Does He Love Me?

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day - "Does He Love Me?"

Release Date: March 27, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Does He Love Me?", Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a heartfelt dilemma presented by a caller struggling with her relationship dynamics. Known for her no-nonsense advice rooted in ethics and personal responsibility, Dr. Laura delves deep into the complexities of love, addiction, and parental responsibility.

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Caller’s Background and Relationship History

The caller, identified as Lindsay, initiates the conversation seeking guidance on her five-year relationship with her longtime boyfriend, who is battling alcoholism. Dr. Laura begins by probing the depth and duration of the relationship to understand the gravity of Lindsay's situation.

Dr. Laura [00:31]:
"Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. ... Lindsay, welcome to the program."

Lindsay [00:45]:
"Hi, Father Laura. How are you?"

Dr. Laura [00:49]:
"Good. What can I help you with?"

Lindsay reveals that their relationship has been tumultuous, marked by periods of separation due to her boyfriend's drinking habits.

Lindsay [01:12]:
"I think that I'm, I'm, I want to say done because when we met, we would drink together, we'd go out and..."

Dr. Laura [01:12]:
"You used up five years of your life with a drunk? Why? Thought you couldn't get a good guy? Do you think, do you think you're dumb, ugly, fat or unlovable?"

This exchange highlights Dr. Laura's straightforward approach, challenging Lindsay to confront her self-worth and the implications of her prolonged association with an alcoholic.

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Sobriety and Pregnancy

Lindsay shares her journey towards sobriety, emphasizing her recent pregnancy as a turning point that motivated her to distance herself from her boyfriend's alcoholism.

Lindsay [02:28]:
"Thank you so much, Dr. Laura. I've been sober for. Well, it was before I found out I was pregnant in October of 2023."

Dr. Laura [02:40]:
"You got pregnant by a drunk?"

This candid interaction underscores the intertwined nature of personal struggles and relational challenges, setting the stage for deeper exploration into Lindsay's current predicament.

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Reconciliation and Current Relationship Dynamics

Despite past separations, Lindsay recounts reuniting with her boyfriend after he expressed a desire to change and stop drinking. This period coincided with her achieving sobriety, leading to hope and a brief period of stability.

Lindsay [02:44]:
"Got pregnant by a drunk. So we split up. ... we ended up kind of meeting up and talking about things and he was wanting to change and stop drinking and be you know because that was like the year that, you know, I quit drinking was the same year that we kind of linked back up or whatever ... he's a wonderful provider. ..."

However, the relationship remains strained as her boyfriend intermittently relapses, creating a cycle of hope and disappointment.

Lindsay [05:08]:
"...he works so much out of town and he's not here full time. He goes out of town like three or four days a week. So it's almost like, it's almost like it kind of like a break from him when he works."

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Current Concerns: Love vs. Stability

Lindsay's primary concern revolves around discerning her boyfriend's genuine love for her amidst the ongoing challenges posed by his alcoholism.

Lindsay [08:27]:
"I guess the question for you is, how do I put it nicely? That, like, I just, I think it's disrespectful for him to keep drinking with me being sober. The question is, do you think he really does love me?"

Dr. Laura [08:43]:
"I don't know. That's what you asked me. If a strange somebody who was a stranger to me loves you, you thought I would have an answer to that? I don't think so."

Dr. Laura emphasizes the subjective nature of love, especially when it's entangled with problematic behaviors like alcoholism.

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Advice on Prioritizing Child's Welfare

Delving deeper, Dr. Laura redirects the focus from Lindsay's emotional turmoil to the well-being of her child, advocating for decisions that prioritize a stable environment over uncertain expressions of love.

Dr. Laura [09:17]:
"So did you learn anything in aa? Like you can't tell somebody to stop drinking to make them stop drinking. He's either going to drink or he's not. But right now, you and your child are protected. So I think you have to think that way and not worry about whether you're being loved, but worry about that you're providing the best environment for your child. Your emotions don't matter anymore. Once you produce a child, the focus has to completely change from you to the child."

This poignant advice underscores the importance of setting boundaries and making tough choices for the sake of one's child, rather than clinging to an unstable relationship out of love.

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Concluding Guidance

In her concluding remarks, Dr. Laura offers a stark reminder of the responsibilities that come with motherhood and the necessity of sometimes making difficult decisions for the greater good.

Dr. Laura [09:54]:
"I mean, ma'am, do you have some other question? I don't know where you're going. You want some guarantee? You're not married, got a kid out of wedlock. He goes in and out of being a drunk. You stopped when you got pregnant. That was good. It is what it's going to be. And for as long as it's good for your kid, you keep it going. Otherwise, you'll have to get a job and put the kid in daycare. And God knows what's going to happen then. So right now you're stuck. Be nice."

Dr. Laura's blunt rhetoric emphasizes the gravity of the situation, urging Lindsay to prioritize her child's well-being over the uncertainties of her boyfriend's affections.

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Conclusion

"Does He Love Me?" serves as a compelling episode where Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides unfiltered advice to a caller grappling with love, addiction, and motherhood. Through her candid and direct approach, Dr. Laura highlights the complexities of human relationships and the paramount importance of making decisions that safeguard one's family and personal well-being.

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Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura [01:12]:
  "You used up five years of your life with a drunk? Why? Thought you couldn't get a good guy? Do you think, do you think you're dumb, ugly, fat or unlovable?"

• Lindsay [02:28]:
  "Thank you so much, Dr. Laura. I've been sober for. Well, it was before I found out I was pregnant in October of 2023."

• Dr. Laura [09:17]:
  "Your emotions don't matter anymore. Once you produce a child, the focus has to completely change from you to the child."

• Dr. Laura [09:54]:
  "So right now you're stuck. Be nice."

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This episode encapsulates the essence of Dr. Laura's counsel—prioritizing personal responsibility, ethical considerations, and the well-being of loved ones in the face of challenging life decisions.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Lindsay welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hi, Father Laura. How are you?

[Dr. Laura]

Good. What can I help you with?

[Caller]

Yes, I am currently in a situation and I keep hearing from family members and friends that I need to basically run, you know, leave my longtime boyfriend.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, can we get to what the problem is? Because I'm not understanding where you're going right now.

[Caller]

Oh, he is an alcoholic.

[Dr. Laura]

Who is an alcoholic? Who is an alcoholic?

[Caller]

My boyfriend.

[Dr. Laura]

So you've been dating a guy for how long? Who's a drunk? Tell me how long.

[Caller]

It'S been going on. Five years. We separated because of it.

[Dr. Laura]

You used up five years of your life with a drunk? Why? Thought you couldn't get a good guy? Do you think, do you think you're dumb, ugly, fat or unlovable?

[Caller]

I think that I'm, I'm, I want to say done because when we met, we would drink together, we'd go out and.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, so you've been a drunk too?

[Caller]

I'm sober now, so. Getting to the good.

[Dr. Laura]

And how, for how long have you been sober? And good for you. I'm proud of you. For how long have you been sober?

[Caller]

Thank you so much, Dr. Laura. I've been sober for. Well, it was before I found out I was pregnant in October of 2023.

[Dr. Laura]

You got pregnant by a drunk?

[Caller]

Got pregnant by a drunk. So we split up. We split up. And. And it was a good year and a half, on and off. I think it was just a trauma bond I had with him. My father was an alcoholic and so he passed. My father passed away during the time that we were split up and stuff. And so I realized I was like, I don't want to be an alcoholic myself and I don't want to be with a man, you know that drinks and it, we ended up kind of meeting up and talking about things and he was wanting to change and stop drinking and be you know because that was like the year that, you know, I quit drinking was the same year that we kind of linked back up or whatever and I ended up getting pregnant night that we linked like we met up. So he's a wonderful provider. Wonderful. He's a very, he's a very good guy when he doesn't drink and he's a full time provider right now for us. So I can stay home with a baby and take care of her. So right now I have a boundary set to where, you know, he works so much out of town and he's not here full time. He goes out of town like three or four days a week. So it's almost like, it's almost like it kind of like a break from him when he works. But then I ended up, I end up like missing him and I do love him when he doesn't drink but I just need to hear, I guess that he's never gonna stop like. And it's like I'm. He just pays for everything for us and you know he does, he does love his daughter.

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[Caller]

I guess the question for you is, how do I put it nicely? That, like, I just, I think it's disrespectful for him to keep drinking with me being sober. The question is, do you think he really does love me?

[Dr. Laura]

I don't know. That's what you asked me. If a strange somebody who was a stranger to me loves you, you thought I would have an answer to that? I don't think so.

[Caller]

What do you think that I should? I mean, I feel like I've tried to say it nicely about, you know, going to AA and getting help.

[Dr. Laura]

So did you learn anything in aa? Like you can't tell somebody to stop drinking to make them stop drinking. He's either going to drink or he's not. But right now, you and your child are protected. So I think you have to think that way and not worry about whether you're being loved, but worry about that you're providing the best environment for your child. Your emotions don't matter anymore. Once you produce a child, the focus has to completely change from you to the child.

[Caller]

Mm. Yeah. He, he.

[Dr. Laura]

I mean, ma'am, do you have some other question? I don't know where you're going. You want some guarantee? You're not married, got a kid out of wedlock. He goes in and out of being a drunk. You stopped when you got pregnant. That was good. It is what it's going to be. And for as long as it's good for your kid, you keep it going. Otherwise, you'll have to get a job and put the kid in daycare. And God knows what's going to happen then. So right now you're stuck. Be nice. My number one, 800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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