybody's mind for what a loving mother means.
Dr. Laura
Oh my gosh. I haven't heard a coup in two minutes. I better go check. I'll be right back.
Dr. Laura's deep dive deep Dive podcast.
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Dr. Laura
Dr. Laura's Deep Dive podcast I find.
Mothers who choose to work full time be neglectful and abandoning. The whole point of parenting a human being is to be its primary influence to nurture, protect, love, touch, talk. You're not just there to do maintenance. That baby needs you. Why is it so many people don't seem to understand they've bought the feminist lie that it really doesn't matter if you spend most of your baby's waking hours with him or if you just hire somebody else to do that part. For some reason, women have been willing to believe that it doesn't matter who's taking care of their human child. Like it's fully formed, just small, and will grow into whatever it's supposed to be, no matter what environment it's in. That is just not so. Turns out the first three years are extremely important. It's best that the caretaker be mom, unless mom is incompetent or dangerous. Babies come from your body women, and they're nurtured and taught and influenced by their relationship with you. Your child's ability to love, trust and feel secure in the world. The comfort they have with themselves primarily comes from the relationship with Mommy. There's a lot more that goes into developing into a human than just being fed and being watched. You cannot be replaced in the heart and mind of your child, as this sweet email from a Dr. Laura listener reminds us. Hello Dr. Laura, my name is Theodore and I am seven and a half months old. I have been listening to your show since I was still an egg. Last week my mommy had you on in the car and I heard you talk about daycare. I don't know what daycare is so I said, gee, ah. Luckily Mommy understood that I was asking what daycare is. I couldn't believe when she explained it to me. I asked if we could do some research to figure out how much daycare costs. So Mommy and I were determined last week full time daycare would have cost us Parent and me Swim class with both Mommy and Daddy Elephant Musical light show Morning snuggle in bed with mommy and daddy three FaceTime calls with grandma four walks four trips to the swings four times being comforted by Mommy with a snuggle in the rocking chair 6 book readings 6 times zooming around the kitchen in my baby walker 7 trips out to the store 10 nursing sessions 10 snuggles yes 12 play times with my own toys 14 naps in my own crib 20 hugs 29 giggles 58 kisses from mommy 3000 missed minutes as you can see, daycare is too expensive for me and my parents. Thank you for all the work you do to keep babies like me out of daycare. It's priceless. Love, Theodore. I posted Theodore's email on Facebook after reading it on air a while back and it predictably generated lots of responses. I like this one in particular from Carrie who said after doing the math and listening to Dr. Laura, I decided to stay home with my six month old daughter. Turns out we actually saved money and I was way less stressed. Of all the things we can give our children attention is what they most need and want. If you need and want support for your decision to become a full time mom, get my book In Praise of Stay at Home Moms. You can find it@drlaura.com or a favorite book retailer. Now go do the right thing. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course I'd love if you gave me five stars and be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform. Hey.
Megan
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Episode: Deep Dive: Why Have Them If You Won’t Raise Them?
Release Date: June 19, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111
In this compelling episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger tackles the crucial topic of parenting, specifically addressing the challenges and responsibilities that come with raising children versus merely having them. The episode focuses on the importance of a mother's active role in the early developmental years of her children and critiques the reliance on daycare and external childcare solutions.
Dr. Laura begins by sharing an insightful email from a listener named Kim, who presents a "job performance review" of a mother's role from a baby's perspective. This creative approach underscores the significance of a mother's presence during a child's formative years.
Notable Quote:
"Your job as a mom is to nurture and to love and to pay attention to your kids. It's especially important for you to be there in the first three to five years of their lives as their brains are laying down synapses and they start to understand the world."
— Dr. Laura [04:47]
Andrea, a long-time listener, calls in seeking guidance after experiencing job displacement, which inadvertently allowed her to spend more time with her children. Upon returning to the workforce, she grappled with the decision to continue working in a role that demands significant time away from her family.
Key Points Discussed:
Notable Quote:
"There is no quality without quantity."
— Dr. Laura [20:07]
Megan seeks advice on the appropriate timing for pregnancy after starting a new job. Her inquiry leads Dr. Laura to delve into the broader implications of motherhood choices and societal pressures.
Key Points Discussed:
Notable Quote:
"Mothers who choose to work full time be neglectful and abandoning... The whole point of parenting a human being is to be its primary influence to nurture, protect, love, touch, talk."
— Dr. Laura [26:26]
Throughout the episode, Dr. Laura passionately argues against the use of daycare, asserting that children need their mother's continuous presence for healthy emotional and psychological development. She references real-life scenarios and listener interactions to reinforce her stance.
Notable Quote:
"If you were your kid's age, do you want to be raised by a nanny, a daycare, a babysitter, or you as a Mommy?"
— Dr. Laura [09:35]
Dr. Laura discusses the broader societal implications of mothers working outside the home, suggesting that such choices contribute to a generation raised without the foundational maternal influence necessary for forming healthy relationships and self-esteem.
Observations:
The episode concludes with Dr. Laura advocating for women to prioritize motherhood over career pursuits, highlighting the unparalleled role mothers play in shaping their children's futures.
Final Remarks:
"Your child's ability to love, trust and feel secure in the world... comes from the relationship with Mommy. There's a lot more that goes into developing into a human than just being fed and being watched."
— Dr. Laura [26:26]
Dr. Laura shares feedback from her audience, including stories of women who have chosen to stay home with their children and found fulfillment and reduced stress by doing so. These testimonials reinforce the episode's central message about the paramount importance of maternal involvement.
As per instructions, advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections present in the transcript have been omitted from this summary to maintain focus on the substantive discussions of the episode.
This episode serves as a passionate advocacy for full-time motherhood, urging listeners to carefully consider the long-term impacts of their parenting choices on their children's well-being and future.