Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day - Episode on Dividing Expenses After Divorce

Podcast Information

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host/Author: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Episode: Dividing Expenses After Divorce
• Release Date: April 27, 2025

Introduction

In this episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day," Jennifer reaches out to seek advice regarding the financial strains she's experiencing post-divorce, particularly concerning the division of expenses for her adult children. The episode delves into the complexities of managing shared financial responsibilities after a separation and offers Dr. Laura's no-nonsense guidance on navigating such challenges.

Background of Jennifer's Divorce

Jennifer shares her experience of going through a divorce in 2010 after 17 years of marriage. The marriage was strained, leading her to seek a divorce primarily because she felt the relationship was unhealthy and unsustainable. The couples agreed to a joint custody arrangement for their two adult children, aged 21 and 19.

Ongoing Financial Disputes

Post-divorce, Jennifer assumed the role of the primary custodial parent, handling registrations, payments, and expenses related to their children. She consistently submitted receipts to her ex-husband for reimbursement, but he repeatedly failed to comply, leading to a prolonged five-year court battle. Eventually, the court awarded her $40,000 for unpaid expenses. To streamline future reimbursements, both parties were mandated to use a mediator tool called "Family Wizard," which facilitated monthly expense tracking and payments.

However, recently, Jennifer's ex-husband has ceased reimbursements entirely and is unresponsive to her messages. This breakdown in communication has left Jennifer in a precarious financial situation, especially since their children are still incurring significant expenses related to college, extracurricular activities, and medical needs.

Key Quote:

"[03:10] Dr. Laura: Well, I don't understand. Why is he paying anything now? They're adults. Help me."

Involving Adult Children in Financial Matters

Jennifer contemplates whether she should remove herself from the reimbursement process and encourage her adult children to communicate directly with their father regarding their expenses. Her concern is to prevent the children from being caught in the middle of the financial dispute, fearing that continued non-payment will deepen her financial woes.

Dr. Laura's Advice

Dr. Laura responds assertively, emphasizing the importance of Jennifer setting boundaries to protect her financial health and mental well-being. She acknowledges the emotional burden Jennifer faces but underscores the necessity for the adult children to take personal responsibility for their expenses.

Key Points from Dr. Laura:

1. Encourage Self-Reliance: Dr. Laura advises that if the children require funds for discretionary items like credit cards for services such as DoorDash or non-essential purchases, they should secure part-time employment to fund these expenses themselves.

   Quote:

   "[06:44] Dr. Laura: If they want doordash, I'm not giving you a credit card for doordash. Buy food and cook, it's cheaper."

2. Assess Necessities vs. Luxuries: While necessary expenses related to their activities (e.g., orthotics for running, dance team costs) are valid, Dr. Laura suggests that the sons and daughters should contribute to covering these costs through jobs or other means since they are now adults.

   Quote:

   "[07:54] Dr. Laura: They're going to have to figure out how to pay for it."

3. Set Firm Boundaries: Dr. Laura encourages Jennifer to communicate clearly that she will no longer cover specific expenses and that her children need to take responsibility for their financial needs.

   Quote:

   "[06:30] Dr. Laura: Then he's going to have to start contributing. I'm sorry I married the wrong man."

4. Prevent Financial Dependence: By limiting financial support, Jennifer can avoid falling into a "big hole" due to unpaid reimbursements and promote her children's independence.

   Quote:

   "[09:20] Dr. Laura: Then he doesn't need to be running 20 hours a week. He can do that on his own."

Conclusion

Dr. Laura's guidance centers on empowering Jennifer to establish financial independence and set clear boundaries to prevent further financial and emotional strain. She emphasizes the importance of parental responsibility transitioning as children reach adulthood, advocating for self-sufficiency and accountability.

Final Thoughts

This episode highlights the intricate balance between supporting adult children and maintaining one's financial stability post-divorce. Dr. Laura's straightforward advice serves as a valuable resource for listeners facing similar challenges, stressing the importance of personal responsibility and clear communication in resolving financial disputes within a family.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [03:10] Dr. Laura: "I don't understand. Why is he paying anything now? They're adults. Help me."
• [06:30] Dr. Laura: "Then he's going to have to start contributing. I'm sorry I married the wrong man."
• [07:54] Dr. Laura: "They're going to have to figure out how to pay for it."
• [09:20] Dr. Laura: "Then he doesn't need to be running 20 hours a week. He can do that on his own."

Access the Podcast

To listen to the full episode, tune in to "Dr. Laura Call of the Day" available exclusively on SiriusXM Triumph 111 or visit DrLaura.com to become a Family member and access additional resources.