I Thought We Were Happy

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "I Thought We Were Happy"

Episode Information

• Title: I Thought We Were Happy
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Author: SiriusXM
• Release Date: April 21, 2025

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Introduction to the Episode

In this episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a heartfelt and complex relationship dilemma presented by a caller named Jessica. The episode delves into themes of marital fidelity, personal responsibility, fear of change, and the moral obligations of parenting.

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Jessica's Situation

[01:19] Jessica:
“So I am in a 10 year long marriage. Great marriage. What I thought. And recently I found out that my husband has reached out to an ex girlfriend of 20 years ago that is also married. And they were talk. Yep, they were talking for about three weeks until like texting. She lived somewhere else. We live somewhere else. Millions of miles away. But his, her husband reached out to me to let me know that this was happening. I was unaware of it. So now I'm just kind of searching for some advice on what do I do, you know.”

Jessica reveals that after a decade of what she believed was a strong and happy marriage, she discovered her husband had reconnected with an ex-girlfriend. This revelation came unexpectedly through the ex's husband, leaving Jessica grappling with feelings of betrayal and uncertainty about her next steps.

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Dr. Laura's Response and Advice

Personal Responsibility and Decision-Making

[02:11] Dr. Laura:
“You can't ask somebody what you should do. What are you thinking? Nobody can tell you that. You have to make an appraisal, an assessment and a decision.”

Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of personal responsibility in making life decisions. She underscores that while others can offer perspectives, ultimately, the decision must come from within Jessica herself.

Understanding the Root Cause

[03:01] Dr. Laura:
“So because it was sexy and fun. After being married for a long time, it's kind of fun to feel flirty and sexy. Yeah, that's mostly why anybody does it.”

Dr. Laura identifies the underlying reasons that might drive someone to seek attention outside their marriage, highlighting the human desire for flirtation and rekindling a sense of excitement.

Addressing Fear and Insecurity

[04:31] Dr. Laura:
“You're a grown woman. You're sending your kids out into the world and saying I'm too scared. Even though I'm older and more experienced than you are. You shouldn't be scared at life all at all.”

Dr. Laura challenges Jessica's fear of being alone after ten years of marriage, encouraging her to confront her insecurities and recognize her own strength and experience.

[04:46] Dr. Laura:
“That's weird. Okay, well, then if scared is your. Is the point at which you draw the line, then you stay because you're scared. I get it.”

She acknowledges Jessica's fear as a valid emotion but cautions against letting it dictate her life choices unilaterally.

Prioritizing the Children’s Best Interest

[08:22] Dr. Laura:
“Isn't that your moral obligation? To make decisions based on their best interest?”

Dr. Laura strongly advises that Jessica consider the well-being of her three young children as a primary factor in her decision-making process, advocating for stability and the avoidance of splitting the family unless absolutely necessary.

[11:02] Jessica:
“Right.”

[11:10] Dr. Laura:
“And it's not in their best interest to have you split up. To have two homes and no home. Two places to visit, but no home. The two of you having other people in your lives, they don't need any of that if you want them to grow up healthy, happy and focused.”

She elaborates on the potential negative impacts of a separation on the children, emphasizing the importance of maintaining an intact home environment for their emotional and psychological health.

Encouraging Mature Decision-Making

[10:03] Dr. Laura:
“Absolutely. Isn't that your moral obligation? To make decisions based on their best interest?”

Dr. Laura reinforces the notion that staying in the marriage, despite personal hurt, is a responsible choice for the sake of the children.

[11:28] Dr. Laura:
“So I didn't think about it at first, but, yeah, the decision's made.”

Jessica begins to accept Dr. Laura's perspective, recognizing the moral weight of her responsibilities as a mother.

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Conclusion and Key Takeaways

In this emotionally charged episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides a no-nonsense approach to navigating marital infidelity. She emphasizes the importance of personal responsibility, confronting one's fears, and prioritizing the well-being of children above personal grievances. Dr. Laura challenges Jessica to look beyond immediate emotional pain and consider the long-term implications of her decisions on her family.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura on Decision-Making:
  “You have to make an appraisal, an assessment and a decision.” ([02:09])

• Dr. Laura on Fear:
  “You shouldn't be scared at life at all.” ([04:31])

• Dr. Laura on Moral Obligation:
  “Isn't that your moral obligation? To make decisions based on their best interest?” ([08:22])

This episode serves as a profound reminder of the complexities involved in marital relationships and the paramount importance of making decisions that uphold ethical responsibilities and foster a stable environment for children.

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For more advice and to listen to Dr. Laura's daily radio program, visit DrLaura.com or tune in live on SiriusXM Triumph 111, Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 pm Eastern Time.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

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[Jessica]

Hi Dr. Laura, thanks for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura]

Hi. Thank you. What can I help you with?

[Jessica]

So I am in a 10 year long marriage. Great marriage. What I thought. And recently I found out that my husband has reached out to an ex girlfriend of 20 years ago that is also married. And they were talk. Yep, they were talking for about three weeks until like texting. She lived somewhere else. We live somewhere else. Millions of miles away. But his, her husband reached out to me to let me know that this was happening. I was unaware of it. So now I'm just kind of searching for some advice on what do I do, you know. He says he was.

[Dr. Laura]

That's up to you. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You can't ask somebody what you should do.

[Jessica]

I know.

[Dr. Laura]

What are you thinking? Nobody can tell you that. You have to make an appraisal, an assessment and a decision. So when you talk to him and said you just got caught, what did he say?

[Jessica]

He took full well. I thought something was happening and I confronted him and he said no, no, no, no. But then when I got some a text message from a number I didn't know which happened to be her husband. Then I asked him again and he confessed and said yes. But I just, I don't know how or why he would do it. But he's Taken full responsibility, ownership, you know, he said he's sorry, shouldn't have done it, regrets it, but it's just. It's one of those things, like why? I don't know why, and I don't know how it could have happened.

[Dr. Laura]

So because it was sexy and fun. After being married for a long time, it's kind of fun to feel flirty and sexy. Yeah, that's mostly why anybody does it.

[Jessica]

So how do you get over it? Maybe that's what my question is. Not even if I should stay. Just, how do I, like, forgive him?

[Dr. Laura]

You will never. You will never forget it. Never, never forget it. Never. You can decide. Because he's a billionaire and you don't want to give up the money. You have 18 kids. You want to see them all in college. You think you're ugly, dumb, or stupid or unlovable. And so you don't want to risk finding somebody else. I mean, a lot of people stay for all kinds of reasons, but we know two things. He was willing to do that, and he's willing to lie to your face. That's a little disconcerting, right?

[Jessica]

Exactly. And that's why I haven't made the decision to stay.

[Dr. Laura]

Nobody can give you advice on this. Nobody should give you advice on this.

[Jessica]

I hate that. I can't make that decision.

[Dr. Laura]

Not. Okay, let me explain to you. Not leaving is making the decision.

[Jessica]

Yeah, you're right. I guess I'm just scared to be on my own after 10 years and we have three little ones.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, my God. You're a grown woman. You're sending your kids out into the world and saying I'm too scared. Even though I'm older and more experienced than you are. You shouldn't be scared at life at all. I am more scared. Do you realize you realize that?

[Jessica]

Yeah, I am. I know I'm scared.

[Dr. Laura]

That's weird. Okay, well, then if scared is your. Is the point at which you draw the line, then you stay because you're scared. I get it.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

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[Dad]

Okay, we've got Katie's project, Dan's bake sale. Emma has a test tomorrow. Sweetie, I'm out of my blood pressure meds.

[Mom]

Managing the house while mama's gone is not easy. But did you know that now Walmart Pharmacy has prescription delivery straight to your door?

[Dad]

Wait, what? Really?

[Dr. Laura]

Yep.

[Mom]

Just upload your prescription to the Walmart app and keep doing your thing. We'll bring your groceries and prescriptions, all one bag and straight to your door.

[Dad]

Thanks, dad. When does mom come back? In 38 hours and 47 minutes.

[Mom]

Now your pharmacy comes to you. Welcome to your Walmart delivery. Not available for all prescriptions. Exclusions apply.

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[Dad]

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[Dr. Laura]

No one can give you advice. No one should give you advice.

[Jessica]

Right. And I'm just looking for an answer. I don't know why.

[Dr. Laura]

Because you don't want to have to make a decision. Because you don't want to have to make the decision. It's too hard and hurtful. Yep, it's too. You're right. It's too hard and hurkful. All right, well, you know, you don't have to make it this month. This year. You don't have to make it this year.

[Jessica]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

There's no rush.

[Jessica]

I know. So just stay in it, feel it.

[Dr. Laura]

Don'T ask a question. Don't ask anybody that question. Don't ask anybody that question.

[Jessica]

But if I stay, and I feel like I'm just saying it's okay, what you did was okay if I stay.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't care how you frame it. You don't have to do arguments back and forth. Is he the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? Yes or no?

[Jessica]

I don't know.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, then don't giggle. This is important. Then take the time. As I said, no rush.

[Jessica]

Okay. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Meanwhile, while you're taking the time, you can talk to an Attorney, find out what the financials would be, what that would be like, and do this privately. Don't discuss it with him. Just check. Get all the information you need, because that helps with decisions. So you need more information. So talk to an appropriate attorney and find out what all your rights are and what you could expect financially. Do you have any kids under the age of 18?

[Jessica]

Three.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, then how old is the youngest? Stop giggling. Just stop it. Nervous or not? Just stop it. I don't like to take people's lives more seriously than they appear to. Okay, serious. So how old is the youngest? 1.

[Jessica]

3.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, then you have 15 more years. Decision made.

[Jessica]

15 more years.

[Dr. Laura]

Until then, you can divorce if you'd like to, but right now, don't tear their family apart.

[Jessica]

So stay for the kids.

[Dr. Laura]

Absolutely. Isn't that your moral obligation? To make decisions based on their. Hey, hey. Based on their best interest? I always ask persons who call about these sorts of things, do you have any minor kids? Unless there's danger or destructiveness you waited out for the sake of the children not to be going back and forth, you marrying somebody else, him having some girlfriends. They don't need all that crap. They need an intact home.

[Jessica]

Even if it's not a happy home.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, you can walk around looking moody, or you could walk around looking nice. You know, you have that choice. You can punish the kids because you're hurt, or you can act like more of a woman, a mature woman, and do what's necessary for the best interest of your kids.

[Jessica]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

And it's not in their best interest to have you split up. To have two homes and no home. Two places to visit, but no home. And the two of you having other people in your lives, they don't need any of that if you want them to grow up healthy, happy and focused.

[Jessica]

Okay, that's helpful.

[Dr. Laura]

So I didn't think about it at first, but, yeah, the decision's made.

[Jessica]

Okay. Thank you. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

You're welcome. Takes a little burden off you, but it puts another one to be morally obligated to children. My number. 1-800-375-2872. If it's not happy, don't make it happy. 20 minutes ago, before you knew about this, you were happy. They never actually connected. They just flirted on the phone or whatever. Texts My number are 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

[Dad]

Okay, we've got Katie's project, Stan's bake sale. Emma has a test tomorrow. Sweetie, I'm out of my blood pressure meds.

[Mom]

Managing the house while Mama's gone is not easy. But did you know that now Walmart Pharmacy has prescription delivery straight to your door?

[Dad]

Wait, what? Really?

[Dr. Laura]

Yep.

[Mom]

Just upload your prescription to the Walmart app and keep doing your thing. We'll bring your groceries and prescriptions all in one bag and straight to your door.

[Dad]

Thanks, dad. When does mom come back? In 38 hours and 47 minutes.

[Mom]

Now your pharmacy comes to you. Welcome to your Walmart delivery. Not available for all prescriptions. Exclusions apply.