How Roleplaying Can Save Relationships

Summary

Podcast Summary: "How Roleplaying Can Save Relationships"
Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Release Date: March 11, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In this compelling episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger delves into the transformative power of roleplaying in repairing and nurturing marital relationships. Addressing real-life issues with her signature no-nonsense approach, Dr. Laura provides listeners with practical tools to foster empathy and understanding between partners.

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Listener Call: Michelle's Marital Struggle

The episode centers around a heartfelt call from Michelle, a listener facing significant challenges in her 25-year marriage. Early in the program, Dr. Laura introduces Michelle’s situation:

Michelle [00:50]: "Well, I'm kind of... who I've been married it'll be 25 years coming up. We have three beautiful children... I feel like he's depressed and I've talked to him about it but he doesn't seem to want to do anything to help the situation and I don't know what to do anymore."

Andrew listens empathetically as Michelle outlines her feelings of resentment and frustration due to her husband's sudden career change and subsequent withdrawal from family activities.

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Dr. Laura's Approach to Rebuilding Communication

Dr. Laura responds thoughtfully, emphasizing the importance of perseverance in marriage, especially when children are involved:

Dr. Laura [01:59]: "Sometimes we just need to survive stuff."

She advises against considering divorce, highlighting the disruptive impact it would have on their children. Instead, she suggests understanding the husband's perspective to rekindle respect and connection.

Introducing Roleplaying

To facilitate deeper understanding, Dr. Laura introduces a roleplaying exercise. She encourages Michelle to empathize with her husband, Mark, by portraying his feelings and thoughts. This method aims to bridge the communication gap and uncover underlying issues.

Dr. Laura [02:31]: "Make believe. Let's for the sake of it, let's just make believe you're him now and Michelle cannot hear my conversation. Talk to me like what you imagine he's feeling, thinking, needing, wanting, suffering."

Michelle adopts Mark's perspective, revealing:

Michelle as Mark [02:56]: "I don't think he knows what direction to go."

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Unpacking the Root Causes

Dr. Laura delves deeper into Mark's struggles, questioning the rationale behind his career shift and its impact on his motivation:

Dr. Laura [03:50]: "What made you think going this route of your own business was going to be better for you emotionally and time wise?"

Michelle, still in character as Mark, admits:

Michelle as Mark [04:33]: "Because I would be in control of my own time frame."

Dr. Laura bluntly addresses the reality of Mark’s failed startup:

Dr. Laura [04:38]: "Not when you have to start up a company... pretty much, Mark, you have failed and you don't know which way to go."

This confrontation serves to highlight the gravity of the situation and the need for proactive solutions.

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Rebuilding Self-Esteem and Relationships

Acknowledging the prolonged nature of Michelle and Mark’s issues, Dr. Laura emphasizes that recognizing failure is not a sign of worthlessness but a step toward rebuilding:

Dr. Laura [09:16]: "This doesn't mean you're a loser. This means that this particular business... didn't work."

She encourages Michelle to rekindle her relationship by addressing ego-related barriers and re-establishing mutual respect and happiness.

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Practical Roleplaying Exercise

To solidify her advice, Dr. Laura outlines a structured roleplaying exercise for couples:

1. Identify Triggers: Couples should pinpoint specific issues that cause friction.
2. Assume Each Other's Roles: Each partner takes on the role of the other, articulating their feelings and perspectives.
3. Active Defense: In this "court of law" scenario, each becomes the other's defense attorney, explaining and defending their partner’s viewpoint.

Dr. Laura [12:00]: "Explain why, explain what their position is. Defend it."

This exercise aims to foster empathy, improve communication, and uncover deeper insights into each other's experiences.

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Key Insights and Takeaways

• Empathy is Crucial: Understanding your partner's perspective can bridge emotional gaps.
• Roleplaying as a Tool: Actively stepping into your partner’s shoes can reveal underlying issues and foster mutual respect.
• Addressing Ego: Recognizing and setting aside ego can pave the way for healthier interactions and resolutions.
• Persistence in Marriage: Commitment to improving the relationship, especially for the sake of children, is vital.

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Conclusion and Action Steps

Dr. Laura wraps up by encouraging listeners to implement roleplaying exercises in their own relationships. She offers to send the conversation to Michelle via email, reinforcing the importance of taking actionable steps toward change.

Dr. Laura [10:08]: "If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts... I'd love if you gave me five stars."

By empowering listeners with practical advice and actionable strategies, Dr. Laura Schlessinger once again demonstrates her unwavering commitment to helping individuals navigate the complexities of familial and marital relationships.

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Final Thoughts

This episode underscores the transformative potential of empathy and effective communication in sustaining and revitalizing long-term relationships. Dr. Laura's compassionate yet straightforward guidance offers hope and tangible solutions for those grappling with marital challenges.

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For more insights and advice, tune into Dr. Laura Call of the Day on SiriusXM Triumph 111 or visit DrLaura.com.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

For listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Michelle, welcome to the program.

[Michelle]

Hi.

[Dr. Laura]

What can I do for you?

[Michelle]

Guess I'm kind of nervous.

[Dr. Laura]

All right, It'll pass.

[Michelle]

Well, I'm kind of who I've been married it'll be 25 years coming up. We have three beautiful children. I still have one in high school, one is graduated from college and is getting her masters. One is in still in college. But my husband and I I'm starting to become resentful and just not having the same respect I had for him. He, he changed careers about seven years ago and did a startup and just has been kind of wishy washy about things and then just doesn't want to go on trips, doesn't want to do anything and I just, I feel like he's depressed and I've talked to him about it but he doesn't seem to want to do anything to help the situation and I don't. I don't know what to do anymore.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, I'm not sure there's anything you have to do. Sometimes we just need to survive stuff.

[Michelle]

So just keep hanging in there.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, you've got a child at home. I never suggest a divorce. When a child is at home that disrupts their lives way too much. So yeah, other than you're pissed off. If he were on the phone with me, what would he be saying? If you couldn't hear it.

[Michelle]

He would probably be saying the same thing, that he's depressed.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, make believe. Let's for the sake of it, let's just make believe you're him now and Michelle cannot hear my conversation. Talk to me like what you imagine he's feeling, thinking, needing, wanting, suffering. Do your best.

[Michelle]

I don't think he knows what direction to go.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, you're talking about him now. I asked you to be him. Hi Dr. Laura. My wife Michelle is not happy with me, but I want to tell you my side.

[Michelle]

She's frustrated with me with my lack of motivation and decision making. And.

[Dr. Laura]

What'S his first name? First name?

[Michelle]

Mark. Mark.

[Dr. Laura]

Mark. So, Mark, tell me about when you were highly motivated. What was that time? When was that? Tell me about it.

[Michelle]

I enjoyed everything I was doing, but I was working too much and I felt like I was neglecting my family.

[Dr. Laura]

What made you think going this route of your own business was going to be better for you emotionally and time wise? Because normally when people start their own business they have less time and then they have to worry about failure startup and all that that.

[Michelle]

He, he said he would have more time to be.

[Dr. Laura]

No, not he said. I, I. You're. You are Mark. Okay.

[Michelle]

Yes, I want, I wanted more time to be present with my kids to work.

[Dr. Laura]

But how did you think starting up your own business would give you more time?

[Michelle]

I. Because I would be in control of my own time frame.

[Dr. Laura]

Not when you, not really. When you have to start up a company. When it's successful, you have time. So pretty much, Mark, you have failed. You have failed and you don't know which way to go.

[Michelle]

Correct. Correct.

[Dr. Laura]

More of the same as in getting you there. I'm curious, that other job that you liked that had a lot of time requirements, could you get back into it?

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[Michelle]

I think I could, but I think my ego is in the way.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, well, you know, you're a guy, kind of comes with the territory. But you're killing yourself now. You're miserable. Your wife is all bitchy and annoying and, you know, so we'd have to think if we took a little bruise to the ego, but we could get back what we used to have. What do you think?

[Michelle]

That's part of my issue is this has been going on now for seven years.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, I know. Do you want it to be going on for eight? Do you want it to go on for eight?

[Michelle]

No.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, then maybe we ought to backtrack. And, you know, this doesn't mean you're a loser. This means that this particular business, at this particular time, with all the circumstances you have, it didn't work.

[Michelle]

Right?

[Dr. Laura]

Well, we don't stay with what isn't working. Ego notwithstanding, you want to get back your woman, your life, your ego, your happiness. You want to get it back. I think you ought to fight to get it back.

[Michelle]

So I just need to have that conversation again about when were you most happy, when you were being successful.

[Dr. Laura]

And I'm going to send you this conversation in an email. I'd like you to tell him you called me. I'd like you to be very brave here. I want him to hear the role playing, and maybe this is just what he needs to hear. Okay, so let me put you on hold and you give them your email address and we'll send it to you. This is a chance. This is a chance. I thought she did a good job when she got into it. It's very important to force yourself. You know that old saying, oh, you know, you're not in their shoes. You don't know what it's like. That's true. We can't ever really know the whole thing because we really don't know every synapse in the brain that's talking to the person. But for some extent, we can find compassion and understanding what it feels like. And when she said ego, that's very important to a man in particular. Ego is different from, quote, self esteem. Women tend to use that phrase. So put yourself in the other person's shoes. And I kind of like when married couples do that. And I've done this at personal appearances, taken people, put them on a stage and couples, and give me something that you get annoyed with with each other, whatever it is, time you go to bed. Even something like that becomes an issue. Time to go to bed. And I'd have them both tell me what the problem was from their point of view. And then I'd say, okay, we're in a court of law and you now become your spouse's defense attorney. Explain why, Explain what their position is. Defend it. And it usually, like this call, took a little bit for her to get into the thing because to some extent we don't want to know because we're holding onto our position, but when we get into it, it's amazing the revelations we have. You ought to try that at home. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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