Is Susan Denying Reality?

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Is Susan Denying Reality?"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Episode: Is Susan Denying Reality?
• Release Date: July 31, 2025

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Introduction to the Episode

In this episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day," Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a heartfelt and complex situation shared by a caller named Susan. The episode delves into themes of marital trust, infidelity, and personal accountability, offering Dr. Laura's signature no-nonsense advice.

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Caller’s Situation: A Strained Marriage and Trust Issues

Timestamp [00:40]:
Dr. Laura Schlessinger: "Susan welcome to the program."

Timestamp [00:42]:
Caller: "Hi Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call."

Susan introduces herself as a 58-year-old woman married for 37 years to her 62-year-old husband. They have three children and a grandson. Susan expresses gratitude for being a stay-at-home mom supported by her husband but soon reveals deeper marital issues stemming from her husband's questionable behaviors over the past 15 years.

Timestamp [01:13]–[05:19]:
Susan recounts incidents where her husband's actions raised red flags:

1. First Incident (15 years ago):
   Her husband contacted an ex-girlfriend, leading to an uncomfortable confrontation initiated by Susan. Her husband’s demeanor is described as "melancholy" and a "don't ask permission, ask forgiveness" type.

2. Second Incident (a few years later):
   Susan discovers her husband browsing Craigslist and communicating with another woman. Despite his reassurances that his intentions were harmless, the secrecy troubled her.

3. Recent Incident (April 2024):
   While looking after her grandson, Susan finds her husband's Facebook messages to an ex-girlfriend. She reads their email correspondence from 11 years prior, noting flirtatious exchanges and sentimental remarks, which devastate her trust further.

Notable Quote:
Susan: "And I just didn't think it was appropriate."

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Dr. Laura’s Response: Confronting Reality

Timestamp [04:15]–[10:23]:
Dr. Laura responds sharply to Susan's narrative, challenging her perceptions and emotional responses.

• On Denial of Meaning:
  Dr. Laura: "I got to tell you, the 'it doesn't mean anything' is one of the dumbest, most insidious things to say." ([04:43])

• On Emotional Rationalization:
  Dr. Laura: "I'm not talking about a feeling. I don't care about your feelings. Feelings are irrational..." ([07:33])

• On Accepting the Harsh Truth:
  Dr. Laura: "You're staying with a bit of a creep... it's much better for you if you simply admit the reality." ([08:14])

• On Moving Forward:
  Dr. Laura: "Stop checking up on it and assume it's going to continue." ([09:01])

• On the Caller’s Attempt to Change Her Husband:
  Dr. Laura: "Changing him is not an option." ([09:40])

Key Insights:

1. Acknowledgment of Reality: Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of recognizing the truth of the situation rather than clinging to feelings that cloud judgment.

2. Accountability and Responsibility: She urges Susan to stop attempting to change her husband, highlighting the futility and self-detrimental nature of such efforts.

3. Personal Peace: Dr. Laura advises Susan to seek personal peace by accepting her husband's behavior and adjusting her expectations and actions accordingly.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Dr. Laura on Denying Reality:
  "I got to tell you, the 'it doesn't mean anything' is one of the dumbest, most insidious things to say." ([04:43])

• Dr. Laura on Emotional Responses:
  "Feelings are irrational and we edit them..." ([07:33])

• Dr. Laura on Acceptance:
  "You don't have to leave him now, but stop questioning about it and stop checking up on it." ([09:01])

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Concluding Advice: Acceptance and Moving Forward

Timestamp [10:05]–[11:02]:
Dr. Laura wraps up the conversation by reinforcing her earlier points. She criticizes Susan's maternal or educational approach to her husband, urging her to recognize his true nature and the futility of attempting to change him. The focus is on Susan finding peace within herself rather than trying to salvage a marriage that undermines her well-being.

Final Notable Quote:
Dr. Laura: "Adm

it to yourself he's a bit of a creep. Doesn't care if he hurts you, but you want to stay married for the sake of keeping the family structure together." ([08:14])

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Conclusion

In "Is Susan Denying Reality?", Dr. Laura Schlessinger delivers a candid and tough-love approach to a marital crisis characterized by infidelity and emotional neglect. By compelling Susan to confront the harsh truths of her marriage, Dr. Laura emphasizes personal responsibility and the necessity of accepting uncomfortable realities to achieve inner peace. This episode serves as a stark reminder of the importance of self-respect and the courage required to face difficult truths in relationships.

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For more insights and advice from Dr. Laura Schlessinger, visit DrLaura.com and tune in to her daily radio program on SiriusXM Triumph 111.

Transcript

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[Unknown Host]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Susan welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hi Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Thank you.

[Caller]

I'm just going to tell you my situation. I am 58. My husband is 62. We've been married for 37 years and have three super ugly children and one equally ugly grandson.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Excellent.

[Caller]

And I was a stay home mom for which I am incredibly, incredibly grateful and have the support of my husband to do that. So that was great.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Nice.

[Caller]

So here's my thing. I have to give you a couple of background incidents. About 15 years ago. My husband was acting kind of strangely and I felt like I could read him pretty well. And I said what was going on? And he said, well, I called an ex girlfriend, blah blah blah. And yeah, I just don't feel very good about it. It was awkward when I called her and I said, well, number one, I don't think you should have called her. And it probably opened up a can of worms for her as well as for you. He's a very melancholy kind of man and also kind of a don't ask permission, ask forgiveness kind of guy. So there was that and then.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And.

[Caller]

Then I'm, I'm sorry, I had an interruption there for just a second. And then a couple years after that I was, he was acting weird again. And we share one computer in the home and I saw that he had been on Craigslist and I thought, well, that's kind of weird. And he, I looked to see what he was looking at and there was an ad for a woman. And I thought, oh my gosh, that is really odd and not good. So I snooped and I looked on his phone and I saw that he had called a woman, had a 13 minute conversation with her. I don't know what was said, I don't know anything about it. I just said what the heck is that about? And he said, well, I was just curious, you know, I just never intended to do anything. I and I, you know, so I got over that then just this past April, I was out of town watching a grandbaby. And when I got home, like I said, we have our same computer, everybody's tabs are open. And he had it on his Facebook and I noticed he had Facebook messaged a different former girlfriend. And I just clicked on it and it just to see what he said. And it just said, oh, I just was rereading all of our old emails. I'm going to email you. That'll be easier. Well, I knew nothing about old emails. So when I went to his email, I clicked on it and I read all of his previous emails with her and he hadn't been in touch with her for 11 years. So in April of 2014 was when he had found her because he had just started Facebook and just was curious and querying people and found her. And so then I was like, oh boy. So I did read the emails and about 90% of it is pretty benign, you know, the rest is flirtatious and reminiscing about escapades and telling her, you know, asking her, do you really, do you still have your long hair? I really loved that long hair. And, you know, just things like that. So, you know, and apologizing for being a bad boyfriend and then, oh, I hope we can really get together and meet sometime. That would really be great. And I just didn't think it was appropriate. And when he did these emails 11 years ago, it was from.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

You didn't think it was appropriate.

[Unknown Host]

I love that.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Hey, you surely are. Yeah, go ahead.

[Caller]

So I'm sorry. So I just said, why, like, why do you feel the need to do this? And you know, he really didn't give, I guess, the answer that I wanted or needed. And I really don't even know what that is, but it's just kind of been left at that, you know, like he said, it doesn't mean anything. I feel nothing for her. And then I'm like, why do you say that?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I got to tell you, the it doesn't mean anything is one of the dumbest, most insidious things to say.

[Unknown Host]

I know this is breaking your heart.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Ruining our trust, hurting you deeply, but to me, it doesn't mean anything. It's an insidious thing to say. It's an ugly thing to say, supposed to justify. I'm willing to hurt everybody for something that doesn't really mean anything to me. Do you see how mean that is?

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[Caller]

Well, I feel that way. I don't think he does.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I'm not talking about a feeling. I don't care about your feelings. Feelings are irrational and we edit them and do all kinds of things so that we don't have to face the reality you've got a jerk for a husband. So what's your question for me?

[Caller]

Well, I guess I just. My question that I said to the screener was just, I just want to know why. And what do I say to him?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay, sweetheart, let's keep this simple. He's doing it because it feels good and he's having fun and he doesn't care if it hurts you.

[Caller]

Okay? Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

It's not complicated. You don't have to look for a big or you're looking for your thighs are too wobbly. No, that's not why he's doing it.

[Caller]

Yeah, I get it. I mean, men need that stroking and I've given him stroking, but it's just kind of a titillating Thing is, what I told him, I said it must be titillating and you know you're getting something. And I even asked.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Ma'.

[Caller]

Am. I even asked him.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Ma', am, why are you going on like this? You sound a little nutty right now. You've got a man who is not concerned about his loyalty and your well being. And you are amazingly tolerant about it, which many women in your position are because they don't want to upset the family card. Well, just admit to yourself he's a bit of a creep. Doesn't care if he hurts you, but you want to stay married for the sake of keeping the family structure together. You know, it's much better for you if you simply admit the reality.

[Caller]

Okay, okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

You don't have to leave him know, but stop questioning about it and stop checking up on it and assume it's going to continue.

[Caller]

Okay, That I can do.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay, good.

[Caller]

Is there any way that I could get a copy of this so I can let him listen?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

No, no, no. I am not. You're not listening to me at all. You still want to change him. You still want something to say. You just blew it right there. I want him to hear this and maybe he'll care about my feelings.

[Caller]

Okay, I hear you loud and clear.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

No, obviously you didn't because you just went again to find out how you could get a copy of the tape to change him. That's not an option. Changing him is not an option.

[Caller]

Correct? Correct.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

So stop checking up on it. Just making yourself miserable and he doesn't care. I mean, the first time when he said I called an ex girlfriend, that was your message.

[Caller]

Yeah, you're right. You're absolutely right.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And you're acting like a mother or a teacher. Oh, well, you know, that wasn't good. You didn't act like a wife, you acted like a mother or a teacher. Explaining to him why that wasn't good. You have a hard time facing things as they are. That's not good for you. So if you wish to stay with him, realize who you're staying with and why and come to peace with it.

[Caller]

Peace is a good word. Yep, you're right.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I'm Dr. Laura Schlesinger. My number, 1-800-375-2872.

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