Is My Daughter Too Immature to Marry?

Summary

Podcast Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Episode: Is My Daughter Too Immature to Marry?
Release Date: May 14, 2025

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Introduction of the Caller and Her Concern

Timestamp: [01:20]

The episode begins with Dr. Laura greeting Kelly E., a 61-year-old mother seeking advice regarding her 27-year-old daughter’s imminent marriage. Kelly explains that her daughter has been in a relationship with a 28-year-old man for over six years since their college days. Recently, the couple became engaged and have been residing together for the past two years. However, a recent incident at a party in the fiancé’s hometown has left Kelly worried about her daughter’s maturity and readiness for marriage.

Description of the Incident

Timestamp: [02:44 - 05:01]

Kelly recounts that during a party with her son-in-law’s friends, her daughter became exceptionally nervous and insecure, feeling out of place within his social circle. The situation escalated when both she and her fiancé became intoxicated, leading to a heated argument. The climax of the confrontation occurred when her fiancé, distressed by the altercation, called Kelly to inform her of the fallout: “I can't believe you called my parents. I've had enough. And here's the ring” ([04:17]).

Dr. Laura's Analysis of the Daughter's Behavior

Timestamp: [05:54 - 07:29]

Dr. Laura swiftly assesses the situation, identifying her daughter's nervousness and subsequent inability to handle social interactions as indicators of immaturity. She remarks, “She has a certain amount of immaturity still” ([03:13]), emphasizing that such behavior is uncharacteristic of a mature relationship ready for marriage. Furthermore, Dr. Laura critiques both parties for their lack of composure, particularly highlighting the fiancé’s maturity in handling the situation by reaching out to Kelly ([07:56]).

Advice on the Impact of Immaturity on Marriage

Timestamp: [07:40 - 09:41]

Kelly presses Dr. Laura on whether immaturity is sufficient grounds to call off the marriage. Dr. Laura firmly responds, “marriage, as you know, you've done it for decades, requires maturity or there's no way you can communicate and deal with challenges” ([10:48]). She advises Kelly to cease shielding her daughter from reality, urging her to confront her with the truth about her behavior. Dr. Laura suggests that honesty is essential for the daughter’s personal growth and to prevent future marital discord.

Guidance on Parental Role Moving Forward

Timestamp: [11:19 - 12:40]

Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of Kelly taking an active role in addressing her daughter’s behavior. She advises, “the best thing you can do as her mother is stop protecting her, stop being all gushy with her and tell her, you know, honey, this is not the first time you've behaved this way” ([11:28]). By doing so, Kelly can help her daughter recognize her need for personal development and maturity, which are crucial for a successful marriage.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Timestamp: [12:40 - 13:33]

In closing, Kelly expresses gratitude for Dr. Laura’s insights, mentioning that she took notes to address the situation with her daughter since they have not communicated since the incident. Dr. Laura reiterates the importance of honesty and the need for Kelly to help her daughter face her shortcomings to foster growth and maturity.

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Notable Quotes:

• Caller Kelly E.: “She's been dating the same guy since college for over six years and they're recently engaged for the last six months” ([01:25]).

• Dr. Laura: “She has a certain amount of immaturity still” ([03:13]).

• Caller Kelly E.: “Does immaturity enough of a reason to just say, you know what, screw it” ([10:32]).

• Dr. Laura: “Marriage... requires maturity or there's no way you can communicate and deal with challenges” ([10:48]).

• Dr. Laura: “The best thing you can do as her mother is stop protecting her, stop being all gushy with her and tell her... this is not how you marry” ([11:28]).

• Dr. Laura: “It's going to be very difficult and she is not going to take it well. We already know that that's what she needs from you, the truth. Because that gives her an opportunity to grow” ([12:18]).

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Key Takeaways:

1. Assessing Maturity: Immaturity can significantly impact marital stability. In this case, the daughter’s inability to handle social situations and her extreme reaction at the party are viewed as red flags for readiness to marry.

2. Parental Intervention: Parents play a crucial role in guiding their adult children. Dr. Laura advises Kelly to balance protection with honest feedback to foster her daughter’s personal growth.

3. Communication and Responsibility: Effective communication and personal accountability are essential components of a successful marriage. Addressing behavioral issues head-on can prevent future conflicts and potential divorce.

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This episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day provides a candid discussion on assessing the readiness for marriage, emphasizing the importance of maturity and honest communication within relationships. Dr. Laura Schlessinger offers practical advice for parents navigating their adult children's romantic decisions, underscoring the delicate balance between support and honest intervention.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

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[Caller]

Hi Dr. Laura. Thanks a lot for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura]

I hope you are very welcome.

[Caller]

As easy as your machine. My, my. I. I'm calling because I had a recent situation. I'm 61. I was married for 34 years. I have two kids. My daughter is 27 years old and we had a recent situation this past Saturday and I'm asking for your guidance.

[Dr. Laura]

What happened?

[Caller]

Dating? Well, I've got more gray hair today, I tell you that much.

[Dr. Laura]

They have a remedy for that.

[Caller]

She's been dating the same guy since College for over six years and he's 28 and they're recently engaged for the last six months. They've got a great. They're just normal nice kids. They've got. It's been a normal great relationship. They lived together for the last two years and I know, I. I know. And so on Saturday they were out of town and at his hometown at a party and with all his hometown friends. And that frankly triggers my daughter. Anyway, he gets nervous because it's all his circle and, and she's 6, 8.

[Dr. Laura]

22 years of dating him since college. She has never met his friends before. What?

[Caller]

Yes, he had. Yes, she has actually.

[Dr. Laura]

And then why was she nervous? Why are you telling me she was nervous?

[Caller]

She's. Well, because she's Always nervous about it because it. She feels out. Out of. Out of that circle. She's insecure within that circle, right or wrong, that's how. That's how she feels.

[Dr. Laura]

So she has a certain amount of immaturity still.

[Caller]

Yeah. When it. Insecurity. Yep.

[Dr. Laura]

Immaturity. If you're going to tell me how she behaved, go ahead.

[Caller]

Yep. So Saturday night, they. It obviously triggered her. I don't know what happened, but it turned. It evolved into a huge, huge argument. So much so that they left the party. She was crazy upset. Both of them were drunk. And it escalated to the point where her fiance called us on the phone and we heard over the phone this crazy, crazy fight.

[Dr. Laura]

What I want you to do is tell me exactly what you heard as best you can remember. I want to know what you heard.

[Caller]

Screaming 1 she couldn't believe. She could. That he called my parents. Called my parents. I can't believe you called my parents. And I've had enough. And here's the ring.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, good. She saved him. He ought to throw a party and not invite her. Sounds like he's ending up on the good side of this. She can't behave maturely at an event because she's nervous. Because she doesn't know these people yet. She's known him six, eight years. Makes no sense to me. But if she behaved badly, then I'm glad she gave him back the ring. Aren't you? Guess not.

[Caller]

Well.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, you're the mother. Yeah, I know you're her mother. So. Yeah. Okay. And I don't understand. Why are you calling me? I think this sounds like a good result. Did you know that skin care can start in the laundry room? The Dr. Laura program is happy to be partnering with our sponsor All Free Clear laundry detergent. My peeps with kids are especially thrilled to use it because it's 100% free of dyes and perfumes. All free Clear is the number one laundry detergent brand. Recommended for sensitive skin by pediatricians, dermatologists and allergists. For a clean you can feel good about, all you need is All Free Clear.

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[Caller]

The Is it though? Is it just being because you're immature to call off a marriage?

[Dr. Laura]

No, she was immature at how she behaved at the party and they were both immature to be totally drunk. He was obviously less drunk. He made a call. Was it for you to come pick her up? Why did he call you? Did he say I'm calling you because.

[Caller]

To see if I could talk to her and calm her down.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, okay. He's better off without her being the mother of his 84 children, I think I would guess.

[Caller]

But I guess I'll ask the same question. That is immaturity a reason to call off the marriage.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, that was her pouty bullshit. I'm angry and I can escalate to this point of telling you to f off. I mean that was to hurt him terribly. So I don't know what their relationship is typically like. I would say this stuff often happens and perhaps now he's free to find somebody who doesn't behave like this. His calling you meant he knows you know that she behaves like this and he wanted you to fix her because he couldn't. And you know that's true. You've seen this kind of behavior. Oh, she got triggered. That is just bullshit. She's immature and a bit self centered and she couldn't behave well with his friends. That was for whatever reasons. Then she's not ready to be married and I don't want them to get married, make babies and him have to put up with her and then they get a divorce.

[Caller]

So what's the concrete plan for her to go forward with or without the marriage?

[Dr. Laura]

I have no idea that's hers. I have no idea what she's going to do now. Why are you asking me? I don't know. But I hope his mother tells him don't give her the ring back. I hope his mother keeps him from doing that.

[Caller]

Okay, let me ask you another question. If. Does she owe, as a 27 year old woman, completely independent job, etc. Etc. Does she owe us a. That does not owe us, but are we part of the discussion or plan of how to help going forward or is that just Mommy?

[Dr. Laura]

I have no idea what you're asking. She's a grown woman behaving poorly. And you know, it's not the first time. You know that that's why he called. So I don't know what she's going to do now. Maybe go into counseling, maybe just grow up some more.

[Caller]

Okay, I'm going to ask the same question.

[Dr. Laura]

I can't give any better answer. I'm not going to give any better answer.

[Caller]

Will you say it one more time to me though? Does immaturity enough of a reason to just say, you know what, screw it.

[Dr. Laura]

We'Re not getting married? Yes. Yes. Because marriage, as you know, you've done it for decades, requires maturity or there's no way you can communicate and deal with challenges. So, yes, somehow the way you ask at this time, it. It's stuck in my head. So, yeah, it is.

[Caller]

Oh, God. It. I really thought I was gonna. Had it kind of figured. And that was.

[Dr. Laura]

You know, the best thing you can do as her mother is stop protecting her, stop being all gushy with her and tell her, you know, honey, this is not the first time you've behaved this way trying to control him or whatever it is that you've noticed. And this is not how you marry. It's not advance going steady. It's not advance jacking up.

[Caller]

It's higher than the way people.

[Dr. Laura]

You need to help her face herself instead of just protecting her and saying, oh, sorry, poor baby, you're upset. You need to tell her the truth.

[Caller]

Yep, yep, I hear you.

[Dr. Laura]

It's going to be very difficult and she is not going to take it well. We already know that that's what she needs from you, the truth. Because that gives her an opportunity to grow.

[Caller]

All right?

[Dr. Laura]

Being a mother, it never ends.

[Caller]

All right? Yes, Very insight. Thank you. I took notes and this will help me because we haven't spoken since it occurred, so.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, I appreciate that you do feel helped. Good. My number 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com DrLora and instagram.com DrLauraprogram.

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