Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Episode: How to Know When a Relationship is Right
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: October 12, 2025
Episode Overview
This episode focuses on understanding when a romantic relationship is right for you, particularly from the perspective of a young woman navigating early adulthood. Dr. Laura Schlessinger offers her signature direct advice to Amanda, a 21-year-old caller confused about the expectations and realities of a new relationship. The discussion revolves around personal accountability, mature expectations, and the importance of assessing character over attention in a partner.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Amanda’s Relationship Dilemma ([01:46])
- Amanda, age 21, is uncertain about whether to continue seeing a man she has known for a few months after he returned from time abroad.
- Amanda feels that her needs for attention aren’t being met as the man is focused on his family and has other priorities.
2. Unrealistic Expectations & Self-Focus ([02:38])
- Dr. Laura: Points out that Amanda is too “self-focused” and reminds her that both people have independent lives, especially at a young age.
- “He is never going to turn over the totality of his life to you, nor will any man. The only creature you can get to do that is a dog. Not even a cat.” ([03:03])
- Emphasizes the need for Amanda to approach the relationship in a “grown up way,” by acknowledging and respecting the other’s commitments.
3. The Fantasy vs. Reality of Relationships ([03:28])
- Dr. Laura challenges Amanda’s idea of being at “the center” of her partner’s universe.
- Advocates for flexibility and understanding, especially when both partners are building their lives.
- “Your expectation, your fantasies about what a relationship with a man is like, are way out of whack.” ([03:56])
4. Should Amanda Give Him More Time or Move On? ([04:06])
- Amanda asks if she should give him more time as he promises to improve.
- Dr. Laura’s clear advice: “Let him go. Absolutely. Please let him go. You’re much too demanding.” ([04:27])
- Reassures Amanda that she’s not being criticized to cause pain, but to help her grow past a romanticized view of relationships.
5. What Makes a Relationship Right: Qualities to Look For ([08:20])
- Dr. Laura provides a checklist for Amanda’s future:
- “That he’s a good person of character.”
- Observe how he treats his family and strangers.
- Evaluate if he’s thoughtful, kind, fair, and willing to discuss issues.
- Reminds Amanda that “how much time he dedicates to you” is not the most meaningful factor.
- “If you’re married to somebody in the military, that’s going to be a very destructive notion you have in your head… Because these are men who are otherwise occupied and you have to fit in if you want them.” ([08:43])
6. On Trusting Promises in Relationships ([09:08])
- Amanda questions the sincerity of her partner’s promises to try harder.
- Dr. Laura: “It’s not a matter of not trusting. It’s a matter of, I think no matter what he did, it wouldn’t be enough for you.” ([09:20])
- Cautions Amanda about focusing on what she can get from the relationship rather than what she gives.
7. Keys to Maturity and Reciprocity ([10:28])
- Dr. Laura advises patience and self-education:
- “You’ve read a lot. You have fantasy notions. You haven’t spent a lot of time in the real world with real men. And, and you’ll learn. I’m just giving you a little heads up.” ([10:36])
- She references John F. Kennedy: “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.” ([10:55]) Applying this to relationships, focus on what you contribute rather than what you’re getting.
8. Patience and Self-Growth ([11:34])
- Amanda asks how she'll know when she's approaching relationships more maturely.
- Dr. Laura’s encouragement: “You’re only 21. Be patient. Got a good eight, nine years to get good at this. So you make an intelligent choice in a man. Be patient. It takes time to learn this all to learn yourself and to learn a man.” ([11:34])
- Final admonition: “A man does not exist for your benefit only. Get that one out of your head.” ([12:17])
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- “He is never going to turn over the totality of his life to you, nor will any man. The only creature you can get to do that is a dog. Not even a cat.” – Dr. Laura ([03:03])
- “Your expectation, your fantasies about what a relationship with a man is like, are way out of whack.” – Dr. Laura ([03:56])
- “Let him go. He doesn’t need to be tortured by you.” – Dr. Laura ([04:27])
- “If you want more attention, get a dog. Human beings have lives, especially at this very young age.” – Dr. Laura ([03:28])
- “When you do other people, it makes you feel special.” – Dr. Laura ([10:59])
- “A man does not exist for your benefit only. Get that one out of your head.” – Dr. Laura ([12:17])
Important Timestamps
| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|---------------------------------------------------| | 01:46 | Amanda introduces her relationship dilemma | | 02:38 | Dr. Laura challenges Amanda’s expectations | | 03:28 | Advice on self-focus and unrealistic fantasies | | 04:27 | Dr. Laura tells Amanda to let him go | | 08:20 | Criteria for a healthy relationship | | 09:08 | On trusting your partner's promises/language | | 10:28 | Learning through experience & JFK quote | | 11:34 | Advice on patience and growth | | 12:17 | Final admonition about realistic expectations |
Episode Tone & Takeaways
- Tone: Candid, direct, and nurturing; Dr. Laura balances tough love with empathy for Amanda’s age and inexperience.
- Takeaway: Healthy relationships are rooted in respect, shared values, and realistic expectations—not in demanding to be the center of someone’s world. Young adults should be patient with themselves and seek out partners of strong character, focusing on what they bring to a relationship rather than solely what they receive.