Dr. Laura Schlessinger (2:39)

Where did you learn about schizoaffective disorder? That's pretty sophisticated.

Andrea (Caller) (2:43)

It is Yeah, I did some research online and just looked at all the symptoms, and that was the one that seemed to make the most sense to me.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (2:51)

Did you bring that to his attention?

Andrea (Caller) (2:53)

I did, I did, and his family tried as well, and we didn't have any luck.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (2:59)

So you had feedback that he was mentally ill, probably from the beginning because you said he wasn't always. He wasn't the greatest husband, so you settled a bit in bringing him into your life.

Andrea (Caller) (3:15)

Yeah, I didn't realize.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (3:16)

This is important.

Andrea (Caller) (3:17)

Things were very good.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (3:18)

No, don't.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (Host/Announcer) (3:19)

Please do not say you didn't realize.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (3:21)

He had schizoaffective disorder. You don't have to put a name on a disorder to notice that there are behaviors you don't like, so don't go there. So let's go back to when you were dating. How old were you? How old was he?

Andrea (Caller) (3:39)

I want to say I was about 25 years old. He's the same age we met while working.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (Host/Announcer) (3:47)

By the way, did his parents.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (3:49)

Did his mother in particular ever take you aside and give you some information that led you to believe she was concerned about his mental health?

Andrea (Caller) (4:05)

No, she. Well, not until later years. We were already married for many, many years by the time that happened.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (4:11)

And what you were dating and what you were dating, this is very important. I'm not trying to blame you for anything. I'm guessing what your question is going to be. And so it's very important that we look backwards. So trust me here. So tell me, while you were dating, some of the peculiarities of him, in spite of being cute.

Andrea (Caller) (4:41)

I'm trying to think. It's so many years ago.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (4:43)

All right, take your time. Be quiet and think. It's okay when you tell me you're trying to think, at the same time you're telling me you can't think of anything. You're not thinking. Okay, so just take your quiet time and I'll just sit here.

Andrea (Caller) (5:00)

He had all these big dreams and aspirations, and, you know, we would. I would follow him around. We would move from place to place. So his family wasn't really in the picture. I was away from my family. I'm still away from my family. So we moved to Los Angeles. We moved to British Columbia. We lived in Mexico at one point, Turks and Caicos. We just traveled all over the place for different reasons.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (5:29)

On what? Money?

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Andrea (Caller) (7:55)

Very little, but we would work jobs in between the two of us and we just made it work. We were in a cockroach infested apartment in Los Angeles, but we had each other so it didn't really matter.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (8:08)

You would tell your daughter if there are cockroaches, it's okay as long as you have each other. You would tell your daughter that that is a good plan?

Andrea (Caller) (8:16)

I would not, but I've always been, you know.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (8:19)

Then why would you tell it to yourself, Ma', am, if you wouldn't want your daughter experiencing this, why did you tell yourself it was okay? This is important.

Andrea (Caller) (8:30)

I think it was just all part of the big adventure. I wanted to see the world and I wanted to do things and there wasn't a lot of money involved. But when there was money, we would go out and do things and explore and that part was fun. I think things became harder. Our relationship was good but things became harder once children were involved and I wanted something more stable. I didn't want to travel so much anymore. I didn't want to pursue his dreams anymore. I wanted to, you know, to have soccer on Saturday and dance classes and homework and things.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (9:09)

And this seemed like the man to have that with. The answer is no.

Andrea (Caller) (9:13)

The answer yes. In hindsight, absolutely no.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (9:16)

No. The answer at that time was no.

Andrea (Caller) (9:20)

Right.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (9:22)

Okay. I have enough background. Take me to today. And how can I help you? Today.

Andrea (Caller) (9:31)

I filed for a divorce from him and now I'm having issues where I've got a protection order from him. I have sole custody of the kids. The divorce is going to be brutal. It's going to take a long time and I'm. I'm just finding myself lonely. I'd love to, you know, get out there again and maybe date, but I'm finding it difficult to trust again after.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (9:59)

Okay.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (Host/Announcer) (9:59)

See, I guess totally right.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (10:00)

And you could ask yourself how I knew where you were going to go and why I needed the background. You were a 25 year old, naive, silly girl and this was all a blast. Who even said that it was fun. It was just adventures. Okay. And there were quirky things. He had dreams that never came to pass, but it was okay. And 25 years old, 26, 27. And then you're trapped. And then you don't want to tell your parents because you never even saw them anymore and you don't want to admit to them that what you're doing is stupid. Then you decide because you grow up that you want to be a mom and have a family. So you make the incorrect decision to do that with a peripatetic guy. That was ridiculous decision. Now here we are at a divorce where you're scared of them.

Andrea (Caller) (10:52)

Okay, yeah.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (10:54)

First of all, if you have minor kids, I don't care if you're lonely. That's what friends are for. And get a dog. Your loneliness is irrelevant. You have a moral obligation to raise the kids without any love life interfering or getting invested. Number two, behind the curtains, he would escalate. So that would be stupid on top of dangerous. Next is you were 25 and ridiculous. You are no longer 25 and ridiculous. You're 43 and hopefully making more rational decisions. So when you say you can't trust, it's yourself you're talking about, not men, because you picked that man. Most men are quite trustworthy and aren't mentally ill. You picked that man at a time in your life when it was easy for you to make a stupid choice. I think you wanted to get away from your parents and you wanted to shove it up their nose. But here we are. So once the kids are all grown up and out, it's not trusting men we have to worry about. It's whether or not you're going to make intelligent choices. Can you trust yourself to not act out of whim or emotion? And I bet you're closer to not acting out out of whim and emotion. So being alone. Get a dog. Call your parents, Find friends. Do not date. It's not fair to your kids. They've been through enough. You being distracted by a love life is not in their interest. So wait till they're all up and out and squared away and then decide if you can count on you. Because it's not men that are the problem just because you picked one that has mental disorders. Make sense?

Andrea (Caller) (12:57)

Makes sense.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (12:59)

Any questions? That's a lot.

Andrea (Caller) (13:01)

No, ma'. Am. That is a lot.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (13:03)

All right. Use it. My number 1-800-375-2872.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (Host/Announcer) (13:10)

Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me to. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com DrLora and instagram.com DrLauraprogram.

Rethink the Drink Announcer (13:32)

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