I'm Out of the Inner Circle

Summary

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Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: I'm Out of the Inner Circle
Date: October 4, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Chavone

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger takes a call from Chavone, a long-time listener who seeks advice about a shifting friendship. The discussion delves into themes of evolving relationships, emotional accountability, and acceptance as Chavone grapples with feeling excluded from a once-close friend’s life. Dr. Laura provides her trademark no-nonsense guidance, urging personal growth and acknowledging the natural course of friendships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: Appreciation & Context (02:19–03:10)

• Chavone opens by thanking Dr. Laura for previous advice, sharing that she’s grateful for being a stay-at-home mom and raising her children.
  • “I first want to thank you. You helped me make the decision to become a stay at home mom about 20 years ago.” (02:23, Chavone)
  • Dr. Laura affirms her with: “Thank you for doing the right thing.” (02:39, Dr. Laura)

2. The Dilemma: A Fractured Friendship (03:10–05:59)

• Chavone describes tension with a friend of 10 years, centered on milestone birthdays and perceived exclusion.
  • She was hurt when her friend didn’t confirm attending Chavone’s birthday trip, then immediately discussed her own.
  • In response, Chavone reacted emotionally at the friend’s birthday party, causing embarrassment and fallout.
  • “I made a big scene. I was really embarrassed. The next day I apologized... I just made a complete fool of myself at this event.” (04:17, Chavone)
• Over the year, they've tried to rebuild. However, Chavone was not invited to her friend’s surprise birthday thrown by the family. She now questions how to react and whether to address her feelings.

3. Dr. Laura’s Direct Analysis (05:59–07:15, 10:03–13:53)

• Dr. Laura gives her clear assessment:
  • The emotional distance is real; the friend is gently moving on, forming closer bonds with a new group.
  • “She has her new group of mom friends. She’s moved in a separate path... people...don't know how to say that. They just quietly ghost.” (06:02, Dr. Laura)
  • Chavone’s earlier outburst made it “easier for her to drop kick you out of her life.” (10:10, Dr. Laura)
• Dr. Laura counsels Chavone to accept the reality:
  • “Leave it alone and form a new group of friends...We don’t stay with the same people forever.” (10:23 & 10:33, Dr. Laura)
  • Offers insight on the gender differences in friendship longevity:
    • “It’s probably more typical in men because they demand less from each other than women do... Men and women are really different in the friendship department.” (10:43–11:08, Dr. Laura)

4. Navigating Ongoing Contact & Boundaries (11:08–13:58)

• Chavone notes the friend continues some low-key contact: casual texts or lunch invitations.
• Dr. Laura’s practical advice:
  • “She has called you to have lunch, so go have lunch.” (11:20, Dr. Laura)
  • Firmly instructs not to mention being left out or reference social media posts about the birthday party:
    • “If you do, I’ll come over there and smack you across the head.” (11:28, Dr. Laura)
    • “Do not mention any birthday parties. Do not mention looking at her Instagram or Facebook. Do not mention that you do any of that. Just go to lunch.” (13:25, Dr. Laura)
    • “You’re not her inner circle, but she clearly does want to have some limited contact. Enjoy that for what it is. Don’t try to make it be something different, something more.” (11:47, Dr. Laura)
  • Chavone promises to follow Dr. Laura’s firm advice.
    • “Okay, I pinky swear. Thank you so much. I appreciate you.” (13:53, Chavone)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura:
  • “She just moved in a different direction. I think you had a good 10 years. Leave it alone and form a new group of friends.” (10:23)
  • “You’re not her inner circle, but she clearly does want to have some limited contact. Enjoy that for what it is. Don’t try to make it be something different, something more.” (11:47)
  • On how to handle future contact:
    • “Do not mention any birthday parties. Do not mention looking at her Instagram or Facebook. Do not mention that you do any of that. Just go to lunch.” (13:25)
• Chavone:
  • “I made a big scene. I was really embarrassed. The next day I apologized...I just made a complete fool of myself at this event.” (04:17)
  • “Okay, I pinky swear. Thank you so much. I appreciate you.” (13:53)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 02:19: Chavone opens call; shares gratitude and context about her family.
• 03:22–05:59: Breakdown of the friendship issue; details the birthday incident and aftermath.
• 05:59–07:15: Dr. Laura’s initial analysis; identifying the friendship’s real status.
• 10:03–13:09: Direct advice: Accept the changed friendship, avoid addressing the party exclusion.
• 13:25–13:53: Dr. Laura’s emphatic “just go to lunch” guidance and closure with caller’s promise.

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Conclusion

Dr. Laura’s approach in this episode is direct, compassionate, and laced with her signature humor. She validates the caller’s feelings but firmly encourages letting go of expectations, accepting the friendship’s new boundaries, and resisting the urge to dwell on exclusion or the past. Listeners are left with a clear message: as friendships change, it’s healthiest to accept reality, act with dignity, and be open to new relationships.

Transcript

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[B]

Hi Dr. Laura hi. Thank you so much for taking my call. I first want to thank you. You helped me make the decision to become a stay at home mom about 20 years ago.

[A]

Excellent.

[B]

And I now have a junior in college and a junior in high school and I've been able to be with them every step of the way. So thank you so much.

[A]

You're very welcome. And thank you for doing the right thing.

[B]

Yes, thank you. I've written down my thoughts just but I don't jumble my words. But I have a dilemma regarding a friendship and a situation that's come up, and I'm just not sure how to navigate. Are you friends with friends?

[A]

Are you friends with this person right now, or is the friendship already damaged? Am I? No friendship is damaged.

[B]

No, we are. We are friends. We are rebuilding a friendship. I can put it that way.

[A]

And is she working on the same thing? Rebuilding it? Are you doing it? She doing it? Are you both doing it?

[B]

We are both doing it. We are both doing the work to come back together.

[A]

Well, what happened that split this apart?

[B]

So that's my call. Last year, I was planning a trip for my milestone birthday. And she didn't know. She never confirmed that she would be coming. But in the same breath, she began talking about plans for her upcoming milestone birthday. This was all happening last week.

[A]

Okay, you need to stop there. She never said she was coming.

[B]

Right? Right.

[A]

You're still upset. She never said she was coming, but she was planning her own event.

[B]

Yes. So the dilemma I'm having is it got brought up and I acted very poorly. We were actually celebrating her birthday last year, and I am taking full accountability and responsibility. She was planning a trip to Greece, and she has a new group of mom friends. And so we've been friends for about 10 years. But as she got closer with these other friends, I began to feel left out. So emotionally, I acted very poorly when I realized that she was planning this trip to Greece. And I assumed that she was planning with this other group of friends because in a conversation, another friend had said, oh, I'm going to Greece. And it was about the same time that my friend had said she was going. And so my response to her was, how could you be planning a trip with this person and you haven't confirmed my birthday yet? And so it was. I made a big scene. I was really embarrassed. I next day apologized. And so it's just. I've been working to rebuild just from my behavior. I was so embarrassed and just made a complete fool of myself at this event that we were at actually last year. And it was actually her birthday last year. So it just was. It was poor timing. It was really bad on my part. And so over this last year, we've been trying to rebuild and come back together. And so fast forward to this year. Her family, she did not end up going to Greece, but her family threw her a surprise birthday party. And I was not on the guest list for that. And so I, you know, obviously understand my behavior last year. And so my question is, my visceral response was I was. I was. I felt hurt and left out but but also my behavior last year was so poor that I understand that her family may not have wanted me, you know, at this event this year. And so I'm trying to navigate how I should handle it. Should I say something to her or just accept that while we're rebuilding our.

[A]

Friendship, I think you're getting your message. You want to rebuild it. I don't think she's interested. She has her new group of mom friends. Yeah, she's moved in a separate path, which is why you were feeling like she was turning into smoke and dissipating from your life. You were correct. She was moving in a different direction. And people, much less women in general, don't know how to say that. They just quietly ghost did you know that skin care can start in the laundry room? The Dr. Laura program is happy to be partnering with our sponsor, All Free Clear Laundry Detergent. My peeps with kids are especially thrilled to use it because it's 100% free of dyes and perfumes. All Free Clear is the number one laundry detergent brand recommended for sensitive skin by pediatricians, dermatologists and allergists. For a clean you can feel good about, all you need is All Free Clear. Hey Fidelity what's it cost to invest.

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[B]

Wow. Okay.

[A]

She didn't confirm it because she had no intention.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

It's not that anybody hates you. I don't think that's the case. But you made it easier for her to drop kick you out of her life. You just made it easier.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, it feels that way.

[A]

Yeah. Well, she just moved in a different direction. I think you had a good 10 years. Leave it alone and form a new group of friends.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It happens in life. We don't stay with the same people forever. It's not usual. It's unusual. When people have been friends for 70 years, it's unusual. It's probably more typical in men because they demand less from each other than women do. I mean, if the guy twice a year will go fishing with me, that's a good friend. Whereas a woman would be very upset that she only did something twice a year. So men and women are really different in the friendship department. You know that?

[B]

I do. May I ask a follow up question?

[A]

Of course, of course.

[B]

So she does continue to reach out. And it's reciprocal, like, hi, how are you? Let's have lunch. So in the moments that we Should I continue.

[A]

She has called you to have lunch, so go have lunch.

[B]

Okay. And do I bring up the. Don't say that I was left out of or just don't.

[A]

If you do, I'll come over There and smack you across the head.

[B]

Okay, so just tell her it looked like a great time. I saw it, you know, via social media, and it looked like a great time. I just wasn't part of it. So just move on.

[A]

Shut up about you looked at the pictures. You get my message?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're not her inner circle, but she clearly does want to have some limited contact. Enjoy that for what it is. Don't try to make it be something different, something more. Something different. If every other month she calls you for lunch, every other month, go to lunch. Nice to have lunch with somebody you can talk to. And it's nice.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

I have one friend I haven't seen in 15 years, but either one of us can call the other if you're having a problem or you just want to stay. Hi. You've got to be able to go with the flow of what is reasonable under whatever conditions and situation you're in. You're not the inner circle, but clearly you hadn't mentioned that front, so that's nice. She clearly doesn't want to lose you altogether. But if you talk about her birthday and how good it looked, that would be such a sarcastic thing for you to do.

[B]

Oh, gosh, I don't want to be sarcastic. I really don't. I guess I wanted to go in, just, you know, like, acknowledging that it looks like a great time and not. And not making it about me. Just, you know, kind of just.

[A]

You are making it about you because we all know you weren't there. You are making it about you. I saw the pictures that everybody took while I wasn't there. What the hell, woman? You gotta. You're stubborn.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. Okay, okay. No, you make a great point.

[A]

Listen to Mother Laura right now. Shush and listen. Do not mention any birthday parties. Do not mention looking at her Instagram or Facebook. Do not mention that you do any of that. Just go to lunch.

[B]

Okay? Okay.

[A]

Swear to me I will do that.

[B]

I promise.

[A]

Pinky swear.

[B]

Okay, I pinky swear. Thank you so much. I appreciate you.

[A]

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