I Don't Feel Complete in Life

Summary

Podcast Summary: "I Don't Feel Complete in Life"

Podcast Information

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host/Author: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Episode: I Don't Feel Complete in Life
• Release Date: May 8, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "I Don't Feel Complete in Life," Dr. Laura Schlessinger engages with Ricardo Philip, a 39-year-old man grappling with feelings of incompleteness and stagnation in his personal and professional life. This conversation delves deep into Ricardo's struggles with identity, career satisfaction, familial expectations, and his journey as an adoptee seeking purpose beyond his current circumstances.

Caller Background

Ricardo introduces himself as a long-term employee at Costco, where he has worked for two decades. Despite his extensive tenure, he feels stuck in a monotonous role, describing his job as "keeping up" and expressing dissatisfaction with his lack of advancement and personal fulfillment.

Notable Quote:

• Ricardo (01:25): "I'm 39 and I still rent and don't really feel complete in my life."

Struggles with Career and Responsibility

Ricardo candidly discusses his perception of his job as underwhelming, labeling it a "peon job." He reveals past aspirations of higher achievement but acknowledges a recurring struggle with embracing responsibility, which has led to fluctuating roles within his workplace—from a supervisory position to more menial tasks like working in the freezer and pushing carts.

Notable Quotes:

• Ricardo (02:21): "I think I'm lying to myself because I feel like I'm doing a peon job and I think I'm destined for better."
• Ricardo (03:17): "I keep, like, putting broom handles in the spokes of my own bicycle."

Personal Resilience and Identity Crisis

Despite being labeled as resilient—bouncing back from substance abuse and other life challenges—Ricardo feels this trait has become a hindrance rather than a strength. He reflects on his identity struggles, feeling that his mindset remains immature despite being on the brink of middle age.

Notable Quote:

• Ricardo (03:46): "People have always just said, like, yeah, it seems like you always bounce back, but it’s catching up with me now."

Familial Background and Adoption

Ricardo is the eldest of three adopted siblings from Colombia. He shares that none of them know their biological parents or have met any blood relatives. While he appreciates the great upbringing provided by his adoptive parents, he grapples with the pressure of living up to his father's illustrious military career and the achievements of his uncles. This has fostered a fear of underachievement and settling for less than he perceives he should be.

Notable Quotes:

• Ricardo (04:11): "I grew up thinking I was destined for better, and now I'm just settling."
• Ricardo (05:00): "I thought I would be a doctor, a lawyer, or like an architect."

Exploration of Personal Destiny and Service

The conversation shifts toward Ricardo's sense of destiny and purpose. He recounts a significant experience in Colombia, where he assisted in connecting birth mothers with adoptive families. This act of service deeply impacted him, despite leading to personal setbacks like excessive drinking due to unfamiliarity with alcohol's effects.

Notable Quotes:

• Ricardo (10:56): "I need to discover where I came from."
• Philip (14:02): "I think your destiny is that orphanage."

Emotional and Psychological Insights

Dr. Laura and Philip probe into Ricardo's emotional responses and subconscious desires. They explore the idea that Ricardo's true calling lies in continued service, particularly within the orphanage setting that profoundly affected him. This introspection suggests that finding fulfillment may require Ricardo to reconnect with his roots and embrace his inherent desire to help others.

Notable Quote:

• Philip (14:32): "You don’t matter on the face of this planet unless somebody else benefits from us being on the planet."

Conclusion and Advice

Dr. Laura and Philip encourage Ricardo to pursue his feelings of destiny by potentially returning to Colombia to engage further with the orphanage. They emphasize the importance of being of service to others as a pathway to personal fulfillment and identity resolution. Ricardo expresses gratitude for the advice, indicating a willingness to consider involving his siblings in this journey.

Notable Quotes:

• Philip (15:40): "You're needed there. Have a special knowledge."
• Ricardo (16:12): "That's really good advice... Maybe even try and get my other two siblings to come along with me."

Final Thoughts

This episode poignantly addresses themes of identity, purpose, and the quest for personal completeness. Through Ricardo's narrative, listeners are invited to reflect on their own lives, especially regarding career satisfaction and the pursuit of meaningful endeavors. Dr. Laura's compassionate guidance underscores the significance of aligning one's actions with intrinsic values and passions to achieve a sense of wholeness.

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Notable Quotes Summary:

• Ricardo (01:25): "I'm 39 and I still rent and don't really feel complete in my life."
• Ricardo (02:21): "I think I'm lying to myself because I feel like I'm doing a peon job and I think I'm destined for better."
• Ricardo (03:17): "I keep, like, putting broom handles in the spokes of my own bicycle."
• Ricardo (03:46): "People have always just said, like, yeah, it seems like you always bounce back, but it’s catching up with me now."
• Ricardo (04:11): "I grew up thinking I was destined for better, and now I'm just settling."
• Ricardo (05:00): "I thought I would be a doctor, a lawyer, or like an architect."
• Ricardo (10:56): "I need to discover where I came from."
• Philip (14:02): "I think your destiny is that orphanage."
• Philip (14:32): "You don’t matter on the face of this planet unless somebody else benefits from us being on the planet."
• Philip (15:40): "You're needed there. Have a special knowledge."
• Ricardo (16:12): "That's really good advice... Maybe even try and get my other two siblings to come along with me."

This episode serves as a compelling exploration of personal fulfillment, urging listeners to seek out their true passions and societal contributions to achieve a complete and satisfying life.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

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[Philip]

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[Philip]

Philip welcome to the program.

[Ricardo/Philip]

Hi, thank you for having me.

[Philip]

Dr. Laura hi, how can I help?

[Ricardo/Philip]

So at the beginning you mentioned being stuck moving on by fear and I think that's one of the issues I was hoping you could elucidate for me. So I'm 39 and I still rent and don't really feel complete in my life. I've had some tumultuous relationships up and down and I'm currently single with my little dog here at home and I came into some money when my mom passed a few years ago so I could be purchasing a house and maturing and taking that next step. But I just feel stunted and like my mindset still feels like an 18 year old kid and I'm almost, I am middle aged and what do you.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Do for a living?

[Ricardo/Philip]

Kind of like keeping up.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

What do you do for a living?

[Ricardo/Philip]

I work in retail. I've been with the same company for about 20 years at Costco and are.

[Philip]

You satisfied with that?

[Ricardo/Philip]

I think I'm lying to myself because I under like I, I'm doing a peon job and I think I'm destined for better but at the same time like responsibility sometimes irks me and I get a little bit caught up in taking on too much. Like I had a supervisor role and I, I got demoted And. And then I kind of just took the worst of the worst, working in the freezer and pushing carts. And I've just been doing that for about five years now.

[Philip]

Tell me about this thing you just said a moment ago about responsibility. You're not crazy about it. What does that mean?

[Ricardo/Philip]

I guess I'm kind of like. I used to say it, like, proudly, but now I'm realizing it's a detriment. But I used to be like, the pat. Like electricity. Like, I always choose the path of least resistance. And I've always been told I'm resilient, but I keep, like, putting broom handles in the spokes. My own bicycle.

[Philip]

I'm sorry. People have told you you're resilient about what? What have you been resilient about?

[Ricardo/Philip]

Oh, just substance abuse and just always bouncing back, like, trying to go back to college and I don't have a degree or anything. But people have always just said, like, yeah, it seems like you always bounce back and. But it's, like, catching up with me now.

[Philip]

So tell me about growing up in your family.

[Ricardo/Philip]

I'm the oldest of three. We're all adopted from Columbia, and none of the kids are biologically related and none of us have met our. Any blood relatives. But I had a great upbringing. Both my parents and my dad still living, but they gave us a great childhood. And part of me is struggling with the fact that, like, my dad was in the military for a long time, a storied career, and then his siblings are all very accomplished, and I just push carts. And like, I feel like I grew up thinking I was destined for better, and now I'm just settling.

[Philip]

I'm sorry. Destined for better? What does that mean? What were you destined for?

[Ricardo/Philip]

Well. Well, I guess I just thought I would be a doctor, a lawyer, or like an architect, or, like, I don't know, just. I. School was always easy for me, and I. Now I'm struggling with my identity because I know I'm a pretty smart person, but I. I kind of just do a job that most people, like you don't need a degree for and stuff like that. So, like, I don't know, but I'm just. I haven't hit that next. That next milestone. And I feel like the next milestone.

[Philip]

Is not buying a house that should be off the table. That will not propel you forward in any way that I can imagine.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

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[Philip]

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[Philip]

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[Philip]

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[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

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[Narrator]

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[Child]

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[Narrator]

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[Child]

Okay, kid, give it a try.

[Philip]

Nice.

[Narrator]

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[Child]

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[Child]

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[Ricardo/Philip]

Hmm.

[Narrator]

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[Philip]

So what are the other. What's plan B? You told me what you were destined for, but you never told me what you really looked forward to doing or being. You never told me that. You just kept using the word destined and that implies a plan outside of you. I want to know what the plan in you was. It was. Were. When you were a kid, did you want to be a fireman? You know, when I was really little, I wanted to be a weather girl on television. So I'm just asking you what. Forget about.

[Ricardo/Philip]

That's the thing. I was about to.

[Philip]

Destiny.

[Ricardo/Philip]

I was going to mention that like I've never. I never had a dream as a kid of what I wanted to be outside of the one thing I can remember is maybe like a stuntman, but that's like a frivolous thing. Like, I don't know.

[Philip]

How is being a stuntman frivolous? These are highly trained athletes who have to stay in tip top condition and be really good at handling situations. Who made you think that was frivolous?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

That requires a lot.

[Philip]

Who told you this was frivolous?

[Ricardo/Philip]

I Think I just thought that, like, it was just a passing, like a whim, and I even changed my own name. I said my name was Rob instead of Phillips, and, like. But I never really. It wasn't even. It was maybe just like a fleeting.

[Philip]

You changed your name Rob, because why?

[Ricardo/Philip]

I have no idea. I mean, this is when I was 8 years old, so this is like 30 years ago.

[Philip]

Think back. You wanted people to call you Rob. What did that mean to you? At the time.

[Ricardo/Philip]

Only because I was born Ricardo, but then I was adopted, and within six months I became Philip, and I just never identified with either name or. I don't know. I know you don't like that term either, but I'm not sure.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I was just going to ask you.

[Philip]

Not to throw that in at the end of your sentences anymore, but thank you. How old were you when you were.

[Ricardo/Philip]

An infant? So I don't recall anything at the orphanage or anything like that.

[Philip]

Okay. Do you have curiosity or an interest in going to your parents, homeland and tracking down family?

[Ricardo/Philip]

Kind of. And to be honest, like, well, when I was 18, I did go back to Columbia and got a tour of the orphanage and got to meet, like, mothers that were expecting to give their children up for adoption and. And got to communicate and express what it felt like to be an adoptee and stuff like that. And up until, I mean, I've always been, like, closer to my mom. And when she died about four or five years ago, like, I think that kind of, at least to me, gave me permission to explore that, even though she was more than willing and I knew everything as much as she knew, like. But just part of me just felt like it would be like stabbing her in the back if I went to go look for my. My birth parents. But now that she's gone, like, I feel like I have permission in a sense.

[Philip]

So tell me again how you were helpful at the orphanage. Tell me again.

[Ricardo/Philip]

When I went there, I mean, it was really neat because I was the oldest kid, but there was about, I don't know, five or six different families from the eastern seaboard that all went over, and we were all from the same orphanage, and I was the oldest at the time, so I was able to give a new baby over to an expecting family and kind of present that. And. But I also made a fool of myself in the airport and. Because I drank, too. Not too much the night before. And why were you nervous? I wasn't. Extremely.

[Philip]

Why did you drink so much? You were nervous?

[Ricardo/Philip]

No, I don't think I was nervous, per Se. This was coming back from. This is the last day of the trip, coming back to the States.

[Philip]

So you were at the orphanage helping people make a connection with their new children, and something upset you because you went blotto at the airport. So tell me about the going blotto at the airport. What was the impact of you helping these people with their adopted children? Tell me about that.

[Ricardo/Philip]

I don't think I realized how profound it was in the moment, but it was just the last night, like, I was old enough to drink in that country, and I went overboard because I didn't really understand how alcohol affected me and. But, yeah, I. I think you're hinting at something, and I need. I did try initially. Yeah. Like rekindle.

[Philip]

What do you think I'm hinting at? What's your best guess?

[Ricardo/Philip]

I think I need to get in touch with my roots as best I can, even though there's some red tape and bureaucracy between the two countries. But I think I need to discover where I came from.

[Philip]

I would support that. And I don't usually support that. However, I think in your case. Yeah, but I. I had this crazy feeling, and, you know, I trust my crazy feelings. For 50 years, I've been trusting my crazy feelings, and they typically are pretty damn good. I think your destiny is that orphanage.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Crazy feeling.

[Philip]

You actually were of service to somebody. Sounds like the first time you have been of service to anybody. And my opinion is we don't matter on the face of this planet unless somebody else benefits from us being on the planet. And it sounds like that was the first and maybe the only time you mattered to anybody. You helped these people. That's your destiny. I think. You know what, you're getting emotionally reactive here. I think you know this. You're needed there. You're needed there. The kids and these people need help, and somehow you have a sensitivity to it. Go back. Go back. Don't buy a house. Go back. Go back and continue being of service, please.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

You.

[Philip]

You're needed. Have a special knowledge. Yeah.

[Ricardo/Philip]

Well, thank you so much. I'm so glad I found you on Sirius, because I remember my mom would play you in the car back in Virginia. And it's so great to actually speak with you.

[Philip]

Well, let me know what you decide, but I sure hope you go there because you're needed.

[Ricardo/Philip]

That's really good advice, and that's a good. That's a very good thing. And maybe even try and get my other two siblings to come along with me.

[Philip]

That would be interesting, wouldn't it? Well, keep in touch. Yes, keep in touch.

[Ricardo/Philip]

Okay.

[Philip]

All right. I'm Dr. Laura Schlesinger. My number, 1-800-375-2872.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com DrLora and instagram.com DrLauraprogram.

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