Is Sally Cautious or Is She Controlling?

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "Is Sally Cautious or Is She Controlling?"

Episode Information:

• Title: Is Sally Cautious or Is She Controlling?
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Air Date: April 27, 2025
• Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

---

Introduction

In this compelling episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day," Dr. Laura Schlessinger delves into the dynamics of marital trust and control. The episode features Mike and Sally, a newly married couple facing tension over Mike's interactions with an old colleague. Through candid conversation, Dr. Laura offers her no-nonsense advice, challenging perceptions of caution versus controlling behavior in relationships.

Background of Guests

Mike and Sally have been married for nearly two years. Both have had long-term marriages prior to their current union, each lasting approximately 32 years. Mike's previous marriage ended in divorce in 2018 following personal and emotional challenges, including his ex-wife's depression. His current marriage with Sally has been described as happy and rooted in shared faith and values.

The Main Issue: Reconnecting with an Old Colleague

Mike recently faced a significant career setback, being laid off from a profession he has dedicated nearly four decades to. Leveraging his extensive network, Mike reached out to a former colleague from over 25 years ago in hopes of securing a new job opportunity. This colleague generously provided a referral, although the job application did not materialize.

Subsequently, Mike proposed meeting for lunch to catch up with his old colleague near the location of his upcoming doctor's appointment. He shared this plan with Sally, who expressed discomfort with the idea, prompting the couple to seek Dr. Laura’s guidance.

Notable Quote:

Mike (02:55): "I reached out to her and said, we need to catch up. It's been a long time... maybe that's a good time to meet."

Dr. Laura's Advice: Identifying Controlling Behavior

Dr. Laura responds sharply to Sally's apprehensions, directly addressing the nature of her concerns. She labels Sally's reaction as indicative of insecurity and controlling tendencies, emphasizing the importance of trust in a marriage.

Notable Quotes:

Dr. Laura (07:51): "Let me just say that if Mike was dating you and not married to you, I would tell him to dump you. I would say if she's that insecure and controlling, how are you going to have a life together?"

Dr. Laura (10:56): "The key to controlling is when a woman says I'm not comfortable, which is meaningless, other than being controlling."

Dr. Laura challenges Sally to reconsider her stance, highlighting that Mike's professional relationship with his colleague is longstanding and purely platonic. She suggests that Sally's discomfort is unfounded and stems from an attempt to exert control rather than legitimate concern.

Couple's Reaction and Resolution

Sally acknowledges Dr. Laura's perspective, admitting that her feelings were driven more by discomfort than by any substantial issue with Mike's intentions. Under Dr. Laura's guidance, she agrees to host a dinner for Mike and his colleague, fostering an environment of openness and trust.

Notable Quotes:

Sally (08:14): "I just didn't feel it was safe for a married man to meet a single woman that he worked with 30 years ago..."

Sally (09:10): "You gave me advice to chill out and trust my husband and that's what I learned from it."

Dr. Laura (10:20): "She helped your husband out. He didn't get the job, but she helped him. I think you ought to reward that with a nice dinner at your place."

Mike reinforces the strength of their marriage, emphasizing their mutual faith and commitment to each other, further validating Dr. Laura's advice to Sally.

Notable Quotes:

Mike (09:26): "So we are very happily married. We're both God fearing people. We are not cheaters."

Conclusion: Emphasizing Trust and Partnership

The episode concludes with Dr. Laura reiterating the importance of trust and cooperation in marriage. She commends Sally for her willingness to follow her advice and underscores the value of supporting each other through professional and personal challenges. The resolution suggests a strengthened bond between Mike and Sally, rooted in mutual respect and understanding.

---

Final Thoughts

"Is Sally Cautious or Is She Controlling?" offers insightful commentary on the fine line between concern and control within marital relationships. Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s forthright approach encourages couples to evaluate their dynamics honestly, fostering healthier and more trusting partnerships. This episode serves as a valuable resource for listeners navigating similar challenges, emphasizing the paramount importance of trust, communication, and mutual support in sustaining a happy marriage.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Mike (02:55): "I reached out to her and said, we need to catch up. It's been a long time... maybe that's a good time to meet."
• Dr. Laura (07:51): "Let me just say that if Mike was dating you and not married to you, I would tell him to dump you..."
• Sally (08:14): "I just didn't feel it was safe for a married man to meet a single woman that he worked with 30 years ago..."
• Dr. Laura (10:56): "The key to controlling is when a woman says I'm not comfortable, which is meaningless, other than being controlling."
• Mike (09:26): "So we are very happily married. We're both God fearing people. We are not cheaters."

---

This summary encapsulates the essence of the episode, providing a comprehensive overview of the discussion while highlighting key moments and advice shared by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. It offers valuable insights for listeners seeking guidance on maintaining trust and mitigating controlling behaviors in their relationships.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

When Skechers says they've revolutionized how you put on and take off your shoes, they aren't kidding. I just got my first pair of hands free Skechers slip ins and I want them in every color. You literally just step into your Skechers slip ins and they're on. No bending, no struggling. They're fantabulous. I came up with that word. Feet gently slide in thanks to an invisible built in shoehorn. A heel pillow feature keeps your foot secure. Slip ins come in athletic and casual styles for men, women and kids. They even have sandals with special features and fits like Skechers air cooled memory foam. Arch fit, relaxed fit, wide fit. Once your feet have experienced hands free Sketcher slip ins, they won't want to wear any other shoe. They certainly exceeded my expectations. You can find [e-mail] DrLora or Skechers.com use the promo code DrLora. Valid for 20% off site wide standard exclusions apply. Valid March 5 through May 30, 2025. Thanks for downloading my call of the Day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Mike and Seth, Sally, welcome to the program.

[Sally]

Hi Dr. Laura.

[Mike]

Hey, Dr. Laura. Good to be on the show. We've been listening to you for years.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you. You guys married to each other?

[Mike]

Yes, ma'am. Happily married.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, for how long?

[Mike]

We've been married for almost two years.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm sorry, 10. 10 or two. I didn't hear that correctly.

[Mike]

Two. Two years. Coming up on our two year.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, we both had previous. One of you, either one of you married, divorced, whatever. From before.

[Mike]

I am divorced after 32 years. That divorce was finalized in 2018. My wife husband is deceased and she was married for also 32 years. And you're before we met.

[Dr. Laura]

Your divorce was caused by what.

[Mike]

Just grew apart. I would suggest that we had some difficulty. My wife was very depressed and I don't want to point fingers and say narcissistic, but that's what it boils down to.

[Unknown]

Yeah, good.

[Dr. Laura]

Don't say that on my program. I don't appreciate.

[Mike]

Yeah, no problem.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. Okay. All right. So how can I help. So Sally, how can I help you guys today?

[Sally]

Okay, well, I'm going to let my husband tell you the background, but then I can comment as needed. If that's okay with you, Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura]

Sure, go for it.

[Mike]

Okay, so here's the situation. I have recently been laid off from A job I've spent many years, almost 40 years in the professional services business and Fintech traveled extensively, traveled extensively, but was on the road sometimes days at a time. And so obviously when you're traveling with people, you do dinners and so forth together, and you get to know people on a personal basis just from conversation at work and dinner when you're working for years, for so long, my average tenure at these companies was many years. So I have built personal friendships that we've stayed in contact with each other even though we're no longer working together. So I have friends from colleagues from 30 years ago, 20 years ago. Some I stay in touch with, some I just touch base with. Whenever we're in town or convenient, we'll just reach out to each other just to check in and say, how you doing? We also continue to do favors for each other. In the situation where I'm in, for example, where someone would call and say, hey, I'm out of work. Anything you got going on where you can help me with your network? In the most recent situation, I reached out to a former colleague. I haven't worked with her for over 25 years. She is in the same city. We have not had any communication, except five years ago, she reached out to me looking for a job. I put in a referral for her. I asked for a return of the favor. Just recently reached out to her to say, hey, I'm looking for a job. You work there. Can you put in a referral for me? And in the context of that conversation, I said, we need to catch up. It's been a long time. Long story short, she put in the job recommendation. I applied for the job. It didn't pan out. This was about a couple weeks ago. But I did reach out to her and say, oh, when would be a good time to catch up? Since we suggested it on the call, it just so happens I have a doctor appointment next week very close to where she lives across town. And I suggested maybe that's a good time where we could meet for lunch or after my doctor's appointment to catch up. And I shared this with my wife. I even shared this with my wife a couple weeks ago when I was in the midst of the interview process because this person suggested that she would love to meet my wife and I. But again, because it was convenient for me in the area where my doctor's appointment is, I reached out and said, maybe this is a good time to meet. Shared that with my wife yesterday. She said, I don't think that's a good idea and thus we're talking to you.

[Dr. Laura]

Is that accurate? Sally, did you know that skin care can start in the laundry room? The Dr. Laura program is happy to be partnering with our sponsor All Free Clear Laundry Detergent. My peeps with kids are especially thrilled to use it because it's 100% free of dyes and perfumes. All Free Clear is the number one laundry detergent brand recommended for sensitive skin by pediatricians, dermatologists and allergists. For a clean you can feel good about, all you need is All Free Clear.

[Unknown]

Only the best will do for mom. So make Whole Foods Market your Mother's Day destination. Shop the floral department for vibrant blooms like tulips, orchids, peonies and expert crafted bouquets. Then head to the wellness and beauty department and give mom a spa like experience with scented candles and more. And if you're hosting brunch or dinner, order flavorful Whole Foods market catering by May 9. Celebrate Mother's Day with Whole Foods Market in store and online.

Sometimes you have to choose between a great deal or a great experience. Other prepaid providers stick you with slow networks and price hikes. But with US Cellular Prepaid, getting a great deal doesn't mean sacrificing a great experience. US Cellular Prepaid offers great nationwide 5G coverage without any gimmicks or hidden fees. And now you can get a free Samsung Galaxy A16.5G to make a great experience. Even better, stay connected without making sacrifices. Terms apply. Visit uscellular.com for details.

Amazon One Medical presents Painful Thoughts do.

They ever actually clean the ball pit at these kids play gyms? Or is my kid just swimming in a vat of bacteria, catching whatever cootie of the day is breeding in there. A cootie that'll probably take down our whole family.

Luckily, with Amazon One Medical 24. 7 Virtual Care, you can get checked out for whatever ball pititis you've contracted. Amazon won. Medical healthcare just got less painful.

[Sally]

That is very accurate. I just did not feel comfortable with.

[Dr. Laura]

Him being Sally, Sally, Sally. Let me just say that if Mike was dating you and not married to you, I would tell him to dump you. I would say if she's that insecure and controlling, how are you going to have a life together?

[Sally]

Hmm. Okay, that surprises me a little bit.

[Dr. Laura]

Why? You have no reason to think he's going to have sex with her. You have no reason to think that he's going to walk out on you. He's not doing anything wrong. He's going to be in a public place with somebody he's known for decades and you're acting like a teenage girl. Come on, Sally. Come on.

[Sally]

Okay, Dr. Laura, thanks for your advice on that. I just didn't feel it was safe for a male married man to meet a single woman that he worked with 30 years ago and haven't spoken to her in 30 years until just as of late.

[Dr. Laura]

And Sally, I would tell him to dump you if you were dating him and that you're digging your heels in. Makes me really feel bad for Mike.

[Sally]

All right, thanks for your advice.

[Dr. Laura]

What advice did I give you?

[Sally]

You gave me advice to chill out and trust my husband and that's what I learned from it.

[Mike]

Dr. Laura, may I had a comment?

[Dr. Laura]

Sure.

[Mike]

So we are very happily married. We're both God fearing people. We are not cheaters. You know, I hate to use that.

[Dr. Laura]

Mike, I don't need to hear any of this. I don't need to hear any of this.

[Sally]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

I'm. I'm telling you the truth. If you were only dating, I would tell you, don't marry her. She's going to make your life tough. Insecure and controlling. This is seriously never. It's not as though he had been having a three year sexual affair with this woman and now they're meeting again. They work together, they help each other out when they have a tough time in their careers. There was nothing sensual, sexual, inappropriate. And it's going to be in a public restaurant. How about we have it at your house? Sally, why don't you make dinner and be gracious?

[Sally]

All right, that sounds good. I'll do that.

[Dr. Laura]

She helped your husband out. He didn't get the job, but she helped him. I think you ought to reward that with a nice dinner at your place. And you can hear some old war stories about how they worked together 30 years ago. You should have some funny stories that evening.

[Sally]

All right, well, we'll see how that goes. And by the way, I'm not controlling. Dr. Laura, we've never had a problem problem like this before. It just kind of struck me oddly, that behavior.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm sorry. Okay. I'm glad you're not controlling. That behavior is controlling.

[Sally]

Okay. Thanks for bringing my key.

[Dr. Laura]

The key to controlling is when a woman says I'm not comfortable, which is meaningless, other than being controlling. Don't make me uncomfortable. Doesn't mean that he's doing anything wrong, inappropriate, amoral, illegal. But you're not comfortable. That's a controlling red flag. We can't be comfortable about everything in life, you know?

[Sally]

All right.

[Dr. Laura]

I hope you're going to make a nice dinner for them. I think that would be adorable.

[Sally]

Absolutely. Absolutely.

[Dr. Laura]

What's your best dish? What's your best Italian?

[Mike]

She has many.

[Sally]

Hey, Italian good.

[Dr. Laura]

She has many meatballs. Lasagna. What are you gonna make?

[Sally]

Probably meatballs for sure.

[Dr. Laura]

I wish you lived down the block. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform. If your small business has a problem, you could say, just my luck. But you should say, like a good.

[Sally]

Neighbor, State Farm is there, and we'll.

[Dr. Laura]

Help get you back in business. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.