Friendship Conflict Over Event Invitation

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Friendship Conflict Over Event Invitation
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Cheryl
Date: July 18, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on Cheryl, a listener in her early 60s, who calls Dr. Laura seeking advice after a conflict with a friend regarding an event invitation. The discussion explores feelings of obligation in friendships, the importance of boundaries, and how to handle friends who may be overly dependent or sensitive about exclusion.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Caller’s Dilemma

• Cheryl describes her friendship:
  • A “newish” friendship of a couple years.
  • Cheryl is “kind of like her only friend” who goes out and does things.
  • They’ve gone on vacations, day trips, and have fun together.
  • Cheryl has a group of long-time friends separate from this new friend.
• The conflict:
  • Cheryl planned to attend a concert with her daughter-in-law.
  • Upon hearing about this, the friend asked, “You didn’t invite me.”
  • Cheryl was blindsided and felt awkward, responding that the plan was made long in advance.

“I was like, oh, well, I really didn’t know what to say. But I said, well, I’ve had these tickets for a while and I’m just, we’re going together and whatever else I said, I don’t really remember.” — Cheryl (03:00)

• The friend later texts Cheryl her feelings are hurt.
• Cheryl apologizes, but the friend responds with, “Live and learn. I should just keep to myself and live and learn.” (03:41)

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2. Dr. Laura’s Assessment

• Dr. Laura probes whether this has happened before.
• Cheryl admits the friend has sometimes expressed similar hurt about not being invited to group events.

“I have a group of core friends…we’ve known each other for 30 plus years and she’s a new friend…It’s a different relationship.” — Cheryl (04:27)

• Dr. Laura asks why the friend has few friends:

“She doesn’t have many friends. Why do you think that’s so?” — Dr. Laura (04:58)

• Cheryl describes her as “kind of abrasive” and notes, “she can rub people the wrong way.” (05:03)

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3. Sense of Obligation & Emotional Burden

• Cheryl admits feeling responsible for her friend’s social life and is overwhelmed since her husband’s recent passing.

“I feel responsible and I can’t do that because my husband passed in November 24th. You know, I’m treading water as it is. I just, it’s too much.” — Cheryl (04:11)

• Dr. Laura questions why Cheryl tolerates and enables this dependency:

“Why have you gone so far out of your way to tolerate her?” — Dr. Laura (05:28)

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4. Setting Boundaries & Having the Tough Conversation

• Dr. Laura insists Cheryl must address the imbalance openly:

“So, in my opinion, you have to do what’s going to be very uncomfortable and tell her. You know, I thought a lot about you saying your feelings were hurt. Do you really have the expectation that everything I do you should be included? … That’s an unreasonable expectation…” — Dr. Laura (09:08)

• Dr. Laura emphasizes this is a friendship lesson Cheryl must help her friend learn:

“If you don’t have the strength to say this, then you are a bad friend because you don’t help her understand how destructive she is in friendships. A good friend helps the other person become better.” — Dr. Laura (09:55–10:04)

• Cheryl expresses concern about remembering what to say.
• Dr. Laura coaches her to write it down and keep it simple:

“‘Do you really think that everything I do should include you? Do you really think everything you do should include me? I don’t think so. And that has to be okay.’ How’s that for shorter?” — Dr. Laura (10:24)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Cheryl’s honesty about guilt and emotional strain:
  “I’m treading water as it is. I just, it’s too much.” (04:11)
• Dr. Laura’s direct approach:
  “You have to do what’s going to be very uncomfortable and tell her… That’s an unreasonable expectation that everything I do should include you.” (09:08)
• Friendship as mutual growth:
  “A good friend helps the other person become better.” (10:04)
• The key script for Cheryl:
  “‘Do you really think that everything I do should include you? Do you really think everything you do should include me? I don’t think so. And that has to be okay.’” (10:24)

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Important Timestamps

• 02:35: Cheryl begins describing her friendship situation.
• 04:11: Cheryl expresses emotional overwhelm since her husband’s death.
• 05:03: Discussion about the friend’s abrasive personality.
• 09:08: Dr. Laura outlines the direct conversation Cheryl needs to have.
• 10:24: Dr. Laura provides a concise script for Cheryl to use.

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Episode Takeaways

• Friendship requires boundaries and honest communication.
• Feeling obligated to manage another adult’s social life is unhealthy.
• A true friend helps others grow, even if it means having uncomfortable conversations.
• It’s okay—and even necessary—to have relationships at different levels and to do things separately.

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This summary provides a detailed walkthrough of Cheryl’s call, Dr. Laura’s no-nonsense advice, and practical guidance for managing friendship conflicts—useful for any listener facing similar dilemmas.

Transcript

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[e-mail] Cheryl welcome to the program.

[Caller Cheryl]

Hi.

[Dr. Laura]

Hi. What's up?

[Caller Cheryl]

I have a friend. We're kind of new friends. It's been a couple, a couple of years. I'm kind of like her only friend that likes to do Things like go out. We went on vacation together, we do day trips. We're both in our early 60s. And I had plans to do something with my daughter in law this past Sunday and I spoke with my friend on Friday and I said something about it, yeah, going to a concert. And she said we didn't invite me. And I was like, oh, well, I really didn't know what to say. But I said, well, I've had these tickets for a while and I'm just, we're going together and whatever else I said, I don't really remember. And then she texted me, I hurt her feelings. I texted her, I'm sorry. I, I was surprised by that question. I didn't really know what to say. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. And then she's like, live and learn. I should just keep to myself and live and learn.

[Dr. Laura]

What did you learn? What did you learn?

[Caller Cheryl]

She, she wrote that. Live and learn. I'm still at a loss to tell you the truth. It seems like a lot of times since I am kind of like her only friend that likes to do things and go places and all that kind of stuff, sometimes I feel like I feel responsible and I can't do that because my husband passed in November 24th. You know, I'm treading water as it is. I just, it's too much.

[Dr. Laura]

So is this the first time she's brought it to your attention that you left her out or something? Is this the first time?

[Caller Cheryl]

I don't believe so.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm not sure I understand that answer.

[Caller Cheryl]

Well, I have a group of core friends. This is a new friend and she's been invited to things with my other friends as well. And we've had a good time and all that. But sometimes if I go there, I don't invite her because it's just us. And sometimes I feel like I should invite her, but it's a different relationship because we've known each other for 30 plus years and she's a new friend and we have a great time together.

[Dr. Laura]

She doesn't have many friends. Why do you think that's so.

[Caller Cheryl]

I thought about that. She's kind of abrasive and she's. I don't know, she's kind of abrasive and tells you like it is. And I think sometimes she can rub people the wrong way, to tell you the truth.

[Dr. Laura]

And why have you gone so far out of your way to tolerate her?

[Caller Cheryl]

When we get along, we get along really nice and, you know, we have fun together and she lives close by my other friends live about our way. But I just, I just don't understand. The. You didn't invite me. I really, like I said, I didn't know what to say. I'm like, I could have said, well, yeah, I didn't invite you because I, I was shocked, to tell you the truth. What she said then I don't know if she's kidding because at one point.

[Dr. Laura]

No, she's not kidding. She has the expectation that you take

[Caller Cheryl]

care that I'm inviting her. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Yes.

[Caller Cheryl]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

So you're going to have to have a grown up conversation.

[Caller Cheryl]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Because you have allowed yourself to allow her to be dependent on you.

[Caller Cheryl]

Right. Okay.

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[Dr. Laura]

So, in my opinion, you have to do what's going to be very uncomfortable and tell her. You know, I thought a lot about you saying your feelings were hurt. Do you really have the expectation that everything I do you should be included? Do you really have that expectation? Because that's an unreasonable expectation that everything I do should include you. I don't have the expectation that everything you do includes me. So we have to have an understanding now that you can do your things without me and I can do things without you. And what we want to do together, we will. But I don't really want to hear you hurt my feelings anymore because I did things and didn't include you.

That's life.

That's friends. So if you don't have

the strength

to say this, then you are a bad friend because you don't help her understand how destructive she is in friendships.

[Caller Cheryl]

Gotcha.

[Dr. Laura]

A good friend helps the other person become better.

[Caller Cheryl]

Gotcha. Okay. I hope I remember all that. You always know how to say things so wonderfully.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you.

Write it down.

Do you really think that everything I do should include you? Do you really think everything you do should include me? I don't think so. And that has to be okay. How's that for shorter?

[Caller Cheryl]

That's good. I should remember that.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay.

[Caller Cheryl]

All right, hon. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

Now go do the right thing.

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