I Wish My Kids Knew the Truth

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – I Wish My Kids Knew the Truth

Episode Details:

• Title: I Wish My Kids Knew the Truth
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Release Date: February 25, 2025
• Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In the episode titled "I Wish My Kids Knew the Truth," Dr. Laura Schlessinger tackles the sensitive subject of divorce and its impact on children. Listeners are presented with real-life scenarios, seeking actionable advice on navigating the complexities of familial relationships post-divorce. This episode is particularly resonant for parents striving to maintain transparency and support their children through familial upheaval.

Caller Background: Duncan's Story

At 01:15, Duncan, a loyal listener of Dr. Laura’s advice, initiates the conversation with a personal dilemma:

"My wife of 13 years was unfaithful, and we have two kids, 13, 14, and 12. When I discovered it, we tried to work things out, but it didn't work out, and she ended up..." 01:21

He elaborates on the discovery of his wife's affair, the ensuing conflict, and his attempt to salvage the marriage through personal reflection and counseling.

The Dilemma: Handling Divorce Communication with Children

Duncan expresses his primary concern:

"The first major thing that you're going to do is you're going to tell our kids why we’re getting divorced. And I don't care what you tell them. It is your responsibility. I will go along with whatever you say, but I will not lie to my children." 07:38

His children have been handling the divorce remarkably well, showing resilience and minimal distress. However, Duncan observes that they occasionally question inconsistencies, such as the absence of visible conflict prior to the divorce:

"Sometimes they bring up to me that, you know, well, you and mom never fought. Why did you guys get divorced?" 08:02

Dr. Laura's Guidance: Emphasizing Honesty and Clarity

Dr. Laura underscores the importance of honesty in discussions with children:

"I think it is perfectly okay for you to say, because he [the ex-wife] wanted to live with him, she wanted to live with him. Sorry. And if you want to know anything more about that, talk to your mother." 09:14

She advises that children benefit from understanding the reasons behind significant changes in their family structure, which helps prevent feelings of confusion and insecurity in their future relationships.

Navigating Therapy and Communication

Duncan recounts his experiences with marital counseling, highlighting challenges with a female therapist who he felt did not adequately address his concerns:

"She said that my ex-wife needed a voice. And after six months of therapy, I found myself discussing with the therapist." 03:11

Dr. Laura criticizes the feminist approach she perceives in the initial therapy, advocating instead for balanced communication where both parents can express their perspectives.

Impact on Children’s Future Relationships

Duncan voices a significant worry:

"I worry about what it's done for their future relationships." 11:02

Dr. Laura reinforces this concern, emphasizing that unresolved issues and lack of transparency can lead to insecurities in children's future romantic involvements:

"If you want to know anything more about that, talk to your mother. Ask her all the other questions. But you asked a fair, direct question. I'm going to give you a direct, honest answer." 09:57

Key Insights and Conclusions

• Honesty is Paramount: Transparent communication with children about familial changes fosters trust and understanding.

• Direct Answers Encourage Security: Providing straightforward explanations helps mitigate confusion and emotional insecurity in children.

• Balanced Therapy Approaches: Effective counseling should address both parents' perspectives to facilitate genuine reconciliation or amicable separation.

• Long-Term Impact on Children: Early and honest discussions about divorce can significantly influence children's perceptions and future relationships.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Duncan on Honesty:

  "I will not lie to my children." 07:38

• Dr. Laura on Transparency:

  "I think it is perfectly okay for you to say... And if you want to know anything more about that, talk to your mother." 09:14

• Duncan Expressing Concerns:

  "I worry about what it's done for their future relationships." 11:02

• Dr. Laura's Reinforcement:

  "If you want to know anything more about that, talk to your mother. Ask her all the other questions." 09:57

Conclusion

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides compassionate and practical advice to Duncan, emphasizing the necessity of honesty and clear communication with children during and after a divorce. She highlights the long-term benefits of transparency, not only for the immediate well-being of the children but also for their future relational health. Listeners can take away the critical importance of addressing difficult truths with care and integrity to foster a supportive environment for their children.

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For more insights and guidance on family and personal issues, tune into Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s Call of the Day on SiriusXM Triumph 111.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

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[Duncan]

Hi Dr. Laura, pleasure speaking with you.

[Dr. Laura]

Hi. Thank you.

[Duncan]

So I was calling because I have a dilemma that I wanted to pick your brain on. I listened to you regularly and I like most of your advice. So the my wife of 13 years was unfaithful and we have two kids, 13, 14 and 12. And when I discovered we tried to work things out, didn't work out and she ended up.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, when you discovered it, what was the explanation for her behavior? What did she explain to you? I want to know what working it out meant.

[Duncan]

Well, at first she denied everything. At first she denied everything. But since I had concrete evidence, she eventually admitted that she was having an affair with this fellow from her work. And at first there were we were really vicious with one another. And then after about two days of the viciousness, I never thought I would be able to do it. But I looked myself in the mirror and said I want to make this work. And so we tried to reconcile.

[Dr. Laura]

What was well, she had a boyfriend, so why would she want to reconcile? What was her point of view? That's what I'm trying to get at. What did she tell you?

[Duncan]

Okay, so the boyfriend was out of the picture. Once it was discovered, she said she wanted to work it out. Turns out he wasn't out of the picture. I found out after the fact. But in counseling she said she was unhappy about why.

[Dr. Laura]

What was she unhappy about. Come on, you're leaving out the important details.

[Duncan]

Okay, so she was unhappy because I'm a dominant type person. She's a very submissive type person. And we had a female therapist who was the opposite of you. And she said that my ex wife needed a voice. And after six months of therapy, I found myself discussing with the therapist. And she said, your ex wife thinks this and your ex wife thinks that. And I said, but just a second, ma'am. You're the one who said, and I agree, that you want her to have a voice. I want her to have a voice. I want her to be an independent woman. And yet here I am having a discussion with you about what she thinks.

[Lily Bug]

She.

[Duncan]

She's right next to us. Why is she not talking? But. But that was her personality.

[Dr. Laura]

Good for you.

[Duncan]

Yes, submissive woman. We switched therapists to a second one who I was seeing for my own issues who happen to be a male. And that did not last long because shortly after I realized she was not putting any effort into therapy.

[Dr. Laura]

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[Dr. Laura]

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[Duncan]

Divorce since 2022. So got it.

[Dr. Laura]

Since she how are the kids?

[Duncan]

I was always the one dealing with it. Yeah, the kids. So the kids are wonderful. And since I was always the one taking the lead, I said to her, the first major thing that you're going to do is you're going to tell our kids why that we're getting divorced. And I don't care what you tell them. It is your responsibility. I will go along with whatever you say, but I will not lie to my children. She did that. She said that mom and dad were unhappy and it was a horrible 24 hours. But the kids, I don't know whether it's normal or not. They just literally 24 hours of grief and then they've been wonderful ever since. Two, three years later. So the thing. So the thing is that she ended up moving in with the fellow that she was cheating with, who was cheating on his life, by the way. Lovely world we live in, isn't it? And so now my Kids know this fellow, and I don't believe they know of the circumstances of what happened and my kids are doing out of this world. But sometimes they bring up to me that, you know, well, you and mom never fought. Why did you guys get divorced? And I've told my ex that I really. I. I think it'd be best if she were to talk to them now, you know, years have passed and explain what happened so that it came from her. And I'm wondering what your thoughts are, whether I have any role in that.

[Dr. Laura]

I mean, is she going to do that? Is she. Their kids are not doing great. You know, I hate to say that. They give the indication they're rolling with everything. This has an impact on them. It's starting to show with, oh, I thought you guys were happy. Then you're not happy. What was the difference between happy and not happy? We didn't notice this. So they're starting to question the universe. How can. If we think we're happy and we're not, and then we lose the person. In my opinion, I think it is fine for you to say when you're being directly asked, they're not little kids anymore. Your mom wanted to live with him.

[Duncan]

I mean, they don't know that she was seeing them prior.

[Dr. Laura]

I know that. I know that. I know that. I heard all of it. Sir. Did you think I was not paying attention? Okay, I was paying attention. I think it is perfectly okay for you to say, because he wanted to live with her, she wanted to live with him. Sorry. And if you want to know anything more about that, talk to your mother. Ask her all the other questions. But you asked a fair, direct question. I'm going to give you a direct, honest answer. But for the details, you're going to have to talk to your mom.

[Duncan]

Okay, super.

[Dr. Laura]

Because I don't want them to think that this just happens out of nowhere. You know how insecure they will be about relationships.

[Duncan]

It's a huge concern of mine.

[Dr. Laura]

That's correct. So letting them. Sir. Quiet. Letting them think that it just happens out of whole cloth is not in their best interest.

[Duncan]

Mm. I worry about what it's done for their future relationships. I mean, I. My.

[Dr. Laura]

That's what I just said. That's what I just said. Now you're not listening to me. That's all right.

[Duncan]

I am.

[Dr. Laura]

Anyway, I hope that was helpful. No, because I just said it's not good for them. It'll make them very insecure for relationships to think this just happens. It doesn't just happen. People make an effort to have a relationship outside their commitment and their vows, and it usually ends up in a divorce. And you're right. Your first therapist was a feminist idiot and you schooled her beautifully. You're saying she has to have a voice? Well, we're right here. Let's hear her voice. No, because I think most of these feminist therapists think the best thing is to not have a man. My number to deal with my number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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