Grief After Losing an Adult Child

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Grief After Losing an Adult Child

Date: May 11, 2026

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger

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Overview

This episode of The Dr. Laura Podcast centers on the profound grief experienced after the loss of an adult child. Dr. Laura takes a heartfelt call from Mary, a listener coping with the sudden death of her 33-year-old daughter, who was also a mother of two young children. The conversation explores whether therapy is useful in dealing with such deep loss, and Dr. Laura provides no-nonsense, compassionate advice on processing grief and supporting one's family through unimaginable sorrow.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Mary’s Story: A Cascade of Losses

• Mary shares her family’s recent hardships:
  • Daughter diagnosed with breast cancer; died unexpectedly from a pulmonary embolism following surgery.
  • Mary also suffered from breast cancer and underwent a double mastectomy.
  • Her husband faced a job loss and subsequent lawsuit.
• Mary’s question: Is therapy supposed to help with this level of grief? She expresses feeling “nothing” from therapy and is at a loss for what to expect (03:23).

2. Dr. Laura’s Perspective on Grief Therapy

• Therapy isn’t always the answer:
  • “There’s a very good reason you’re getting nothing from it. It’s not the treatment of choice right now.” (03:23–03:30)
  • Dr. Laura stresses that therapy may not help unless the loss is straining the marriage.
• The marriage is intact:
  • Mary confirms her marriage is strong (“my marriage is… Thank God. It’s good.” – 03:36), which Dr. Laura highlights as unique, noting that most marriages suffer profoundly after a child’s death.

3. The Reality of Pain and Grief

• The pain is unfixable in the short term:
  • “There’s no fixing that right now. You’re going to have to live with this pain for quite a while…” (04:25)
  • Dr. Laura explains that nothing—therapy included—can remove grief quickly.
• No quick fixes:
  • “You have to hold on to each other and get through every day and have a strawberry muffin every now and then or… a little walk in the park…” (04:02–04:13)
• On wishing to have ‘traded places’ with a lost child:
  • Dr. Laura acknowledges the common, painful sentiment: “You would much rather that you died.” (04:17)
  • Mary echoes this: “Yes. I wish I had died in her place.” (04:22)

4. The Role of Family and Grandparents Post-Loss

• Responsibility to grandchildren:
  • “You have each other and you have to take that part of your daughter and be there for the kids forever.” (05:13)
• Staying involved:
  • Dr. Laura encourages Mary to find purpose in “filling in” for her daughter and to remain present for her grandchildren (05:25).

5. Practical Advice: What to Do Instead of Therapy

• Focus on daily living and togetherness:
  • Don’t seek therapy unless the marriage is faltering.
  • Take comfort in shared family activities, spiritual practices (e.g., prayer), and small pleasures.
• Creating and preserving memories:
  • “Accumulate pictures from the day she was born to the last day.” – Dr. Laura (10:04)
  • Share stories about the lost child with the grandchildren as they grow (09:28–09:45).

6. The Unique, Indescribable Pain of Losing a Child

• No grief compares:
  • “I still believe the worst loss in life is a kid… Nothing, nothing beats losing a kid. Think of the unique relationship—the kid is actually physiologically part of you—spouse isn’t.” (11:09–11:22)

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On the futility of seeking therapy for unfillable loss:
  • Dr. Laura: “There’s nothing we’re going to do or say in here that’s going to take real human, tragic pain away with alacrity. Not happening.” (10:37)
• Mary’s unwavering determination:
  • Mary: “That’s all I want to do. [Make my daughter proud.]” (09:23)
• Validating the pain, not minimizing it:
  • Dr. Laura: “Honey, this is as good as it feels and it’s just not going to feel better right now. No matter what you do or how many times you talk about it, it’s not going to feel better right now. So give yourself a break.” (08:49)
• Encouragement to honor the memory of the daughter:
  • Dr. Laura: “You can keep her alive in how you raise them, and the stories you tell.” (09:45)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Topic/Quote | |-----------|-------------| | 01:33 | Mary begins to share her story and question about therapy | | 02:01 | Description of daughter’s diagnosis and sudden passing | | 03:23 | Mary’s dissatisfaction with therapy | | 03:31 | Dr. Laura’s opinion on therapy and grief (unless marriage is affected) | | 04:22 | The agony of wishing to have traded places with a deceased child | | 05:13 | Importance of grandparents for grandchildren’s wellbeing | | 08:18 | Dr. Laura reemphasizes that therapy is not needed; praise for the couple’s resilience | | 09:45 | Advice to keep memories alive for grandchildren | | 11:09 | Discussion of the unique and incomparable grief of losing a child |

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Tone and Language

The tone of the conversation is both compassionate and characteristically candid—Dr. Laura is direct but warm, validating the caller’s feelings without sugarcoating the grim reality of bereavement. She avoids platitudes, focusing instead on acceptance, patience, and tangible acts of family connection.

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Summary

In this emotionally rich episode, Dr. Laura addresses the devastating grief of losing an adult child. She counsels against defaulting to therapy unless the pain is damaging the marital relationship and instead suggests finding solace in family, memory-keeping, and the gradual, lived process of healing. Her advice is unfiltered yet supportive, giving those who grieve permission to feel their pain without expectation of quick resolution, and to honor both their lost loved ones and the family who remain.

Transcript

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[C]

Hi, Dr. Laura.

[A]

Hi.

[C]

I'm calling today. I'm calling today to ask you about therapy and what should I expect in therapy. My husband and I recently started seeing a therapist because we went through a just a horrendous year which culminated in the death of our daughter.

[A]

And what happened to lose your daughter? What are you talking about?

[C]

She was diagnosed with breast cancer and her treatment plan was surgery followed by chemo, followed by radiation, and she died the day after surgery from a pulmonary embolism.

[A]

Oh, ouch.

[C]

She was 33 and the mother of two young children.

[A]

Worse.

[C]

Yeah, it's a. It's awful. And it had been. Of course, that was the worst thing that has ever happened, but it was on top of a really horrendous year. And we thought we need.

[A]

I'm sorry, what. What else was horrendous? That beat that.

[C]

Well, it's nothing beats that. But my husband suffered a job loss, which was followed by a lawsuit. And then I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and I went through a double mastectomy, and we got through that, and then we got the news of our daughter's breast cancer, and it was just a lot. So we thought we could benefit from a therapist. And I'd never been to a therapist before. And I don't know what to expect in therapy, but I don't know what should be happening. But I'm getting nothing from it and I need guidance.

[A]

Well, there's a very good reason you're getting nothing from it. It's not the treatment of choice right now.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

The only way I would recommend it if this were destroying your marriage.

[C]

No, my marriage is. Thank God. It's good.

[A]

Good. Because the number one most horrible thing that happens in a situation like this is that you two go in opposite directions in your suffering. But that if you have joined together and support each other and are being kind to each other and patient with each other, I would not have recommended therapy. I would recommend maybe more prayer, but not therapy. Because you almost died of this. You watched your daughter die and she's got two little kids. The insanity of this that you lived and your daughter died. I know. I've talked to mothers in this predicament. You would much rather that you died.

[C]

Yes. I wish I had died in her place.

[A]

I understand that. There's no fixing that right now. You're going to have to live with this pain for quite a while. And what therapists often don't tell people when it needs to be told, is that there's no quick fix for this. You have to hold on to each other and get through every day and have a strawberry muffin every now and then or, you know, a little walk in the park, you know what I'm saying? Because this is going to feel horrible for a very long time because you're now on the front lines of helping with the two babies, the two kidlets. Oh my God. You and dad, Grandpa here are tremendously needed.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

So you have each other and you have to take that part of your daughter and be there for the kids forever.

[C]

Yes. That's what we're planning on.

[A]

That's right. So you have a busy life ahead of you filling in for your daughter.

[C]

Okay, okay.

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[A]

But I would not recommend therapy. I think that is right now waste of money unless the marriage is going kaput, which it's not. Thank God. You two must be very extraordinary people because more than half of marriages end up in divorce after the loss of a child at any age. Because the people, the husband and wife don't pull toward each other.

[C]

That's all. We're doing good heavily on each other.

[A]

Honey, this is as good as it feels and it's just not going to feel better right now. No matter what you do or how many times you talk about it, it's not going to feel better right now. So give yourself a break. Stop trying to think that if you go into therapy and you can have more piece of this every day, you can wake up without that pit in your stomach because that pit is going to be there for a while.

[C]

Okay. Thank you.

[A]

But you are going to do your daughter proud.

[C]

I hope so.

[A]

Of course. How can you say hope so?

[C]

No, I'm doing. That's all I want to do.

[A]

Of course. You don't have to say I hope so automatically. You're going to be a great grandma filling in for mama. And when they're old enough, you can talk about what she was like as a kid. You can keep her alive in how you raise them, help raise them, and the stories you tell. So one of the things I'd like you to do is look through all your albums and your cell phone and all this and accumulate pictures from the day she was born to the last day.

[C]

Okay? I can do that.

[A]

This is just a horrible accident that stood. Blood clot. Jeez.

[C]

Okay. Thank you so much.

[A]

You take care of yourself and call me anytime. Okay?

[C]

Okay. Thank you.

[A]

But stop going to the therapy. I don't think you need it.

[C]

I'm glad you said that. Thank you. Good.

[A]

Okay. You know, sometimes it's just not going to be that useful. My number. Come and see me. Okay. So your goal in the therapy is what? I don't want to feel this pain about my daughter. Then take serious drugs. Because there's nothing we're going to do or say in here that's going to take real human, tragic pain away with alacrity. Not happening. Just not happening. And I've said before, and I still believe the worst loss in life is a kid, job, knowing you're gonna die yourself. Parents, friends, siblings, spouses. Nothing, nothing beats losing a kid. Think of the unique relationship the kid is actually physiologically part of. You spouse isn't. That's real sad. Alrighty. You think you need therapy? Maybe you do, maybe you don't. I have opinions about this. You'd like to hear one, give me a call. 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform,

[B]

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