Is It Time To Let Go?

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: Is It Time To Let Go?
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: October 15, 2025

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Overview

This episode focuses on the complexities of navigating romantic relationships later in life, especially when emotional needs and intentions are mismatched. Dr. Laura advises Robert, a 65-year-old widower, about his on-again, off-again relationship with a woman who is hesitant to commit due to past trauma. The main theme centers on self-honesty, emotional maturity, and the necessity of clear intentions in relationships as we age.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Robert's Relationship History & Dilemma (00:58–05:15)

• Background:

  • Robert, 65, has been dating a 56-year-old woman for three years. Both have adult children and knew each other in the past.
  • Relationship began casually, with neither party interested in commitment at first.
  • "I just, you know, explained to her that I would like to just keep going forward with the dating and build on that relationship." (03:32–03:38, Caller)

• Problems Arise:

  • About a year ago, the woman began distancing herself.
  • She confided that a court case involving her ex-husband resurfaced trauma, making her wary of moving forward romantically.
  • Robert tried to communicate and clarify intentions, but she remained unsure about the relationship’s direction.

• Notable Quote:

  • “There were times that kind of felt that I was more into it than she was, but decided it was better to keep going than not have anybody at all.” (01:57–02:07, Caller)

2. Dr. Laura Explores Robert's Boundaries (05:15–10:12)

• Direct Questioning:

  • Dr. Laura asks Robert to clarify whether he’d be content seeing her only when she wanted, or if he needed more.
  • She pushes Robert to answer with radical honesty, steering him away from ambiguity.

• Key Exchange:

  • Dr. Laura: "Would you be willing to continue seeing her whenever she's willing to see you rather than break up?" (05:15–05:20, Dr. Laura)
  • Robert hesitates but ultimately says no: “No, I don’t think I could under the relationship that we – that she wants.” (10:12, Caller)

• Dr. Laura’s Tough Love:

  • "Until you can answer the question, then you’re no less screwed up than she is. Okay?” (10:01–10:06, Dr. Laura)
  • "So it’s time to let go." (10:48, Dr. Laura)

3. Lessons on Emotional Honesty & Maturity (10:54–12:50)

• The Risk of Casual Relationships:

  • Dr. Laura points out that casual relationships often leave one party hurt when deeper feelings develop:
    • "Screwing around with somebody saying this is only fun rarely stays that way for at least one of the two." (10:57–11:05, Dr. Laura)
    • “We’re human beings. We crave the connection. We crave permanency. When we’re comfortable and content and happy and safe, we crave it." (11:19–11:28, Dr. Laura)

• Advice for Future Relationships:

  • Robert acknowledges he should discuss intentions early on:
    • "The one thing I have learned is if a chance comes again that the conversation will take place a lot sooner than before any feelings develop." (11:05–11:13, Caller)

• On Mixed Signals:

  • Dr. Laura criticizes ambiguous statements about marriage:
    • “I really don’t want a marriage. But if you are leaning toward that, I might turn... That’s juvenile and you’re too old for that." (11:56–12:17, Dr. Laura)
    • "Don’t say I’m just going to show a little toe. Maybe they’ll take the foot. Don’t play games. Be honest with yourself." (12:50–12:59, Dr. Laura)

• Notable Closing Advice:

  • “Life is awfully short, honey. You’re not going to be alive in 40 more years, so don't mess around with it." (13:38–13:45, Dr. Laura)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Dr. Laura’s directness is unrelenting and poignant:
  • "Until you can answer the question, then you're no less screwed up than she is. Okay?” (10:01–10:06)
  • “It’s time to let go.” (10:48)
  • "Don't play games. Be honest with yourself. I want to marry her—yes or no? Yes. She is not interested in doing that. Yeah, that's a yes too. Am I willing to just fool around? Not anymore. It hurts me too much. Cold, bare bones truths." (12:50–13:38)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:58 – Robert introduces his issue
• 02:53 – Robert details how his girlfriend distanced herself
• 05:15 – Dr. Laura asks if Robert would settle for her level of commitment
• 10:01 – Dr. Laura challenges Robert on his indecision
• 10:48 – Dr. Laura concludes, “It’s time to let go”
• 11:05 – Advice on early, clear communication in relationships
• 11:56–12:50 – Critique of mixed signals and “game playing” in relationships
• 13:38 – "Life is awfully short, honey..." (Dr. Laura’s closing advice)

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Summary Takeaways

• Clarity and emotional honesty are essential in relationships at any age.
• Avoiding difficult conversations or settling for less leads to pain and confusion.
• Growing connection in casual relationships is natural; pretending otherwise is self-deception.
• Life is too short to waste time on ambiguous or mismatched relationships.

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For more advice and listener stories, tune in to Dr. Laura’s daily show on SiriusXM Triumph 111.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Robert welcome to the program.

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

Hey, Dr. Laura, pleasure to speak with you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're very welcome. What's happening?

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

Like, a lot of people have been listening to you for decades and finally had an issue that I wanted to talk to you about and get your input. Someone from someone I trust.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, lay it on me.

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

All right, so let's see. The issues with a lady I've been dating for the last three years or so kind of meant I'm 65, she's 56. We kind of knew each other years back from our kids being in school together. My wife was actually friends with her. My wife passed away five years ago from cancer. Anyway, so we ran into each other just by chance. She kind of connected through social media and about talking on and off on social media over about six months. We finally went out for dinner, slowly started going out, relationship went great. Just took it easy, you know, nothing serious. I knew that she didn't want a serious relationship. Neither did I. We just kind of took it for what it was and had fun. And of course, over the next couple years, I definitely developed stronger feelings towards her. We never really talked about it, just had a good time. And there were times that kind of felt that I was more into it than she was, but decided it was better to keep going than not have anybody at all. And we just kind of. Everything was going good up until about a year ago when things kind of started rolling backwards, which is kind of confusing because nothing really had happened.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm sorry, I don't know what rolling backwards actually means. If you could explain to me what happened.

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

Sure. Like I said, our relationship was going well. We were having fun time, all that. And then Seemed like she was kind of distancing herself, not seeing me as much as I'd like to. Stuff was coming up and we didn't see each other as much. But then things would get back to the way they were. And that kind of went out for over the last year and I finally, a couple months ago we decided, I decided to have a talk with her and see what was going on. And she explained to me that she knew exactly what I was talking about. So that about, about a year ago she, she's had an ongoing issue with her ex husband which she had to go to file a case in court. And she explained that that brought back a lot of bad feelings and things that she went through during divorce and that kind of made her back up from relationship with me and just made her very nervous about, you know, moving forward where we were and we talked about. I explained to her my feelings towards her that again, I, you know, expressed to her that I, I hadn't. She, she did not have any desires for her to get married again. Neither did I. We were just enjoying the time we had. And I just, you know, explained to her that I would like to just keep going forward with the dating and that build on that relationship. And we seem to, you know, have a good talk. And then slowly over the last couple months, he just kind of went backwards again and she just putting up more walls and fences and again seeing less and less of me. And then the last couple weeks we've had some honest talks about it. And as a week ago we kind of had an impasse as to she's not sure what she wants to do. I've asked her several times what she wants out of the relationship and she just kind of stumped. She said, I'm not really sure. In one of our last conversations, she jokingly, I think, said, why don't you. What do you think Dr. Laura would say? Because I talk to her about Dr. Laura all the time. So I thought, well, why not let me see what Dr. Laura might have to offer and before I speak to her again. And I'm just kind of, I think I know.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So let me understand this about you. You. Would you or would you not? So let me do it this way. Would you be willing to continue seeing her whenever she's willing to see you rather than break up.

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[Caller to Dr. Laura]

Well, it seems that I take the initiative everything very few times.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, you're the guy. I expect that. Sorry, I'm old school.

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

I do. I do.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, I'm just asking you a question. I'm just asking you a question. Don't talk around it. It's a yes or a no question. Would you rather see her whenever she is willing? Would you rather do that than break up?

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

I've asked myself the same question over the last.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, until you can answer the question, then you're no less screwed up than she is. Okay?

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So I need you to answer the question right here, right now, yes or no?

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

No, I don't think I could under the relationship that we that she wants.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So let me understand. The answer is no. You don't want to see her whenever she wants to versus breaking up. Well, then you'll have to break up.

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

I just think that my feelings for her are stronger than her feelings for me. And I'm not.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, obviously, sir. Obviously. What does that have to do with where we're going?

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

Well, I don't think that she would be willing to continue on because we already know that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

We already know that. So it's time to let go.

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

And that's where I and learn the lesson.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Screwing around with somebody saying this is only fun rarely stays that way for at least one of the two.

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

And the one thing I have learned is if a chance comes again that the conversation will take place a lot sooner than before any feelings develop. As far as.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I mean, people think just hooking up and having fun is. We're human beings. We crave the connection. We crave permanency. When we're comfortable and content and happy and safe, we crave it. So to think you could spend the rest of your life just screwing around with her whenever that was never going to happen.

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

No. And what? And I've explained to her that while I'm not looking for marriage, I would be open to the conversation if she that is a desire. But I think because of her, that's.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Just such confusing nonsense to throw at her. I really don't want a marriage. But if you are leaning toward that, I might turn. You know, people have to be more honest and on the table with themselves and with another person. I have gotten to the point that I want to marry you. If that scares you because of your ex husband or whatever the hell, or you really don't want to spend the rest of your life with me, then I think we both need to move on. This is the grown up way to do it. Not throw little tidbits out there. I don't really want that, but I could want that if. Depending. If you wanted that. That's juvenile and you're too old for that.

[Caller to Dr. Laura]

No, I agree. And that that conversation came up a couple months ago because I wasn't sure what her goals were. So I asked her about whether that her desire was to get married in the future because I couldn't tell from that what she'd been telling me. So that was the conversation we had. But I totally agree with you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, I disagree. You should have had that conversation at that time because you didn't want it either. So don't play games. Don't say I'm just going to show a little toe. Maybe they'll take the foot. Don't play games. Be honest with yourself. I want to marry her. Yes or no? Yes. She is not interested in doing that. Yeah, that's a yes too. Am I willing to just fool around? Not anymore. It hurts me too much. Cold, bare bones truths. Life is awfully short, honey. You're not going to be alive in 40 more years, so don't mess around with it. My number, 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media. On Facebook and Instagram, I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me to. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me@facebook,.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

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