I Can't Live Like This Anymore!

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: I Can't Live Like This Anymore!
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guests: Susie & Susie’s Mom
Date: November 27, 2025

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Overview

This episode centers around a challenging mother-daughter relationship, focusing on cycles of resentment, unresolved issues rooted in the past, and the struggle for emotional boundaries. Susie returns to the show after previously seeking advice from Dr. Laura on how to handle her strained relationship with her mother, who fixates on past hurts and her divorce from Susie’s father. For this follow-up, Susie’s mom joins the conversation, providing her perspective and participating in a candid family intervention, with Dr. Laura mediating.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Recap of Previous Call and Susie’s Boundary-Setting

• Susie shares the background:
  • Susie recounts to Dr. Laura how she was advised to inform her mom she might end their relationship unless certain conversational patterns—primarily dwelling on the past—stop ([01:33]).
  • “She consistently talks about the past, her relationship with my dad, wants to tell me his indiscretions, how I hurt her 30 years ago… And if she wants to continue having a relationship with me, she has to stop.” — Susie [01:33]

2. Mom’s Perspective on the Lunch Incident

• Susie’s Mom describes her version:
  • At their last lunch, the conversation supposedly “went off the rails” when Susie got upset about being questioned regarding her son’s visit to his grandfather ([02:39]–[03:58]).
  • Mom expresses regret over losing touch with her grandchildren and recalls details differently, feeling cut off by Susie ([03:57]).

3. Revisiting the Triggering Incident

• Susie provides her account:
  • For Susie, the issue isn’t an isolated event, but a persistent pattern—her mother continually revisits her marital hardship and past family betrayals ([06:47]–[08:47]).
  • Memorable lament:
    • “All she wants to do is tell us about the problematic marriage. And at that lunch, she wanted to tell me about four women he introduced her to. … And I can't listen to it anymore. I don't want a relationship like this. … Why are we still talking about this? And why is it my fault?” — Susie [08:47]

4. Dr. Laura’s Intervention and Direct Questions

• Host’s role as mediator:
  • Dr. Laura pointedly asks Susie’s mom what is served by constantly bringing up the past ([08:53]).
  • As Susie’s mom begins to again reference her painful marriage, Dr. Laura interrupts:
    • “No. Are you missing the point?” — Dr. Laura [11:05]
    • “You're missing the point? Yes, ma'am. Trust me. … She's talking about today, November 2025. You want to go back and talk about your marriage.” — Dr. Laura [11:11]

5. Susie’s Emotional Stand

• Expression of emotional exhaustion:
  • Susie stresses the toll and the futility of decades-long guilt (“I have my own family. … I would never, ever do any of this to my kids. … This is why I called, Dr. Laura. … I don't think I'm wrong.” — Susie [10:56]

6. Dr. Laura’s Tough Love and Final Advice

• Clear recommendations:
  • Dr. Laura bluntly tells Susie’s mom she is avoiding responsibility and refusing to see the damage she causes ([11:37]).
  • “You have a total refusal to see what you do. Total refusal. … Susie has no other option.” — Dr. Laura [12:21]
  • Proposed boundary:
    • “If you two talk on the phone and mom brings up … talks about the past, the marriage, the dad—be polite and excuse yourself and hang up the phone.” — Dr. Laura [12:01]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Susie’s Stand: “I can't listen to it anymore. I do not want this. … It's almost like we can't have a relationship without it. … I can't do it. It's very stressful for me.” ([08:47])
• Dr. Laura’s Directness: “Are you missing the point? … She’s talking about today, November 2025. You want to go back and talk about your marriage.” ([11:05]–[11:11])
• Susie Accepts Responsibility: “I've admitted that, I said yes, I did that. … I take responsibility that I looked in your purse, at your plane ticket. … Why do we even have to talk about this in general?” ([09:26])
• Dr. Laura’s Boundary-Setting Advice: “Be polite and excuse yourself and hang up the phone. That's my recommendation.” ([12:01])
• Dr. Laura’s Summary Judgment: “You have a total refusal to see what you do. Total refusal. Susie has no other option.” ([12:21])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Susie Recaps Prior Advice & Sets Boundaries: [01:33]–[02:34]
• Mom’s Version of the Lunch Incident: [02:39]–[03:58]
• Susie’s Version and Ongoing Pain: [06:47]–[08:47]
• Dr. Laura Challenges Mom’s Focus on the Past: [11:05]–[11:37]
• Dr. Laura’s Final Recommendations: [12:01]–[12:48]

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Tone & Language

Dr. Laura maintains her signature combination of empathy and blunt directness. Susie is openly distressed, oscillating between frustration, sadness, and exasperation. Susie’s mom comes off as defensive and stuck in past grievances, prompting Dr. Laura's intervention. The tone shifts from tense and emotional to clarifying and resolute as Dr. Laura offers clear, actionable guidance.

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Takeaways

This episode is particularly instructive for anyone struggling with parental relationships rooted in old wounds and circular grievances. Dr. Laura underlines the necessity of boundaries and the courage it takes to break unproductive, hurtful cycles—demonstrating, in real-time, how old family pain can be confronted and, if necessary, decisively disengaged from for self-preservation.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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Susie and Susie's mom, welcome to the program.

[Susie]

Hi, Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hi.

[Susie's Mom]

Hello.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, Susie, you want to update on what we once spoke about, where you are with things, how you got mom to come on.

Give me all the background.

[Susie]

Okay. So I called on Thursday asking you how I should discontinue a relationship with my mom. Because when we are together, which is not very often, she consistently talks about the past, her relationship with my dad, wants to tell me his indiscretions, how I hurt her 30 years ago when I was 20 years old. And you advised that I call her and let her know that I'm considering discontinuing our relationship because of that. And if she wants to continue having a relationship with me, she has to stop. And then I'll call her back in three days. So I did that. And when I called her back today, it was her idea for us to call you. So I don't know what her decision is. She asked that we call you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, then. Well done, Susie. Okay, Mom.

[Susie]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're on. What was your reaction to Suvi's. I'm sorry, Susie's call?

[Susie's Mom]

We. I agree with her. It's not very often. And that's her decision. It would not be mine, but the Thursday when we had that lunch. We had a wonderful time. The first hour, as she said. And her ex, her description of our conversation at the end differs from mine.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, you tell me your version, please.

[Susie's Mom]

Her version or mine?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I heard hers. Give me yours.

[Susie's Mom]

Okay. She had told me that her. My grandson had went up to see his grandfather and ended up staying up there for three weeks. I said to her, knowing what he's like, why would you send him up there like that? And she said, actually, what she said was quite calm. She said, mom, it's a different time. He's older. He has his own phone. And she's right. He's 20 years old now, which I. I'm sorry. There are times I forget because I haven't seen those two kids in a good couple of years.

[Susie]

And I.

[Susie's Mom]

She didn't even give me a chance to respond.

[Susie]

That.

[Susie's Mom]

That was a good, good reasoning. I mean, a good explanation because it was just something I didn't think of. She went off on me. I mean, really went off where people around us were looking at us. She wouldn't let me have a chance to speak. She cut me off every time I tried.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Do you remember this part of the interaction?

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[Susie]

I remember that as being a very small part of the interaction. Yes, there was a lot more that went on that wasn't. That portion of the conversation is not. I guess, yeah, I do remember that, but I don't. I don't know why. I do know why that's sticking in her head mostly, but she. That's not how the conversation started. She started out by telling me when I said that we didn't have. She said she wants to see the kids more and missed her grandkids and her kids. And I said, well, this relationship has been strained for a long time. And she said, well, I'll tell you why it's been strained. When 30 years ago, you told your dad, when I was coming home from being out of town and I was 20 years old when I did that. My parents had been married my entire life. He moved out, like, a month before. Had he been living in the house a month before and asked me when she was going to be home, I would have told him. We never knew. My parents had a problematic marriage once they started getting divorced. All she wants to do is tell us about the problematic marriage. And at that lunch, she wanted to tell me about four women he introduced her to. And you have no idea what I lived through. And. And she just wants to constantly tell us about this. And I can't listen to it anymore. I don't want a relationship like this. It always circles back to her terrible relationship with my dad and how we should have been there for her when they were going through a divorce and everything else. And I. They've been divorced for, like, I don't know, 28 or 30 years. Why are we still talking about this? And why is it my fault?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, Susie, that's a good question. Why are you still talking about this?

[Susie]

What.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What's being served by that.

[Susie's Mom]

That conversation? I remember it a little bit different than what she's telling you. She asked me in this conversation why I kicked her out. And I said, because she was 20 years old. I said, because you were doing things like going through My purse and telling your father anything and everything, and she was going through my purse. It's the only way she could have found out any of the information she relayed to him.

[Susie]

And I've admitted that I said yes, I did that. How? What do you want me to do about that now? I take responsibility that I looked in your purse, at your plane ticket. I told him when you were going to be home. I did not ask you why you kicked me out. I made a statement that you did kick me out. I moved in with him. It was a miserable time in my life. And you continue bringing that up to me all the time. Why do we even have to talk about this in general? You have friends that you can talk about this with. You have, like, beaten me down with this for the last minimum of 28 years, and I just can't do it. I do not want this. It's almost like we can't have a relationship without it. And quite honestly, I feel like I must trigger this in you for you to. When you see me, it's like it brings it out in you. You don't do it to my brothers nearly as much as you do it to me. And I. I just. I. I don't want a relationship like this. I can't do it. It's very stressful for me. It's been screening. I have my own family. I have my own kids. I would never, ever do any of this to my kids. This that you have said and done to me. This is why I called. Dr. Laura. So I guess. I mean. And I don't think I'm wrong.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, mom, you want to reflect on that?

[Susie's Mom]

Yes, if. Can I tell you a little bit about the marriage, Dr. Laura?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No. No. Are you missing the point?

[Susie's Mom]

No, I'm missing the point.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're missing the point? Yes, ma'. Am. Trust me. She's right here. She's telling you what? Don't talk over me, Mom. Don't. Doesn't win points, and it doesn't get me on your side, and it doesn't get me to understand anything better. You just wanted to go back into your marriage. She's talking about today, November 2025. You want to go back and talk about your marriage.

[Susie's Mom]

No, I want to go back and talk.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. All righty, then. Well, I think I believe Susie. Mom. Mom. I believe Susie has a point. It has become intolerable. So in the future, I would recommend the following. If you two talk on the phone and mom brings up. No wonder, no matter how mom thinks that you caused it mom talks about the past, the marriage, the dad. Be polite and excuse yourself and hang up the phone. That's my recommendation. I fear mom this isn't going to be easy for you. You have a total refusal to see what you do. Total refusal. Susie has no other option. My number 1-800-375-2872.

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