I Feel Like I'm Losing My Son

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "I Feel Like I'm Losing My Son"

Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Episode Date: August 19, 2025

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Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger responds to a heartfelt call from Amanda, a mother grappling with her 15-year-old son’s desire to live with his father in another state. Drawing on her signature blend of honesty, clear principles, and empathy, Dr. Laura counsels Amanda through feelings of loss and provides direct advice about the roles of fathers and mothers in adolescent boys’ lives. The discussion centers on handling the natural progression of separation as children mature, particularly when co-parenting after divorce.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Dilemma: A Son's Desire for His Father

• Amanda’s Situation: Her 15-year-old son, who has been with her during her military service, now wants to live with his father. Amanda is unsure how to cope.
• Mother’s Emotional Response: She feels as if she’s “losing her kid” and struggles with the transition.

2. The Importance of Fathers in Adolescent Development

• Dr. Laura’s Core Message:

  • Boys need their fathers, especially in the transition to manhood.
  • “He should be with his father. I don't care how wonderful a mother you are, you're not a father.” (Dr. Laura, 01:32)
  • This is a normal developmental step for boys to wish to identify with their fathers rather than their mothers.

• Direct Analogy:

  • “He doesn't want to identify with you with Cotex pads. He wants to identify with his dad with shaving cream. It's time.” (Dr. Laura, 01:52)

3. Addressing Maternal Concerns and New Family Dynamics

• Mother’s Remarriage: Amanda mentions she is married, implying her husband could be a paternal figure.
• Dr. Laura’s Response:
  • “I don't care. That's not his dad. That doesn't mean that guy is a replacement in a child's mind for their own parent. Good gracious, woman.” (Dr. Laura, 02:24–02:31)

4. Acceptance and Letting Go

• Hard Realization:

  • Dr. Laura confirms Amanda’s feeling of loss:
    • “You are. He's not a little boy anymore. He's becoming a man. You're losing your boy. That is accurate.” (Dr. Laura, 02:51)
  • She also points out the irreversibility of divorce/separation:
    • “You and his dad didn't stay together so what would you have him do? Cut himself in half?” (Dr. Laura, 03:05)

• Validation and Closure:

  • “You are wonderful. You're a wonderful mother. You're just not a father.” (Dr. Laura, 03:20)
  • Acknowledging Amanda's contribution but reinforcing that her son needs his father for the next stage of upbringing.

5. Final Encouragement and Reassurance

• Amanda’s Gratitude: She expresses appreciation for Dr. Laura’s insight and acknowledges her long-term listenership.
• Dr. Laura’s Supportive Close:
  • “I really appreciate a wonderful job raising him. And now he needs his dad to finish it off.” (Dr. Laura, 05:34)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “He should be with his father. Calm down. He should be with his father. I don't care how wonderful a mother you are, you're not a father. He needs and wants his father. That's not weight.”
  — Dr. Laura Schlessinger (01:32)

• “That's a normal progression of development of manhood in a boy...He wants to identify with his dad with shaving cream. It's time.”
  — Dr. Laura Schlessinger (01:52)

• “That doesn't mean that guy is a replacement in a child's mind for their own parent. Good gracious, woman.”
  — Dr. Laura Schlessinger (02:31)

• “You are. He's not a little boy anymore. He's becoming a man. You're losing your boy. That is accurate.”
  — Dr. Laura Schlessinger (02:51)

• “You are wonderful. You're a wonderful mother. You're just not a father.”
  — Dr. Laura Schlessinger (03:20)

• “I really appreciate a wonderful job raising him. And now he needs his dad to finish it off.”
  — Dr. Laura Schlessinger (05:34)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:01] Amanda introduces her dilemma
• [01:32] Dr. Laura’s direct advice: Boys need their fathers
• [01:52] Analogy of sons identifying with their fathers
• [02:24] Addressing remarriage and stepfathers’ roles
• [02:51] Dr. Laura confirms and explains Amanda’s feeling of loss
• [03:05] Questioning unrealistic expectations of divorced parents
• [03:20] Validation of the mother’s role
• [05:34] Dr. Laura’s final supportive message

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Tone and Language

Dr. Laura is characteristically blunt, honest, but ultimately compassionate. She uses vivid analogies and straightforward observations, neither sugarcoating reality nor failing to acknowledge Amanda’s emotional struggle. The message is empowering, if challenging: the best thing, even if painful, is often to allow a child, especially a son, to build his relationship with his father.

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For Listeners

This episode is a succinct but powerful guide for parents navigating adolescent independence and post-divorce family dynamics, especially mothers struggling to let go. Dr. Laura’s advice is clear—sometimes loving means stepping back and letting what is best for the child take its course, even when it hurts.

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Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Amanda, welcome to the program.

[Caller (Mother)]

Hi Dr. Laura. Thank you. I have a question about. Thank you. About a 15. My 15 year old son who is. We live in. His father lives in a different state and he is visiting his father right now. I was in the military for a very long time and my son was with me that whole time and now he wants to stay at his father's and I don't know how to handle that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

100 push ups because he should be with his father. He should be with his father. Calm down. He should be with his father. I don't care how wonderful a mother you are, you're not a father. He needs and wants his father. That's not weight. Wait.

[Caller (Mother)]

Yes, ma'. Am.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's a normal progression of development of manhood in a boy. He doesn't want to identify with you with Cotex pads. He wants to identify with his dad with shaving cream. It's time. I'm sorry you and his dad are not together, but unless his dad is dangerous or destructive, you ought to let him stay there.

[Caller (Mother)]

Yes. No ma', am, he's not. But I am married and I've been married.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I don't care. That's not his dad. I don't care. That's not his dad.

[Caller (Mother)]

Yes, ma'. Am.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

See, you got another guy. That doesn't mean that guy is a replacement in a child's mind for their own parent. Good gracious, woman.

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[Caller (Mother)]

I just don't want to. I feel like I am. I'm losing my kid.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You are. He's not a little boy anymore. He's becoming a man. You're losing your boy. That is accurate. But what's he to do? You and his dad.

[Caller (Mother)]

Woohoo.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You and his dad didn't stay together so what would you have him do? Cut himself in half?

[Caller (Mother)]

No, I. We have just been so with him through the difficult of he's been a boy.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You are wonderful. You're a wonderful mother. You're just not a father.

[Caller (Mother)]

Yes, ma'. Am. Yes, ma'. Am.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Caller (Mother)]

I needed that. Doctor, thank you very much.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I really appreciate a wonderful job raising him. And now he needs his dad to finish it off.

[Caller (Mother)]

Yes, ma'. Am. Okay. I appreciate your insight. I really am glad that you told me that because I was been struggling. So thank you ma' am and like I said, longtime listener and I think you're great. So thank you for that insight and.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you for your service. 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura or and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

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