I'm Seeing a Side in My Boyfriend I Don’t Like

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode Title: I'm Seeing a Side in My Boyfriend I Don’t Like
Date: April 11, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guests/Callers: Bella (16), Bella’s Mother

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura takes a call from 16-year-old Bella and her mother about Bella’s concerns after seeing disappointing qualities in her boyfriend during a camping trip. The conversation expands into broader advice about dating, marriage, maturity, and life milestones, with Dr. Laura providing firm, no-nonsense guidance on what teenagers and young adults should focus on before entering serious relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Purpose of Dating—Especially for Teens

• Bella’s Concern: After a year with her boyfriend, Bella noticed traits she finds concerning—mainly that he wasn't helpful during a camping trip, and she feels pressured to "take care of" him (01:41).
• Dr. Laura’s Response:
  • Emphasizes that dating, at any age, is about discerning character:

    “The purpose of dating is to discern whether or not you’re a match. If you already see that he has qualities unbecoming of somebody you’d eventually like to have be your husband, then you dump him. You don’t try to fix him…you dump him.” (02:12)

  • Dr. Laura corrects Bella’s misconception that teenage dating should be for finding a future spouse, saying that’s not realistic or advisable at 16 (02:02).
  • Dating serves as a process for discovering who's "dumpable or capable"—not for fixing or changing someone (02:45).

2. When Is The Right Age For Marriage?

• Bella’s Plan: Bella expresses a desire to marry at 18 (02:12).
• Dr. Laura’s Firm Advice:
  • Warns against marrying young, citing higher divorce rates:

    “The divorce rate of people marrying under 28 is huge. You don’t have the maturity and the life experience to make a choice in a man, know what you want, and be able to handle life together. So I vote no.” (02:16)

  • Recommends that around age 28 is optimal for marriage due to enhanced maturity and life experience:

    “About 28. The divorce rate dives precipitously when people get married 28 and up because… really knowing yourself, being able to discern things about life, being able to handle things with another person, takes time to develop that.” (03:05)

3. Dr. Laura’s Marriage and Fertility Perspective

• Personal Example: Bella’s mother was married at 20 and has three children (04:05), but Dr. Laura cautions that such stories are exceptions, not the rule.
• Dr. Laura’s Stark Analogy:

  "I could shoot you in the head with a gun and you could live through it. Does that mean it’s okay to shoot you in the head with a gun? That you got married at a ridiculously young age and persisted is lovely." (04:17)

• Addressing Biological Clock Concerns:
  • Bella’s mom voices concern that starting a family at 28 is "a little late" (04:35), referencing that 35 is considered "geriatric".
  • Dr. Laura rebuts:

    "I had my son at 38. I wasn’t geriatric, and he’s perfectly healthy." (04:54)

  • Jokes about adopting more children if you want ten, keeping the discussion light but realistic (05:02).

4. When Should Young People Really Start Dating?

• Dr. Laura’s Guidance:
  • Suggests waiting until 25/26 to date seriously for the purpose of finding a life partner:

    “Till then, you should be having experiences, getting educated, having jobs, living on your own, becoming independent.” (03:50)

  • Emphasizes the developmental process as essential before settling down.

5. Gender, Maturity, and Relationship Expectations

• Maturity Timeline:
  • Dr. Laura points out that women typically mature faster than men, and that patience is needed:

    "As mature as a woman of 20 is, not typically, men take much longer than women to mature." (08:10)

  • Responds humorously to Bella asking when men become "men":

    “Sometimes 70, but most of the time by about, you know, 30—if they're brought up right by good fathers.” (08:35)

• Parental Influence:
  • Strong parenting, especially from fathers, is highlighted as crucial for healthy male development (08:35).
  • Dr. Laura subtly encourages mothers to instill strong values in their daughters—and notes the importance of Bella reading her books, highlighting “10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives” (08:01).

6. Engaging, Memorable Moments

• Vivid Imagery:
  • Dr. Laura’s analogy about shooting someone in the head (04:17) is a memorable, dramatic way to underscore that rare cases should not justify risky choices.
• Mother-Daughter Banter:
  • Bella’s mother cracks, “Never,” when asked by Bella when men become men (08:35), setting up Dr. Laura’s response.
• Lighthearted Interludes:
  • When Bella says she wants 10 kids and Dr. Laura jokes about adopting or triplets to help meet the goal (05:02, 09:06).

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• On dating's real purpose:

  “The point of dating is to see if somebody is dumpable or capable.” —Dr. Laura (02:45)

• On marrying young:

  “The divorce rate of people marrying under 28 is huge. You don’t have the maturity and life experience...” —Dr. Laura (02:16)

• On outlier success in young marriage:

  "I could shoot you in the head with a gun and you could live through it. Does that mean it’s okay to shoot you in the head with a gun?" —Dr. Laura (04:17)

• On when to get married:

  "About 28. The divorce rate dives precipitously when people get married 28 and up..." —Dr. Laura (03:05)

• On starting a family and biological age:

  “I had my son at 38. I wasn’t geriatric, and he’s perfectly healthy.” —Dr. Laura (04:54)

• On gender maturity:

  “Men take much longer than women to mature.” —Dr. Laura (08:10)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:38 — Bella introduces her issue with her boyfriend’s behavior.
• 02:12 — Dr. Laura explains the true purpose of dating and pushes back on early marriage ideas.
• 03:05 — Dr. Laura gives a specific recommended marriage age and rationale.
• 04:17 — Dr. Laura uses a memorable analogy to caution against forming life rules from rare successes.
• 04:54 — Discussion of starting a family later and tackling myths about maternal age.
• 08:10–08:35 — Sex differences in maturity, parental influence, and a humorous exchange about when men mature.

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Podcast Tone and Closing Thoughts

Dr. Laura is characteristically direct, combining tough love with light wit. She frames her advice with evidence, strong analogies, and clear opinions, guiding both teen and parent away from premature romantic commitments and toward self-development. The conversation is punctuated with laughter, banter, and actionable wisdom—a relatable interaction for listeners of all ages.

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Best For:

• Teens and young adults navigating early relationships
• Parents concerned about their children’s dating lives
• Anyone curious about age, maturity, and commitment

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“Now go do the right thing.” —Dr. Laura (09:06)

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

on Sirius XM Triumph and Connect with Me [e-mail] mom and Bella yes, we are both here.

[Bella]

Thank you.

[Bella's Mother]

Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

You're welcome.

[Podcast Host]

Bella, how old are you?

[Bella]

I'm 16.

[Dr. Laura]

And how can I help you?

[Bella]

So this weekend we went camping with my boyfriend of a year and I've just like seen some qualities this weekend that just don't sit right with me. Like he's not helping out, like common sense. And I feel like it's my role

[Bella's Mother]

to like, take care of.

[Dr. Laura]

Do you know what dating is for at any age?

[Bella]

Yes, ma'. Am. It's for marriage.

[Dr. Laura]

What's it for? No, not at 16. Not at 16. No, it's not what you think. You're dating for marriage at 16?

[Bella]

Well, I wanted to get married at 18.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, that's really foolish. The divorce rate of people marrying under 28 is huge. You don't have the maturity and the life experience to make a choice in a man, know what you want, and be able to handle life together. So I vote no. But if you want to define it that way, the purpose of dating is to discern whether or not you're a match. If you already see that he has qualities unbecoming of somebody you'd eventually like to have be your husband. Then you dump him. You don't try to fix him. You don't try to change him. You dump him. Because the point of dating is to see if somebody is dumpable or capable.

[Bella's Mother]

Mm.

[Bella]

What age do you think is appropriate age to get married in?

[Dr. Laura]

About 28. The divorce rate dives precipitously when people get married 28 and up because the maturity is really important and the life experience really knowing yourself, being able to discern things about life, being able to handle things with another person, takes time to develop that.

[Podcast Host]

Dear.

[Dr. Laura]

We don't plant grapes and turn them into wine in three hours.

[Bella's Mother]

I wish we could.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, honey. I'm with you, babe.

[Bella's Mother]

Okay. Bella had one more question.

[Bella]

What age should I start dating at to look for my future then?

[Dr. Laura]

26? 25? 26. Till then, you should be having experiences, getting educated, having jobs, living on your own, you know, becoming independent.

[Bella's Mother]

I just have a quick thing. I got married at 20, and we've been married 17 years, and we have three.

[Dr. Laura]

Stephanie. Stephanie.

[Podcast Host]

I could shoot you in the head

[Dr. Laura]

with a gun and you could live through it. Does that mean it's okay to shoot you in the head with a gun? That you got married at a ridiculously young age and persisted is lovely.

[Bella]

It's not typical, but one.

[Bella's Mother]

Okay, but what about her? But like, the realistic, like, when you have kids, like 28, isn't that a little late to start a family because.

[Dr. Laura]

No, not at all. Not at all.

[Bella's Mother]

But like, 35 is geriatric.

[Dr. Laura]

I had my son at 38. I wasn't geriatric, and he's perfectly healthy.

[Bella's Mother]

You want 10 kids?

[Bella]

She wants 10 kids.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, I guess we'll have to adopt the rest of them.

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[Bella's Mother]

I knew you were going to say all of this. This is so funny. I've been listening to you since I was 12 and I'm 38. I love your advice. You do? Amazing. Love all your advice. And my daughter is starting to read proper care and feeding of husbands already, but she's getting it.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, tell her to read 10 Stupid Things Women do to Mess Up Their lives first.

[Bella's Mother]

Oh. Oh, okay. That's a good one. I've read that one. That's a good one.

[Dr. Laura]

And Bella, as mature as a woman of 20, is, not typically, men take much longer than women to mature.

[Bella's Mother]

Yes. Yeah, 100%.

[Dr. Laura]

So when you're complaining about how a boy is behaving, you have to understand, he's a boy, he's not a man.

[Bella]

What age do you think they finally become a man at?

[Bella's Mother]

Never.

[Dr. Laura]

Sometimes 70, but most of the time by about, you know, 30. If they're brought up right by good fathers.

[Bella's Mother]

That's not the case. Sorry.

[Bella]

Three.

[Bella's Mother]

That's great advice. I appreciate that. You are amazing.

[Podcast Host]

Bye, gals.

[Dr. Laura]

That was fun. I want to get married at 18. No, no, no, Please don't.

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[Dr. Laura]

My number. So she could have 10 kids. Maybe she could have three sets of triplets and then toss one in at the end. I want to have 10 kids. Okay, it's. That's. That mind boggles. Now go do the right thing.

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