I Feel Better, But My Husband Feels Worse

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "I Feel Better, But My Husband Feels Worse"

Episode Information:

• Title: I Feel Better, But My Husband Feels Worse
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Publisher: SiriusXM Triumph 111
• Release Date: May 4, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a heartfelt concern from a listener named Allison. The episode delves into the complexities of marital relationships affected by familial tensions, particularly focusing on the lingering impact of a troublesome mother-in-law.

Caller's Situation: Allison's Struggle

Allison calls in seeking guidance on how to support her husband amidst ongoing family conflicts with his mother. She outlines a challenging history where her husband's mother severed ties in November, leading to blocked communication on platforms like Facebook. The tension escalated recently when Allison confronted her mother-in-law over health concerns related to their five-month-old baby.

At [01:20], Allison recounts:

"His mother cut us off completely back in November, blocked us on Facebook... But the last two days she was in our lives... my husband made the mistake of, number one, calling her crazy."

This confrontation ignited further conflict, resulting in harsh exchanges and severed communication.

Dr. Laura's Initial Response

Dr. Laura responds promptly, asserting the volatile nature of Allison's mother-in-law:

"Allison, Allison. She is crazy." ([02:22])

She emphasizes the profound psychological barriers Allison faces in attempting to aid her husband, highlighting that traditional methods of support may be ineffective due to underlying psychological issues.

Deepening the Issue: Marital Strains

Allison elaborates on her marriage's current state, revealing that while they attend couples' classes and prioritize their relationship, her husband remains distressed over his estranged mother. She shares a poignant moment where her husband admits:

"Well, maybe for you, but I've been having a miserable time." ([06:10])

This admission uncovers a deeper emotional turmoil her husband is experiencing, contrasting the outward appearance of marital harmony.

Dr. Laura's Analysis and Advice

Dr. Laura identifies the root of her husband's suffering as longstanding trauma inflicted by his mother. She provides a thorough analysis:

"He needs to go into therapy to learn to let go." ([06:50])

She explains that the mother's influence has deeply affected his ability to form a healthy sense of self and maintain emotional balance. Dr. Laura underscores the difficulty men often face in relinquishing maternal bonds, especially when those relationships are toxic.

Furthermore, she acknowledges Allison's strength in taking charge of their marriage:

"Sounds like you're in charge, though, which is something he's used to, the woman being in charge." ([07:50])

Dr. Laura advises that counseling can be instrumental in helping her husband navigate and overcome his deep-seated issues, ultimately promoting personal growth and healthier relational dynamics.

Navigating Potential Challenges

Anticipating possible outcomes, Dr. Laura warns Allison about the changes that therapy might bring:

"There's a high likelihood his personality will change. He will become more forceful." ([08:11])

She cautions that as her husband gains confidence and asserts himself, this new dynamic may introduce tension within their marriage. To mitigate this, she recommends preparing for marital counseling to address evolving communication patterns and power dynamics.

Practical Compassionate Support

Dr. Laura offers actionable advice on how Allison can support her husband during this transitional phase:

"Show compassionate understanding and describing it. That helps." ([09:00])

She advises against directing or dictating her husband's emotions, instead encouraging her to validate his experiences and feelings. Simple gestures like hugging and affirming his resilience can provide the emotional support he needs without overstepping.

Conclusion

The episode concludes with Dr. Laura reinforcing the importance of compassion and understanding in relationships strained by external familial conflicts. She emphasizes that while Allison cannot directly change her husband's predicament, her supportive presence is invaluable as he works through his emotional challenges.

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Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura at [02:22]:

  "Allison, Allison. She is crazy."

• Allison at [06:10]:

  "Well, maybe for you, but I've been having a miserable time."

• Dr. Laura at [06:50]:

  "He needs to go into therapy to learn to let go."

• Dr. Laura at [08:11]:

  "There's a high likelihood his personality will change. He will become more forceful."

• Dr. Laura at [09:00]:

  "Show compassionate understanding and describing it. That helps."

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Final Thoughts

This episode provides a profound exploration of the intricate web of family relationships and their impact on marital harmony. Dr. Laura's candid and empathetic advice offers listeners valuable insights into managing personal relationships amidst challenging familial dynamics.

For more guidance and support, listeners are encouraged to reach out at 1-800-375-2872 and to engage with the podcast community by rating and sharing the show.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Allison, welcome to the program.

[Allison]

Hi, Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura]

Hi.

[Allison]

I called in a while back and I'm calling back again. My question is, how do I help my husband?

[Dr. Laura]

What? Okay, well, if you listen to the program, you know, I stop people and I tell them, you can't, unless you're helping him carry a piece of furniture into the other room. But things going on in his psyche, you can't help him do that.

[Allison]

Okay, then I guess rephrasing it then.

[Dr. Laura]

Would be, why don't you just tell me what's happening?

[Allison]

What's happening is his mother cut us off completely back in November, blocked us on Facebook, want to do with us because it was a culmination of things. But the, the last two days she was in our lives. She had been in a bad car accident, was doing all kinds of stuff and my husband made the mistake of, number one, calling her crazy. Number two, she had been babysitting our five month old. I'm a first time mom. And when I got home, she nonchalantly had mentioned the baby had been vomiting green stuff and had a fever. And I said, why didn't you call or text me? I would have come right home. And she didn't like that that I told her that. And I wasn't rude about it. I just said, I'm, you know, I'm upset. I rushed into the doctor and I called her afterwards and I reiterated that to her and she didn't like hearing that I was reprimanding her. And so the next day, Allison talking to my husband.

[Dr. Laura]

Allison, Allison. She is crazy.

[Allison]

Correct. And she told him on the phone he needed to divorce me and he told her to pound sand and she hung up on him. And.

[Dr. Laura]

Can you stop now? I get the picture. I know who she is. You don't have to continue.

[Allison]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

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[Allison]

Our marriage is actually doing really well. We're going to couples class together at our church. We have date nights. We make our marriage our priority. But the other night we were talking and he's. I said, boy, it's been great without her in our lives. No drama. And he said, well, maybe for you, but I've been having a miserable time. He didn't have a good Christmas because she wouldn't contact him at all. And that just sort of shocked me because I thought I could see Allison. Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

He's been traumatized by that crazy woman his whole life.

[Allison]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

He needs to go into therapy to learn to let go. It's very hard for boys to let go of their mommies. Sometimes not so hard, but most of the time, very hard. I mean, they come from her belly and they suckle at her breast. And the first love relationship is with Mommy, and when Mommy's a crazy one and has tortured him. I think it's remarkable that you're describing your marriage as lovely. Sounds like you're in charge, though, which is something he's used to, the woman being in charge. Yeah. So I would suggest he go into counseling. He's going to have to deal with how he's going to have to face and confront his whole life with that woman and the impact it's had and how he sees himself and how he tends to be more passive in life because he's a little afraid and letting go of her, you can't help him with that.

[Allison]

Okay. Okay. And that's what I needed to hear and to know.

[Dr. Laura]

Now, I want to warn you about something.

[Allison]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Because I need you to think about it. Should he go into counseling with a very good counselor, there's a high likelihood his personality will change. He will become more forceful. That's where the tension is now going to come in between you and him.

[Allison]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

So that's where marital counseling would likely be good once that transition starts. So I just want to warn you, doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It means he's coming into his own finally when he leaves his mother behind.

[Allison]

Okay. And so in the meantime, because he. In the meantime, if he makes remarks that I reach out to mom and.

[Dr. Laura]

Say, you know, you've tried that your whole life I feel all right. I'm answering your question. It would help if you listened. Then you get your answer. Okay. You show compassion. You don't tell him what to do. You don't tell him how to feel. None of that. Anytime he brings it up, hug him and say, to have grown up with that woman and to have become such a remarkable man is a big statement about you. You're just wonderful. And of course, it hurts to not have a nice mommy. And you're right. When you called her crazy, that was the first time you told her the truth. And I can understand that this is incredibly painful. Letting go of the dream of getting along with your mother, it is so hard. So basically, you're just showing compassionate understanding and describing it. That helps. That helps. My number. 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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