Do One of the Following Things With Your Spouse for 15 Minutes Each Day

Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: The Dr. Laura Podcast
Episode Title: Do One of the Following Things With Your Spouse for 15 Minutes Each Day
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: March 19, 2026

This episode centers on Dr. Laura’s actionable advice for couples who want to strengthen—or even salvage—their emotional connection. Dr. Laura issues a compelling challenge: devote just 15 minutes a day to intentional, positive connection with your spouse. She explores the reasons relationships "grow apart" and delivers practical, everyday ways for couples to reconnect, reclaim intimacy, and foster lasting happiness.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Real Purpose of the Podcast

[00:46 - 04:44]

• Dr. Laura clarifies the nature of her show: it's about helping individuals address their own thought processes, decisions, and relationship problems—not about solving other people's issues for them.
  • “This is not very much a program about calling in because somebody else is a pain in the neck. We don't have control over somebody else being a pain in the neck. So I need you to be willing to talk about yourself.” — Dr. Laura [03:36]
• She encourages listeners to move past complicated stories about others and focus on confronting their own “scaredy, guilty, worried feelings”—the areas where real change can happen.

Why Relationships "Grow Apart"—and How to Stop It

[06:58 - 08:15]

• Dr. Laura expresses sadness at how often couples claim they "grew apart," challenging listeners to consider why they allowed this to happen.
  • “I don't even know exactly what that means. Growing apart. Why are you permitting growing apart? Good God. When you were dating, you'd barely spend 10 minutes without each other and we're growing apart?” — Dr. Laura [06:59]
• She zeroes in on lost daily habits of “lovingness” and stresses that disconnection is a preventable choice.

Dr. Laura’s 15-Minute Connection Challenge

[07:30 - 12:45]

Core Idea

• Carve out at least 15 minutes each day for intentional, positive connection with your spouse.
  • “Fifteen minutes a day to do one or more of the following things with your spouse, no matter what.” — Dr. Laura [07:19]

Practical Examples

• Affectionate Check-in:

  • Simple questions or statements (“How you doing, sweetie?” / “How did your friend’s thing go?”) to strengthen closeness.
  • “Just giving a few moments. Just a few moments to connect. 10 minutes, 10, 15 minutes a day.” — Dr. Laura [07:34]

• Affirmation & Appreciation:

  • Offer genuine compliments and gratitude (“Tell the other person how good you think they are at such and such, how attractive they seem…”).
  • “Fifteen minutes a day of showing gratitude.” — Dr. Laura [11:29]

• Playfulness & Lightheartedness:

  • Share a funny meme, dance together, be silly, or play a quick game.
  • “Share something stupid and funny that happened… Be silly. Be dance, play a game. Just stop and focus on each other.” — Dr. Laura [10:27]

• Physical Connection:

  • Not necessarily about sex—could be hugs, kisses, or a flirtatious moment.
  • “Rekindle some romance… little hugging, little kissing. Fifteen minutes a day. Forget about hardcore sex. You can add that on.” — Dr. Laura [08:56]

• Take a Walk Together:

  • “It turns out people have more pleasant conversations when they're walking.” — Dr. Laura [09:27]

• Sharing & Checking In:

  • Send a funny cartoon, check on how your spouse’s plans or errands went, just to show you’re interested.
  • “Showing interest. How did the meeting go? How did your shopping go? I know you were looking for a blank. Did you get one? Do you like it?” — Dr. Laura [08:43]

The Deeper Motivation

• The focus is on regular, cheerful connection—not to vent or complain, but to affirm, encourage, and express care.
• “This is not to call and bitch and vent. This is a call to affirm, to be affectionate, to be interested.” — Dr. Laura [08:20]

The Consequences of Not Connecting

• Not connecting for just 15 minutes daily leads to loneliness, resentment, and the familiar refrain of “we grew apart.”
  • “Regular, intentional connecting with each other prevents you from feeling lonely, disconnected and resentful.” — Dr. Laura [11:41]
• Dr. Laura offers stark perspective: hours are wasted scrolling on the phone, but “your cell phone won’t care when you’re on your last breath in hospice. Somebody you took care of emotionally will.” — [12:35]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “People spend much too much time on their feelings and not common sense… Sometimes you just have to deal with crappy feelings in order to do a reasonable thing.” — Dr. Laura [02:41]
• “Fifteen minutes every freaking day to make sure you don't grow apart. I mean, isn't it nice when out of the clear blue you get a call from a friend? Just checking to see how you're doing. Doesn't that feel good?” — Dr. Laura [08:06]
• “Find ways to be us. Instead of me not getting exactly what I want. I'm so disappointed. 15 minutes a day to find ways to be us. You'll never grow apart.” — Dr. Laura [11:50]

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Important Timestamps

• 00:46: Dr. Laura introduces the real goal of the program: focusing on listeners’ personal choices and emotional responses.
• 06:58: Dr. Laura begins the main topic: the “grow apart” phenomenon and the solution of a daily 15-minute connection.
• 07:19 - 12:45: Practical examples, rationale, and variations on Dr. Laura's 15-minute rule for couples.
• 12:35: Final, poignant warning about the cost of lost time and the true value of emotional connection.

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Episode Takeaways

• Doing “one of the following things” with your spouse for 15 minutes each day—affirming, checking in, appreciating, being playful—can transform your relationship if done daily and with genuine intent.
• Love and meaningful partnership are constructed in little, consistent moments—not in grand gestures or when “the feeling hits.”
• The most enduring relationships are those where both parties strive to “be us,” not just parallel individuals.
• Dr. Laura’s tone is direct, slightly irreverent, and always practical—balancing tough-love reality checks with heartfelt encouragement.

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Share & Connect

Dr. Laura’s Call to Action:
If you found the episode helpful, rate it, share it with a friend, and reach out via 1-800-375-2872 for your own question or story. Remember: It only takes 15 minutes to start changing your marriage today.

Transcript

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Thank you for listening to my morning monologue brought to you by Golden Crest Metals, helping everyday investors protect what they've worked so hard to build by adding gold and silver to retirement portfolios. Learn [e-mail] Protect Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] Let me explain what this program is about. I've noticed lately that a lot of the calls and a lot of the emails are My parents have dementia, My kid is on drugs, my adult kid, what do I do? I think you all know the answers to those questions. What I'm here for is to help you with what's going on in your own head. If you want to know what to do with parents who have dementia, talk to your physicians, the doctors in charge, a licensed clinical social worker. They'll help you with whatever public services there are and so forth. It's not something I can really help you with. And if you've got an adult kid on drugs and you're letting him or her live in your house, you already know the answer to that. But in particular, people spend much too much time on their feelings and not common sense. And if common sense and your feelings butt up against each other, feelings usually win. And then you wonder why your life is a mess. Sometimes you just have to deal with crappy feelings in order to do a reasonable thing. Think about that. Sometimes you just have to live with crappy feelings for decades for the rest of your life. Maybe you just put them somewhere and get on with your life with reasonable decisions. So I'm here to help you with your decisions, your thought processes, how you function in your relationships. This is not very much a program about calling in because somebody else is a pain in the neck. We don't have control over somebody else being a pain in the neck. So I need you to be willing to talk about yourself. That's what this program is about. The emails that I got today, Dr. Lauradoctorlora.com were almost 100% long stories about a complex situation where with many people, I have no idea what to do with that. Sorry, I can't be helpful that I guess you go into family therapy, drag everybody in a room and figure it out. So when you send me those long things, as soon as I realize what they are, I move on because there's nothing I can do that's going to really be helpful. So if you find yourself trapped in your scaredy feelings, guilty feelings, worried feelings, this is the time to call me. Not that somebody else has a problem. Can't do much with that unless you have some control. All right. All right. My number one, 800-375-2872 and yeah, don't be a scaredy cat. I'm scared to call. Don't do that. Being scared of just about anything in life except a hungry grizzly bear is a waste of your time.

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Okay, I get very sad when people say we grew apart. I don't even know exactly what that means. Growing apart. Why are you permitting growing apart? Good God. When you were dating, you'd barely spend 10 minutes without each other and we're growing apart. So we stopped doing the lovingness that we promised to do when we took vows. So I wanted to give you an idea. Here's the idea. Fifteen minutes a day to do one or more of the following things with your spouse, no matter what. A quick check in full of affection. Affirmation, information that makes you feel closer. Brief moments. How you doing, sweetie? How did the ball game go? How did the fricassee turn out? How did your friend. Blah, blah, blah. Strengthen your connection by just giving a few moments. Just a few moments to connect. 10 minutes. 10, 15 minutes a day. Check in whether you're under the same roof or somebody's at work or somebody's on a vacation or somebody is wherever. 15 minutes every freaking day to make sure you don't grow apart. I mean, isn't it nice when out of the clear blue you get a call from a friend? Just checking to see how you're doing. Doesn't that feel good? Just checking, see how you're doing. I knew you were going to have a tough day, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah. So we need 15 minutes a day where you check in in a cheerful way. This is not to call and bitch invent. This is a call to affirm, to be affectionate, to be interested. Showing interest. How did the meeting go? How did your shopping go? I know you were looking for a blank. Did you get one? Do you like it? 15 freaking minutes every day. If you do that every day, no matter what, even if you're in a coma. Okay, well, maybe not that. And you'll never call and tell me you grew apart. Rekindle some romance. I bet when your kids were small, you found places in the house to fool around a little, right? A closet. So little hugging, little kissing. Fifteen minutes a day. Forget about hardcore sex. You can add that on. We're talking about 15 minutes a day being frisky. Get together for 15 minutes a day and take a walk down the block and back. Take a walk together. It's interesting. It turns out that people have more pleasant conversations when they're walking. Share something stupid and funny that happened. Maybe you saw a cartoon sometimes on your Instagram or what have you. A funny cartoon comes up. I love sending those to people when they're really funny and appropriate. So send it to your spouse something really funny. Take 15 minutes out to look for things to Send to write. 10 minutes a day. Be silly. Be dance, play a game. Just stop and focus on each other. 15 minutes a day. Who doesn't like feeling appreciated? Take those 15 minutes and tell the other person how good you think they are at such and such, how attractive they seem, and how you like coming home to them. You know. 15 minutes a day of showing gratitude. Regular, intentional connecting with each other prevents you from feeling lonely, disconnected and resentful. Find ways to be us. Instead of me not getting exactly what I want. I'm so disappointed. 15 minutes a day to find ways to be us. You'll never grow apart. Fifteen minutes a day. You know how many hours a day you waste? Scrolling 3, 4, 56 hours scrolling Take 15 minutes and connect your cell phone. Won't care when you're on your last breath in hospice. Somebody you took care of emotionally will. My number 1-800-375-2872 if you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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