Don't Ignore Red Flags in Relationships

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: Don’t Ignore Red Flags in Relationships

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: August 24, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura takes a call from Ingrid, a 35-year-old woman seeking relationship advice regarding a six-month dating relationship with a 42-year-old man. Through pointed questions and tough love, Dr. Laura explores Ingrid's concerns, the importance of recognizing and acting on red flags in relationships, and the necessity of personal responsibility in dating choices. The central message is a stern warning against ignoring significant warning signs, especially when it comes to secrecy, rushed intimacy, and substance abuse.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Relationship’s Context and Basics

Timestamp: 00:44 – 01:25

• Ingrid introduces her situation: She’s been dating a man for six months; both are single, never married, no children.
• Both have previous long-term relationships, though Ingrid admits she doesn’t know much about her boyfriend’s past relationships.

2. Transparency and Red Flags

Timestamp: 01:25 – 02:13

• Dr. Laura presses Ingrid on her lack of knowledge about the boyfriend’s two-year previous relationship:
  • Dr. Laura: “I'm surprised you weren't curious so that you'd know more about him.” (01:51)
• Ingrid acknowledges her discomfort but didn’t pursue the topic out of fear of pressing too hard.

3. Sex, Intimacy, and Priorities

Timestamp: 02:13 – 03:55

• Dr. Laura sharply questions Ingrid’s decision to become physically intimate before truly knowing her partner:
  • Dr. Laura: “So you'll get naked and do it, but you'll pass on really knowing enough about him... Doesn't that sound backwards?” (02:23)
  • Ingrid reflects on this, admitting she acted against her own better judgment.
• Dr. Laura decries the devaluation of sex and questions if Ingrid is truly glad about her choices:
  • Dr. Laura: “Are you glad?... Just want you to realize that you're doing things that don't bring you joy for some other obscure reason, like you're supposed to.” (03:53)

4. Substance Abuse as a Red Flag

Timestamp: 03:55 – 04:43

• Major concern: Ingrid reveals her boyfriend “drinks a lot” and that she’s witnessed him drunk multiple times.
• Dr. Laura is unequivocal:
  • Dr. Laura: “It gets worse. Doesn't get better. It gets worse. And then you have two kids and a dog. What are you doing?” (04:34)

5. The Dangers of Overlooking Patterns

Timestamp: 04:43 – 05:04; 08:33 – 09:45

• Dr. Laura emphasizes that substance issues typically escalate, not diminish.
• She points out Ingrid’s failure to investigate her boyfriend’s past and cautions about building a life with someone struggling with these issues.

6. The Value of Patience in Dating

Timestamp: 09:17 – 09:58

• Dr. Laura advises extended periods of non-sexual dating to truly know a partner’s character:
  • Dr. Laura: “That's why you date for two years and you don't have sex immediately... You wait until things have meaning.” (09:18)
  • She humorously but seriously challenges Ingrid: “And see if you can keep your panties on for a year next time. Okay?” (09:52)

7. Responsibility for Family Planning

Timestamp: 08:33 – 09:45

• Dr. Laura expresses concern over the prospect of having children with a problematic partner:
  • Dr. Laura: “How ridiculous is a woman who wants to make babies with a guy who drinks and she doesn't know why he's in his 40s and his relationship didn't work. Duh. Come on.” (08:48)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Dr. Laura: "So you'll get naked and do it, but you'll pass on really knowing enough about him... Doesn't that sound backwards?" (02:23)
• Dr. Laura: "It gets worse. Doesn't get better. It gets worse. And then you have two kids and a dog. What are you doing?" (04:34)
• Dr. Laura: "And see if you can keep your panties on for a year next time. Okay?" (09:52)
• Dr. Laura: "If you're going to stay with him, please. You should not bring a kid into a situation which will get worse over time. Most likely." (09:18)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:44 – Ingrid’s introduction and relationship background
• 01:25 – Discussion on past relationships and transparency
• 02:23 – Dr. Laura criticizes rushing into sex before knowing the person
• 03:55 – Discussion shifts to boyfriend’s drinking problem
• 04:34 – Dr. Laura warns how substance issues worsen over time
• 08:33 – Dr. Laura cautions Ingrid about having children with this man
• 09:17 – Dr. Laura advocates for slow, intentional dating
• 09:52 – Dr. Laura’s “can you wait a year” challenge

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Tone and Advice

Dr. Laura’s style is candid, direct, and at times humorous—always with an undercurrent of care and urgency. She does not mince words about the dangers of ignoring red flags, undervaluing intimacy, or disregarding self-respect and future family stability. Her advice is rooted in accountability, echoing her signature no-nonsense ethos:

• Self-respect and slow courtship are critical.
• Red flags—especially with secrecy and substance use—should not be ignored.
• Serious relationships require serious vetting—before sex, commitment, or considering children.

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Conclusion

This episode delivers Dr. Laura’s hallmark tough love as she guides Ingrid—along with her broader audience—to recognize, heed, and act on red flags in relationships. Her advice is clear: Don’t sacrifice your future or self-worth by ignoring uncomfortable truths or settling for less than you deserve.

Listeners are ultimately reminded: pay attention to early warning signs, don’t rush intimacy, and demand accountability—not only from partners, but from oneself.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM. Triumph 111. Ingrid, welcome to the program.

[Caller (Ingrid)]

Hi, Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you.

[Caller (Ingrid)]

Thank you. So I am calling about a guy that I have been dating for six months and I don't.

[Dr. Laura]

How old are you? How old is he?

[Caller (Ingrid)]

I'm 35. He's 42.

[Dr. Laura]

And either one of you married? Divorced. Kids?

[Caller (Ingrid)]

Never. Neither of us have been married or divorced or have kids.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Any long term relationships?

[Caller (Ingrid)]

Yeah, we've all like, We've all had. We've not all. We've both had long term relationships in the past. I've known that he's had a long term relationship of like two years. I don't know a lot about his long term relationship, but I've had people.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm surprised you weren't curious so that you'd know more about him.

[Caller (Ingrid)]

He told me some of it, but it was like, interesting. He didn't really want to, like, talk about it too much.

[Dr. Laura]

Don't you think that that doesn't alarm you?

[Caller (Ingrid)]

Yeah, it was a little alarming, but I didn't really want to, like, keep poking at, like, why didn't it work out?

[Dr. Laura]

Isn't it alarming for a woman looking for a man to spend her life with that he's not open about? Have you had sex with him yet? Yes or no?

[Caller (Ingrid)]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

So you'll get naked and do it, but you'll pass on really knowing enough about him, how he was in a long term relationship? Doesn't that sound backwards?

[Caller (Ingrid)]

Yeah, it does sound backwards. Looking back then, what are you doing.

[Dr. Laura]

To your life, woman? Come on.

[Caller (Ingrid)]

I know, and I listen to your show. So that was My first mistake.

[Dr. Laura]

Listening to the show or not following it?

[Caller (Ingrid)]

No, listening to the show is not a mistake. Not following. Not following it. Like I needed to ask a lot more questions.

[Dr. Laura]

Isn't so sex is really not precious to you?

[Caller (Ingrid)]

It is. And we did wait a while.

[Dr. Laura]

No, we didn't wait a while. You don't know who he is and you had it kind of quickly. You didn't wait a while. And sex is not precious to you. That's a shame. Such a spectacular thing. It's not precious. How many guys do you think you've had sex with since 12.

[Caller (Ingrid)]

Since I was 12 years old?

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah.

[Caller (Ingrid)]

Probably like five.

[Dr. Laura]

Are you glad?

[Caller (Ingrid)]

I mean, I don't.

[Dr. Laura]

Are you glad?

[Caller (Ingrid)]

Am I glad?

[Dr. Laura]

Huh?

[Caller (Ingrid)]

Particularly? No.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Just want you to realize that you're doing things that don't bring you joy for some other obscure reason, like you're supposed to. Okay. So what is. He drinks a lot. Whether you drink or at all doesn't matter. How much are we talking about that he drinks? So have you seen him get loaded more than one time?

[Caller (Ingrid)]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, let me explain something to you in very simple terms. It gets worse.

[Caller (Ingrid)]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Doesn't get better. It gets worse. And then you have two kids and a dog. What are you doing?

[Caller (Ingrid)]

Yeah. So yeah, we wrote.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm more curious than you are as to why his two year relationship didn't work. Two years.

[Caller (Ingrid)]

I probably know now.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah.

[Caller (Ingrid)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

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[Dr. Laura]

You're 35. You don't have time to waste. Don't waste it with a drunk.

[Caller (Ingrid)]

Okay, that's silly.

[Dr. Laura]

Unless you tie your tubes. I'm okay with you tying your tubes.

[Caller (Ingrid)]

No.

[Dr. Laura]

So you cannot make babies?

[Caller (Ingrid)]

No.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, how ridiculous is a woman who wants to make babies with a guy who drinks and she doesn't know why he's in his 40s and his relationship didn't work. Duh. Come on.

[Caller (Ingrid)]

Yeah, it's all. Yeah, exactly. And it's like I should just. You know. But yeah. So that was. Right. Well, he didn't. And that was the thing. He didn't drink in the beginning. He he.

[Dr. Laura]

As I said, it gets worse.

[Caller (Ingrid)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

That's why you date for two years and you don't have sex immediately and make it sexless. Meaningful to you. You wait until things have meaning. That makes you glad anyway. Tired tubes. If you're going to stay with him, please. You should not bring a kid into a situation which will get worse over time. Most likely.

[Caller (Ingrid)]

Yeah. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

And see if you can keep your panties on for a year next time. Okay?

[Caller (Ingrid)]

A year.

[Dr. Laura]

A year.

[Caller (Ingrid)]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

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