I Suspect Elder Abuse

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "I Suspect Elder Abuse"

Episode Information:

• Title: I Suspect Elder Abuse
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Release Date: May 27, 2025
• Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In this episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, listeners Grace and her mother join Dr. Laura Schlessinger to discuss a sensitive family issue involving potential elder abuse. Grace reaches out for guidance after observing unsettling behavior that suggests her 81-year-old mother may be exploited by a younger friend.

Main Discussion: Identifying and Addressing Elder Abuse

Grace, the daughter, initiates the conversation by expressing concern that her mother is being taken advantage of by a friend significantly younger than herself. This friend frequently contacts the mother for favors, such as rides and assistance when she's unwell.

Grace's Concern:

"We're very close, my mom and I, and she has three daughters and my two sisters and I felt that my mom was sort of being taken advantage of by a friend." [01:26]

Dr. Laura’s Initial Response: Dr. Laura immediately addresses the inappropriateness of Grace’s action, emphasizing respect and boundaries.

"Well, that was totally inappropriate and disrespectful of you." [02:34]

Grace admits that her attempt to intervene by texting the friend was met with her mother's disapproval, highlighting the tension between her protective instincts and respecting her mother's autonomy.

Dr. Laura’s Guidance: Dr. Laura advises Grace to consider the mental capacity of her mother before taking further action. She underscores that if the mother is of sound mind, her autonomy should be respected.

"If she is of sound mind, then she can do whatever the hell she wants with her money, her time, her effort. That's hers." [03:27]

Grace and her sisters believe their mother may be placing herself in harmful situations but are conflicted about overstepping boundaries without clear evidence of incompetence.

Post-Break Continuation: Clarifying Relationships and Intentions

After a short break filled with advertisements, the conversation resumes with Grace elaborating on the aftermath of her actions. She explains that the friend did not respond well to the text and continues to cause friction within the family.

Grace's Reflection:

"I think when I sent the text to this person that, by the way, didn't receive it well at all, the recipient of the text, the friend, did not receive it well at all. And I proceeded to get lambasted." [09:18]

Mother's Perspective: Grace’s mother shares her viewpoint, clarifying that the friend has her own issues and that the timing of Grace’s intervention was misaligned.

"I think Jessica has a problem and it didn't... she picked a poor time to respond because it didn't matter." [10:12]

Dr. Laura’s Analysis and Final Advice

Dr. Laura synthesizes the discussion, highlighting potential underlying issues such as sibling rivalry and the mother's need to feel needed. She points out that the mother's actions may stem from a desire to maintain her autonomy and role within the family.

"This young woman is like your youngest daughter and how you're catering to her, protecting her, supporting her, and you see your other kids, your other daughters as so confident and competent that you're not needed." [10:33]

Key Takeaways:

• Respecting Autonomy: Elder family members have the right to make their own decisions if they are mentally competent.
• Communication is Crucial: Open and respectful dialogue between family members is essential in addressing concerns without overstepping boundaries.
• Legal Measures: If there is genuine concern about an elder's ability to make informed decisions, legal avenues should be pursued to protect their interests.

Conclusion

Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of balancing protection with respect for an elder's independence. She encourages families to communicate openly and seek professional advice if there's credible evidence of abuse or incompetence.

Notable Quote:

"If you believe your mother is incompetent to think through things and make decisions, then you have to go to court, demonstrate that, and take over control." [03:27]

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Additional Resources: Listeners are encouraged to visit DrLaura.com to become a Family member and access more resources on family dynamics and elder care.

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Note: This summary excludes advertisements and non-content segments to focus on the core discussion about suspected elder abuse.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

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[Grace]

Hi, I'm the daughter and thank you very much. You've helped me a lot in my, in my time. My mom has never recalled the program and she's. I don't think you've ever listened, right mom? Long time ago. So we had an argument recently. We're very close, my mom and I, and she has three daughters and my two sisters and I felt that my mom was sort of being taken advantage of by a friend.

[Dr. Laura]

And I'm sorry, what kind of a friend do you mean? What do you mean friend?

[Grace]

It's like it's a woman that is in her 30s or maybe she might be 40 and she's, she's, she has a family and she calls my mom often when she is like sick or not feeling well or needs a ride for the kids, things like that. So we just felt we kind of were at a breaking point and I sent this woman, this friend of my mom's a text and my mom was very upset that I went ahead and sent a text without her knowledge to this woman.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, that was totally inapprop, totally inappropriate of you.

[Grace]

I had talked to my mom about it before though, and she had Been very closed off to, like, listen.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. And it was totally inappropriate and disrespectful to your mother for you to do that.

[Grace]

Okay, That's. That's what we thought you would say.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. She's not 12 years old and stupid. She's 81. If you believe your mother is incompetent, Ma' am, if you believe your mom is incompetent to think through things and make decisions, then you have to go to court, demonstrate that, and take over control, in which case you can send texts anywhere. But if she is of sound mind, then you're. That was disrespectful.

[Grace]

We do. We, my sisters and I do feel she was putting herself in dangerous situations.

[Dr. Laura]

As I said, if you believe she is not of sound mind and that she puts herself in dangerous situations, you. You need to go to court and demonstrate that and take over control.

[Grace]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

And.

[Grace]

Okay, we're not going to do that because she's a sound mind.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay? She's of sound mind, then she can. Then you don't have to like her choices. She's 81. She's of sound mind. She can do whatever the hell she wants with her money, her time, her effort. That's hers. If she's a sound mind, it's none of your damn business what all her choices are, whether you don't like them or they worry you. I mean, it's okay to worry. Moms do it all the time.

[Grace]

Okay, that's fine. Mom, do you want to say anything? Mom.

[Mom]

Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

You're very welcome. But let me ask you, is this young woman like a daughter to you? What's the story here?

[Mom]

Are you talking to me?

[Grace]

Yes, ma' am.

[Dr. Laura]

Yes, ma' am. Talking to Mom. Mom. Mom.

[Mom]

No, she's not like a daughter to me. I mean, she. No, she's. She's a friend. She's not a daughter.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, a friend that's half your age is a little curious.

[Mom]

Yeah. No, she. Her life is very different than mine. I can't relate to her life in a lot of ways. She. I'm. I'm a person of means. I. I don't have one want in the world. And this person is not. Is as well off as I am. And she. I don't quite think it's appropriate to say she borders on poverty, but she is. She does need for material things.

[Dr. Laura]

In what way do your actual daughters need you?

[Mom]

My actual daughters? They are. I think they're. You know, I'm a blessed person. And they are all blessed. We are. And that's why I feel I can give to people that are not as blessed as I am. And my all my daughters are in extremely good health. They have fulfilling roles in their life and careers and they have beautiful children.

[Dr. Laura]

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[Dr. Laura]

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[Grace]

I think when I sent the text to this person that, by the way, didn't receive it well at all, the recipient of the text, the friend, did not receive it well at all. And I proceeded to get lambasted. And I still do to this day because I don't think the person's a good person. So it bothers me that my mom is friends with her. So what we talked about is that I knew all along I probably shouldn't have sent the text, but I had already talked to my mom and I didn't feel comfortable talking to this person. So that's the bottom line.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, mom's right here. What was, what would you like to say after the break?

[Mom]

Yeah, well, I, I just felt that the, I think she was getting. She didn't, the, the text was inappropriate because it didn't match the problem.

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[Mom]

I think Jessica has a problem and it didn't. Yeah, I can't, I can't. Yeah, she, I understand her problem, but he picked a poor time to respond because it didn't matter.

[Grace]

It was like a build up and it was a straw that broke the camel's back sort of.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, this is interesting, the feedback I'm getting because you're back on the text. Even though I had been walking in other direction, including sibling rivalry, that this young woman is like your youngest daughter and how you're catering to her, protecting her, supporting her, and you see your other kids, your other daughters as so confident and competent that you're not needed. That's where I went. So I'd like the two of you to have that discussion. The text thing I said was inappropriate, period. But your daughter's frustrated because you're not hearing her and your daughter is going on the notion that this is not good for you. This is basically not good for your relationship with your daughters. But everybody likes to feel needed. And at 81, this is your way of doing it. My number 1-800-375-2872 check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com DrLauraProgram.

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