I Never Know What to Do

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "I Never Know What to Do"

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guest: Ann (Caller)
Date: September 23, 2025
Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura takes a call from Ann, a 72-year-old divorced woman torn between moving back to her home state of Massachusetts or staying closer to her two grown daughters and three grandchildren, none of whom live nearby. Ann struggles with feelings of guilt, worries about being a "bad grandmother," and seeks advice on whether to use a recent inheritance to retire. Dr. Laura offers her signature direct, no-nonsense guidance, pushing Ann to embrace personal responsibility and challenge family dynamics that make her doubt her own decision-making.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Ann’s Dilemma: Family and Location

[01:14–03:30]

• Ann introduces herself and describes her situation: living hours away from her two daughters and three grandsons, working limited hours, and considering moving back to Massachusetts, where extended family lives.
• She feels uncertain because she fears missing out on her grandchildren's lives but admits to seeing them only every few months ("once every three months").
• Dr. Laura immediately reframes Ann's concern, emphasizing that seeing grandchildren infrequently isn't the same as being actively involved.

Quote:

“Once every three months is not being really involved with their families.”
– Dr. Laura, 03:07

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2. Clarifying Priorities – What Does Ann Really Want?

[03:30–05:03, 07:38–08:57]

• Dr. Laura challenges Ann to consider what she truly wants, not what she thinks she "should" want.
• When Ann says she'd like to be more involved, Dr. Laura cuts through the equivocation, pointing out she can always visit by plane and that the frequency wouldn’t change much if she moved.
• Ann expresses guilt about not being a more "involved" grandmother.

Memorable Exchange:

“If you'd like to go back to Massachusetts, hell, go back to Massachusetts. You want to visit the grandkids three, four times a year, get on a plane and go do it.”
– Dr. Laura, 04:13

Dr. Laura’s Take:

• Moving to Massachusetts won’t make Ann less involved than she already is; the guilt is misplaced.

Quote:

“You’re not a terrific grandmother right now. You’re not an involved grandmother right now. Nothing will change.”
– Dr. Laura, 08:26

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3. Feelings of Guilt and Family Judgment

[08:23–09:05, 12:19–12:48]

• Ann battles feelings of being a "bad grandmother" and feels pressure from family.
• Dr. Laura bluntly tells Ann this is self-imposed guilt and won’t change with a move.
• In a sharp exchange, Dr. Laura uncovers an entrenched family dynamic: Ann's family treats her like "the family idiot."

Quote:

“But in your family, you’re the family idiot. And that’s how they all treat you.”
– Dr. Laura, 12:31

Ann acknowledges:

“Oh, my God. I can’t believe you said that. They do. They do. I got it.”
– Ann, 12:37

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4. Financial Independence and Retirement

[09:13–12:19]

• Ann shares that her father passed away, leaving her $100,000. She wonders if retiring and supplementing her income with the inheritance is “foolish,” echoing her brother’s advice to keep working until she finds something else.
• Dr. Laura repeatedly pushes Ann to take responsibility for her decisions and stop deferring to others’ opinions.

Quote:

“You are 72 years old. When are you going to trust your judgment?”
– Dr. Laura, 10:39

• Dr. Laura refuses to give a simple "yes" or "no," reinforcing that Ann must own her choices at this stage of her life.

Quote:

“I trust that you will make a decision that works for you. If your brother has a different notion, who cares? That’s his.”
– Dr. Laura, 11:05

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On taking responsibility:

  “At 72, it’s damn time you took responsibility for your choices. Please.”
  – Dr. Laura, 11:57

• On family roles and negative labeling:

  “In your family, you’re the family idiot. And that’s how they all treat you.”
  – Dr. Laura, 12:31

• Host’s Core Philosophy:

  “It’s your life. You are the architect.”
  – Dr. Laura, 11:43

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Important Segments with Timestamps

• [01:14] – Ann introduces her situation and dilemma
• [03:07] – Dr. Laura calls out Ann’s lack of real involvement with her grandkids
• [04:13] – Dr. Laura bluntly suggests Ann should just move if that’s her preference
• [07:38] – Dr. Laura re-centers the question on what Ann honestly wants
• [08:26] – Addressing feelings of being a bad grandmother
• [09:13] – Inheritance and retirement question introduced
• [10:39] – Dr. Laura challenges Ann to trust her own judgment
• [12:31] – Sharp confrontation about family dynamics and roles

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Tone & Style

Dr. Laura maintains her trademark direct, sometimes blunt and challenging tone throughout the call, holding Ann accountable for her choices and encouraging independence and self-respect. She repeatedly redirects the conversation away from guilt-driven indecision and family-imposed narratives, aiming to empower Ann to make her own choices with confidence.

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Conclusion

This episode provides a quintessential Dr. Laura interaction: a compassionate yet uncompromising look at personal responsibility and not letting guilt or family dynamics dictate one’s happiness. Ann is left with a clear directive—to be the architect of her own life, move where she’d be happiest, and not justify herself to others.

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Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Ann welcome to the program.

[Ann (Caller)]

Hi Dr. Laura. My name is Ann. Hi there. I am 72 years old. I'm divorced. I have two grown daughters that they live all about three hours from me in different states and I work very limited hours and no family member lives near me. I've got a couple of friends, but I wanted I'm having trouble deciding if I should relocate back to my home state of Massachusetts. I have, you know, family there, but my daughters wouldn't be there or the grandchildren. I have three grandchildren. They're, let's see here, 11, eight and five boys. And I'd like to move back to Massachusetts but one day I'm fine with it and then I'm thinking they're going to go up so fast I should probably stay for it. And I'm just at odds with it. I just can't decide what to do. It's a difficult decision for me.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What, what makes it a difficult decision? Well, why is it difficult?

[Ann (Caller)]

Difficult is I don't see them a lot at or in my in my situation now, but I usually see them once every three months. One I drive each one of them.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And if I go once every three months is not being really involved with their families.

[Ann (Caller)]

Okay, let me go probably. Yeah, I'm going to Say two to three months. Yes. I'm not involved with their family.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. I'm just pointing out that that's not like weekly involved.

[Ann (Caller)]

Correct.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're not really involved with their families. Would you like to be more involved on a weekly, almost daily basis, hanging out with kids and stuff like that, Watching their games and karate lessons?

[Ann (Caller)]

I would. I would like that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, I need you to stop for a second. It seemed to me that until I asked you that question, it was hanging around. So three times a year you could see them. Well, I. Ridiculous decision right there. If you want to move back somewhere else when you're only going to be seeing them three times a year, you can get on an airplane and do that. So if you'd like to go back to Massachusetts, hell, go back to Massachusetts. You want to visit the grandkids three, four times a year, get on a plane and go do it.

[Ann (Caller)]

Yeah, that's it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I don't think it's complicated. I don't understand why you're struggling with it.

[Ann (Caller)]

Well, one daughter I get along with the best. And I would live closer to her and I would see her two boys more. Like I could help her out. I didn't mention this, but I couldn't have. I couldn't. I could help her out more.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, so stop for a second. So stop for a second. So the choice is going to Massachusetts to see elderly family or moving closer to one of the two daughters so you actually could be involved with her family. That's a different choice than you came on the air with.

[Ann (Caller)]

I know, I. Yeah, I was nervous.

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[Ann (Caller)]

When work gets crazy, I like to.

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Stop by the bar after, have a few cold ones.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I don't drink at all until 4 o'.

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[Ann (Caller)]

We limit ourselves to one bottle of wine a night.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So now that we're looking at that choice, would you like to be a more active part of that daughter's family or just go back to Massachusetts and just visit the grandkids? Answer that honestly. Not with guilt. Answer it honestly.

[Ann (Caller)]

I would like to be back in Massachusetts.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, then that is your decision. You're just dealing with guilt because you think there's something wrong with you or wrong with the decision. And you know what? You can always visit the grandkids. You don't see them that often anyway. It's not as though you're an integral part for whatever reasons, right? One daughter, you so go to Massachusetts and go visit the kids several times a year.

[Ann (Caller)]

And then I feel like I'm being a bad grandmother.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, you can. If you want to do that to yourself, you can. But that's really a ridiculous thing to do. You're not a terrific grandmother right now. You're not an involved grandmother right now. Nothing will change. The grandmother part won't change. It'll be the same. And you'll be in Massachusetts.

[Ann (Caller)]

Yeah, and I do have the funds where I could, you know, Fly to see them.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

There you go.

[Ann (Caller)]

I would be doing probably the same thing that I'm doing now.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Exactly. But you would be living where you want to be living. So it's a win win for you to move.

[Ann (Caller)]

Yes. Okay. Okay. Thank you. May I ask one other question, if that's okay?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Sure.

[Ann (Caller)]

Okay. My dad died, let's see, a year and a half ago. And each one of us, there's five in the will. We each got $100,000 and I'm working 20 hours in a middle school, which is very taxing. And I do get Social Security and some other. I probably make $2,000 in total on my own. And I was. I would like to retire. And you can use some of that money. And I'm going to look for online to do too. But I was going to wondering if I could, you know, use.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So what is your question for me in that? You said you had another question.

[Ann (Caller)]

Yeah, my question is, would I be being foolish with this money if I retired and used a little bit every month so I could retire?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What makes you think that's foolish? Why do you even think it's foolish? Help me understand that.

[Ann (Caller)]

My brother tells me that that's not. You shouldn't do that with that money. You need to work until, you know, you find something online. You can't quit without having something.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You are 72 years old. When are you going to trust your judgment?

[Ann (Caller)]

You're exactly right. You're right on. And.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

When. Today.

[Ann (Caller)]

If you said yes, I would. What do you think? Yes or no?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I am in no way gonna undermine your psyche by answering that question. You make the decision. I trust that you will make a decision that works for you. If your brother has a different notion, who cares? That's his. He can do with his 100 thou anything he wants.

[Ann (Caller)]

Right. And I'm thrifty. I'm not a spendthrift. And I, you know.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Don't justify yourself to me. You're 72. I trust you.

[Ann (Caller)]

I'm just tired, that's all. You know, it's.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Ann, don't justify it to me. It's your life. You are the architect.

[Ann (Caller)]

I know, I get it. But am I being. Is it a bad decision?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I am not going to answer that because I want to know what would make it a bad decision. See, you keep throwing it back because you will not take responsibility for your own decision. Well, at 72, it's damn time you took responsibility for your choices. Please.

[Ann (Caller)]

The rest of my family said you have to have another means of income. So you know, you won't go through your money.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm done, Ann. Dan, I'm. And I'm done, okay? You figure it out. I trust that you will figure it out.

[Ann (Caller)]

Okay? Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But in your family, you're the family idiot. And that's how they all treat you.

[Ann (Caller)]

Oh, my God. I can't believe you said that. They do. They do. I got it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I trust that you will figure it out and make it work.

[Ann (Caller)]

Okay? I love you. Dr. Laura. Thank you for listening.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're very welcome. My number, 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com Click on sponsors to take advantage of the special discounts available to DrLaura listeners like you.

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