How Can Grandma Help?

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "How Can Grandma Help?"

Episode Details:

• Title: How Can Grandma Help?
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Release Date: February 22, 2025
• Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction to the Episode

In the episode titled "How Can Grandma Help?" Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a complex family dilemma presented by a concerned caller. Consistently ranked as a top podcast in the Kids & Family and Parenting categories, Dr. Laura offers no-nonsense advice imbued with strong ethical considerations, personal responsibility, and accountability.

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Overview of the Caller’s Dilemma

The caller, identified as Jinya, reaches out seeking guidance on navigating a troubling situation within her family. She explains that her son's wife, who has been married for eight years and has two children, has been having an affair with her daughter's fiancé. This revelation has strained familial relationships and left the family in disarray.

Key Points from the Caller:

• Affair Details: The son's wife is involved with the daughter's fiancé.
• Impact on Family: The daughter, who is engaged and has a baby, has been left abandoned by her fiancé.
• Parental Concern: Jinya and her husband are struggling to balance their roles between supporting their children and managing the fallout of the affair.

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Dr. Laura’s Advice and Key Insights

Dr. Laura responds swiftly with blunt and straightforward advice aimed at restoring stability within the family structure. Her counsel emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and allowing the adult children to handle their own issues.

Key Recommendations:

1. Minimize Involvement:

   • Dr. Laura advises that the family should "never discuss this again with anybody, including me," emphasizing the need to avoid further conflict and maintain peace.

2. Adopt the Role of Grandparents:

   • She suggests that the parents focus on their role as grandparents rather than intervening as parents, stating, "the only position you take is grandparent."

3. Promote Personal Responsibility:

   • Dr. Laura stresses that the adult children must manage their own relationships and legal matters, such as seeking legal counsel for child support and divorce proceedings.

4. Maintain Financial Boundaries:

   • She cautions against financially aiding the daughter, urging the family to let her handle her own responsibilities: "It's your daughter's responsibility to get an attorney and go for blood."

5. Ensure Stability for the Grandchildren:

   • The primary concern should be the well-being and stability of the grandchildren amidst the family turmoil.

Notable Quotes:

• "The best and most perfect advice is to never discuss this again with anybody, including me and spend all your time being a grandmother, not a mother." [02:22]
• "Don't go rescuing. It doesn't make them more competent." [05:27]
• "Women... make sure sperm doesn't go anywhere. You don't want sperm because new life takes place in your body." [05:00]

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Discussion of Family Dynamics

Dr. Laura delves into the repercussions of the affair, highlighting the irresponsibility and poor decision-making exhibited by both the son's wife and the daughter's fiancé. She underscores the necessity for the parents to refrain from enabling their children’s problematic behaviors, emphasizing that constant intervention can prevent the children from becoming self-reliant.

Key Insights:

• Divorce Inevitability: Dr. Laura predicts that the strained marriage will likely end in divorce, advising the parents to accept this outcome rather than resisting it.

• Legal Responsibility: She points out the legal obligations of the son's wife and the daughter's fiancé, suggesting that parental interference in these matters is both unhelpful and unjustified.

• Emotional Detachment: By encouraging the parents to detach emotionally from the situation, Dr. Laura aims to reduce their stress and promote a healthier family environment for the grandchildren.

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Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Dr. Laura concludes the discussion by reinforcing the importance of focusing on what the grandparents can control—the well-being of the grandchildren. She advises maintaining a supportive yet non-intrusive stance, allowing the adult children to navigate their personal challenges independently.

Final Advice:

• Support Without Enabling: Offer emotional support to the grandchildren without getting entangled in the adult conflicts.
• Focus on Stability: Prioritize creating a stable and nurturing environment for the children amid the familial chaos.

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Episode Impact:

Jinya expresses gratitude for the straightforward advice, acknowledging a new perspective on handling the family's issues. Dr. Laura’s approach underscores the balance between compassion and accountability, guiding listeners on maintaining familial harmony without overstepping boundaries.

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Connect with Dr. Laura:

Listeners are encouraged to participate in Dr. Laura’s live radio program on SiriusXM Triumph 111 and visit DrLaura.com to become a Family member for more insights and support.

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Transcript

[A]

Thanks for downloading my Call of the Day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Jinya, welcome to the program.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

How can I help?

[B]

I have a question. Our son's wife and they've been married for about eight years and they have two kids. And my daughter who was engaged, was engaged and had a little baby. My daughter's fiance and my son's wife were having an affair.

[A]

What? What and what.

[B]

How do we, how do we fix our family? Yeah. Yeah. So we're kind of stuck in the.

[A]

How did everybody.

[B]

Woohoo.

[A]

How did everybody explain themselves when they were quote caught?

[B]

My daughter in law claimed she was manipulated. My daughter fiance, he had no words. He basically abandoned our daughter and her baby. So we're just trying to figure out how we help our kids because we're like trying to balance two lives. My son chose to forgive his wife, but she's still treating him horribly and we have suspicions she's still seeing my daughter's ex fiance. So do we stick our nose in.

[A]

How to do it? In situations like this, the best and most perfect advice is to never discuss this again with anybody, including me and spend all your time being a grandmother, not a mother.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

I don't want you discussing this, worrying about it. Well if you want to worry, I guess you can. It just has no power. So it's a waste of time and energy and it's frustrating because then you've worried and half of what you worry about doesn't come true and you have no control over the other part anyway. So my recommendation is for the well being of the family that the only position you take is grandparent.

[B]

That's very good advice.

[A]

With all this craziness, the kids are going to need with all the craziness the kids are going to need stability and I'm turning to you for that because your son's going to be divorced. He's going to be divorced. There's nothing you can do to stop that. He married a pig. And your daughter dodged a bullet. Having a baby though outside of wedlock was kind of stupid because then it put her in this position. So that was kind of irresponsible and stupid. However, comma, she's going to have to figure it out. She's going to have to go to court, get child support, do all those things. Do not have her move into your house. These adults have to learn how to deal with their choices and decisions.

[B]

Well luckily she has done some of that and she does live on her own. You know, he left her with the house and all the bills. But I thank God she's a trooper. She's. We help her a little bit. So financially. So we are able to do that. Oh, well, that's your daughters.

[A]

It's your daughter's. It's your daughter's responsibility to get an attorney and go for blood.

[B]

He did.

[A]

Not yours. Not yours. Not yours.

[B]

Okay. So don't financially help her either.

[A]

Have her get an attorney on her own and take care of it immediately. The attorney will deal with his money immediately. Now that they're not married is a bit of a problem. However, comma, they have a kid in common and he's going to have to. He's going to be legally responsible for that. I don't know if he'll be legally responsible for feeding your daughter.

[B]

No, no, I wouldn't want him to feed her.

[A]

This is her responsibility. Please. She's never going to be strong and take care of things if mommy flies in for the rescue.

[B]

Very good advice. We do do that a lot.

[A]

Don't your grandma. You're not a mother. Your grandmother, please.

[B]

Okay, well, probably what we needed to hear because my husband and I do. We worry every day. Every day.

[A]

Well, there'd be no worry at all. Don't worry about your son. He's a grown man. Don't worry about your daughter. She's a grown woman. Worry about the kids of these flaky people. Your flaky son marrying a flaky woman and your daughter getting knocked up out of wedlock with some guy who really didn't have long term intentions. So, you know, leave them to their choices. You help the only people in this scenario that have no say and no power and that's the kids. That's where you're needed.

[B]

Yeah, you're absolutely right. Right. That puts a new perspective in my head.

[A]

Good. Excellent.

[B]

Well, I thank you for your help. And. And we'll let you know something else happens.

[A]

Absolutely. That'd be very good. Thank you for your call. Yeah, folks don't go rescuing. It doesn't make them more competent. I mean, too many young silly women think because a guy impregnates her that he intended to be a father. No, he intended to have an orgasm. Your body make sure sperm doesn't go anywhere. You don't want sperm to go because new life takes place in your body. Women. And that excludes XYs. XY. Human beings not talking to you, obviously. I guess for some people it's not obvious. 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.