How to Be a Good Parent

Summary

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The Dr. Laura Podcast – "How to Be a Good Parent"

Date: June 21, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger delivers her hallmark common sense advice on parenting, laying out her guiding principles for how to be a good parent. She cuts through common misconceptions, emphasizes that effective parenting requires hands-on time and emotional investment, and shares practical tips grounded in her personal experiences as both a therapist and a mother. Dr. Laura’s tone is candid, direct, and sometimes provocative—aimed at prompting deep reflection and actionable change in her listeners' parenting approaches.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Presence over "Quality Time"

Timestamp: 01:43

• Physical and Emotional Presence:
  Dr. Laura asserts that being physically present is foundational to parenting—debunking the myth that "quality time" can make up for lack of "quantity time."

  “The nonsense about quality time makes up for quantity time is just as I said, nonsense. You're not there. You're not there.” (01:43)

• Parental Responsibility:
  Delegating core parenting roles to daycares or nannies means someone else is assuming the emotional and psychological responsibilities of “mothering.”

  “You can't be a good mother if you're not there to do mother. Then you're the bio mother. Somebody else is performing the tasks of mother.” (01:57)

• Sacrifice Is Necessary:
  Dr. Laura insists parents need to be willing to sacrifice other pursuits in order to truly be there for their children.

2. Love and Affection

Timestamp: 02:25

• Demonstrating Love:
  Hugging, kissing, laughter, and physical attention are highlighted as essential daily expressions of love.

  “Number two is lots and lots and lots of cuddling, kissing, attention, smiles.” (02:53)

• Personal Anecdotes:
  Shares a fond memory:

  “Derek used to like raspberries in his neck. I was good at raspberries. Then raspberries in the neck would make him laugh hysterical.” (02:33)

• Direct Language for Listeners:
  Dr. Laura forcefully addresses critical listeners:

  “For all of you women who are getting pissy at me, the hell with you. Do you think I care that you're mad that I'm reminding you that to be a mother you have to be there to do it?” (03:30)

3. Praise vs. Criticism

Timestamp: 04:18

• Positive Reinforcement:
  Advocates for praising children three times for every criticism; be specific and sincere, avoiding generic praise.

  “Praise three times as much as you point out something negative... And use phrases like, ‘You did a really nice thing taking turns with your sister like that. I noticed and I thought that was wonderful.’” (04:18)

• Meaningful Feedback:
  Kids need clarity on what behaviors earned praise.

  “Useless phrases like ‘good job’ don’t mean anything... you have to be clear, clarity.” (04:34)

• Relatable Analogy:
  Connects with her sailboat crew’s system of ‘clusters’ to reward specific good actions—adult or child, everyone responds to clear positive feedback. (05:19)

4. Never Compare Children

Timestamp: 08:21

• Uniqueness:
  Refrains from comparing siblings or kids to others, as it breeds feelings of inadequacy and perceived favoritism.

  “You have to avoid comparing kid to kid, sibling to sibling, kid to neighbor, kid to cousin. You gotta stop all that. Each kid... is unique, and we all want to be appreciated for our uniqueness.” (08:21)

5. Listening and One-on-One Time

Timestamp: 09:13

• Be an Active Listener:
  Describes how she dedicated special “listening time” with her son, Derek, allowing him to share thoughts, fears, and feelings without interruption.

  “My favorite thing to do after that was just to listen to his ideas, to his thoughts, his feelings, his fears, his concerns, his happy stuff before he went to bed.” (09:23)

• Individualized Attention:
  Recommends making time for each child individually, tailored to their interests and needs.

6. Involvement in Education and Activities

Timestamp: 10:31

• Be Present at Milestones:
  Dr. Laura urges attendance at school events, milestones, birthdays, recitals, and being visible and available during homework time.

  “Definitely go to school functions. Definitely sit at the table while they're doing their homework so you're available if they need help on a problem.” (10:36) “Be there for the milestones, the birthdays, the recitals, the games. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life if your work was more important.” (11:14)

7. Discipline: Rules and Consistency

Timestamp: 11:18

• Clear, Reasonable, Consistent:
  Outlines need for clear rules, communicated consequences, and—most critically—consistency between both parents.

  “You have to have reasonable rules, communicate them clearly. The kids should be familiar with what the consequences are. If you give them a consequence, make sure you explain the reason. Be clear and be consistent.” (11:21)

• Adult Self-Control:
  Parents must control their emotions; modeling control teaches children to regulate their reactions.

  “Control yourself. You’re an adult. Be calm. Explaining your rules. Be calm when you’re giving consequences, be calm.” (12:35)

• Premarital Counseling:
  Suggests all couples get premarital counseling to align on discipline philosophy and teamwork before marriage or parenting.

8. Building Character and Independence

Timestamp: 13:48

• Morality and Values:
  Parents should teach children about right and wrong by talking through moral scenarios.

  “My dad did this game with me. He’d set up a scenario. This is what’s happening. What’s the right thing to do? What’s the wrong thing to do? Should you do A, should you do B?” (13:52)

• Moderation and Responsibility:
  Role model responsible behaviors regarding substances, entertainment, and life’s temptations.

  “Role modeling good behavior of moderation—eating, drinking, television, everything—and saying it out loud.” (15:07)

• Let Kids Make Mistakes:
  Encourages allowing children to fail and learn from their own errors, but with parental guidance and wisdom available.

  “Let your kid make their own mistakes. Let them make their mistakes. It’s a good way to learn... you can worry, but you can't protect your kids forever.” (15:38)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “If you think I care that you're mad at me for reminding you that you actually have to be there. No, it doesn't bother me. Bothers me that it bothers you rather than you going, she's right, I should be there.” — Dr. Laura (03:30)
• “We all like to get a cluster and very specifically for what we did.” — Dr. Laura, referencing positive reinforcement with her sailboat crew (08:20)
• “Have a special time just to listen to them. Do you know how you feel when somebody just shuts up and listens to you?” — Dr. Laura (09:42)
• “Whatever you do, they're going to figure is okay. So if you scream like an idiot every time you're upset, they will scream like an idiot every time they're upset. That's real important.” — Dr. Laura (12:59)
• “Definitely go to school functions... you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if your work was more important.” — Dr. Laura (11:14)
• “Let your kid make their own mistakes... But you can’t protect your kids forever, and be there when they actually make a mistake and then help them—help them by guiding them through how to remedy it.” — Dr. Laura (15:38)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:43] – Presence over "quality time"
• [02:25] – Showing love and affection
• [04:18] – The importance of praise and being specific
• [08:21] – Avoiding comparisons between children
• [09:13] – Listening actively and individualized attention
• [10:31] – Involvement in education and activities
• [11:18] – Discipline: Clear rules, consequences, parental unity
• [13:48] – Nurturing character, morals, and independence
• [15:38] – Letting kids make and learn from mistakes

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Tone & Language

Dr. Laura stays true to her signature blend of tough love, blunt honesty, and personal storytelling. She doesn’t shy away from controversy—directly addressing critics—and expects her audience to reflect honestly and act decisively in their parenting role. Her advice is peppered with humor, anecdotes, and passion.

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Conclusion

“How to Be a Good Parent” encapsulates Dr. Laura’s philosophy: Parenting demands sacrifice, presence, affection, structure, and solid values. Her actionable steps and anecdotes guide listeners to reflect on their priorities, adjust their presence and attention, communicate clearly, praise specifically, discipline consistently, and nurture character in their children—the building blocks of raising emotionally and morally healthy adults.

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Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

okay, how to be a good parent number one, you actually have to be there. The nonsense about quality time makes up for quantity time is just as I said, nonsense. You're not there. You're not there. When you were dating and nobody was there, you didn't feel loved and care taken and important and like the person really cared about you. Well, kids feel the same way. So when you dump them in daycare or even have somebody else take care of them nanny style, it's not you. You can't be a good mother. If you're not there to do mother, then you're the bio mother. Somebody else is performing the tasks of mother. So the first thing you need to do and if you're in the process of deciding whether or not to become a parent, you have to be willing to sacrifice everything to be there. That's number one. Number one. Number two is love. Love and affection. Hugs and kisses. Derek used to like raspberries in his neck. You know I can't do it now it's good. I was good at raspberries. Then raspberries in the neck would make him laugh. Hysterical. Lots of love, Lots of physical attention, lots of hugs, lots of kisses, lots of saying you love them, lots of cuddling, lots and lots and lots. So number two is lots and lots and lots of cuddling, kissing, attention, smiles. And you have to be there to do that, don't you? So for all of you women who are getting pissy at me, the hell with you. Do you think I care that you're mad that I'm reminding you that to be a mother you have to be there to do it? If you think I care that you're mad at me for reminding you that you actually have to be there. No, it doesn't bother me. Bothers me that it bothers you rather than you going, she's right, I should be there. How can my telling you this be a bad thing? Think about it.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

Praise.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Mostly it's, don't do that, don't touch that, don't go there. How about this? Praise three times as much as you point out something negative. So every time you point out, oh, you didn't pick that up. Find three things to compliment. Not all at once. Spread it out so it looks sincere and useless. Phrases like good job don't mean anything. I think I've taught you enough over the years to know you have to be clear, clarity. You have to say, you did a really nice thing taking turns with your sister like that. I noticed and I thought that was wonderful. And they know exactly what they did. That was good. Thank you so much for putting all the toys away. When you finish playing with them, that gets a big wow. That gets a mom a wow. They know exactly how to get a mom a wow. It's funny, we do something like this on my racing sailboat with my crew. We have clusters and you do certain things and you earn clusters. You do certain things, you lose clusters. It's hilarious.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It's just hilarious. We don't really give anything out. Well, every now and then what I do is I buy a little goodie for everybody on the crew. Like I got these little knives, little ones that you can just stick in your pocket and just have available to you guys like that, especially guys who do boats and things like that. Little knife is helpful, but we talk about you get a cluster for da da da da da da. Doesn't matter how old anybody is. We all like to get a cluster and very specifically for what we did. You have to avoid comparing kid to kid Sibling to sibling, kid to neighbor, kid to cousin. You got to stop all that. Each kid you didn't learn enough from, Mr. Rogers, is unique, and we all want to be appreciated for our uniqueness. If you want to help your kid behave better, blah, blah, blah. Never point out, well, your sister, your brother, your cousin, the kid next door. Never compare. Never. Never. That just makes them feel inadequate. And it looks like you have favoritism. One of the things I loved to do. I mean, I couldn't wait as a mother for Derek to be able to talk. I just. I could barely wait. And his talk was a little delayed. From the books that tell you when they talk, of course, girls talk a lot earlier. I. We never shut up. But he would point and grunt. Didn't use single words. And some people told me, oh, my gosh. And I went, no, there's not a problem. And it's not that I'm in denial. Every kid develops on his own, and I've told you this before. One day he started talking in sentences. He went from nothing to sentences. His brain was just putting it together. Motivation was finally there. And he spoke in brief sentences. I was blown out. But my favorite thing to do after that was just to listen to his ideas, to his thoughts, his feelings, his fears, his concerns, his happy stuff before he went to bed. He liked book reading during the day, but at night, what he liked was he'd go under the covers, I'd be on top, we'd both be staring at the ceiling light, be out, and he would just talk about stuff. It was wonderful. Listen to your kids. Have a special time just to listen to them. Do you know how you feel when somebody just shuts up and listens to you? You've got to make. If you have a bunch of kids, make time for each one of them individually. Try to make the time reasonably equal. Don't overdo it and oppress them. But set aside a day of the week where you go to parks, museums, libraries, Depending upon what the kid's interest is, definitely go to school functions. Definitely sit at the table while they're doing their homework so you're available if they need help on a problem. Definitely visit the teachers. Get a sense of how the kid's doing in school. Have a good relationship with the teachers, but make sure you are there for the milestones, the birthdays, the recitals, the games. You'll regret it for the rest of your life if your work was more important. Next, you have to really be a good disciplinarian. You have to have reasonable Rules, communicate them clearly. The kids should be familiar with what the consequences are if you give them a consequence. Make sure you explain the reason. Be clear and be consistent. Reasonable clarity, consistency, that's where most of you fall down. And you and your spouse really need to work as a team. And that's why before marriage, everybody should go into six to nine months of premarital counseling with somebody who has expertise in that. So we discuss things like the discipline you had, the discipline you're anticipating, how you work together as a team. Do one of you think you're superior to the other? Blah, blah, blah. You got to go through all of that. And unlike the lady yesterday who was really angry that her husband killed himself and stuck her with the bills and the kid and all of that, yelled and screamed and went bonkers in front of the kid. Control yourself. Control yourself. You're an adult. Be calm. Explaining your rules. Be calm when you're giving consequences, be calm. If you're having a bad day, be calm. Whatever you do, they're going to figure is okay. So if you scream like an idiot every time you're upset, they will scream like an idiot every time they're upset. That's real important. Now, last but not least, definitely not least, is helping your kid build character. And what do you mean by that? Sort of the quality of their soul coming out in their behavior. You want to teach your kids to be independent, but they're not competent to be independent. So you're giving them opportunities to be somewhat independent. Allow them to talk to you about maybe certain rules or changing certain rules or certain perks, but always tell them right and wrong. I remember my dad did this game with me. He'd set up a scenario. This is what's happening. What's the right thing to do? What's the wrong thing to do? Should you do A, should you do B? I'm telling you right now, that used to terrify me. Sometimes I wasn't sure of the right answer, and sometimes it wasn't the right answer I was looking for. It was the answer I thought my dad would like so he'd be happy with me, not mad. Right. You all remember that. Looking back, however, my emotional reaction was kind of normal. But looking back, it was really cool to have scenarios set up and what's right and what's wrong. And if I picked what he thought was the wrong answer, he would explain it. Do you think that impacts who I am today and what I do? Yeah. Yeah. Emphasize moderation and responsibility. I mean, make things clear about drinking, drugs, sex. This is what I expect of you. And role modeling moderation, a glass of wine with dinner as opposed to getting soused every time you have a party. Role modeling good behavior of moderation eating, drinking, television, everything and saying it out loud. You know, I watched a movie already today, so it's time to take the dog for a walk and this becomes their norm. Let your kid make their own mistakes. Let them make their mistakes. It's a good way to learn. Of course you can worry, but you can't protect your kids forever and be there when they actually make a mistake and then help them. Help them by guiding them through how to remedy it. Of course, some mistakes hurt third parties really bad and hopefully you will have explained a lot of morals, values, principles and ethics before that happens. My number 1-800-375-2872.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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As people age, it's normal to ask what more they could be doing to take care of their health. It's important to be proactive, especially when it comes to your brain health. Don't wait for something to feel off before taking action. Make your next checkup count. Ask your doctor about your risk factors for dementia and a cognitive assessment. Visit brainhealthmatters.com for more information and resources

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

provided by Lilly hey everyone, it's Stavros Halakis and I'm here to tell you about my podcast, Stavi's World. Each week we're joined by great guests like Josh Safdie, Eric Andre, Caleb Heron, and more. It's sort of an interview show, but really we're just messing around, making each other laugh, and hopefully making you laugh while you're washing the dishes or grocery shopping or on a long drive. Plus, I take listener calls where we have honest conversations about dating, life and everything in between. Imagine if your therapist was a vulgar degenerate whose office was in a Greek diner. No scripts, no polish, and absolutely no holding back. Listen to Stavi's World wherever you get your podcasts.