How Do I Let Go of the Past?

Summary

Podcast Summary: "How Do I Let Go of the Past?"

The Dr. Laura Podcast
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Episode Date: January 24, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on a deeply emotional caller interaction about trauma, parental neglect, and the journey towards healing and letting go of the past. Dr. Laura provides direct, no-nonsense guidance to Tina, who struggles with guilt and sadness related to her abusive upbringing and a mother who failed to protect her. The conversation offers listeners insight into the importance of naming emotions accurately, acceptance, and discovering gratitude in survival and found family.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tina's Story: Family Trauma & Seeking Advice

• Family Background: Tina briefly recounts a traumatic childhood marked by severe abuse from her father (sexual abuse from infancy to age 13) and subsequent abuse from her twin brother.
• Maternal Neglect: Tina highlights her mother’s profound lack of protection, disbelief, and emotional unavailability, expressing the irony that her mother had previously called Dr. Laura for help decades ago (01:18–03:16).
  • “I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional family. My dad was very abusive to all of us, and sexually abused me... I never did tell my mom what happened... She didn't believe me. She said, 'Well who am I supposed to believe? You or him?'” (Caller Tina, 01:39–02:40)

2. Dr. Laura’s Analysis: Who Is to Blame & Letting Go of Idealized Motherhood

• On Blame & Parental Responsibility: Dr. Laura is unequivocal that Tina’s mother is "more to blame" than the abusers for her neglect and self-preservation.
  • “She is more to blame because she knew and did nothing. She protected herself... Don’t get romantically silly about motherhood. She’s reaching out for herself. When it was time to reach out to help you, she wasn’t there.” (Dr. Laura, 03:16–04:20)
• Replacing Guilt with Sadness: Dr. Laura strongly challenges Tina’s feelings of guilt, reframing it as sadness for not having a loving mother.
  • “It is not guilt. It's not even close to guilt. It doesn’t even have a G as a letter in the word. It's called sadness.” (Dr. Laura, 04:28–04:47)
• Recognizing True Family: Dr. Laura underscores that Tina already has a real mother—the second cousin who adopted her and provided the support and love she lacked.

3. Letting Go & Healing Practice

• Letting Go Process: Dr. Laura insists on the importance of acceptance over rumination.
  • “When you have a feeling, say it’s sadness. And anybody would feel sad not having a mommy mommy. But I am so freakin lucky that this family adopted me. What if they never did?” (Dr. Laura, 08:45–09:10)
• Concrete Self-Talk: To bolster self-esteem, Dr. Laura advises Tina to replace ambiguity with concrete positive affirmations about her survival and resilience.
  • “And stop starting every sentence with 'I guess.' About time you had a concrete thought.” (Dr. Laura, 09:28–09:30)
  • “And the concrete thought is: I came from a psycho family. It’s amazing that I’m as healthy as I am and as functional. And I found another family. Wow.” (Dr. Laura, 09:41–10:01)

4. Boundaries & Owing Nothing

• No Obligation: Dr. Laura is firm—Tina owes her birth mother nothing after years of neglect and harm.
  • “You owe her nothing.” (Dr. Laura, 07:32)
  • “She tore up her parent card.” (Dr. Laura, 07:35)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Parental Responsibility:

  “She is more to blame because she knew and did nothing. She protected herself.” — Dr. Laura (03:17)

• On Guilt vs. Sadness:

  “It's not guilt. It's not even close to guilt... It's called sadness.” — Dr. Laura (04:28)

• On Boundaries:

  “You owe her nothing.” — Dr. Laura (07:32) “She tore up her parent card.” — Dr. Laura (07:35)

• On Acceptance and Gratitude:

  “It’s amazing that I’m as healthy as I am and as functional. And I found another family. Wow.” — Dr. Laura (09:41)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Tina’s Story & Family History: 01:10–03:16
• Dr. Laura on Mother’s Blame & Motivation: 03:16–04:20
• Reframing Guilt as Sadness: 04:28–04:47 & 06:54–07:22
• On Letting Go and Positive Affirmation: 08:45–10:01
• On Boundaries — Owing Nothing: 07:29–07:35

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Closing Insights

The episode is a powerful example of Dr. Laura’s candid and compassionate approach to complex emotional pain. Listeners come away with the lesson to accurately name their feelings, accept the reality of their relationships, relinquish misplaced guilt, and find gratitude for survival and healthy new bonds. Dr. Laura’s insistence on boundaries and self-affirmation provides a blueprint for moving on from a traumatic past.

A takeaway for listeners:

“It’s amazing that I’m as healthy as I am... And I found another family. Wow.” — Dr. Laura (09:41)

Transcript

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[Podcast Host]

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[Dr. Laura]

With me 24 [e-mail] Tina welcome to.

[Caller Tina]

The program Dr. Laura. Thank you so much for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura]

You're very welcome. How can I help?

[Caller Tina]

Well, firstly I just want to preface by saying I find it ironic and funny that I'm calling you and my mom, who I'm actually calling about, called you in the 80s about my brother.

[Dr. Laura]

Ah.

[Caller Tina]

So I just think very funny.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay.

[Caller Tina]

But yeah, you know, I could take your whole show talking about my life, but I'm not going to do that. So I guess I'm not really sure how to deal with my mom. So basically, here's a short scoop of everything. So I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional family. My dad was very abusive to all of us and sexually abused me from like infancy to 13 and I had to testify against him in court. I never did tell my mom what happened. It was found out from one of my dad's many girlfriends. She told someone. So there's that. And then after that happened, my twin brother started abusing me in my while I was sleeping. So I did start telling my mom, hey, I need help. What are you gonna do about this? And she was like, oh well just, just close your door, you'll be fine. He just, she didn't believe me. She said, well who am I supposed to believe? You are him. And so, but it's odd because I'm more upset with her than the people who abused me as when I was younger. So I left when I was 18, moved to my second cousin's house and they adopted me when I was 30, legally. But now my birth mom is always she. We've never been close. We never bonded when I was a little kid. And now she's reaching out. She sent me a Christmas gift this year.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, Tina. Tina. She's getting older and she's gonna die, so she's reaching out. And what you said about. What you said about you blame her more is accurate. She is more to blame because she knew and did nothing. She protected herself. Of course you don't feel bonded. I can understand feeling bad that you had such a piece of crap for a mother that she didn't protect you better. But you have a mother. You stood up in a court and accepted this woman as your mother by adoption. There's nothing for you to gain from this woman who gave birth to you. Don't get silly on yourself. Don't get romantically silly about motherhood. She's reaching out for herself. When it was time to reach out to help you, she wasn't there.

[Caller Tina]

That's helpful to know it. I guess what's hard is I can't shake off this guilt. I.

[Dr. Laura]

It's not guilt. It is not guilt. It's not even close to guilt. It doesn't even have a G in as a letter in the word. It's called sadness.

[Caller Tina]

Oh.

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[Caller Tina]

Why?

[Dr. Laura]

What's happening?

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[Caller Tina]

All.

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[Dr. Laura]

Saturday, January 24th, Walmart wellness event.

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[Dr. Laura]

I knew.

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[Caller Tina]

Interesting.

[Dr. Laura]

Number one most misused word in the dictionary is guilt. You feel sad you don't have a mommy, but you do have one. She adopted you, but you are sad. The one you thought was supposed to love you and take care of you didn't give a shit until now when she's old and gonna die and doesn't want to be alone and wants you to forgive her.

[Podcast Host]

Please.

[Caller Tina]

So I guess I don't really owe her anything.

[Dr. Laura]

Nothing.

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Zero.

[Dr. Laura]

She tore up her parent card.

[Caller Tina]

That's actually helpful to know because I guess I do. I have felt extremely guilty. Like I owe her something, but it's nice.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, ma', am, stop with the guilt. It's the wrong word.

[Caller Tina]

Sadness.

[Dr. Laura]

You're sad and she owes you everything and you're sad.

[Caller Tina]

Okay, So then. I guess yeah. I think about it like when my dad got out of jail, she had a meal with him and my brothers are invited to all the parties.

[Dr. Laura]

Yes. You came from a psycho family. Sorry. It's about time you freaking let it go.

[Caller Tina]

How do you do that? You just do.

[Dr. Laura]

Don't discuss this anymore. When you have a feeling, say it's sadness. And anybody would feel sad not having a mommy mommy. But I am so freakin lucky that this family adopted me. What if they never did? What if that hole in you, in your heart, was never filled? But it was.

[Caller Tina]

Even as a grown woman. Yeah. Well, they did. They. But they did. They had legally adopted me even though I was growing up.

[Dr. Laura]

That's right. You got lucky.

[Caller Tina]

Well, I guess I don't really look.

[Dr. Laura]

And stop starting every sentence with I guess about time you had a concrete thought.

[Caller Tina]

Okay, well, thank you, doctor.

[Dr. Laura]

And the concrete thought is I came from a psycho family. It's amazing that I'm as healthy as I am and as functional. And I found another family. Wow. I get a big wow. That's what you should be saying to yourself.

[Caller Tina]

I can do that.

[Dr. Laura]

I hope so because you earned to do it.

[Caller Tina]

Well, I guess you answered no, you answered my question Dr. Laura. So thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

You're very welcome. My number one, 800-375-2872.

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