I Want to Help My Daughter Save Her Marriage

Summary

Podcast Summary: "I Want to Help My Daughter Save Her Marriage"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Episode: I Want to Help My Daughter Save Her Marriage
• Release Date: August 5, 2025

---

Introduction

In this episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Barbara reaches out seeking guidance on how to support her daughter through a tumultuous marriage. Barbara provides a detailed account of her daughter's relationship struggles, expressing deep concern and confusion about the best way to intervene effectively.

---

Daughter's Marital Issues

Barbara describes her daughter's marriage as a long-term relationship that has recently hit a rough patch. Her daughter, approaching 40, has been married to her high school sweetheart for 11 years, having been together for a total of 21 years. Despite her daughter's success and active involvement in parenting their two young children, her husband exhibits characteristics that Barbara finds troubling:

• Lack of Proactivity: Her husband is depicted as someone who never took the initiative or worked hard, seemingly dependent on being provided for.
• Physical Health Concerns: At 5’9” and weighing approximately 255 pounds, Barbara fears for his heart and joint health.
• Personality Traits: He is described as a “Peter Pan” type—sweet and friendly but emotionally distant and disengaged.
• Professional Aspirations: Although he started pursuing a PhD and is now an assistant principal, Barbara questions his commitment and motivation, attributing his career moves to her pushing him rather than his own drive.

Barbara also notes his increasing disengagement, citing his constant phone usage over meaningful interactions and his indulgence in whiskey and cigars.

Barbara [01:14]: "He fits the Peter Pan image of a guy that grew up with a pretty decent amount of money. Only child, never really learned to be proactive, take initiative, work real hard."

---

Attempts to Resolve the Issues

Over the past four years, Barbara's daughter has made several attempts to address the marital problems:

• Therapy Resistance: She tried to encourage her husband to attend therapy, leading to three sessions. However, after these initial attempts, her husband dismissed the need for further professional help, insisting that the solution lies in better communication—something they continue to struggle with.

• Infidelity: The situation escalated when Barbara's daughter had an affair, which her husband discovered through text messages in early June, marking the most recent crisis point.

Barbara is now grappling with how much she can intervene, especially as her daughter begins the legal process to address the marital issues formally.

Barbara [04:34]: "I want to know how involved I can get at all with the situation because now she's done with that affair and within the court."

---

Dr. Laura’s Advice

Dr. Laura Schlessinger offers a straightforward and firm response to Barbara's concerns, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries and allowing her daughter to handle her own marital issues. Her key points include:

1. Stepping Back: Dr. Laura asserts that Barbara has been overly involved in her daughter's marriage, potentially exacerbating the situation rather than helping.

   Dr. Laura Schlessinger [04:34]: "I think you're too involved as it is, okay? I think you've been way too involved. Your role is grandma. You're not their parents anymore."

2. Embracing the Grandmother Role: She advises Barbara to focus her energy on her grandchildren, engaging in activities that foster a positive and supportive environment for them.

   Dr. Laura Schlessinger [04:42]: "Put your time and effort into doing stuff with the kids, being with them, playing with them, going to church with them, going to the park with them. That's your job."

3. Avoiding Mediation and Intrusion: Dr. Laura emphasizes that Barbara should not interfere with the mediation process or inquire about its proceedings.

   Dr. Laura Schlessinger [05:54]: "Keep out of that. And don't ask them what happened with the mediator. Don't ask. It's none of your business."

4. Encouraging Autonomy: By stepping back, Barbara allows her daughter and son-in-law the space to navigate their relationship issues independently, which can lead to more effective resolution.

   Dr. Laura Schlessinger [05:16]: "Nothing is better because you are involved. So the kids could use an adorable grandma. That's your job."

---

Conclusion

Barbara takes Dr. Laura's advice to heart, recognizing the necessity of redefining her role within the family. She commits to focusing on her grandchildren and reducing her involvement in her daughter's marital struggles, understanding that her intervention may have been counterproductive.

The episode concludes with Barbara informing Dr. Laura that her daughter is attending a mediation session, indicating a hopeful step towards resolving the marital issues without further external interference.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Barbara on Her Husband's Involvement:
  "He enjoys his whiskey, he enjoys his cigars. He didn't get his PhD really... He's on the phone all the time instead of engaging with others." [02:17]

• Dr. Laura on Barbara's Role:
  "Your role is grandma. You're not their parents anymore. Put your time and effort into doing stuff with the kids." [04:34]

• Dr. Laura on Setting Boundaries:
  "Keep out of that. And don't ask them what happened with the mediator. Don't ask. It's none of your business." [05:54]

---

This episode underscores the delicate balance between offering support and overstepping boundaries within familial relationships. Dr. Laura's guidance highlights the importance of allowing individuals to manage their own relationships while providing a nurturing environment for the younger generation.

Transcript

[Amazon One Medical]

Amazon One Medical presents Painful Thoughts I've.

[Caller]

Been on hold to make a doctor's appointment for 23 minutes now. The automated voice has told me 47 times that my call is very important to them. Hmm, I'm starting to think that they don't think my call is important at all.

[Amazon One Medical]

With Amazon One Medical 24. 7 Virtual Care, you'll get help fast without having to remain on the line to make an appointment. Amazon One Medical Help Healthcare just got less painful.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Barbara welcome to the program.

[Barbara]

Oh thank you Dr. Laura. Thank you for having me on today. I've listened for a while, off and on, and due to a situation, a friend of mine said you need to start listening again. I had the time so I started and figured I'd call in and thank you for taking my call. My daughter, rough situation right now. She's married, her high school sweetheart. One of those typical stories.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

How old is your daughter?

[Barbara]

She'll be 40 in October.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Oh, okay. Grown adult. All right.

[Barbara]

Yes, a young adult young woman, very successful in her work. Makes more than he does by the way. Been married for 11 years, but been with him since they were high school sweethearts. So we're all in all about 21 years. He fits the Peter Pan image of a guy that grew up with a pretty decent amount of money. Only child, never really learned to be proactive, take initiative, work real hard. Everything was kind of given to him. Whereas my daughter is more goal oriented, very involved with their six and nine year old daughter's activities, play date, school. He on the other hand has unfortunately had a nice guy. Sweet guy, friendly guy, but he's like 5 foot 9 now. Weighs 255 pounds. Started getting his PhD.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Oh I'm sorry, he weighs 65 pounds.

[Barbara]

200 or 102?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

165. 265 at 5 9. Oh my God, his poor heart, his knees.

[Barbara]

He enjoys his whiskey, he enjoys his cigars. He didn't get his PhD really. Only got into the academic world because I told him that you stayed home for a year with the first daughter. You need to really get back in the saddle and get to work. So he did started teaching. Now he's a assistant principal of a small little private school. Makes decent money. He's on the phone all the time instead of engaging with others. Has out all the time.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

How do you know so much? Do you live There?

[Barbara]

No, I visit there about once every six weeks and I'm usually.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Well, how do you know so much about his daily activities?

[Barbara]

Because I'm in the house. When I'm there, I stay with them.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay.

[Barbara]

And so I see the daily activities. I see.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay. I hear all the complaints.

[Barbara]

You've.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

You've told him what to do and be and he's done what he ever has done. So what can I help you with now?

[Barbara]

My daughter has tried for four years now to get him to go to therapy. He just says no. They went three times. But after that he said all we need to do is communicate, which they don't do much of. So bottom line, she became unhappily married on emotionally kind of distanced herself for quite a while now. And the age old story, somebody at work took an interest, she had an affair. Her husband found some texts, found out about it. And so that was June 8th. So here we are just whatever, six, seven weeks later.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I'm sorry, how can I help you?

[1-800-Flowers]

Whenever I need to send roses that are guaranteed to make someone's day, the only place I trust is 1-800-flowers com with 1-800-flowers, my friends and family always receive stunning, high quality bouquets that they absolutely love. Right now, when you buy a dozen multicolored roses, 1-800-flowers will double your bouquet to two dozen roses. To claim this special double roses offer, go to 1-800-flowers.com Pandora. That's 1-800-flowers. Com Pandora.

[Barbara]

I want to know how involved I can get at all with the situation because now she's done with that affair and within the court.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I think you're too involved as it is, okay? I think you've been way too involved. Your role is grandma. You're not their parents anymore. You're grandma. Put your time and effort into doing stuff with the kids, being with them, playing with them, going to church with them, going to the park with them. That's your job. Now leave them alone, okay? You're not helping.

[Barbara]

Let my daughter just do her thing.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Nothing is better because you are involved. So the kids could use an adorable grandma. That's your job. They are not. No more opinions, no more orders. You have no control.

[Barbara]

Good for them. Yes, yes, Let them.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Please, I'm begging you. Yes.

[Barbara]

Okay. All right. That's what I'll do. They're seeing a mediator today, so they've got their.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Keep out of that. And don't ask them what happened with the mediator. Don't ask. It's none of your business.

[Barbara]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Be a Grandma.

[Barbara]

All right, Nona. Actually.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay. However it's called, I'm Dr. Laura Schlesinger. My number, 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com Click on Sponsors to take advantage of the special discounts available to DrLaura listeners like you.