I’m Not Close to My Mom

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast – "I’m Not Close to My Mom"

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Episode Date: July 31, 2026
Notable Caller: Maya

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger takes a poignant call from Maya, who is struggling with feelings of guilt and confusion regarding her relationships with her divorced parents. Despite her mother’s sacrifices and her father’s failings, Maya finds herself feeling emotionally closer to her father—the less responsible parent—leading to conflict between what she “should” feel and what she actually does. Dr. Laura offers clear-eyed analysis, empathy, and advice on how to process these complicated family dynamics.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Caller’s Dilemma: Head vs Heart (01:30–03:35)

• Maya’s Background:
  • Both parents were full-time scientists.
  • Father: Frequently cheated, lied, spent money on himself and mistresses, was uninvolved at home except with Maya, but was "nice and kind, listened to me, and I felt understood and relaxed."
  • Mother: Primary breadwinner, frugal, did all household duties, but was "critical, sarcastic, harsh, and aggressive," leaving Maya feeling "constantly scared and misunderstood."
  • After divorce, mother turned Maya against father.
• Main Question:
  • "How can I stop feeling guilty for having these emotions? It’s tearing me apart." (03:24)

Dr. Laura’s Immediate Response (03:51–04:42, 07:12–10:23)

• On the Contradiction:
  • "You have gratitude that your father was nice to you. Okay, he was a complete shit otherwise, but he was nice to you." (03:51)
• On the Mother’s Position:
  • Points out the mother was "betrayed and burdened," which affected her emotional availability.
  • "She still took care of everybody. She could have walked away. She didn't." (07:25)
• Emotional Reactions Are Understandable:
  • "It’s understandable that while you appreciate the lovey-dovey from your dad, you know he was a shithead and he probably impacted how you looked at men your whole life… With your mother, she had no warmth left because she was burdened and miserable." (09:00)
• On Processing Guilt:
  • "What I'd like to do is take the word 'guilt' out of the situation…between the two of them, you didn't have one whole parent, you had half a parent with each. Do you see that?" (08:40)

Practical Advice from Dr. Laura (10:23–10:52)

• On Accepting the Situation:
  • "This was a tough childhood for you. So I'd like you to cut out the notion of guilt and make the best out of both of them… Give the devil his due. Do you know what that phrase means? Give each their due for what they did right." (09:45)
• On Change and Patience:
  • "You just called me, I just gave you an awareness and you're freaking expecting some major instantaneous change in your feelings. That's just ridiculous… Spend some days thinking about what I said and give each of them their due." (10:30)

Memorable Quotes

• On gratitude for a flawed parent:
  • "He was a complete shit otherwise, but he was nice to you, so you're drawn toward feeling grateful to him for being nice to you." (03:54)
• On respect for sacrifice:
  • "I hope you would have tremendous amount of respect and appreciation for the fact that she took care of everybody. She could have walked away. She didn't." (07:25)
• On divided parenting:
  • "You didn't have one whole parent, you had half a parent with each. Do you see that?" (08:43)
• On time for emotional change:
  • "Give yourself some chance to live with that reality that I gave you… With what I do, y'all need to give it some time to percolate in it." (10:35)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• (01:30) - Caller Maya presents her family and emotional background.
• (03:51) - Dr. Laura gives first reflections and reframes Maya’s feelings.
• (07:12) - Discussion deepens around the mother’s emotional constraints and the importance of respect vs. warmth.
• (08:40) - Dr. Laura addresses guilt head-on: "you had half a parent with each."
• (10:30) - Advice on processing, patience, and not expecting instant transformation.

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Notable Moments

• Dr. Laura’s no-nonsense empathy:
  • She doesn’t sugarcoat the mistakes of Maya’s father or overlook the real emotional impact of Maya’s mother’s behavior, but instead helps Maya appreciate nuance: both parents gave “half” of what Maya needed.
• Encouragement to relinquish guilt:
  • "Take the word guilt out of the situation… Give the devil his due." (08:40)
• Reiterating the need for time:
  • Immediate emotional change isn’t realistic—awareness comes before transformation.

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Key Takeaways

• Emotional responses to parents can be out of sync with what reason and societal norms dictate.
• It’s normal to feel conflicted love and resentment for both “good” and “bad” parents.
• Dr. Laura reframes "guilt" as unnecessary and encourages finding gratitude and respect, where each parent earned it.
• Real change and acceptance take time.

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Closing

This episode unpacks the complexities of parent-child emotions in dysfunctional families, providing straightforward tools for listeners facing similar struggles. Dr. Laura guides Maya—and the audience—toward self-compassion, emotional honesty, and eventual equilibrium.

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Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day, brought to you by my new sponsor, Angel. Angel is a streaming platform built around stories that uplift. Stories about courage and sacrifice and faith and family. If you've been looking for entertainment that reflects your values, check out angel. Go to angel.comdrlora Entertainment you can feel good about Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me [e-mail] Maya, welcome to the program.

[Caller Maya]

Hi Dr. Laura. Thank you so much for taking my call. I sent you quickly earlier this morning and I was told that you read it and asked me to come on the air. And this was about my conflicted feelings about my parents. Reason versus Emotion. Would you like me to repeat my quickie or.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yes, please. For the folks who are listening who did not read this. Yeah, please. Go ahead.

[Caller Maya]

Okay. Yeah. I'm conflicted about my feelings towards my parents. They both were scientists and working full time. Rationally, I see that my father was not a good husband or family man. He cheated constantly, lied, spent much of his earnings on himself and his mistresses, paid child support for two older children, was lazy and did little around the house. My mother, by contrast, brought home most of the income, was extremely frugal, handled all household responsibilities, cooked, did laundry, garden sacrifice for us because money was tight. She everything, so to speak, right and he did everything, so to speak, wrong. Yet I feel affection for my father because he was never angry with me. He was nice and kind and listened to me and I felt Understood and relaxed and unafraid. So my mother, on another hand, was critical, unsurcastic, harsh and aggressive. And I was constantly scared of her and felt totally misunderstood. After my parents divorced, my mother presented my father as an enemy. So I was eventually pushed him away because I felt like I had to maintain loyalty to my mother. So I struggled to reconcile this contradiction. I feel guilty for my affection towards my father, whom I rationally view as a bad person, and for my intense dislike. I feel guilty for my intense dislike for my mother, whom I rationally view as a good person based on her actions and sacrifices. I feel as though I'm supposed to love my mother and not my father, yet my emotional responses are the opposite. How can I stop feeling guilty for having these emotions? Because I don't think it's fair to either one of them. But it's tearing apart.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well written and well spoken. So take a breath. Take a big, loud breath that I can hear. Sort of like that. Let me hear your breath.

[Hershey's Narrator]

Good.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, now let me help you with this. I don't think it's complicated, but it is profound. You have gratitude that your father was nice to you. Okay, he was a complete shit otherwise, but he was nice to you, so you're drawn toward feeling grateful to him for being nice to you. Your mother had the burden of taking care of the family consequently, and she was betrayed by her husband. So the betrayal and the burden of taking care of everybody, let's just say made her not the sweetest person on the block.

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One crunchy bite of a Hershey's Cookies and cream bar, and I'm taken right back to college. Move in. Day I was a little overwhelmed by the newness of it all. Boxes were everywhere. I needed a break from unpacking. But just as I was able to take a breath and open my Hershey's Cookies and cream bar, my new roommate, Rachel walked in. I offered her a piece, but she said no. Then after a beat, she said, actually, those are my favorite ones. We left, the ice was broken, and we've been friends ever since.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hershey's it's your happy place.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So I thoroughly understand your confusion. So let's look at it this way. I can understand how you don't feel lovey dovey feelings for your mom because there was very little opportunity for her to be like that for you. She had too much responsibility and she was very unhappy. So for your mom you should have tremendous amount of respect that with all her burden and her unhappiness that she still took care of everybody. She could have walked away. She didn't. I hear of a lot of mothers walking away, just don't want to handle it. So I can understand you not having warm feelings per se, but I hope you would have tremendous amount of respect and appreciation for the fact that she took care of everybody. The feelings about your dad, it's your first heterosexual experience and he was warm to you, but he portrayed a man that may have worried you the rest of your life. And you're going to be able to trust a man because here's a man who can't be trusted. But he's kissy huggy sweet, but he can't be trusted. So between the two of them I thoroughly understand your confusion.

[Caller Maya]

So.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So what I'd like to do is take the word guilt out of the situation between the two of them, you didn't have one whole parent, you had half a parent with each. Do you see that?

[Caller Maya]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So it's understandable that while you appreciate the lovey dovey from your dad, you know he was a shithead and he probably impacted the how you looked at men their whole life. Because yeah, they can be sweet, but that doesn't mean you can trust them with your mother. She had no warmth left because she was burdened and miserable. So all in all, this was a tough childhood for you. So I'd like you to cut out the notion of guilt and make the best out of both of them. You can have some kind of relationship with your dad while you're grateful that that two faced dude was at least nice to you. And you can have some good times with your mom realizing that in her misery, she never walked out, she did not abandon you. Emotionally, yes. Physically, no. So there are some points for that. So it's thoroughly obvious to me that this is a mess and you're trying to make sense out of it by picking which one. Neither half of one, half of the other. Give the devil his due. Do you know what that phrase means? Give each their due for what they did. Right?

[Caller Maya]

Yes, you're absolutely correct. Rationally, but still, I respect my mother, but I can stand.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

May I make a point that you just called me, I just gave you an awareness and you're freaking expecting some major instantaneous change in your feelings. That's just ridiculous. Why don't you spend some days thinking about what I said and give each of them their due. Don't come back at me instantly with yeah, but I still feel. What the hell does that mean? Means you can't learn anything. You can't change. You can't see the positives and the negatives. Come on, give yourself some chance to live with that reality that I gave you. Okay, okay. All right. I would love to lay on of hands and heel. I would love to be able to do that. But with what I do, y' all need to give it some time to percolate in it. Okay, my number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media. Platform.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Hershey's Narrator]

One crunchy bite of a Hershey's Cookies and cream bar and I'm taken right back to college. Move in Day I was a little overwhelmed by the newness of it all. Boxes were everywhere. I needed a break from unpacking. But just as I was able to take a breath and open my Hershey's Cookies and Cream bar, my new roommate, Rachel walked in. I offered her a piece, but she said no. Then, after a beat, she said, actually, those are my favorite ones. We left, the ice was broken and we've been friends ever since.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hershey's it's your happy place.

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