Holding Your Divorce Together in a Positive Way for the Kids

Summary

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Podcast Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Holding Your Divorce Together in a Positive Way for the Kids
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: October 31, 2025

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Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger tackles one of the most pressing issues facing families today: how to hold a divorce together in a way that remains positive and constructive for the children involved. Drawing from listener correspondence and her own experience, Dr. Laura discusses the importance of parental responsibility, the role of romance in marriage, and cultural shifts in attitudes toward marital obligations. The episode centers around a moving email from a listener who implemented a creative and child-focused co-parenting plan with her ex-husband.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Listener Email: Innovative Co-Parenting After Divorce

• [00:47-03:55]

  • Dr. Laura opens the episode by reading an email that exemplifies proactive, child-centered divorce arrangements.
  • The email writer and her ex-husband divorced when their children were toddlers but collaborated to ensure the continued presence of both parents in their boys’ lives.
  • Instead of splitting the children’s time or homes, they built a separate "daddy apartment" within their house, allowing the father to be integrated into daily life, including family dinners.

  “We had the financial means to add a private entrance, bedroom and bathroom onto our house, so we decided that's where he would live. He could come and go as he pleased and then join us for dinner and spend time with the boys every day. You know, like you have the mother-in-law apartment. We had the daddy apartment.”
  — Listener Email [01:49]

  • The mother emphasizes that, although difficult at times, she made the effort to remain kind and cooperative for the sake of their children.
  • The story ends on a positive note: their adult sons later thanked her for keeping their father close during their upbringing.

  “Our three boys are well into adulthood with their own families and they've thanked me for keeping their dad close by.”
  — Listener Email [02:36]

  • Dr. Laura highlights that, “because it pretty much is up to the mom, isn’t it?” recognizing the often crucial role mothers play in shaping post-divorce family dynamics.

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2. Responsibility, Romance, and the Modern Marriage

• [06:10-11:13]

  • Dr. Laura shifts to broader cultural observations. She questions why, if ex-spouses can cooperate effectively after divorce, this wasn't possible before.
  • She critiques the modern focus on romance as the sole reason to maintain a marriage, stating that historical and cross-cultural marriages were often built on family and societal obligations, not perpetually sustained romantic feelings.

  “What are we talking about? We're not feeling sexy about each other. We're not feeling romantic about each other. That's the only reason to be married and have kids, is to feel romantic all the time. Really? I think across the cultures that's not so.”
  — Dr. Laura [06:28]

  “Romance… that stuff comes and goes with health, with situations, with wars, with famine, with this, with that, with votes for presidents. It all comes and goes. How about we have a responsibility to create a home, to protect our family.”
  — Dr. Laura [09:23]

  • She draws attention to the difference between abandonment due to loss of romantic feelings (“I don't feel it anymore, dump him, dump her, move on, have affairs…”) versus maintaining a sense of duty.

  • Dr. Laura urges listeners to reflect on the lasting value of commitment beyond physical attraction or fleeting emotion, suggesting that family stability and responsibility should be prioritized.

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3. Memorable Reflections & Listener Takeaway

• Dr. Laura directly addresses the listeners, encouraging them to question common marital expectations:

  “Why do you think life is just trashed if you're not getting it on in the closet every day because it's sexy and fun? Why is it all lost on that? Can't sustain those feelings all the time. Something to think about.”
  — Dr. Laura [10:32]

• She reiterates that her comments do not apply to relationships involving abuse, which should be unequivocally ended.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |---------------|-------------|-----------| | 01:49 | Listener | "We had the daddy apartment." | | 02:36 | Listener | "Our three boys are well into adulthood... they've thanked me for keeping their dad close by." | | 06:28 | Dr. Laura | "The only reason to be married and have kids, is to feel romantic all the time. Really?" | | 09:23 | Dr. Laura | "How about we have a responsibility to create a home, to protect our family." | | 10:32 | Dr. Laura | "Why do you think life is just trashed if you're not getting it on in the closet every day because it's sexy and fun?" |

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• [00:47-03:55] — Listener's innovative post-divorce arrangement, centering the needs of children
• [06:10-11:13] — Dr. Laura’s analysis on marriage, romance, duty, and cultural expectations
• [10:32] — Direct rhetorical challenge to listeners on their expectations from marriage

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Tone

Dr. Laura's tone is frank, candid, and laced with her trademark mix of skepticism, humor, and directness. She is unafraid to challenge cultural norms and pushes listeners to reflect on their priorities within relationships and family life.

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Summary Takeaway

This episode offers thought-provoking perspectives on navigating divorce with children in a manner that minimizes trauma and maximizes parental presence. Dr. Laura pushes back against modern, romance-focused marital expectations, urging a return to prioritizing duty, obligation, and the well-being of children over fleeting emotions. The highlighted listener story serves as a testament to the possibility—and long-term benefits—of collaborative co-parenting.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you for listening to my morning monologue brought to you by Vibriance Super C Serum, the skincare product I use twice a day. Visit vibrance.comdrlora to save 37% and get free shipping. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] read this email this morning. I don't normally start the program with an email, however, I read it several times. It's very short and I thought, wow, two people who could not hold their marriage together yet is holding their divorce together in a way that's positive for the kids. I bet you're sitting there thinking, what in hell did she just say? Listen to the letter. After listening to your deep dive the do's and don'ts of divorced parents, I wanted to share the parenting plan my ex husband and I came up with. The kids were toddlers when we divorced. I'm trying to figure out how you go about the process of making two little kidlets and then decide you don't want to stay together. What the hell is that about? Anyway, the kids were toddlers when we were divorced and once it was finalized, we sat down to talk about how we were going to raise our boys. What? We couldn't do that as a married couple? Okay, I'm having trouble with this. Just stay with the program. Okay, I will. I knew they needed their father in their lives, so I wanted to prioritize time with their dad. We had the financial means to add a private entrance, bedroom and bathroom onto our house, so we decided that's where he would live. He could come and go as he pleased and then join us for dinner and spend time with the boys every day. You know, like you have the mother in law apartment. We had the daddy apartment. I won't lie, it was difficult at times to smile and be kind to him. But I did it. Our three boys. We had three. Okay. Our three boys are well into adulthood with their own families and they've thanked me for keeping their dad close by. Yeah, because it pretty much is up to the mom, isn't it? Pretty much. I hope this helps someone realize it's possible to work things out for your kids after divorce. Thank you, Dr. Laura.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But what does it take? It takes two people committed to the kids. Remember the Email I read yesterday that was pretty hilarious, wasn't it? It was. It was about the woman and the man. We make kids and we divorce. What do we do next? We fight. How about we do something like this? But my question is, if you can do this, then you can get along. What are we talking about? We're not feeling sexy about each other. We're not feeling romantic about each other. That's the only reason to be married and have kids, is to feel romantic all the time. Really? I think across the cultures that's not so. If you examine the marriages and the cultures historically and all around the world, romantic stuff was a product of. Of a belated product for most of it. It had to do with finances, agreements between civilizations, between families, between countries. Peacemaking was done with marriages. It wasn't always about romance and everybody understood that. It was about obligations. And we've lost that in our culture in particular, where we really seem to believe that the minute you don't feel romantic or sexy, it's done. Even if you have three toddlers, it's done. Moral obligations, family obligations. I mean, we're not talking about abuse. Okay, Obviously. Don't even come at me with that. Well, what if there's abuse? Yeah, go to your room. Obviously I'm not talking about that. But by and large, all over the world and in history, marriages had very little to do with romance. Now look what's happened since we've made romance so center. I don't feel it anymore. Okay, dump him, dump her, move on. Have affairs. Got to feel that romance, it's the only way to feel fulfilled in your life. Really wonder how nuns do it. Then there's no romance. And by and large they are fulfilled by their duty to God and the community and whatever their order has you do in the world. I'm not talking about the cloistered nuns. I never quite understood that as a way of helping the world. That one throws me a bit. Nonetheless, romance, feeling sexy, that stuff comes and goes with health, with situations, with wars, with famine, with this, with that, with votes for presidents. It all comes and goes. How about we have a responsibility to create a home, to protect our family. So here's these people, they live under the same roof. Their personal relationships stay out of the kids lives and they have dinner and do things and they're nice to each other because they have decided they have an obligation. Why isn't that enough for you? Why do you think life is just trashed if you're not getting it on in the closet every day? Because it's sexy and fun. Why is it all lost on that? Can't sustain those feelings all the time. Something to think about. Just something to think about. My number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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