I Don't Want My Daughter's Boyfriend Around

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: I Don't Want My Daughter's Boyfriend Around
Date: October 14, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guest Caller: Paula

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Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura takes a call from Paula, a long-time listener struggling with her adult daughter's relationship choices. Paula feels uncomfortable about her daughter's boyfriend and seeks advice on how to handle his presence at family gatherings. Dr. Laura, known for her straightforward, no-nonsense approach, challenges Paula's expectations and guides her toward accepting her daughter's autonomy and making a difficult personal decision.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understanding the Root Issue (01:00 - 03:44)

• Caller Background: Paula shares that her 32-year-old daughter, who introduced her to Dr. Laura's show, is independent and successful as a house cleaner and fitness instructor.
• Daughter's Relationship History: Her daughter was in a 10-year relationship with a drug addict, which deeply affected Paula.

"What kind of young woman lives 10 years with a drug addict? See, mothers calling me about the bummy sons don't realize their daughters chose him."
— Dr. Laura (03:13)

Insight:
Dr. Laura emphasizes personal responsibility, shifting attention from the ex-boyfriend's behavior to the daughter's agency in her decisions.

2. Reframing Parental Involvement & Letting Go (03:44 - 04:40, 07:21 - 08:11)

• The Parent-Child Dynamic Shift: Dr. Laura challenges Paula's view of her relationship with her adult daughter, urging her to accept that the dynamic has changed since childhood.

"There's an expectation that what you had when she was 12 should be forever. Doesn't work that way in real life. That makes resentments and annoyances."
— Dr. Laura (01:59)

• Dealing with Discomfort: Paula admits to being uncomfortable with the new boyfriend and feeling a need to intervene at family gatherings.

Insight:
Dr. Laura asserts that, as adults, children will make their own choices regardless of parental interference or approval.

3. The Choice for Family Gatherings (08:18 - 10:15)

• Paula's Dilemma: Should she allow her daughter's boyfriend at family events or risk alienating her daughter by excluding him?
• Dr. Laura's Candid Response: Excluding the boyfriend likely means excluding her daughter, at least for a while.

"If you tell her you don't want her to come or you don't want her to come with him, she's probably not going to talk to you. So you have a decision to make. Which would be worse for you. Make a decision."
— Dr. Laura (09:41)

Insight:
The real question, according to Dr. Laura, is for Paula to decide what boundary she can live with, as she cannot control her daughter's decisions.

4. On Enabling & Parental Power (10:15 - 10:56)

• Enabling Myth Busted: Paula worries that allowing the boyfriend at family events is "enabling" her daughter's choices.
• Dr. Laura Corrects: Allowing or disallowing him at gatherings doesn’t impact their relationship; “enabling” is the wrong frame.

"She'd be doing him anyway. You're having him there or not having him in there has no impact on her relationship with him. It's independent."
— Dr. Laura (10:26)

5. Acceptance & The Maternal Dilemma (11:01 - 12:06)

• Facing Reality: Dr. Laura repeatedly presses Paula to confront the facts: her daughter chooses her partners, and Paula must accept limited control.
• Parental Denial: Paula admits she’s struggling with denial and doesn’t want to “let go.”

"That's because you have boobs and a uterus. It changes how one thinks. One thinks about them when they were first born, and one doesn't want to let go of that."
— Dr. Laura (11:48)

Insight:
Dr. Laura highlights the depth of parental attachment and how it often clouds objectivity when letting adult children make their own mistakes.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Dr. Laura on Agency:
  "This is who your daughter is. These are the choices she wants to make. I mean, you said she's very independent…" (07:22)
• The Split Decision:
  "Are you willing to just let her go? And that way you don't have to tolerate him? That's a decision only you make." (11:03)
• Parental Attachment:
  "One doesn't want to believe one might have to let go of that." (11:48)

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Notable Timestamps

• [01:59] – Dr. Laura challenges Paula’s expectations of her relationship with her adult daughter.
• [03:13] – Dr. Laura flips the focus from “bad boyfriend” to the daughter’s choices.
• [04:09] – Dr. Laura challenges Paula on her investment in her daughter’s relationships.
• [09:41] – Stark advice on the likely outcome if Paula excludes the boyfriend from family gatherings.
• [10:26] – Dr. Laura dismisses the “enabling” argument.
• [11:48] – Insightful, candid observation about the maternal struggle of letting go.

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Tone & Style

Dr. Laura maintains her forthright, slightly irreverent tone, quickly cutting through sentimentality and challenging Paula (and listeners) to confront hard truths. She delivers advice rooted in personal responsibility and acceptance rather than hope for change through interference.

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Conclusion

This episode is emblematic of Dr. Laura’s tough-love approach, offering critical perspective to parents navigating boundaries with adult children. The listener, Paula, is guided to accept her daughter as she is rather than as she wishes her to be—a lesson in tough decision-making and letting go with love.

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Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Paula, welcome to the program.

[Caller Paula]

Oh, hi, Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hi.

[Caller Paula]

I definitely need. Hi. I definitely need a shaking.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay.

[Caller Paula]

I definitely do. So this is my second call to you. I've listened to you for 12 years and I'm like, okay, second call. I'm not gonna be nervous. I'm gonna take a breath here and try to get this clear as I can. And I. I know the rules, so I actually wrote them down. No laughing. It's a serious matter, so I'll do my best and then you can help my. My brain get this out as best I can. Okay? So it's. Okay, so my. My daughter. It's. My daughter's 32, and her and I. She's the one that actually got me on to you 12 years ago. She made me be aware of you and we've had so much fun listening to you and everything. But anyway, there's a. I don't know if I want to call it family. No, it's family drama. But it's a. It's a real problem right now. So we're very family. I'm a single.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, let me say something. When mothers call and say that, you know, it's not like when you were 12. She's not going to listen to you, want to see you all the time, care about your opinion. It's different now. Okay, so sometimes when mothers call me and do this, we. We were very close. There's an expectation that what you had when she was 12 should be forever. Doesn't work that way in real life. That makes resentments and annoyances. So she's 30. Whatever. Has she ever been married?

[Caller Paula]

No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. What does she do for a living or she basement?

[Caller Paula]

No, no, she's a house. She's a house cleaner. A professional house cleaner and a fitness instructor. And she does quite well. She's very independent. She always has been.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, good. All right, now what?

[Caller Paula]

So she was. And she just got out of two years ago, she was in a 10 year relationship with a fellow that she loved. They didn't marry, they shacked up. And he, he, he's a drug. He was a drug addict. It just progressed. This.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, he worked out he was a drug addict. What kind of young woman lives 10 years with a drug addict? See, mothers calling me about the bummy sons don't realize their daughters chose him. Yes, 10 years. 10 with you, agonizing, being upset, trying to talk her out of it. 10. So this is really about your daughter, not the guy she was satisfied for 10 years?

[Caller Paula]

Yes. The one thing is he worked out of town probably at least almost 80% of the time of the year. So he would come in every.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Ma', am, I said we're not talking about him anymore.

[Caller Paula]

Okay, okay, fair enough. Okay. So now she's dating a new fellow for two years, which was a rebound, I call it. She stated.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Are you going to give up paying attention to this part of your daughter's life? Are you going to do that soon? You're just causing yourself like the prior caller. You're causing yourself misery. I don't care if he's a jerk. I really don't want to hear about it. It's her choice again. This is who your daughter. This is who your daughter.

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[Caller Paula]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Avoiding hearing this, knowing this, accepting this for a very long time. Consequently, you keep thinking, oh, my God, these things are falling in her lap and they're terrible. And I have to rescue her and explain to her and hope for her and pray for her. This is who your daughter is. These are the choices she wants to make. I mean, you said she's very independent. So she had some creepy bum who should have been in jail forever because he wasn't around that often. So she's independent, but she still chose a creepy bum. If it was a really nice man who wanted to get married and all of that, my God, woman, she'd be the first one on a bus out of town.

[Caller Paula]

So my. So let me just get to. Okay, I had. I have.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I don't want to hear anything about him.

[Caller Paula]

Okay? Okay, okay. So let me see how I can ask you this. So, okay, let's just use. So we have. Okay, I don't. We don't want to be. So we have family gathering. We have so far just let this happen and have him around and we don't want him there. So now I have to intervene. I have to tell my daughter. Either she's going to. She's just gonna be so mad at me and go with him. And then.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's correct. That is correct.

[Caller Paula]

Because I don't want.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That is correct, yeah. Well, then don't invite her.

[Caller Paula]

So I'm just going to tell her. Oh, right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Sweetheart, maybe you need a break from her. So telling her the truth will probably make her dump you for a while, and you'd have a break. Do you have any other kids?

[Caller Paula]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, well, are they a problem?

[Caller Paula]

No. Her sister. They're very close, but we thought it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Might stop with the very. Please stop with the very close.

[Caller Paula]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Stop it.

[Caller Paula]

Stop with your fans when we hang out together. Put it that way.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Stop it. Just stop. Because it causes you to determine certain things should be. If you tell her you don't want her to come or you don't want her to come with him, she's probably not going to talk to you. So you have a decision to make. Which would be worse for you. Make a decision.

[Caller Paula]

Well, she's not going to leave him.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

She's not going to leave him. Ma', am, this is a decision only you can make.

[Caller Paula]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I feel like if we let him be there, then we're just enameling the whole thing, so I'm. I'm.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, she'd be doing him, honey. She'd be doing him anyway. You're having him there or not having him in there and has no impact on her relationship with him. It's independent.

[Caller Paula]

Yes. Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So don't use enabling. It doesn't help her be in a relationship with him. He doesn't care what you think.

[Caller Paula]

Yeah. So it's pretty cut and dry. Like there's just no other. I guess I'm begging for some other way, but I know there is no.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You finally have to see the truth. Finally.

[Caller Paula]

Mm.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

This is who she is. Are you willing to just let her go? And that way you don't have to tolerate him? That's a decision only you make.

[Caller Paula]

Would. It's a decision.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I think we're done. I think we're done. No, I didn't. Ma'. Am. I said it's only a decision you could make. This is the one you have to live with. It's not a right or a wrong. It's whatever you choose to live with.

[Caller Paula]

Mm. Okay. Yep. Thank you. I appreciate you. Because I know it's like that, but I keep being in, like, you know, just, I don't know, denial.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's because you have boobs in a uterus. It changes how one thinks. One thinks about them when they were first born, and one doesn't want to let go of that. One doesn't want to believe one might have to let go of that.

[Caller Paula]

She might be listening. She listens to you. And I love her a lot.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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