I'm Concerned About My Grandchild’s Sleep Habits

Summary

Podcast Summary: "I'm Concerned About My Grandchild’s Sleep Habits"

The Dr. Laura Podcast
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: April 5, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger takes a heartfelt call from a longtime listener and psychotherapist who is concerned about her grandchild's sleep habits and broader family dynamics. The discussion centers on generational parenting conflicts, issues of maternal insecurity and boundaries, and practical, compassionate advice for grandparents seeking to help without exacerbating tensions. Dr. Laura’s signature directness, sharp humor, and empathy ground the conversation, making it a relatable and actionable listen for families struggling with similar challenges.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller’s Family Background & Current Situation

[01:16 – 05:16]

• The caller shares her long relationship with Dr. Laura’s work and then sketches her role as the mother-in-law to a young family.
• She describes stepping in extensively to help after her daughter-in-law experienced postpartum depression, including taking over night feedings and supporting the household.
• After her daughter-in-law recovered, the caller was abruptly excluded from family events, especially after a holiday. She observes distancing behaviors: “I got two days notice before Thanksgiving. I was out. They wanted to have holidays alone.” (Caller, 02:46)
• The mother-in-law notes that her attempts to reconnect are met with coldness—her grandchild’s affection seems to prompt further exclusion.

2. Interpretation of Family Dynamics

[03:13 – 03:52]

• Dr. Laura immediately identifies the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law competition. She explains the psychological motivation:
  • “She’s trying to assert mommy. She’s competing with you for mommy and that’s why you got nixed in 48 hours.” (Dr. Laura, 03:24)
  • Dr. Laura frames the father’s compliance as an act of marital survival: “Your son probably went along with that because…he had to let you go by the wayside in order to cater to her.” (Dr. Laura, 03:27)
• The caller agrees, recognizing generational alliances and the tendency for women to side with their mothers.

3. Sleep-Training Conflicts (“Cry It Out” Method)

[04:36 – 05:16]

• The main parenting difference is the daughter-in-law’s use of “cry it out.” The grandmother/psychotherapist disagrees, believing it’s harmful for infants.
• The caller attempted to bring arguments and research into the discussion but met resistance, feeling increasingly shut out and frustrated.

4. Dr. Laura’s Practical Advice: Step Back and Offer a Peaceful Solution

[05:16 – 12:10]

• Dr. Laura, recognizing the futility of argument, abruptly interrupts:
  • “Trust me when I say I don’t need to hear anymore…people get aggravated…they want everybody to talk until they’re blue in the face.” (Dr. Laura, 05:16)
• Dr. Laura proposes a concrete solution:
  • Share a “sleep aid” (a stuffed animal with an in-utero heartbeat sound) as a gift, explaining it worked wonders for her own son:
    • “When my son was born, he wouldn’t stop crying…there was a little ad…a teddy bear that had the…sound in utero, of the mother’s heartbeat…his eyes got big and he was out like a lightbulb. I’m suggesting you either get a bunny…You say, ‘I saw an ad for this…and thought maybe you want to try this.’ …And you’re gone. So she can play mama. This thing works. It’s like cocaine. It works.” (Dr. Laura, 08:17 – 10:21)
• She strongly cautions against lecturing or giving advice, as this may trigger further insecurity and defensiveness in the daughter-in-law:
  • “She would rather her baby scream 24/7 than allow you to be right. So don’t escalate...You can’t lecture her. She already feels inadequate with respect to you.” (Dr. Laura, 12:10)
  • Dr. Laura adds: “If you’re a therapist, you know, there’s times you have to shut the hell up. And you’re at that point with her. Shut up.” (Dr. Laura, 10:55)

5. Finding and Introducing the Sleep Aid

[11:41 – 12:04]

• The caller asks for the specific product name; Dr. Laura doesn’t remember but advises searching for “stuffed animal with the continuous tape of the mother’s heart sounds while the baby’s in utero.” (Dr. Laura, 11:46)
• The key is to offer it as a gesture of empathy—not instruction—and then step away.

6. Maintaining and Repairing Family Relationships

[12:10 – End]

• The episode closes with Dr. Laura reiterating her central point: set aside the urge to instruct or correct; support without asserting superiority.
  • “You’re doing a big favor. You’re not giving instruction—that’s the killer…” (Dr. Laura, 12:10)
• Dr. Laura warns that escalation and lectures will only damage the relationship and cause more distress for everyone involved.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “She’s trying to assert mommy. She’s competing with you for mommy and that’s why you got nixed in 48 hours.”
  — Dr. Laura, 03:24

• “She would rather her baby scream 24/7 than allow you to be right.”
  — Dr. Laura, 12:10

• “If you’re a therapist, you know, there’s times you have to shut the hell up. And you’re at that point with her. Shut up.”
  — Dr. Laura, 10:55

• “This thing works. It’s like cocaine. It works.”—referring to the heartbeat teddy bear
  — Dr. Laura, 10:21

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• [01:16] – Caller introduces her background and family situation
• [02:46] – Caller describes abrupt removal from family events
• [03:13] – Dr. Laura diagnoses daughter-in-law’s actions and husband’s complicity
• [04:36] – Discussion of “cry it out” sleep strategy controversy
• [05:16] – Dr. Laura interrupts with her direct approach
• [08:17] – Dr. Laura shares personal story and suggests sleep-aid solution
• [12:10] – Dr. Laura’s closing advice: offer empathy, never instruction

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Takeaways

• Family dynamics in young families, especially with involved grandparents and postpartum challenges, are complex and emotionally charged.
• Offering help in emotionally charged situations should be done with humility, empathy, and zero judgment or advice.
• Sometimes, the most powerful support is a quiet act of kindness—not another explanation, defense, or correction.
• If you want to help (as a grandparent or concerned relative), be supportive and let the parents retain their sense of agency and confidence.

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Overall Tone:
Warm, direct, humorous, and no-nonsense—Dr. Laura listens compassionately, offers actionable wisdom, and models healthy boundaries for concerned family members. This episode emphasizes empathy over expertise and demonstrates how to maintain family connections even when you disagree.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day brought to you by Ghostbed Sleep matters to your mood, your health, your whole day. That's why I recommend Comfy American made Ghostbed mattress. Visit ghostbed.com drlaura and use the code DRLAURA to 10%. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] Maggie welcome to the program.

[Caller (Mother-in-law)]

Hi Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hi. How can I help?

[Caller (Mother-in-law)]

Okay, I have been listening to you since the 1970s, so I'm honored to talk to you. I have talked to you twice before. Once when I was on the verge of getting married and once after the divorce. And now I have a grandchild that I'm concerned about. When my kids were little, we used to play listen to the question so we could guess the answer. So my kids are now in their 30s. Okay. My daughter in law and son got married when they were 21 and 22. They've been married about eight years. They have a, they had a child at that. The daughter in law sustained depression after the birth, postpartum depression. And I stepped in doing night seatings coming up, driving weekends from Orange county to Encino. I mean I stepped in for a good seven months and, and did everything possible from scrubbing floors to, you know, nursing bottles in the middle of the night. So she, she got better.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm glad you clarified. It was with bottles.

[Caller (Mother-in-law)]

So I, you know, they, she got better. I got two days notice before Thanksgiving. I was out. They wanted to have holidays alone. I'm like, okay. So in January I went back, the baby starts to take her first steps towards me. Mother pulls her down and I was like, would you do that for, you know. Anyway, so I was again kind of Nixed out. Not called, not invited.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You really need an explanation for why she did that? It wasn't obvious.

[Caller (Mother-in-law)]

Well, oh, yeah, it was obvious. I just. I was. Okay, pointed. Yeah, sure. And.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And she said she's trying to assert mommy. She's trying. She's competing with you for mommy and that's why you got nixed in 48 hours. Get out of here. That your son probably went along with that because, you know, he's been dealing with a depressed, unstable wife for a while and he was trying to not make it worse. So he didn't. He had to let you go by the wayside in order to cater to her. So here we are.

[Caller (Mother-in-law)]

Yes, agreed. And I do understand that, you know, women tend to gravitate more to their mothers. And so my son is trying to support his wife as he did not see his father support me growing up in the divorce. So the current issue is everybody got sick in the house this spring. Her parents also refused to come. They don't. They don't get as very much involved. They don't pay for anything. Weddings, showers, nothing. You know, I try to host as much as I can, but when there's an issue, of course, my son listens to his wife who conveniently leaves little pieces out and he gets mad at me because, you know, he can't lose his wife and kids. I get it. So, yeah, I'm a psychotherapist. I back off. I'm like, okay, I thought I'd be a great mother in law. I'm not. I googled it. I googled it. Let's see what you know the Gen Z are doing these days. So apparently this cry it out. That started when she started taking over the nights and I said, you cannot leave an infant crying that long. You know, Anyway, so. So they do.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, I'm going to stop you here because I might have a solution. I don't even need to hear the rest of it. But you start your shrink, you start giving her a le. Ma', am, trust me when I say I don't need to hear anymore. Trust me on that. I know a lot of people get aggravated. They want everybody to talk until they're blue in the face.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

When my son was born, he wouldn't stop crying. It had nothing even to do with crying in bed. He just never stopped crying. I thought I would lose my tiny mind. And here I am at home and some advertising junk came in the mailbox and I'm looking at it and there was a little ad which was about an inch and a half square and it was for a teddy bear that had the recurrent recycled sound, actual sound in utero, of the mother's heartbeat. So my husband came home from work. I held up this little tiny thing. I think he ended up going to Best Buy, that's where it was. And I handed it and I actually said, don't come home without it. And I meant it because I was going to lose my last marble. Okay. Comes home with it. Derek's screaming his brains out, sitting on my tummy as I'm lying down, trying desperately to pretend I'm asleep, but not because I have to hold him up and all that. And I turned it on. I said, get the battery in. It got the 9 volt battery. I turned it on, his eyes got big and he was out like a light bulb. And I think it would embarrass him terribly to know he kept it with him until he was about 8. I'm suggesting you either get a bunny, they still have them. Or a Rabbit or something. 9 volt batteries up the butt. And you say, you know, I know that. You know, I was thinking that it's gotta be so tough on you. And the baby just keeps crying, crying, crying, crying. And I saw an ad for this. Don't mention me. I saw an ad for this and I turned it on and it put me to sleep. So I thought, maybe you want to try this. But you're just sort of hat in hand, palms up, shoulders up near your ears. You're just. I know you guys need some rest. Let's see if this works. See if it works and you're not there. You. You hand it to them and you're gone. So she can play mama. This thing works. It's like cocaine. It works. I told you, my son, honey, it would work on you. I'm serious. I'm serious. Get one for yourself. Please do this. You need to stop. You know, if you're a therapist, you know, there's times you have to shut the hell up. And you're at that point with her. Shut up. We don't need. Okay, you see, with me, you don't. Shut up. Shut up. You can't lecture her. She already feels inadequate. With respect to you, she's already feeling inadequate. When you give a lecture about screaming, all she's going to do is dig her heels in because she feels more inadequate. So all I'm telling you to do is turn this. Shh. Is turn this completely around. And oh, my God, this must be so tough, you guys with her, the kids screaming all the time. God, it would drive me up a wall. I can understand what you. So I saw this ad, see if it works. What the hell? I'll. That's it. And then disappear.

[Caller (Mother-in-law)]

Because the name of it again, I think.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, I don't know the name of it. Okay, but it seems like if you went on Amazon or Google and asked for stuffed animal with the continuous tape of the mother's heart sounds while the baby's in utero, I bet it'll pop up.

[Caller (Mother-in-law)]

And I will do that. It's good standing.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But don't forget, you're doing a big favor. You're not giving instruction. That's the killer. She would rather her baby scream 247 then allow you to be right. So don't escalate my number. 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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