How Do I Deal with My Anger?

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast
Episode: “How Do I Deal with My Anger?”
Date: July 27, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a listener’s struggle with recurring anger and doubt stemming from conflicts with a business partner. Through direct conversation and insightful analysis, Dr. Laura explores the roots of such emotions in long-standing partnership dynamics, emphasizing the importance of empathy, perspective-taking, and structured conflict resolution. The episode delivers practical guidance for anyone wrestling with change and emotional friction in collaborative relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller’s Dilemma: Ongoing Anger in Business Partnership

• [01:38] Caller describes persistent anger and doubting feelings after meetings with a long-term business partner.
• Context: Three years ago, the caller adopted a more assertive role, pushing back on decisions previously deferred to the partner. This shift provoked the partner to become silent, dismissive, and unilateral in decision-making.

2. Dr. Laura’s Exploration of Relationship Dynamics

• [02:45–03:19] Dr. Laura clarifies the business relationship timeline: 11 years together, but only recently has the caller changed their approach.

• Insight: For the first eight years, the partner had the “burden and responsibility” of making decisions, while the caller remained passive.

• Quote [03:19]:
  “In most relationships when we bait and switch, it's very hard for people. I mean, you're saying 'I become stronger'? Well, she's been doing a yeoman's job for you for 11 years, and now you've decided, ‘Get off the throne. I want on it.’”
  – Dr. Laura

3. Empathy & Acknowledgment of Change

• Dr. Laura spotlights the emotional impact of abrupt role changes in partnerships.
• [03:50–05:01]: She suggests the caller has essentially “assaulted” the established dynamic, which naturally evokes defensiveness in the partner.
• Emphasizes that focusing solely on “how her defending herself makes you feel” is shortsighted.

Recommendation: Seek Mediation

• [04:30–05:01]
  Suggestion to involve a third-party arbitrator — not necessarily a therapist — who specializes in business partnership conflict to mediate and offer perspective to both parties.

4. Notable Quote & Caller’s Realization

• Caller [05:01]:
  “Amazing perspective. That's a great perspective and that's why I listened to you and that's why I called. Because in all of the years, I haven't thought of it in that way.”

5. Practical Next Steps

• [08:01–08:32] Dr. Laura reiterates the need for a mediator who shows compassion to both, fostering cooperation rather than competition.

• Advice to share the podcast recording with the partner as a neutral starting point for conversation.

• Quote [08:32]:
  “Maybe this can help us if you just listen to this with me. That's a place to start. What do you think?”
  – Dr. Laura

6. Broader Reflection on Routine, Change, and Comfort

• [08:59–11:03] Dr. Laura compares resistance to role changes in business to disruptions in small personal routines, underscoring how even minor changes can be emotionally unsettling:

• Quote [09:13]:
  “Changes upset everybody because we have a routine. We get used to a certain routine. And believe me, even small little parts of the routine, when they change, it jostles you. ... We have our comfort things. We do.”

• Draws parallel with sports rituals and personal habits, explaining that the upset in partnership is an extension of human attachment to comfort.

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Memorable Quotes

• “You have to think about how you becoming assertive—dash, aggressive—felt. The only part that you're looking at is how her defending herself makes you feel.”
  – Dr. Laura [04:35]

• “Everybody has their little quirks, but you expand it. And we've spent 11 years, a certain way of dealing with the company and each other, and it's upsetting.”
  – Dr. Laura [09:44]

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Key Segment Timestamps

• Problem Introduction & Caller Backstory – [01:38–02:45]
• Dr. Laura Unpacks Dynamic, Advises Mediation – [02:45–05:01]
• Caller’s Realization & Gratitude – [05:01]
• Dr. Laura Recommends Recording-Driven Conversation – [08:01–08:32]
• Discussion of Routine, Change, and Emotional Comfort – [08:59–10:40]

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Tone & Style

• Dr. Laura is empathetic but direct, combining insight with actionable advice.
• Encourages both accountability (“what you did is an assault”) and self-compassion (“you’re finally coming into your own, and that’s a good thing”).

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Summary & Takeaways

This episode dissects the emotional upheaval that often follows changing roles within long-established partnerships, particularly when one person becomes more assertive after years of passivity. Dr. Laura underscores the necessity of empathy, the value of perspective-shifting, and the practical effectiveness of third-party mediation. Her key advice: see the relationship from the other’s viewpoint, acknowledge the disruption your growth may cause, and use neutral tools (like sharing this conversation) as a first step toward healing and collaboration.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

thanks for listening to my Call of the day, brought to you by my new sponsor, Angel. Angel is a streaming platform built around stories that uplift. Stories about courage and sacrifice and faith and family. If you've been looking for entertainment that reflects your values, check out angel. Go to angel.comdrlora Entertainment you can feel good about. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on SiriusXM triumph and connect with me 247 and David, welcome to the program.

[Caller/Client]

Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you. How can I help?

[Caller/Client]

So I need your advice on how to handle an ongoing. On an ongoing basis. The angry and also the doubting feelings that result from meetings that I have with my business partner.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What's the problem with your business partner? Have you changed your positions over the years? What's happened

[Caller/Client]

in the past three years? I got stronger and started pushing back on decisions that I had not previously pushed back on. And. And she didn't like that. And so she has gone both silent on me and also dismissive and also does not include me, moves forward on making decisions, effectuating decisions without me.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So this is in the last three years, you said. Did I hear that right?

[Caller/Client]

Yes, that's correct.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. How many years have you been in business with her?

[Caller/Client]

11.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. 8, 9, 10, 11. That's eight years where she predominantly had the burden, the responsibility to make decisions. And you were reasonably passive and went along. Was the company doing okay in the 11 years? Just a yes or a no.

[Caller/Client]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. And she did a good job. You know, like in most relationships when we bait and switch, it's very hard for people. I mean, you're saying I become stronger? Well, she's been doing a yeoman's job for you for 11 years, and now you've decided, get off the throne. I want on it. Now, I don't know exactly how you went about it, but you might want to get somebody who can work with the two of you, not necessarily a therapist. There are people who help their businesses to help what's going on with, say, the people in charge to get them to be more harmonious. I think it's. You've got to realize what you did is an assault. And people defend and protect themselves and feel like they were not really appreciated for all that they did. So this sort of thing really requires somebody to sit with both of you and say things like this. Like I'm saying to you, you have to think about how you becoming assertive, dash, aggressive, felt. The only part that you're looking at is how her defending herself makes you feel and a good arbitrator.

[Caller/Client]

Amazing perspective. That's a great perspective and that's why I listened to you and that's why I called. Because in all of the years, I haven't thought of it in that way.

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[Caller/Client]

You have the opportunity to make this little corner of the world into your ideal world, your dream world.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Kiana (Shopify User)]

I'm Kiana, and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed. Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know, and it thinks about the customer more than anything. Every day I'm thinking about some other new business, but Shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use. It's like, I can't stop. I'm addicted. Start your free [e-mail] yeah.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I understand your frustration and I understand her defensiveness. Now you've got to find an arbitrator who can sit there and show compassion to both of you. You're finally coming into your own, and that's a good thing. She doesn't have to carry the burden of everything. You two could do things together. Maybe that's a good thing. But somebody has to help you, too. Tw o.

[Caller/Client]

Great.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

How about this? We start with this. I'll put you on hold. We'll send you the audio, email it to you. It might be a good idea to say, you know, I've been. You and I have been really at it. I called Dr. Laura. We had this discussion, and maybe this can help us if you just listen to this with me. That's a place to start. What do you think?

[Caller/Client]

I really like that. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. You're very welcome. I'm putting you on hold and we'll send you the copy. Yeah, that's understandable. Changes upset everybody because we have a routine. We get used to a certain routine. And believe me, even small little parts of the routine, when they change, it jostles you silly things. Well, that isn't the toothpaste I've been using. It's a perfectly good toothpaste. I know, but it's not. I like it in the tube. I don't like it in the container. I'm used to that. We have our comfort things. We do. Think about it. Think about all the silly little comfort things you have at work, at home, at play, everything. I was watching some tennis outtakes of the pros, and sometimes they just have a silly time for a while, especially the ones who are, like, in the top five and they make fun of each other. The prep things they do before they serve. Touching their hair, touching their nose, wiggling, dropping the ball 120 times, starting again. It's funny. Everybody has their little quirks, but you expand it. And we've spent 11 years, a certain way of dealing with the company and each other, and it's upsetting. And you feel like you haven't been appreciated all that time and you feel attacked. So that's a start. That's a good start. All righty. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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[Stephen Dubner]

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[Carl's Jr. Announcer]

Be one with the pork.

[Caller/Client]

You have the opportunity to make this little corner of the world into your ideal world, your dream world.

[Stephen Dubner]

You can watch Better in Person on the Freakonomics YouTube channel. You'll find a new episode there every week.

[Carl's Jr. Announcer]

This is how a conversation works.

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