Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "Do I Have Grounds for Divorce?"
Release Date: June 27, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

Introduction

In this episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day," listener Joanna reaches out to seek guidance on a pivotal decision regarding her marriage. Faced with the dilemma of whether to stay in her marriage for the sake of her children or to pursue a divorce due to her husband's disengagement and possible alcoholism, Joanna seeks Dr. Laura's no-nonsense advice to navigate this challenging situation.

Joanna's Initial Concern

[00:36] Joanna: "I've been wanting to make this phone call for a few years now, but I keep putting it off."

Joanna expresses her hesitation and the gravity of her situation, highlighting that her decision will significantly impact her family's future.

Dr. Laura's Initial Assessment

[01:03] Joanna: "I feel lately like I can't continue with the way things are. And I need your advice before I make a life-altering decision for my family."

[01:29] Dr. Laura: "Well, you'll have to describe the environment because you do understand if they're minor kids and you divorce, likely the kids will be back and forth..."

Dr. Laura prompts Joanna to elaborate on her marital environment, emphasizing the potential chaos divorce might introduce to the children's lives.

Details of Joanna's Marital Situation

[02:17] Joanna: "So this is the situation. I'm 42. My husband's 50. We've been married for 12 years. First marriage for both of us. We have three kids, girl, boy, girl. And they're 11, 9 and 7, I must say."

Joanna provides a background of her family structure, setting the stage for the complexities of her marital issues.

[02:37] Dr. Laura: "Well, things couldn't have been so bad. You were having sex with them." [Note: This line appears to contain a transcription error. It likely intended to reference inappropriate behavior, but given the context, it may have been misheard or miswritten. For the purpose of this summary, we'll proceed with the assumption that Joanna acknowledges certain marital problems.]

Underlying Issues in the Marriage

Joanna's Concerns:

1. Husband’s Alcohol Consumption:
   [03:48] Joanna: "I believe he's a functioning alcoholic. He hasn't gone a day without beer. But he's not visibly drinking. He doesn't drink in front of the kids. He drinks in the garage."

2. Lack of Interaction:
   [06:05] Joanna: "I think he's withdrawn because I complained to him about the lack of time he helps me. When children were younger and he..."

3. Communication Breakdown:
   Joanna admits to criticizing her husband for not assisting enough with the children, leading to his defensiveness and withdrawal.

Dr. Laura's Analysis of the Issues

[03:03] Dr. Laura: "I don't care where he is. Did you understand what I said? The complete destruction of their lives happens when you divorce. So tell me what's so bad that we have to do that?"

Dr. Laura challenges Joanna to justify the need for divorce by highlighting the potential negative impact on the children.

[15:23] Joanna: "I'm aware of that. I know that I like to control things, but I'm not sure if I. If I didn't, like, if I, in that way, contributed to him not feeling wanted or needed."

Joanna reflects on her controlling nature and its possible role in her husband's disengagement.

[15:56] Dr. Laura: "I don't think this has anything to do with doting on him. I think it has to do with control and criticism. The two C's."

Dr. Laura identifies control and criticism as the core issues contributing to the marital strain.

Dr. Laura's Advice to Joanna

1. Shift Focus to Positivity:
   [16:13] Dr. Laura: "Find tiny things. Just start being very observant and find tiny things that he does in the right direction. Go. Oh, I was very touched when you kissed little George on his head."

   Dr. Laura advises Joanna to actively look for and acknowledge her husband's positive actions to foster a more supportive environment.

2. Avoid Criticism and Nagging:
   [17:00] Dr. Laura: "Guys don't do well with lectures, as you've learned. They don't do well with mommy being disappointed, frustrated, irritated."

   Emphasizing the importance of constructive communication, Dr. Laura suggests reducing negative interactions that lead to withdrawal.

3. Gradual Change:
   [17:30] Dr. Laura: "It'll take a bit. It's not going to happen in a week, a day, a month. It's going to happen over time."

   Acknowledging that rebuilding the relationship requires patience and consistent effort.

4. Self-Control and Patience:
   [18:11] Dr. Laura: "You have to walk around with carrots, fresh carrots... Take self-control."

   Encouraging Joanna to manage her frustrations and maintain a positive approach during the transformation process.

Conclusion and Next Steps

Joanna's Realization and Commitment:

[15:05] Joanna: "So I was thinking about what you asked. And in terms of our personalities, I think that's part of the problem, is where he's very passive was. And I'm a type A."

Recognizing the dynamic between their contrasting personalities, Joanna acknowledges her role in the marital challenges.

[19:25] Joanna: "All right, we've got a plan."

Committed to implementing Dr. Laura's advice, Joanna expresses determination to apply the strategies discussed.

[19:27] Dr. Laura: "All right, Joanna, get back to me."

Dr. Laura reinforces the importance of follow-up, suggesting Joanna monitor and report the progress of their efforts.

Key Takeaways

• Communication is Crucial: Effective and positive communication can bridge gaps in a strained relationship.

• Avoid Criticism: Instead of focusing on faults, recognizing and appreciating positive behaviors fosters a healthier environment.

• Patience and Persistence: Rebuilding relationships is a gradual process that requires consistent effort and understanding.

• Self-Reflection: Acknowledging one's own role in relationship dynamics is essential for meaningful change.

Notable Quotes

• Joanna on Seeking Help:
  [00:36] Joanna: "I've been wanting to make this phone call for a few years now, but I keep putting it off."

• Dr. Laura on Divorce Impact:
  [01:29] Dr. Laura: "Well, you'll have to describe the environment because you do understand if they're minor kids and you divorce, likely the kids will be back and forth..."

• Dr. Laura on Control and Criticism:
  [15:56] Dr. Laura: "I don't think this has anything to do with doting on him. I think it has to do with control and criticism. The two C's."

• Dr. Laura on Building Positivity:
  [16:13] Dr. Laura: "Find tiny things. Just start being very observant and find tiny things that he does in the right direction."

Conclusion

This episode provides a deep dive into the complexities of marital relationships, emphasizing the importance of positive reinforcement, effective communication, and self-awareness. Dr. Laura offers practical advice aimed at reconstructing the marital bond, underscoring that with patience and intentional effort, transformative changes are achievable.