
Ruth calls to share how a combination of Deep Dive podcast episodes, Calls of the Day and YouTube videos she found through Drlaura.com helped her make an important life decision. Call 1-800-DR-LAURA / 1-800-375-2872 or make an appointment at DrLaura.com
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Dr. Laura
Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on SiriusX. Ruth welcome to the program.
Caller
Hi Dr. Laura hi. I had it on my calendar to call you today about a question and to help me make a decision, but I got my answer yesterday. I was hearing a lot of your YouTube podcasts and deep dives on my Spotify and on Sirius exam and I think in different phone calls I got my from you. So I want to thank you for putting me in my place and helping me decide which is now to divorce my current husband of eight years. And the reason why I got the desire and courage to call you right now is because the young lady that was talking to you about her husband being addicted to porn and chickening out and you wanting her to be back on the call so that you could tell others and have others like us hear your advice on that story. I wanted to be able to finish that conversation with my own story and my own problem.
Dr. Laura
Tell me the story and tell me how you came to your current decision. Is that okay?
Caller
Absolutely.
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Yep.
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Caller
My story is I was married before him. He's my second marriage. Was married for 23 years to a man that was gay. I had two kids with him. I did not know he was gay. He was my only husband. I I saved myself for marriage so I had never been with anybody else and he had childhood issues, abandonment from his mother. And through the years I did have my doubts but and I did address them with him and he would always deny them. But I had my kids. I had two. They're now 26 and 33. And 10 years ago, almost 11 years ago, I found out that he was having an affair with my son's best friend and oh, told yeah, told my son to not tell me anything because I was going to go crazy and freak out and I am by nature not like that. I don't yell, I don't scream. I tried to keep it under control all the time no matter how I feel. From you I learned to control my feelings and to not act on them but to act with my head. So I kicked him out of the house and I told them that the worst thing he could do to me was not protect our son who was at the time 21 years old, working full time and going to college full time. But I kicked him out. He left, moved on with my life. I was a stay at home mom, homeschooled my kids all their life. My daughter until she went to ninth grade out of need because I had to go and find a job. So I did and didn't know if I was going to be hired because I had been for 20 years a stay at home mom. My resume didn't look very good. Didn't go to college at the time because I was waiting to be able to finish raising my kids and then go back to college myself. So life went on and I got a job, a really good job, started getting my life back together. And about a year after I was divorced and separated and going through all of those things, I get a Facebook notification from my now husband who at the time lived in Guatemala. But we went to elementary school together, so I wasn't necessarily as strange to him. I knew his name and I was alone at the time, wondering what I would do with my life. And we started connecting and talking and I found out he was a really nice guy, gentle, completely the opposite of my ex husband. And I put certain patterns and certain, certain things for me to know that I was doing the right thing. So we long distance, dated per se, because he was in Guatemala and I was here and I told him that if he wanted to come and visit, he would have to do it all on his own. So I never provided any money, financed nothing. He had to do it all on his own. He worked three jobs, applied for a visa, got a visa, came to visit. My kids approved of him, loved him, my parents loved them. I said, if my parents don't approve, I don't care that I am 40 some years old, if they don't approve, you and I are not going anywhere. So I thought I was.
Dr. Laura
It looked so good. Then what happened?
Caller
Well, it was basically a dream come true and the life that I always wanted. Two years after we got married, we're laying down in bed and I see him texting another. Another woman on an app.
Dr. Laura
In bed with you. He's in bed with you texting?
Caller
Yes.
Dr. Laura
What?
Caller
Yes, I got up. He thought I was asleep. I got up, I go to the living room crying my eyes out and thinking, oh no, not again and what have I done? So he tells me, I'm sorry, I feel lonely. He was working on and off because we had him working as a subcontractor.
Dr. Laura
What did he feel? Only about. He lived with you.
Caller
What? Yeah, exactly. His kids, all, all grown ups, they are all in Guatemala. So he has no family, he doesn't have anybody here. Basically just me.
Dr. Laura
I see.
Caller
So I told them he had to get. I told him he had to get help. I told them we need marriage counseling. I told him that we had to figure something out. And by the time that happened, I had already enrolled myself in college. And by the grace of God, just last summer I finally finished my psychology.
Dr. Laura
I need you to jump to the decision to leave him. Jump right to that.
Caller
I did, I did. Dr. Laura, I just decided.
Dr. Laura
The reason you decided was. Is.
Caller
Because it went on into also him starting alcohol. And I.
Dr. Laura
All right, I see the picture. Okay. And I appreciate that you went through the whole story. And what did you listen to in my podcast that made you decide it was time to hit the road?
Caller
That when you love somebody, you don't. You don't do anything other than to make them happy. And in my experience, I have done all of that for him, but he hasn't. And instead of becoming a better human being, he's just taking advantage.
Dr. Laura
Well, thank you for sharing that whole story. And it makes me very happy about a sad thing, divorcing that you found the answer without having me bug you directly, just indirectly, through the podcast. So I appreciate you sharing that. I hope other people hear that and will take advantage of our podcasts. My number is 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.
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Episode: I Found All the Answers I Needed at DrLaura.com
Release Date: June 6, 2025
Podcast: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Available On: SiriusXM Triumph 111
In this poignant episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger engages with a heartfelt caller who shares her journey through two marriages, the challenges of self-discovery, and ultimately, her path to empowerment and independence. The conversation delves deep into themes of personal responsibility, ethical decision-making, and the strength it takes to make life-altering decisions.
[04:03] Caller Begins Sharing Her Journey
The caller opens up about her tumultuous first marriage spanning 23 years, revealing a deeply personal narrative of discovering her husband's sexuality and his subsequent affair with her son's best friend. She confesses:
“I’ve never been with anybody else, and he had childhood issues, abandonment from his mother... I kicked him out of the house.”
This revelation sets the stage for her subsequent challenges, including raising two children as a stay-at-home mom and facing career uncertainties after her divorce.
[04:33] Transition to Second Marriage
Approximately a year post-divorce, the caller reconnects with a childhood acquaintance via Facebook, leading to a long-distance relationship with a man from Guatemala. She emphasizes her commitment to financial independence:
“I told him that if he wanted to come and visit, he would have to do it all on his own. So I never provided any money, financed nothing.”
Her meticulous approach pays off as her new husband earns multiple jobs and successfully relocates, garnering approval from her children and parents.
[08:07] The Ideal Marriage Shattered
Tragedy strikes when, two years into her second marriage, she discovers her husband’s infidelity:
“We’re laying down in bed and I see him texting another woman on an app.”
Confronted with this betrayal, coupled with her husband’s emerging alcohol issues, the caller recounts her emotional turmoil and decision-making process.
[10:20] Reflecting on Love and Happiness
Dr. Laura probes deeper into the caller’s reasoning for ending her second marriage, seeking to understand the pivotal moments that led to her decision:
“When you love somebody, you don't do anything other than to make them happy.”
This philosophy resonated powerfully with the caller, reinforcing her belief that her efforts to nurture her relationships were not reciprocated. Dr. Laura acknowledges the caller’s strength in finding resolution through introspection and the lessons learned from her podcast:
“It makes me very happy about a sad thing, divorcing that you found the answer without having me bug you directly, just indirectly, through the podcast.”
Personal Responsibility: The caller exemplifies taking control of her life by making informed and ethical decisions despite emotional pain.
Financial Independence: Emphasizing the importance of financial self-sufficiency, especially in relationships, ensures autonomy and respect.
Emotional Resilience: Learning to manage and regulate emotions, as the caller did by avoiding outbursts, demonstrates emotional maturity and strength.
Support Systems: Garnering support from family and maintaining clear boundaries with new partners contribute significantly to personal well-being.
This episode underscores the transformative power of self-reflection and the impact of seeking guidance through trusted sources. The caller’s narrative is a testament to overcoming adversity, prioritizing personal happiness, and the importance of maintaining one’s ethical standards in relationships. Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s compassionate yet straightforward advice offers listeners valuable lessons in accountability and the pursuit of a fulfilling life.
Notable Quotes:
Caller [10:20]: “When you love somebody, you don't do anything other than to make them happy.”
Dr. Laura [10:46]: “It makes me very happy about a sad thing, divorcing that you found the answer without having me bug you directly, just indirectly, through the podcast.”
For more insights and stories, visit DrLaura.com and follow Dr. Laura on Facebook and Instagram.