I Worry About My Son's Mental Health

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "I Worry About My Son's Mental Health"

The Dr. Laura Podcast with Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
Date: December 25, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode features Dr. Laura Schlessinger counseling a caller dealing with long-standing family complexities rooted in divorce, differing religious beliefs, and boundaries in post-divorce relationships. The central focus is the caller's concern regarding her ex-husband's emotional wellbeing, particularly after being instructed by his current wife to cease contact. Dr. Laura challenges the caller's choices while emphasizing respect for boundaries dictated by new family structures. The discussion offers insights into managing ongoing connections with ex-spouses, ramifications of parental abandonment, and prioritizing healthy family dynamics.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Background of the Caller’s Family Situation

• Caller's Divorce Context (01:17 – 02:28):

  • The caller divorced her husband due to incompatible religious beliefs, noting that he became "so severe" about it, repeatedly telling her she was "going to go to hell" for not sharing his faith.

  • They separated years after his shift in beliefs, having tried to resolve differences for nearly a decade.

  • Quote – Caller, 01:56:
    "He kept telling me, you know, that if I didn't, you know, accept Christ, that I was going to go to hell... I had lived with all that just about as long as I could take."

• Communication Post-Divorce (02:33 – 04:12):

  • Ex-husband remarried and maintained periodic calls with the caller—primarily about their children and her mother, who was also close to the ex-husband.

  • Dr. Laura’s Directness (03:21 – 04:06):
    Dr. Laura challenges the caller’s willingness to talk with her ex-husband, emphasizing he "divorced the children" as well by not maintaining a direct relationship.

    • Quote – Dr. Laura, 03:38:
      "If he's calling you to find out about how the kids are doing because he's not calling them, that's abandoning your children."
    • Quote – Dr. Laura, 04:00:
      "I'm talking about shame on you for answering."

  • Caller agrees in hindsight and confirms ex-husband did not, for many years, maintain a close relationship with his own children.

2. Recent Events & Escalating Tension

• Current Contact Frequency (06:45–06:48):

  • The ex-husband now contacts the caller about "every three to six months."

• Incident with Ex-Husband’s New Wife (06:54–07:39):

  • The ex-husband's wife overhears a phone conversation and expresses strong disapproval, explicitly forbidding any further contact between them.

  • After the incident, the ex-husband, distressed, informs their daughter that he can no longer speak with her mother due to his wife's ultimatum.

  • Quote – Caller, 07:39:
    "He called my daughter after she told him that and was crying on the phone and said, 'I can't talk to your mother anymore. And here I am in very poor health and this breaks my heart.'"

3. Main Question: Should the Caller Continue Contact?

• Caller’s Dilemma (08:11–08:27):

  • The caller asks Dr. Laura if she should send a birthday or holiday greeting to her ex-husband given the new boundaries set by his wife.

• Dr. Laura’s Guidance (08:27–09:19):

  • Dr. Laura is unequivocal: the caller should respect her ex-husband’s decision to prioritize his current marriage, particularly as he is dependent on his wife due to health concerns.

  • Dr. Laura reiterates the importance of respecting spousal boundaries, regardless of personal feelings about fairness or past history.

  • Quote – Dr. Laura, 08:27:
    "He has made the choice to give you up so that the woman he's married to will not be mad at him. Therefore, you have to respect that."

  • Quote – Dr. Laura, 08:57:
    "As unreasonable as this might be considered, you have to respect it."

4. Resolution and Silver Linings

• Reconnection with Children (09:23–09:32):

  • Dr. Laura notes positively that the ex-husband now has a better relationship with his children, framing this as the most important outcome.

  • Quote – Dr. Laura, 09:23:
    "Fortunately, he's back talking to his kids. So all is... [good]."

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura on Parental Responsibilities (03:38):
  "If he's calling you to find out about how the kids are doing because he's not calling them, that's abandoning your children."

• On Respecting Boundaries (08:27):
  "He has made the choice to give you up so that the woman he's married to will not be mad at him. Therefore, you have to respect that."

• On Prioritizing Current Marriage (08:57):
  "As unreasonable as this might be considered, you have to respect it."

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Key Timestamps

• 01:17: – Caller explains reason for divorce
• 03:21–04:06: – Dr. Laura confronts caller on tolerating ex-husband’s absence from children
• 06:45: – Caller details frequency of contact
• 06:54–07:39: – Wife’s ultimatum and ex-husband’s emotional response
• 08:11–08:27: – Caller asks if she should maintain contact
• 08:27–09:19: – Dr. Laura’s counsel on boundaries
• 09:23: – Dr. Laura notes ex-husband’s improved relationship with children

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Tone & Style

Dr. Laura maintains her signature, no-nonsense style throughout—direct, uncompromising, but solution-oriented. The caller’s tone is reflective and searching, admitting past mistakes, while also seeking ethical clarity. The overall feel is serious but supportive, with Dr. Laura offering tough love designed to encourage healthy boundaries and family healing.

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Summary

This episode explores the complexities of ongoing relationships with ex-spouses, especially when new partners and old wounds intertwine. Dr. Laura underscores the significance of maintaining clear, respectful boundaries out of deference to current marriages and focuses on prioritizing parent-child relationships above all. Her practical advice and the caller’s candid story make this a meaningful resource for listeners navigating family change after divorce.

Transcript

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[Caller to Dr. Laura]

Hi, Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you.

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

I have been divorced 30 years and my ex husband has been remarried.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Why did you divorce?

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

20 years. I divorced because my ex was very religious and our belief systems were entirely different. And I did not believe the way he did and I didn't.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What difference did it make if you believed everything he believed? Because why did you have to divorce him over that?

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

Because he was so severe about it that he kept telling me, you know, that if I didn't, you know, accept Christ, that I was going to go to hell. And I didn't. And I told him I didn't believe that. It just got so uncomfortable that I just. I put up with that. So he changed it. He changed in 1985 and we didn't separate until 1994. So I had lived with all that just about as long as I could take.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Mm. Okay. And what happened then?

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

So then, you know, life moved on. He remarried, and now he's been married 20 years to. To a woman that, you know, they got a church together, etc. Etc. And he would always call me. He felt like part of my family. And he was very close to my mother because she lived with us.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

When he would always call you about what? Call you about what?

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

To ask me how the children were doing and how I was doing.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, how old were the children when he was called. Wait, why didn't he have his own relationship with his own children?

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

Because when he divorced me, he pretty much divorced him as well.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And you tolerated conversation. And you tolerated conversations with him. Shame on you.

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

I did tolerate it, but I always let him have it about.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Shame on you for even tolerating it. He abandoned his children. That's a.

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

Well, not entirely. Well, not entirely.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But, ma', am, one thing at a time. If he's calling you to find out about how the kids are doing. Because he's not calling them. That's abandoning your children.

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

Yeah, he didn't have the kind of relationship with him I wished he had. That's for sure.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm talking about shame on you for answering.

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

Oh, I agree.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, so he's married now and you guys are still talking about what?

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

Well, the last time he called me was two or three months ago and we were talking about my trip. And now, by the way, he is closer to the children. They go visit him. He lives in another state, so we. The last time we talked, we were talking about married.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

How often does he. Ma'? Am? How often does he call you now that he's married?

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[Caller to Dr. Laura]

Every three to six months.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. And the problem with that is what?

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

The last time he called me, his wife listened in on the conversation. He didn't think she was at home. And nothing was said. That was. You know, I never had anything to say to him sexually or off color or anything. I was really mainly just talking about the grandchildren. And when we got off the phone, she walked in and she told him, you are never to ever have any conversation with her ever again. I will not tolerate it. So instead of him calling me, ma'.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Am, Ma', am, have you talked to him since she made that declaration?

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

I have not. And your question for me is what my question is. He's in very poor health and all kinds of stuff is wrong with him. So he called my daughter after she told him that and was crying on the phone and said, I can't talk to your mother anymore. And he said, and here I am in very poor health and this breaks my heart. And.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, stop, stop, stop. Okay, so your question is.

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

Should I send him a happy. A happy birthday email? His birthday's in a week or so. Should I send you a question? Yeah. Merry Christmas. Should I have anything to do with him whatsoever?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

He has made the choice to give you up so that the woman he's married to will not be mad at him. Therefore, you have to respect that.

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

Okay? Okay. Yeah, I don't want to do it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

He made it has nothing to do with the right or wrong thing. He made a choice.

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

Yeah. She takes care of him, so that's right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So whatever you and I think about that is not relevant. We don't know how long he's going to survive with all things wrong with him. And he's very dependent on her and he wants her goodwill. So as unreasonable as this might be considered, you have to respect it.

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

Okay? Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Fortunately, he's back talking to his kids. So all is.

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

Yeah.

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