I Kind of Feel Bad for Leaving My Wife

Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: The Dr. Laura Podcast
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Episode Title: I Kind of Feel Bad for Leaving My Wife
Date: November 5, 2025

In this episode, Dr. Laura takes a call from Darius Robert, a divorced man processing lingering guilt over leaving his wife two years after their marriage ended. Dr. Laura methodically unpacks Darius' story, exploring relationship patterns, misaligned values, why he still feels responsible for his ex-wife, and what true self-care looks like in the aftermath. The conversation is direct, insightful, and classic Dr. Laura—no-nonsense, yet attentive to the caller’s deeper emotional conflicts.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Background: Darius' Marriage and Divorce

• How they met:
  • Darius and his wife met online and dated for about a year before marrying ([01:47]-[01:55]).
  • Neither had prior marriages or children—a “clean slate.”
• Early relationship dynamics:
  • For the initial year, things seemed good, but issues soon surfaced over household management ([02:13]-[02:22]).
  • Darius’ wife chose to leave her job to be a stay-at-home wife, but did not maintain the household or cook, often ordering takeout twice a day and deferring dinner responsibilities ([02:26]-[02:53]).

2. Identifying Problems in the Relationship

• Household roles & expectations:
  • Darius was amenable to her being a stay-at-home wife but felt she wasn’t fulfilling the basic responsibilities expected in that role ([02:26]).
  • Dr. Laura pointedly asks if she was a “spoiled princess or overwhelmed,” with Darius affirming “spoiled princess” ([03:00]-[03:02]).
• Lack of warning signs:
  • Dr. Laura questions why these issues weren’t visible while dating. Darius insists he didn’t see “spoiled princess” behavior earlier, as his wife was working and often cooked meals ([03:08]-[06:15]).

3. Communication & Broken Agreements

• Work and financial plans:
  • Originally, both intended to continue working until they had children ([07:02]).
  • Three and a half months after marriage, she quit her job, claiming a new job was lined up—which turned out to be untrue ([07:14]-[08:16]).
  • Dr. Laura identifies this as outright deceit: “So she lied?” Darius: “Yes.” ([08:14]-[08:17]).

4. Guilt and Adherence to Values

• Darius' emotional conflict:
  • He feels bad for "abandoning" his wife, despite obvious incompatibilities and dishonesty ([08:17]-[09:00]).
  • He attributes this sentiment to values instilled in him—having grown up in a two-parent home ([08:33]).
• Dr. Laura’s response:
  • She sharply distinguishes between Darius’ values and the lack thereof in his ex ("She's a liar and manipulator and lazy... in no way do I think you were raised to tolerate that.” [08:39]-[09:00]).
  • Dr. Laura emphasizes: "There were no kids and you were bamboozled. So it’d be really ridiculous for you to stay...” ([09:09]-[09:16]).

5. Advice for Moving Forward

• Reflection and future caution:
  • Dr. Laura counsels Darius to “cut yourself a break. You made a mistake. You didn’t take long enough to know her… Take more time in the future.” ([09:25]-[09:47])
• Current status and communication with ex-wife:
  • Darius asks if he should focus more on himself ([09:47]-[09:54]). Dr. Laura probes, discovering that he still communicates with his ex.
  • She presses, “What are you getting out of it? … We only continue when we get something out of it.” ([10:13]-[10:29])
  • Darius struggles to articulate why he keeps in touch, and Dr. Laura advises immediate cessation of contact: “Stop communication. And yes, spend some time for yourself.” ([11:02])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On spotting red flags:
  • “People don’t hide being a spoiled princess for a year.”
    — Dr. Laura, [03:13]
• On broken expectations:
  • “So she lied?”
    — Dr. Laura, [08:14]
  • “Yes.”
    — Darius Robert, [08:16]
• On guilt and loyalty:
  • “You’re making a case where no matter how much shit I take, I’m supposed to tolerate it and stay around. No, there were no kids and you were bamboozled.”
    — Dr. Laura, [09:00]-[09:16]
• On moving forward:
  • "Cut yourself a break. You made a mistake… Take more time in the future.”
    — Dr. Laura, [09:25]-[09:47]
• On self-care after divorce:
  • “Stop communication. And yes, spend some time for yourself.”
    — Dr. Laura, [11:02]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:31] - Darius’ introduction and summary of his dilemma
• [02:26] - Sharing first signs of household incompatibility
• [03:00]-[03:02] - “Spoiled princess” candid admission
• [07:14]-[08:16] - Wife quits job under false pretenses, Dr. Laura identifies this as a lie
• [09:00]-[09:16] - Dr. Laura’s key argument against staying in a dishonest relationship
• [09:25]-[09:47] - Dr. Laura advises future caution and self-reflection
• [10:13]-[10:29] - Probing why Darius still communicates with his ex
• [11:02] - Final advice: cut contact, focus on self-care

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This episode is a sharp, focused example of Dr. Laura’s methodology: direct questions, uncovering root issues, and challenging the listener to apply clear, rational self-respect regardless of cultural or family pressures. It’s a must-listen for anyone struggling with post-relationship guilt or the tough decisions that follow a failed marriage.

Transcript

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[Darius Robert]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Darius Robert]

Thank you for having me.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're welcome. How can I help you?

[Darius Robert]

So I want to start with I am a divorcee and I feel like I abandoned my wife. It's been two years since the divorce.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, start from how you met her.

[Darius Robert]

Okay, so we met online. We met online.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, God. And how long did you date after you met online?

[Darius Robert]

About a year.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Which is not enough. Okay, but okay then. Did she have any babies or prior marriages? Did you have any babies or prior marriages?

[Darius Robert]

No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Good, clean slate. You got together and then what happened?

[Darius Robert]

It was good for maybe the first year or so. And then we just started bumping heads. We just couldn't agree on certain things.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Like what? What couldn't you agree on?

[Darius Robert]

For a simple thing, how to run the household. She wanted to be a stay at home wife, right? Have no problem with that. But the house wouldn't get cleaned at times. She would order out food two times a week. I mean, two times a day I get home and then she asked me what are we eating for dinner? It was just. And then it was just a situation where I felt I was the only person.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What was her problem? I don't know. Was she A spoiled princess or overwhelmed? What was her problem with not preparing dinner?

[Darius Robert]

Spoiled princess. Spoiled princess.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, so in the year you were dating her, you didn't know that she ordered out and was a spoiled princess?

[Darius Robert]

No, she. I mean, no, she. I didn't.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah. Okay, I gotta take a break for the top of the hour. Hopefully you'll be willing to hold and we can talk more after the break. Yeah, people don't hide being a spoiled princess for a year.

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[Darius Robert]

Wood thrush, three o'.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Clock.

[Walmart Wellness Spokesperson]

Walmart has a wellness side too with tons of things I need to feel good. From electrolytes to help keep me hydrated to soothing cough drops for after every show.

[Walmart Customer]

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[Walmart Customer]

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[Darius Robert]

Okay.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Coming back to Darius. Okay. Darius, are you there?

[Darius Robert]

I am here.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. So you married a girl for a year. She wanted to be a stay home mom. She had no kids beforehand. You had no kids beforehand. I forgot to ask, did you make any kids with her?

[Darius Robert]

No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, so she wanted to be an at home mom and. And she wouldn't make dinner and keep the house nice, and so you divorced her and you feel like you abandoned her. So let's go back in the year you were dating her. How did she eat? You were dating her.

[Darius Robert]

So it wasn't. It wasn't. When we met, she was working.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, but how did she eat when she came home from her job? How'd you have dinner?

[Darius Robert]

Cook? She would cook.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

She would cook for herself?

[Darius Robert]

No, she would cook dinner for both of us, but then that stopped after we.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. When you were dating her, every night since the first day you met her, she was cooking you dinner?

[Darius Robert]

No, not every night, but it was frequent. I would say maybe three, four times a week.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

How soon into dating her did she start doing that?

[Darius Robert]

Maybe about four or five months into dating when things.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And before the four or five months, how did she eat? Did you take her out all the time?

[Darius Robert]

No, she would cook for herself or. I mean, we didn't live together before we got married.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Good.

[Darius Robert]

We got. Well, we lived together about four months before we got married.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, so what indications did you have with her being a spoiled princess in that year then?

[Darius Robert]

I didn't have any because she was working and I thought that we were going to combine our incomes and come up with.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You mean you didn't talk about whether she was going to continue working until she had kids?

[Darius Robert]

That was the plan. That was the plan.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So when did she quit her job? How soon after getting married did she quit her job?

[Darius Robert]

Three and a half months.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And did you two talk about that in advance?

[Darius Robert]

Yes, she said that she.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And how did she explain wanting to quit her job after agreeing that she would continue? Sir, you're talking at the same time while I'm trying to ask you a question.

[Darius Robert]

Oh, I'm sorry. It's just a delay. I'm sorry.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Slow it down a little bit, please, because I want to hear the answers. So three months after the wedding, she quits her job. She's not pregnant, there are no kids. How did she explain quitting the job?

[Darius Robert]

Well, she was supposed to be transitioning to a new job, but that new job never came into fruition.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So the story she gave you is that she was going to move to a new job, so she was going to quit this job without having the new job in place. You bought that story?

[Darius Robert]

That was not my understanding. My understanding that the other job was already lined up.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So she lied?

[Darius Robert]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, so now you're feeling bad that you left Her. Why is that? Because you miss her?

[Darius Robert]

I just think.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I mean, you miss the cute parts of her. Because a princess is still cute.

[Darius Robert]

I think it's more so of the values that were instilled in me. I grew up in a two parent home.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, but the same values were not instilled in her. According to you. She's a liar and a manipulator and she's lazy and doesn't uphold her standards. So in no way do I think you were raised to tolerate that.

[Darius Robert]

I agree with that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, then you better think about it a moment before you just say, I agree with that and move on. Because you're making a case where no matter how much shit I take, I'm supposed to tolerate it and stay around. No, there were no kids and you were bamboozled.

[Darius Robert]

Okay, fair enough.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So it'd be really ridiculous for you to stay and be bamboozled.

[Darius Robert]

I can accept that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And you certainly didn't want to have a kid with her. Thank God that didn't happen for that reason. So cut yourself a break. You made a mistake. You didn't take long enough to know her. You didn't really observe what was going on. You got swept away. Take more time in the future.

[Darius Robert]

Now. So should I take more time to myself at this moment?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, how long have you been divorced.

[Darius Robert]

For? June of 2023.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

How many years have you been divorced?

[Darius Robert]

Two years.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So in two years you haven't done things for yourself?

[Darius Robert]

Of course I have. Of course I have.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, then why are you asking me that question?

[Darius Robert]

Communication. Off with each other.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, you didn't say that. Why are you communicating? What are you getting out of it? What are you getting out of it?

[Darius Robert]

I'm not getting anything out of it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yes, you are. We only continue when we get something out of it. I don't know if you feel heroic, if it turns you on. Do you have telephone sex? I mean, what keeps you wanting to talk to somebody who wasted a number of lives by manipulating you? What's the point?

[Darius Robert]

That's a different perspective you make. You make a valid point.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Good. Stop communication. And yes, spend some time for yourself.

[Darius Robert]

Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And thank you for your call and hanging in with me. My number. 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

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