Fostering Has Sparked My Desire to Be a Dad

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Fostering Has Sparked My Desire to Be a Dad
Date: February 22, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Featured Caller: Faustino

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Episode Overview

In this emotionally resonant episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger speaks with Faustino, a 38-year-old man grappling with the desire to become a biological father after years in a committed relationship and recent experiences fostering children. The conversation dives deep into themes of parenthood, fostering, the significance of biological ties, and weighing heart-driven decisions against future uncertainties. Dr. Laura offers her distinctive direct advice, challenging common assumptions about parenthood and fulfillment.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Faustino’s Background and Family Situation

• Faustino has been in a relationship with a woman for six and a half years.
• His partner has three children (now ages 15, 18, and 20); they've also begun fostering other children.
• Initially, Faustino had no children of his own; they recently fostered three children in addition to having an 11-year-old foster child.

  "A couple months ago we came into a situation where we ended up fostering three more children to get them out of a really bad situation… they’ve improved quite a bit. Like, they weren’t very good in school, they were having really bad attendance, their grades are really low, lots of troubles… and in about three months, like, we were able to turn that around and it feels very satisfying to be able to do that." — Faustino (03:26)

2. Impact of Fostering on Faustino’s Desire to Be a Father

• Fostering has inspired Faustino, causing him to yearn for a biological child.
• He recognizes how rewarding caring for foster kids has been but feels a specific kind of loss for not having his own child.

  "...seeing how I've been able to successfully raise these children… I would like to have my own child, seeing how I’ve been able to successfully raise these children." — Faustino (04:50)

3. Struggles and Attempts at Having a Child

• The couple previously tried IVF, which failed and strained their relationship.
• Dr. Laura challenges Faustino’s focus on biology:

  "I’m not impressed with your DNA. I’m more impressed with your heart in taking in these foster kids and maybe even adopting some of them. And I think that would make you a better father than getting some girl pregnant with half your DNA..." — Dr. Laura (06:19)

4. Decision-Making: Pursuing Biology vs. Embracing the Family Present

• Faustino is wrestling with whether his longing for a biological child should dictate his future choices or if he should focus on the family life he currently has through fostering and his partner's children.
• Dr. Laura emphasizes prioritizing current relationships over hypothetical futures:

  "You have to decide if that feeling is important enough to lose her and, and all these kids. So that’s a decision." — Dr. Laura (07:11)

5. The Nature of Feelings vs. Decisions

• Dr. Laura distinguishes between feelings (not inherently right or wrong) and the choices stemming from them.
• She warns against making major life decisions based on uncertainties far down the road:

  “It is unwise to make decisions on today based upon what you fantasize you would like in the distant tomorrows. We don’t even know that you’re going to live to 50... but we know there are children who adore you right now.” — Dr. Laura (11:11)

6. Fears About the Future

• Faustino expresses concern that without adoption, the foster children could leave, leaving him again without any children in his life.

  "My fear is like I just won’t have any children later on to enjoy life with. Like I would. I’m not sure how long these foster children are going to stay." — Faustino (10:54)

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On Fostering’s Rewards:

  “…in about three months, like, we were able to turn that around and it feels very satisfying… they’re a lot happier kids. Like, it so warms your heart. I don’t even know the word for it...” — Faustino (03:26)

• On the Value of Parenthood Beyond DNA:

  “When people adopt children, they don’t think like you do. They think this is my kid because my heart, love, effort, commitment is in this kid.” — Dr. Laura (06:34)

• On Life Choices and Uncertainties:

  “There’s no struggle here. I think it is unwise to make decisions on today based upon what you fantasize you would like in the distant tomorrows.” — Dr. Laura (11:11)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:46] — Faustino introduces his family background and their recent fostering arrangement.
• [03:26] — Faustino describes the positive changes in the foster children and his feelings about parenting.
• [04:50] — Faustino reveals that fostering has inspired a deeper desire to be a father.
• [06:19] — Dr. Laura challenges the importance of biological ties in parenting.
• [07:11] — Dr. Laura explains the difference between feelings and decisions regarding family choices.
• [10:54] — Faustino discusses his fear about the uncertainty of fostering and not having children in the future.
• [11:11] — Dr. Laura’s closing advice about living in the now versus fixating on uncertain futures.

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Takeaway

This episode gently but firmly explores the meaning of fatherhood, the value of love and devotion over biology, and the importance of purposefully choosing the life you have instead of chasing unguaranteed dreams. Dr. Laura’s advice speaks directly to anyone struggling with similar crossroads about family, fulfillment, and the weight of "what if"s—urging listeners to care for what is present and real, rather than risking everything for something that may never come.

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For more episodes or to contact Dr. Laura, visit DrLaura.com or tune in on your favorite podcast platform.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Faustino]

Hi Dr. Laura, I'm calling here today, I guess based on for my relationship that I have and kind of where it's going to be moving forward.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What kind of relationship do you have? How old are you?

[Faustino]

I am. I'm 38 years old. I've been in my relationship about six and a half years and with a.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

With a woman or with a man?

[Faustino]

With a woman.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And the reason you've been in a relationship for six years with no marriage is.

[Faustino]

Financial. I think mostly there was a lot of kids involved. She had three kids. I have none of my own.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh my gosh. How many kids does she have and how old are they?

[Faustino]

She has three kids and a fought and a foster children. A child as well. Her three kids are now 15, 18 and 20 and the foster child is 11. So the three kids recently did move out and we're kind of starting to settle into our relationship.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What do you mean move out? They're minors.

[Faustino]

The older one, the two older ones moved out. The minor, he moved in with a friend because it's easier for him to go to school because we live quite a ways from the city where he goes to school and the inclement weather that we have here, it's not really safe for him to drive on the road with the vehicle that he has. So that's why he's been living with a friend in town, which has been working out actually really good for him. Kind of giving him the independence that he was looking for. We were, you know, we had our relationship with them and it's kind of gone a little distant. We still good with one child, which is pretty good, and we're working on the other two. But that's not what I'm calling about the children in particular. Then we came down to one child. We have the 11 year old with us. And a couple months ago we came into a situation where we ended up fostering three more children to get them out of a really bad situation, which is great, actually. Like, I wasn't totally certain about what was going to happen, but since they've been there, it's. And like, for me as a, as a childless adult, I guess not having a child of my own, I really kind of took off with these kids and they've, they've improved quite a bit. Like they weren't very good in school, they were having really bad attendance, their grades are really low, lots of troubles with school. And in about three months, like, we were able to turn that around and it feels very satisfying to be able to do that. And they're a lot happier kids. Like, it's, it's so, it so warms your heart. I don't even know the word for

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

it, but warms your heart works. Go ahead.

[Faustino]

But now what's coming into play here is that seeing how, like, I don't have my own child, I would like to have my own child, seeing how I've been able to successfully raise these children.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And does she want to get pregnant again?

[Faustino]

She does, but she doesn't. We tried before to have a child, Faustino.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

There is no say, sir. There is no such thing as she does, but she doesn't.

[Faustino]

We tried the IVF and it failed and it, it kind of took a little bit of a strain on us. And this was when we had her children there and we kind of moved past, it was fine. But for me personally, now that I have these three younger children back in, I feel like I'm not sure if it's a midlife crisis or like I just feel very mourning of a child that I never had.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. And you think every time we're sad about something we haven't had, we should go get it?

[Faustino]

No, I understand where you're coming from. My situation thinking of it is it just seems very, like it's a very life. Either I'm going to continue with this without my own biological child or I can try to have a biological child. And I'm very, I'm just very struggling with that concept.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm not impressed with your DNA. I'm more impressed with your heart in taking in these foster kids and maybe even adopting some of them. And I think that would make you a better father than getting some girl pregnant with half your DNA. When people adopt children, they don't think like you do. They think this is my kid because my heart, love, effort, commitment is in this kid.

[Faustino]

Well, they're not there.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I listen, I didn't miss.

[Faustino]

I definitely didn't go into the situation.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Did you call for a reason? Was there something you hope I would help you with?

[Faustino]

I was just. I'm not sure if the feeling I have is a right feeling. If it's.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It's a feeling. Feeling has no value of right or wrong. It's a feeling. Then you have to decide if that feeling is important enough to lose her and, and all these kids. So that's a decision. Is it important enough that I cut this out, I go find some woman, take three, four years to make sure she's the right one, get married, make kids or stay with what I have and consider myself fortunate. You have to make that decision. But if you go off and just knock up some broad and bring the kid home, then you have to understand that's not biologically hers.

[Faustino]

Well, yeah, that's not what I was ever looking for. And I got into a relationship.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Faustino]

I guess my fear here is because we haven't adopted these children. And my fear is like I just won't have any children later on to enjoy life with. Like I would. I'm not sure how long these foster children are going to stay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I guess you can't have everything, but I'd hate for you to deep six what you have on the off chance that you might be disappointed. There's no struggle here. There is no struggle here. I think it is unwise to make decisions on today based upon what you fantasize you would like in the distant tomorrows. We don't even know that you're going to live to 50. Fair. Yeah, but we know there are children who adore you right now.

[Faustino]

Yep, you're right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yep. Yep. I appreciate your call line number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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