Holding on to the (Sad) Past

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Holding on to the (Sad) Past"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Episode: Holding on to the (Sad) Past
• Release Date: April 10, 2025

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Introduction

In the April 10, 2025 episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a heartfelt call from a long-time listener grappling with a tumultuous marriage. Excluding the promotional segments, the episode delves deep into themes of love, self-respect, and the courage to enact change despite fear and discomfort.

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Caller’s Dilemma: A Troubled Marriage

The caller begins by expressing profound gratitude to Dr. Laura for her longstanding support. She shares her situation candidly:

“I have been married for 26 years. My kids are in college now. My husband... is a habitual cheater... he told me pretty much he doesn't know if he's in love with me anymore.” (00:38)

Her heartfelt admission sets the stage for a complex discussion about enduring love versus unhealthy relationship dynamics.

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Defining True Love and Recognizing Unhealthy Dependencies

Dr. Laura responds thoughtfully, challenging the caller’s perception of love. She emphasizes that true love is characterized by awe, admiration, and respect, rather than dependency or fear:

“Love, to me, is defined not by dependency fears. It's defined by awe, admiration, and respect.” (01:20)

She cautions against mistaking dependency and wishfulness for genuine love, highlighting that such confusion can trap individuals in detrimental relationships.

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Confronting Mortality to Inspire Change

Dr. Laura introduces a profound perspective by urging the caller to confront the inevitability of death as a catalyst for change:

“Are you aware that sooner rather than later you're going to be dead?... If this is as satisfied as you wish to be in a relationship... then you got it made.” (04:05)

This stark reminder serves to encourage the caller to evaluate her current life satisfaction and consider whether enduring her marriage aligns with her true desires and well-being.

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Financial Fears: A Barrier to Liberation

The caller reveals that financial insecurity is a significant reason she remains in her unhappy marriage:

“Financial reasons. I'm afraid to be on my own financially.” (05:18)

Dr. Laura acknowledges this fear, suggesting that it's not a matter of love but rather fear holding her back:

“You should say you're in afraid. You're not in love with him.” (05:33)

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Practical Steps Toward Empowerment

Recognizing the caller's fear, Dr. Laura offers pragmatic advice to help her overcome financial anxiety and take control of her situation:

“With some people, scared is a red light... find out financially from an attorney privately how it would be.” (06:12)

She encourages the caller to seek legal and financial information without obligation, thereby empowering her with knowledge and reducing fear through understanding.

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Embracing Discomfort for Personal Growth

Dr. Laura draws an analogy to illustrate the necessity of discomfort in achieving desired outcomes:

“Sometimes we just have to go through discomfort to get what we truly want and need.” (07:26)

She reinforces the idea that enduring temporary discomfort can lead to lasting peace and self-respect, motivating the caller to take the necessary steps toward change.

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Conclusion: Building Confidence Through Information

In the final segments, Dr. Laura reiterates the importance of information in overcoming fear:

“Just go to an attorney and find out what your rights would be and what the finances would be. Just find out.” (08:13)

By gaining clarity on her options, the caller can build the confidence needed to make informed decisions about her future, moving towards a more fulfilling and respectful relationship, either within her marriage or apart from it.

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Takeaways

• True Love vs. Dependency: Genuine love is based on admiration and respect, not fear or dependency.

• Awareness of Mortality: Recognizing the finite nature of life can motivate individuals to seek happiness and satisfaction.

• Overcoming Financial Fears: Education and information are key to conquering financial anxieties that hinder personal growth.

• Embracing Discomfort: Temporary discomfort is often necessary to achieve meaningful and lasting change.

This episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day serves as a powerful reminder that self-respect and personal well-being should take precedence over outdated or unhealthy relationship dynamics. Dr. Laura's compassionate yet firm guidance provides listeners with the tools to evaluate and transform their personal lives.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Rebecca or welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Thank you, Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're welcome. What can I help you with?

[Caller]

First of all, I'd like to say thank you for being on the air still. I've listened to you since my kids were little and you've helped me through a lot when they were infants. So thank you. But I'm calling now or wanting to talk to you because I have been married for 26 years. My kids are in college now. My husband bottom line is I love my husband, but he is a habitual cheater, has been almost through the entire marriage, whether it's just talking to other women, going on dates and then me finding out later. And it's gotten to the point where he told me pretty much he doesn't know if he's in love with me anymore.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And he I do have a tiny question for you. I do have a tiny question for you. It's kind of a tiny one. Love, to me is defined not by dependency fears. It's defined by awe, admiration and respect. That's love. The feeling that keeps some people in situations that may seem appalling to others is not love. People can call it love, but that doesn't make it so. That's a kind of sad dependency, a wishfulness and stuff that isn't concrete or real. And as we all know, anyway, if you want to persist in saying you love him, then I would say love is not enough to have a quality life with somebody. Clearly, in this case, it doesn't warrant he doesn't respect you. He's not caring about you, he's not thoughtful about you, he's abusive to you. And I wouldn't say on the other side, the feeling and response is love. But a lot of people stay in situations which are really unpleasant for a myriad of reasons that, frankly, aren't that healthy. So arguing about it is kind of silly. If between now and dead, this is as satisfied as you wish to be in a relationship, if this is as satisfied as you wish to be, then you got it made. Wow.

[Caller]

Yeah. Yeah. That. That's.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Are you aware that you're going to be dead? A lot of people don't think about that But I encourage people to think about being dead. I have a dear friend. Last week, his dearly beloved parents are gone. So his sister got killed in a car crash. Just boop. Like that. And they were very, very close. And it also scares people when siblings start going. Because then they realized. Yeah, wasn't natural causes though. But anything can happen. So the question I have for you. Are you aware that sooner rather than later you're going to be dead?

[Caller]

I am.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I just need a yes or a no. I just need a yes or a no. I should have said that. Okay, well if you're really aware of it, then here's my sentence. Between this moment and dead. Is this how you wish your life to be? And that's not a question you have to answer right now, but it's a question you need to ask yourself. I will be dead. There's no second round. I'm not going to be able to do any of this again. I'm never going to be young again. Am I never really to be happy in a trusting, loving relationship? Am I just too scared or too habituated in this condition? You have to ask yourself that. And you're the only one. There are a lot of people who stay in horrendous situations until they die because they're just more comfortable, believe it or not, more comfortable than imagining trying something else that's not comfortable for most people. Change is not comfortable for most people.

[Caller]

I understand. I. I understand. I think I know another reason that I stay. Financial reasons. I'm afraid to be on my own financially.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, I know. And I know that's you shouldn't say you're in love. You should say you're in afraid. You're not in love with him. Let's just stop saying silly things like that. You're right to love a man. You have to be awed by him and respect him and be so impressed with his character and his virtue. Let's not use love. Let's use scared. I'm scared.

[Caller]

I am scared.

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Yeah.

[Caller]

And very scared.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. With some people, scared is a red light. With some people, scared is a yellow light. You might want to shift to yellow and just find out financially from an attorney privately how, how it would be. Just get information. You don't have to do anything with it. But scaredy stuff is usually helped along with information. Would it really be that bad? And if it's not that bad and it's more like a supposed to be a. Would that be worth having some peace, self respect for the rest of my life?

[Caller]

Thank you. Yes. Yeah, I would love peace in my life.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Then you'd have to go through a bit of an uncomfortable. I mean, we can look at it even the stupidest way. You go to a movie theater and the only seats available is one in the center. So you have to walk by all these people's knees with them grumbling and getting up, and it's just, you know, and then you get to the seat and you watch a movie. So sometimes we just have to go through discomfort to get what we truly want and need. Because without going through the discomfort, we never give ourselves an opportunity.

[Caller]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So just go to an attorney and find out what your rights would be and what the finances would be. Just find out.

[Caller]

Right. Information. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It doesn't obligate you, but it builds some muscle.

[Caller]

Yeah. I appreciate that. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're welcome. I'm glad you called. My number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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