Grandparents Have Little Power

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Grandparents Have Little Power" Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Release Date: June 10, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode titled "Grandparents Have Little Power," Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses the concerns of a parent distressed about her daughter's upcoming move. The discussion delves into parental authority, the autonomy of adult children, and the evolving dynamics of familial relationships.

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Caller’s Dilemma

Concerned Parent's Situation: A distressed parent reaches out to Dr. Laura expressing anxiety over her daughter and granddaughter’s plans to move to Ventura with her boyfriend and two older male housemates. The parent highlights fears regarding the influence and intentions of these new housemates, especially given their age (mid-50s), and the absence of the daughter's biological father, who is involved with another woman and children.

"We don't think it's a good move. I'm very concerned."
[00:42] Concerned Parent

Underlying Issues:

• Trust and Concerns: The parent trusts her daughter's judgment but is uneasy about the new living situation and the character of the boyfriend and his companions.
• Lack of Control: The parent acknowledges the lack of control over the adult daughter's decisions, leading to feelings of helplessness.
• Societal Changes: References are made to how societal norms around shame and accountability have shifted, impacting familial influence and personal responsibility.

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Dr. Laura’s Response

Acknowledging Helplessness: Dr. Laura empathizes with the parent's feelings but emphasizes the limited control grandparents have over their adult children's lives.

"You're asking a stranger how concerned you should be when it doesn't matter how concerned you are because you have no control over the circumstances."
[02:09] Dr. Laura

Reality of Parental Power: She bluntly states that grandparents lack legal and practical authority to intervene unless there’s a legal infraction.

"I’m unaware of any power you have, legal or otherwise... You have no power over her."
[05:02] Dr. Laura

On Accountability and Responsibility: Dr. Laura underscores the importance of personal responsibility in adult relationships and cautions against attempting to control the daughter's decisions through means like financial incentives or coercion.

"You could buy her a house and a car and give her a monthly stipend if she doesn't have boyfriends or guys over... You could do that."
[05:20] Dr. Laura

Cultural Observations: She reflects on the erosion of shame in modern society, contrasting it with the values prevalent during her upbringing in the late 1940s.

"When we go... it's fat shaming. It's this shaming. It's that shaming. It's a bad word now. Nonsense. Stupid twitch. Shaming ought to be back in my number."
[06:06] Dr. Laura

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Key Insights

1. Limitations of Influence: Grandparents and older generations may feel powerless in influencing the life choices of their adult children, especially when societal norms have shifted towards greater individual autonomy.

2. Emphasis on Personal Responsibility: Dr. Laura advocates for personal accountability, suggesting that individuals must navigate their relationships and life decisions independently.

3. Changing Societal Norms: The decline of shame as a regulatory mechanism in personal behavior is highlighted, with implications for how younger generations perceive and engage in responsible behavior.

4. Navigating Modern Family Dynamics: The episode underscores the challenges traditional structures face in contemporary settings, where control and influence are less hierarchical and more egalitarian.

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Conclusion

In "Grandparents Have Little Power," Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides a candid perspective on the frustrations parents and grandparents may face when their adult children make life choices that diverge from their expectations. She emphasizes the importance of respecting adult autonomy while recognizing the inherent limitations in exerting control over others' decisions. The discussion serves as a reminder of the evolving dynamics within families and the necessity for adapting to changing societal norms.

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Notable Quotes:

• "You have no control over her. She can do whatever she wants until it crosses a legal line."
  [05:18] Dr. Laura Schlessinger

• "Shame has been ripped out of our society. Especially young people can do the most egregious stupidity and not feel the slightest shame."
  [06:12] Dr. Laura Schlessinger

• "Your daughter is the last person who gives a shit about your opinion."
  [05:45] Dr. Laura Schlessinger

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For more insights and advice, visit DrLaura.com and follow Dr. Laura on Facebook and Instagram.

Transcript

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[Radio Host]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on SiriusX. Michelle, welcome to the program.

[Concerned Parent]

Hi.

[Radio Host]

Hi. What can I help you with?

[Concerned Parent]

Well, I had. My husband and I have a daughter who lives with us. We have four children. She is our middle, and we have a granddaughter that lives with us. The two of them are planning on moving to Ventura or to another city with her boyfriend and two other housemates that are grown men, like in their mid-50s. My husband and I are very upset about it. We don't think it's a good move. I'm very concerned.

[Radio Host]

What happened to this? What happened to the guy who helped her get pregnant? Where is he?

[Concerned Parent]

Her dad is. He's in another city with another girl with more babies. So he sees her on the weekend and that's their schedule.

[Radio Host]

Okay.

[Concerned Parent]

So.

[Radio Host]

So they're gonna move. And so they're moving.

[Concerned Parent]

And we. We are. We just don't know. We're very concerned about the other two housemates.

[Radio Host]

We.

[Concerned Parent]

We don't know them. She seems to know them. She's been dating this guy for a couple years now.

[Radio Host]

Okay. You're wanting me to reassure you? You don't need to be worried. I can't do that.

[Concerned Parent]

No, I just want to know. What? How concerned should I really be? I mean, I know on a scale.

[Radio Host]

Of 1 to 10, what are you asking? You're asking a stranger how concerned you should be when it doesn't matter how concerned you are because you have no control over the circumstances.

[Concerned Parent]

That is correct.

[Radio Host]

So I guess you'll have to wait and see if anything bad happens because your daughter is so responsible.

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[Concerned Parent]

Yeah, okay. I just.

[Radio Host]

I'm less worried about the other men. I'm more worried about your daughter.

[Concerned Parent]

I am, too. I'm worried about my.

[Radio Host]

Well, there's nothing. I know, but there's. I am unaware. I am unaware of any power you have, legal or otherwise. Well, otherwise.

[Concerned Parent]

Yeah, right.

[Radio Host]

Kidnapping. But I wouldn't recommend that. But I'm unaware of any control you can possibly use.

[Concerned Parent]

Right.

[Radio Host]

Are you. Am I missing something? What control do you give her?

[Friend]

Money?

[Concerned Parent]

No, I have no control.

[Radio Host]

You want to bribe her? Do you want to bribe her? Buy her a house and a car. Buy her a house and a car and give her a monthly stipend if she doesn't have boyfriends or guys over. You could do that. And if she doesn't have sex with other guys out of wedlock, you could do that.

[Concerned Parent]

Yeah, I. I just don't know. I mean, I don't mind the boyfriend. I just think that they should do this. Family.

[Radio Host]

It doesn't matter what you think they should do. Why do you. Why are you saying any of this? Nobody asked your opinion, and your daughter is the last person who gives a shit about your opinion. Unfortunately. Unfortunately, no. It's not a matter of minding your own business. I. You didn't hear me say that. I said you had no power over your twitty daughter. You have no power over her. She can do whatever she wants until it crosses a legal line. So wait for that to happen.

[Concerned Parent]

Okay.

[Radio Host]

All right, then go put. Then go try to protect the grandkid. But until she crosses some legal line, the rest of us are helpless because shame has been ripped out of our society. Especially young people can do the most egregious stupidity and not feel the slightest shame. Yeah. My daughter got knocked up out of wedlock by a guy who knocks up other people out of wedlock. And. Yeah. And we were taking care of her and now she's got some stud and she's going to be at his house because he's just such a quality man and he has buddies that are going to be living there, too. That's great. That's great. No shame. I remember growing up, I was born in 1947, and I remember growing up where shame was a very big deal. There were things you didn't do. You may have thought about them, but you didn't do them because it was shameful. Now we go. It's fat shaming. It's this shaming. It's that shaming. It's a bad word now. Nonsense. Stupid twitch. Shaming ought to be back in my number. 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com DrLora and instagram.com DrLauraprogram.

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