I Drove My Husband Into Another Woman's Arms

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – “I Drove My Husband Into Another Woman's Arms”

Released on March 4, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled “I Drove My Husband Into Another Woman's Arms,” Dr. Laura Schlessinger tackles the sensitive and emotionally charged issue of marital infidelity. Hosted on SiriusXM Triumph 111, this episode delves deep into the complexities of a 45-year-long marriage strained by unfaithfulness, lack of intimacy, and growing resentment. Through a candid conversation with the caller, Kathy, Dr. Laura offers no-nonsense advice grounded in ethics, accountability, and personal responsibility.

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Caller’s Dilemma

[01:16] Caller’s Introduction and Problem Statement

Kathy reaches out to the show with a distressing revelation: after 45 years of marriage, she discovers that her husband has been unfaithful for the past three years. Shocked by the betrayal and striving to avoid divorce, Kathy seeks Dr. Laura’s guidance on repairing her marriage and understanding her own role in the deterioration of their relationship.

Caller: “I have been married for 45 years. I recently learned my husband was unfaithful, has been unfaithful for what I believe was the last three years, and I had absolutely no idea. Neither of us want divorce. My question for you is how do I work towards repairing things? And I played a role.”

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Understanding the Root Causes

[01:42] Clarifying the Issue

Dr. Laura probes deeper to understand the caller's definition of “repairing” their marriage, striving to pinpoint the exact issues at hand.

Dr. Laura: “If you get a scrape on your knee, I know what to do. But when you say repaired, tell me what you mean.”

[01:53] Defining the Problem

Kathy clarifies that the issue is their marriage, revealing deep-seated problems beyond the act of infidelity.

Caller: “Our marriage, I mean.”

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Assessing the Infidelity

[02:10] Nature of the Infidelity

Kathy explains that her husband's unfaithfulness involved multiple affairs over the three-year period, despite his assurances that he would never leave her.

Caller: “He says it's over. But I found out it would not have ended if I had not found out. And he said he always told her he was never going to leave me.”

[03:03] Kathy’s Resentment

Kathy admits to harboring resentment due to various behaviors and her evolving relationship with her faith, which contributed to the emotional distance in her marriage.

Caller: “I think just maybe resentment on my part for different behaviors and finding God.”

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Impact of Lack of Affection

[02:47] Acknowledging Her Role

Kathy takes full responsibility for not being physically intimate enough, recognizing that her withdrawal of affection played a significant role in her husband seeking solace elsewhere.

Caller: “I played and I take full responsibility for that too.”

[02:54] The Extent of Withdrawal

She confirms that she ceased all forms of sex and affection, contributing to the emotional chasm between her and her husband.

Caller: “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.”

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Counseling Insights

[03:12] Dr. Laura’s Perspective

Dr. Laura highlights the gravity of holding onto petty resentments over a decades-long marriage, emphasizing that such negativity undermines the trust and love that kept the marriage intact.

Dr. Laura: “You tittle around with. I'm resentful about these small things. Not that a man stayed with me through thick and thin for 45 years, but I picked and choose these things to be resentful about.”

[03:33] Rebuilding Trust and Affection

Kathy is advised that to repair the marriage, she must revert to being the affectionate and supportive wife her husband once knew, understanding that mere apologies may not suffice due to the breach of trust caused by the affair.

Kathy: “You know what you need to do. And you will never forget that he found solace in another woman's bosom.”

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Consequences and Realizations

[09:05] Acceptance of Reality

Kathy reflects on the possibility that without the infidelity, her husband might have left her, accepting that the affair was a catalyst for her realization of the marriage's fragility.

Kathy: “I've had him, and I took him for granted... but you're right.”

[10:25] Moving Forward

Encouraged by Dr. Laura and Kathy's tough love approach, Kathy expresses hope for reconciliation, acknowledging the need to rekindle her role as his wife and restore mutual affection.

Caller: “Hopefully. I want it to be.”

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Conclusion

The episode underscores the critical importance of continuous affection and communication in sustaining a long-term marriage. Dr. Laura Schlessinger delivers her characteristic straightforward advice, urging Kathy to actively work on repairing the emotional disconnect by reaffirming her role as a loving and supportive spouse. The conversation serves as a poignant reminder that neglecting intimacy and harboring resentment can have profound and lasting impacts on a marriage, sometimes leading to actions that feel irreparable.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [01:42] Dr. Laura: “If you get a scrape on your knee, I know what to do. But when you say repaired, tell me what you mean.”
• [03:03] Caller: “I think just maybe resentment on my part for different behaviors and finding God.”
• [03:12] Dr. Laura: “You tittle around with... I picked and choose these things to be resentful about.”
• [09:05] Caller: “I've had him, and I took him for granted... but you're right.”
• [10:25] Caller: “Hopefully. I want it to be.”

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Final Thoughts

Dr. Laura’s empathetic yet firm guidance provides Kathy with clarity on the necessary steps to mend her marriage. The episode serves as a valuable resource for listeners facing similar marital challenges, emphasizing accountability and proactive efforts in restoring love and trust within a relationship.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

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[Kathy]

Kathy welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hi. Thank you, Dr. Laura, for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you.

[Caller]

My question Question. I have been married for 45 years. I recently learned my husband was unfaithful, has been unfaithful for what I believe was the last three years, and I had absolutely no idea. Neither of us want divorce. My question for you is how do I work towards repairing things? And I played a role.

[Kathy]

What needs to be repaired? I don't understand. If you get a scrape on your knee, I know what to do. But when you say repaired, tell me what you mean.

[Caller]

Our marriage, I mean.

[Kathy]

No, no, that's vague. You mean to go back to thinking about him the way you did before you found out. You can't go back to that. That's never coming back.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, now, did he stop?

[Kathy]

It was this one person, a bunch.

[Caller]

Of people, one person for, I believe about three years. He says it's, it's. It's over. But I found out it would not have ended if I had not found out. And he said he always told her he was never going to leave me. I think he likes, you know, our life. Our life and our family, our kids are all grown out of the house and so forth, so. But we've just kind of grown apart. And I know I played a role in not being physically intimate enough with him and I take full responsibility for that to.

[Kathy]

Have you stopped having sex or affection or what did you stop doing?

[Caller]

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Kathy]

Sex and affection.

[Caller]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Why did you stop giving him affection?

[Kathy]

Why?

[Caller]

I think just maybe resentment on my part for different behaviors and finding God.

[Kathy]

45 years of marriage and you tittle around with. I'm resentful about these small things. Not that a man stayed with me through thick and thin for 45 years, but I picked and choose, cherry picked these things to be resentful about. Does that make sense?

[Caller]

I know. I knew.

[Kathy]

What is it you know?

[Caller]

And I deserve it.

[Dr. Laura]

What is it you know?

[Kathy]

I don't understand why wives do this. Take their men for granted and then get bent out of shape and say trust and everything has to be repaired. Well, he trusted that you were going to love, honor and cherish, and you stopped because you had pissy moments. Well, I guess if you're talking about repairing, then what you have to repair is go back to being his wife, his woman. You'll never forget that he found that elsewhere. You'll never forget that he found it elsewhere. Yeah, it wasn't enough to dump you, but he just wanted a woman to be nice to him and loving and make him feel wanted and not pissy all the time about something. So he found a woman for three years to make him feel good. So he didn't dump you. You know, if he didn't have that affair, he might have dumped you. Isn't that weird?

[Dr. Laura]

Mm, it's possible.

[Kathy]

Because between now and dead, he didn't want to go without love and affection. So now are you going to be resentful for three years of an affair and not be affectionate? Does this just go on?

[Dr. Laura]

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[Caller]

Well, that's not my plan. I've been trying to make that up. I know, it's, you know, a long time to make up for it, but I'm reaching out, being affectionate, and I don't know that he'd trust me for my true intentions either.

[Kathy]

No, not yet. No. Why should he? It's been a long time since you treated him like he was your man.

[Caller]

Yes. Yes, it has. Yes, it has.

[Kathy]

Well, then you know what you need to do. And you will never forget that he found solace in another woman's bosom.

[Caller]

Okay, I saw that coming.

[Dr. Laura]

You got it. Yeah.

[Kathy]

But you got to put it in a place where you understand you might have lost him altogether if he hadn't. It's possible. There's just so much people can tolerate. And having your wife constantly pissy at you is kind of boring.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Kathy]

And I'm sure he's a reasonably nice man, but he's not perfect. Go find one who is.

[Caller]

Right now, I'm. I'm lucky. I've had him, and I took him for granted, and. And, you know, I said we weren't always pissy at each other, and we just sort of seem to be, you know, friendly on a superficial level, I guess, but. Yeah, but you're right. And I sort of expected what you were going to respond, and.

[Dr. Laura]

Good. Oh, you're already on the right track.

[Caller]

Hopefully. Hopefully. I want it to work. You know, before, between now and, as you say, between now and dead. What do we want? I want it to be.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah.

[Caller]

I want it to be.

[Kathy]

You want him to feel we can get there. Like you're his woman.

[Caller]

Mm.

[Kathy]

And he's your man. That's your job.

[Caller]

Yeah. Yep.

[Kathy]

Good.

[Caller]

I don't know why it took me so long to get it.

[Dr. Laura]

Cause you didn't call me sooner.

[Kathy]

Now on, don't hold off decades.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Kathy]

Take care.

[Dr. Laura]

My number.

[Kathy]

1-800-375-2872.

[Dr. Laura]

If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcast, podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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