Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: I Miss My Surrogate Mom
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: September 11, 2025

Episode Overview

In this heartfelt episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger takes a call from Beth, who is grappling with grief after losing not only her father-in-law but also her close relationship with her stepmother-in-law. Beth describes her surrogate mom as a pivotal figure in her life, especially since her own relationship with her biological mother was troubled. The conversation explores themes of acceptance, the illusion of closure, the emotional role of surrogate relationships, and the realities of aging and fear. Dr. Laura offers her signature incisive, practical advice infused with compassion and directness.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Concept of Closure and Acceptance

• Beth’s Struggle: Beth initially seeks “closure” regarding the end of her relationship with her stepmother-in-law following the father-in-law’s death. She defines closure as being able to “let it go, be at peace, and accept what is” (01:41).
• Dr. Laura’s Philosophy: Dr. Laura challenges the notion of closure:

  “Let’s not use the word closure because I don’t believe in it because closure is final…We review, things come up. Acceptance means you’re not fighting it anymore, right?” (02:07)
  She reframes Beth’s struggle as an issue of acceptance, not closure, and pushes her to explicitly state what needs to be accepted.

2. The Emotional Need for a ‘Mom’

• Root of the Pain: Dr. Laura identifies Beth’s deeper emotional wound:

  “Well, that’s why you can’t have closure, because you needed a mom.” (03:15)

• Beth’s Agreement: Beth confirms that her surrogate mother filled a longstanding void left by a difficult relationship with her own mother.

3. The Role of Money and Practical Changes in Relationships

• Trigger for Estrangement: When prompted by Dr. Laura to summarize why the relationship ended, Beth admits it was about dissatisfaction with “the way the trust was set up” after her father-in-law died (03:48–03:54).
• Dr. Laura’s Interpretation:

  “You needed her for a mommy. She resigned over money.” (03:58)
  Dr. Laura helps Beth see the painful pragmatism often underlying these relationship fractures.

4. Reframing the Surrogate Mom Relationship

• Ownership of the Narrative: Dr. Laura makes a nuanced point:

  “You took her on in your emotional heart as a surrogate mother. That’s not who she was though, right?... You labeled it that and embraced it because you needed it, wanted it and enjoyed it.” (07:39–07:55) Beth admits she projected her needs onto the relationship.

5. The Realities of Aging, Fear, and Security

• Dr. Laura explains the stepmother-in-law’s motivations not as a rejection of Beth personally, but as an older woman seeking security after her husband’s death:

  “She’s an old lady who is now alone, and she’s scared. And the money is her security in her head. The relationship with you is not the security in her head. The money is.” (09:02–09:27)

6. Accepting Circumstances and Moving Forward

• Letting Go: Dr. Laura gently but firmly repeats the realities:

  “Can you change that she’s an old lady? No…Can you stop her from being scared that she’s next to be dead? No.” (10:22–10:45)

• Closure for Beth: Beth expresses gratitude for the clarity Dr. Laura provides and acknowledges the importance of moving on:

  “Thank you. This is what I needed to hear. Okay. I have a wonderful life and a wonderful husband, thanks to Dr. Laura and your program. And I’m so grateful.” (10:51)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Closure:
  Dr. Laura: “Let’s not use the word closure because I don’t believe in it, because closure is final… Acceptance means you’re not fighting it anymore, right?” (02:07)
• On Emotional Needs:
  Dr. Laura: “That’s why you can’t have closure, because you needed a mom.” (03:15)
• On the Relationship Shift:
  Dr. Laura: “She changed when her husband died. In one sentence…the trust.” (03:43–03:54)
• On Surrogate Roles:
  Dr. Laura: “You labeled it that and embraced it because you needed it, wanted it and enjoyed it.” (07:55)
• On Aging and Security:
  Dr. Laura: “She’s an old lady who is now alone, and she’s scared. And the money is her security in her head.” (09:02)
• On Moving Forward:
  Dr. Laura: “Can you change that she’s an old lady? No… What is it you wanted to do? Something else besides that list?” (10:22–10:45)

Detailed Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:30 – Beth explains her struggle with “closure”
• 02:07 – Dr. Laura reframes the discussion from closure to acceptance
• 02:39 – Beth reveals the stepmother-in-law cut her off after 22 years
• 03:15 – Dr. Laura pinpoints Beth’s need for a maternal figure
• 03:56 – The fallout is clarified as stemming from issues over money/trust
• 07:12 – Dr. Laura emphasizes the value of having had “20 good years”
• 07:39–08:10 – Dr. Laura dissects Beth’s projection of the “surrogate mom” role
• 09:02–09:27 – The psychology of aging and security is explored
• 10:22–10:45 – Dr. Laura runs through the list of life circumstances Beth cannot change
• 10:51–11:08 – Beth thanks Dr. Laura and expresses her gratitude, emotional closure

Final Thoughts

This episode offers an unflinching look at how the loss of both real and surrogate parental figures can open old wounds, and how practical realities like money can complicate even the closest bonds. Dr. Laura’s direct, empathetic style pushes the caller—and listeners—to reassess their narratives, accept circumstances they cannot change, and focus on gratitude for what was, not what is lost. It’s an episode for anyone mourning a relationship’s end, especially when “closure” seems impossible.