Guidance on a New Relationship After Loss

Summary

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The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Guidance on a New Relationship After Loss
Date: June 11, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Saskia

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura engages with Saskia, a longtime listener grappling with dating after the death of her husband of 40+ years. Saskia seeks guidance about navigating a new relationship with an older gentleman—specifically, whether and how to proceed with marriage, considering her values, her adult children’s perceptions, and the practicalities and expectations that come with dating later in life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller’s Situation: Dating After Loss

• [01:55] Saskia introduces her dilemma: She lost her husband after over 40 years of marriage (2024), has started dating a man 11 years her senior who lives two hours away, and wonders how to honor her values (and her children’s respect) while exploring this new relationship.
• She references prior Dr. Laura advice: "Last week, you fielded a call from a woman...you said, 'Why do you need to get married? Why can't you just enjoy your relationship?'" [02:08]

2. Masculine & Feminine Dynamics: Men Should Lead

• [03:18] Dr. Laura responds by reinforcing traditional gender roles:

  • Suggests the suitor can sacrifice by moving closer if he values the relationship.
  • "Women act kind of desperate, desperate and needy. So they'll breach their own values just to get keep a guy." [03:38]
  • Tells a story from the French movie A Man and a Woman about the man pursuing the woman, emphasizing men's need to demonstrate commitment through action and sacrifice.

• Memorable analogy:

  • "Men don't really appreciate things that are easy to come by...they appreciate things they may use...but they're not going to value that which they don't have to work hard for." [05:03]
  • Parallels with animal kingdom: "...the guy has to work except with human because females have gotten stupid and weak and scared and have not appreciated their values and put themselves on a pedestal." [05:14]

3. Upholding Standards and Values

• Dr. Laura cautions against letting convenience (or fear of loneliness) cause a woman to lower her standards, especially around issues of “shacking up.”
  • "...If this guy really wants to get to know you better by being in your house and making your children respect you less, I don't think he's a good match for you." [07:09]
  • Suggests practical alternatives (e.g., man could get his own place nearby).

4. On Getting Married Later in Life

• [10:09] Saskia seeks clarity: “Why, in general, unless I totally misunderstood you, your advice...would you not say, go ahead and get married...?”
• [10:44] Dr. Laura’s firm reply:
  • "Because you don't know each other enough. It's disrespectful to the whole concept of a marriage. You don't know each other in eight months. I can't believe you're at—you're 64 and asking that question."
  • Cautions against rushing into marriage without adequate time and genuine knowledge of a new partner, irrespective of age or loneliness.
  • Emphasizes that a short period of courtship—even at an older age—does not equate to the years of deep knowledge required for marriage.

5. The Realities of Age, Health, and Caretaking

• [11:06] Dr. Laura explains why her advice differs for older couples:
  • With long marriages, commitment tends to be absolute (especially when caretaking becomes necessary).
  • “You have to consider the fact that your fantasy at your age of being in your 60s is not what a guy 11 years older...is experiencing...So you'd have to consider the fact that you'd likely become a caretaker within five to six years, maybe 10.” [11:23]
  • Encourages realism: Investing deeply in a relationship with an older man often means accepting the probable role of caregiver.
  • "My suggestion: just date and be under no obligations. But knowing somebody eight months...is just crazy." [12:43]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Women act kind of desperate, desperate and needy. So they'll breach their own values just to get keep a guy."
  — Dr. Laura [03:38]

• "Men don't really appreciate things that are easy to come by...they appreciate things they may use the thing that's easy to come by...but they're not going to value that which they don't have to work hard for."
  — Dr. Laura [05:03]

• "...If this guy really wants to get to know you better by being in your house and making your children respect you less, I don't think he's a good match for you."
  — Dr. Laura [07:09]

• "Because you don't know each other enough. It's disrespectful to the whole concept of a marriage. You don't know each other in eight months."
  — Dr. Laura [10:44]

• "...Your fantasy at your age...is not what a guy 11 years older...is experiencing...You'd likely become a caretaker within five to six years, maybe ten. So the fantasy of I'm going to have another 40 years with somebody isn't there."
  — Dr. Laura [11:23]

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Structural Timestamps of the Episode

• [01:55]: Saskia presents her background and central question.
• [03:18]: Dr. Laura’s response about gender roles and the importance of pursuit.
• [05:21]: Dr. Laura uses movie and animal kingdom analogies.
• [07:09]: Emphasis on maintaining standards and children's respect.
• [10:09]: Saskia clarifies her question about remarriage.
• [10:44]: Dr. Laura’s strong statement on insufficient time knowing a partner.
• [11:06]: Context on realities of aging, impending caregiving, and practical relationship advice for older couples.
• [12:43]: Closing remarks and reiteration to “just date and be under no obligations.”

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Overall Tone and Takeaway

Dr. Laura’s tone is firm, direct, and unsentimental, driven by traditional views on gender dynamics and relationships. She urges older women not to compromise their values out of fear or loneliness; instead, she advises patience, self-respect, and realism about the challenges of aging. The main directive: Take your time, guard your standards, and understand what commitment with an older partner may entail before considering remarriage.

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This summary is designed to capture the advice, wisdom, and candid delivery Dr. Laura is known for, providing clear guidance for listeners in a similar stage of life or contemplating love again after loss.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Thank you, Dr. Laura. I've been listening to you on and off for several decades and I'm quite in a quandary right now about something. So you've very often spoken out against shackups, which I agree with last week. Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I was very, very happily married for over 40 years. My husband died at the end of 2024. Yeah, it was very quick and very. Yeah, thank you. Sorry, I have since met. Thank you. I've since met another gentleman. He's quite a bit older than me by 11 years. And last week you fielded a call from a woman who said, who is roughly my age and she was dating someone, I believe, also older. And she said to you, oh, I'd like to be married, happily married for once in my life. She had been, I think, married Once or twice, unhappily. And you said, well, why do you need to get married? Why can't you just enjoy your relationship? So my question is, this man and I don't live in the same city. We're two hours apart. He wants to spend a lot more time with me. Two grown children in their 40s for whom I've made it very clear that I don't approve of shackups. What am I supposed to do with this man in terms of him?

[A]

Well, I guess is. Is he. Is he retired?

[B]

He is.

[A]

Well, he can always move closer to you if he thinks you're that interesting. He can make the move and the sacrifice. You see, what women these days don't seem to understand is there's masculine behavior and feminine behavior, and it blends beautifully. But women act kind of desperate, desperate and needy. So they'll breach their own values just to get keep a guy. Okay, so there was a movie, and it was redone by current great actors. Well, great actors, famous actors. But the original was a French movie, a Man and a Woman. So let me just tell you this story. It's a lovely story, actually. There's a man and a woman. They're both lost their spouses. She has not quite gotten over them. And they each have a little kid that goes to this place to have fun. And that's how they meet and they're attracted to each other. But she still feels terribly awful and guilt ridden about being in a relationship. They get together, they have schmoozy stuff, and then she just can't handle it. She feels guilt and she's sobbing all the time. She's really having trouble with it. Okay, so she breaks up with him because she's not sure being with him is the right thing to do when she loved her husband so much. That's how she's torn. Gets on a train. And at this point, the film is more of a cartoon. It shows Europe and the train she's on. So she's in France and I don't remember where she's going. It doesn't matter. But it's on and on and on. And they just keep showing the train. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then suddenly you see a car following the train path. He's driving in the car to meet her. She doesn't know this. She feels it's over. She gets off the train and there he is. And she realizes what he was willing to sacrifice, what he was willing to suffer, what he was willing to do to give them an opportunity to have a love together. And she falls in his arms. And I thought this movie was made this way. It could not have been made. He's on the train and she's following men pursue that is part of how you know how important you are. Men don't really appreciate things that are easy to come by. They appreciate things they may use the thing that's easy to come by, prostitute a girl who's easy. I mean they're not going to throw her out of bed, but they're not going to value that which they don't have to work hard for. So all through history, men, you look at the animal kingdom, the guys, the male animals have to earn the woman's, the female's attention, participation and making new animals. So all the way through the animal kingdom, the guy has to work except with human because females have gotten stupid and weak and scared and have not appreciated their values and put themselves on a pedestal. So if this guy really wants to get to know you better by being in your house and making your children respect you less, I don't think he's a good match for you. So if he wants to spend time with you, I guess if he has a lot of money, he'll have to buy a second place or just move to a first and only place so that you too can for a respectable distance with really find out about each other. All you know now is that you're attracted to each other and that's not enough for 40 years of a marriage. As people age, it's normal to ask what more they could be doing to take care of their health. It's important to be proactive, especially when it comes to your brain health. Don't wait for something to feel off before taking action. Make your next checkup count. Ask your doctor about your risk factors for dementia and a cognitive assessment. Visit brainhealthmatters.com for more information and resources provided by Lily Life doesn't have to be so complicated. Walmart helps you simplify. They're your one stop shop for daily essentials like groceries, snacks, school supplies and thanks to Walmart Pharmacy, you can count on them for your prescription needs too. Use the Walmart app to easily manage your family's medications and save time by getting prescriptions delivered right to your door. Switch your prescriptions to Walmart Pharmacy delivery not available for all prescriptions and exclusions apply.

[C]

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[A]

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[B]

Okay, I appreciate what you're saying, and I get all that, and I understand the whole male, female dynamic, and I totally agree with that. That's not actually my question. My question is why would you. Yeah, I know. Why would you not? So, okay, so this man has been very much pursuing me for eight months, doing all the things you just described. And my question for you is why, in general, unless I totally misunderstood you, your advice to this woman last week, would you not say, go ahead and get married, notwithstanding you know, your, your

[A]

age difference, because you don't know each other enough? It's disrespectful to the whole concept of a marriage. You don't know each other in eight months. I can't believe you're at. You're 64 and asking that question. You don't know each other enough. Sorry.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I think I've spent enough time.

[B]

Okay, fair enough.

[A]

So have a good day. I mean, why wouldn't you not just want to get married? Because you only known each other in eight months. The rest of the discussion with that prior caller that she's referencing is that there's a difference. When you've been married for 30, 40, 50, 60 years and somebody needs caretaking, you without thought, feel committed because you love them. You've met somebody for two years. They're pretty old. And males don't do as well old as women do. That's why on Sunday's brunch, you see a bunch of women together, not a bunch of men together. Okay? And you have to consider the fact that your fantasy at your age of being in your 60s is not what a guy 11 years older than is experiencing that same level of health and vitality. So you'd have to consider the fact that you'd likely become a caretaker within five to six years, maybe 10. So the fantasy of I'm going to have another 40 years with somebody isn't there. And I want women to understand that when they invest in a relationship with a guy who's in his 70s, 80s, and 90s, and that they're very likely going to be a caretaker. So they have to put that into the equation. You don't know a guy that long and you're going to be his caretaker. Are you okay with that? And you have to really consider that it's not the same thing as meeting somebody in your 20s, 30s and 40s. And most people after the age of 40 stop taking care of their bodies. So by the time they get 70 and 80, they're just not in good shape and more prone to issues. So I suggested she just date and be under no obligations. But knowing somebody eight months, if that's what she meant, is just crazy. My number one, 800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[C]

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